This version of Romeo and Juliet is based loosely on what Joey Wheeler of Yu-Gi-Oh would do if he were cast as Romeo.
Romeo and Juliet
Characters
Romeo
Juliet
Voice Offstage
Tybalt
The scene starts with Romeo and Tybalt outside the Kings supermarket, with their loaves of bread drawn.
Tybalt- So, you dirty Montague! You dare hath challenge me?
Romeo- Hey pal, it's the twenty-first century. No one speaks like that anymore. Who is your agent!
Tybalt- Fine! So, you dirty Montague, you dare ha- ooh, sorry- you dare TO challenge me!
Romeo- Only until I've had some sustenance!
They stand there not doing anything
Romeo- Wait a minute, isn't the prince supposed to come on now?
They lower their breadsticks
Tybalt- I cannot work like this! If you need me I will be in my trailer!
Romeo- Well, that solves my problem, I don't have to kill him now! Pauses I wonder, who's playing Juliet?
Romeo starts to walk off stage when he stops and turns around. Juliet enters from the other side of the stage.
Romeo- Ooh, baby! Holy chickens! Juliet, come to papa! Throws out arms
Juliet- Hey, you're not supposed to kiss me yet! That's in act 3,967,465!
Romeo- Boy, that's a dumb blonde! Wait, she's not even a blonde! She's a brunette! Looks at audience Well, there can be such a thing as a dumb brunette, right!
Juliet- I think you're the dumb blonde, buster!
Romeo- Hey, nobody talks to Romeo like that, 'cause I am Romeo Montague!
Juliet- laughs and I'm the queen of English fashion!
Romeo- This is Verona, Italy!
Juliet- This is Kings!
Romeo- Ooh, your right! Maybe I should go to Verona. It's pretty there. Hey, would you like to get married in Verona?
Juliet hits him with loaf of bread.
Romeo- Oww! My Cranium!
Act Ends
Kissing Noises and Giggles in the back round.
Voice offstage- Juliet, get in the tower! Romeo! You're on!
Romeo- sans pants, but with boxers Oh, oh yeah, I-I-I forget my lines! What am I supposed to say? Oh, wait I remember- MASTER OF THE HOUSE!
QUICK TO CATCH YOU'RE EYE!
NEVER WANTS A PASSER BY TO PASS HIM BY-
Voice offstage- Wrong script!
Romeo- Oh, what-what play am I in?
Juliet- Romeo, Romeo, where the heck are you Romeo?
Romeo- I'm in the lion king! off key singing
Juliet- You Idiot
Romeo- Okay, I'm okay now, I think. I mean, I'm not mixed up anymore, but if I were mixed up, I wouldn't know that I were mixed up, but if I didn't know I wouldn't say it, would I?
Juliet- Just say your lines!
Romeo- Oh, okay, squints at his hand I can't read this, I need my reading contacts! Runs off stage
Juliet sighs and taps her fingers on the side of the tower. Romeo runs back in, putting one contact in
Romeo- Okay, I'm re-ow! Okay' I'm ready. clears his throat Romeo! Romeo! Where are- pauses I'm Romeo! Wait, that's not my line! Okay, I'm ready. Juliet is the east, and I am the west! pauses I am? I didn't know we were acting as directions! I'll act west! turns towards the west and stands still
Juliet- yelling ROMEO! OH ROMEO! WILL YOU JUST READ THE SCRIPT!
Romeo- But I'm acting west!
Voice offstage- CUT! CUT! I SAID CUT!
Romeo stops acting west
Voice offstage- Just deliver the lines.
Romeo- To who?
Voice offstage- Get off the stage! You're fired!
Juliet- Romeo, dear Romeo! Oh, if it hadn't had to be this way! If you had loved me just as much as I love you!
Romeo- Juliet, you are the east, and I am the west! We will always be together, even though we are completely different directions! I love you!
Juliet- Romeo, oh Romeo, I do! Juliet flings herself off the tower and lands on Romeo's foot
Romeo- Ouch, I'm not sure if this is a happy ending, but I think I broke something! So how's Saturday night?
Juliet- Fine with me!
Tybalt comes on stage wearing a full drag costume
Tybalt- I love happy endings He starts to cry
Romeo- You're dressed like a girl.
Juliet- I think you could use some fashion tips.
Tybalt- We'll go out together and shop.
Juliet- How about Sunday?
Tybalt- Like totally.
Romeo- Oh wait, am I acting in the Twilight Zone?Goes of stage muttering to himself Crazy girlfriends, Drag Tybalt, What's next a crazy guy in a chicken suit?
Guy in a chicken suit runs on stage squawking like a chicken
Romeo- I'm gonna need some major therapy after this.
