(Gandalf shows Frodo the one ring that will destroy them all.)

Frodo: Wait.this is the ring? It looks like something a groom to be would buy for his wife?

Gandalf: Well, yes I know it looks kind of shitty, but this is it.

Frodo: But Gandalf this looks like a normal wedding ring. I mean have you been smoking that peace-pie of yours again because this looks like you stole it from a jeweler.

Gandalf: Well, yes I have been smoking some Middle Earth grass, but that isn't the point!

The end of LOTR: FOR:

(Bohomir gets shot in the chest with an arrow.)

Bohomir: Oh come on! You think that hurt! I've had first! Come on you pansy hit me again!

(Lurtz, the leader of Uru-Khai hits him again with another arrow.)

(Bohomir grabs his chest in pain, but then retaliates.)

Bohomir: Oh come on! You call that a hit! I've had worst! Come on give me one right through the heart. Oh wait.wait.don't!

(Lurtz fires hitting him straight where Bohomir asked to be hit.)

Inside Fangorn Forest:

(The trio are seen walking down a yellow brick road into the dark forest.)

(Suddenly.a lion pops out and begins snarling and hissing.)

Lion: Put em' up, put em' up! I'll murderlize ya! I'll obliterate ya! Come on put up yo dukes!

Aragorn: Sorry lion, but you got the wrong movie, but if you're looking for a little girl with a blue and white striped dress, with a basket full of cookies, and a Tin Man and a Scarecrow you just missed them!

Lion: Oh drat! Now I'll never get to see the wizard!

The Gollum Meeting:

(Sam and Frodo are seen walking in the forest when all of sudden Smeagol, or Gollum appears out of nowhere.)

Gollum: I want my preciousss.I want it.I want my precioussss..give it to meeee..you Hobbit bastardssss!

Frodo: Never.wait what did you just call us?

Gollum: Hobbit bastards! Why what do you prefer to be called? Sam-the-fat- gay-man and friend? Frodo the Dodo and Sam-the-fat-gay man?

Sam: Wait.how come you can come up with a funny one for Frodo, but I'm always Sam-the-fat-gay-man.

Gollum: Because you are one you idiot!

Sam: Well, there was that one time at camp when I.uh.um.but that's another tale.

Helm's Deep:

(Aragorn looks over the massive crowd of orcs and begins saying to himself.)

Aragorn's V.O.: Only if we had a miracle.

(Suddenly.Gandalf appears dressed as Charleton Heston from the "Ten Commandments". He begins to lift his staff up, the orcs turn to see him, but suddenly Gandalf jabs his staff down into the dirt, creating the Red Sea to wipe away the orcs.)

Aragorn: Well, that's it I'm converting back to Christianity.