A/N: I just like to say that I love Mulder and Scully with all my heart. I adore them and their relationship, as bittersweet and wonderful as it may be. I still believe, with all my heart, that their love story is not only the most beautiful but also the saddest one I have ever seen. I love them with all my heart but this has been on my mind forever and I needed to write this down. Please be aware that this is, first and foremost, a story about Dana and Stella.
Blow, blow, thou winter wind,
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude;
Thy tooth is not so keen,
Because thou art not seen,
Although thy breath be rude.
Heigh-ho! sing, heigh-ho! unto the green holly:
Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:
Then, heigh-ho, the holly!
This life is most jolly.
Freeze, freeze, thou bitter sky,
That dost not bite so nigh
As benefits forgot:
Though thou the waters warp,
Thy sting is not so sharp
As friend remembered not.
[Song: "Blow, Blow Though Winter Wind" - William Shakespeare. "As You Like It", Act II, Scene VII]
Dana Scully sighed, laying her face in her hands, taking in the silence surrounding her although it seemed scary at the same time. She heard the storm raging outside and dreaded the journey home. It would most certainly be a slow and exhausting one but the thought that she didn't have to drive herself calmed her nerves just a little. For days she had been ignoring the rather gloomy weather forecast, telling herself that the storm would pass only to find herself caught right in the middle of it. It wasn't even 6pm but the university had long been abandoned as people had headed home early due to the impending storm but Dana Scully had stayed behind to catch up on the mounting paperwork, that she had been ignoring for weeks. She told herself that there couldn't have been a better time now that she was probably stuck in her office for the next few hours unless she wanted to take the risk and walk right into the madness outside.
She leaned back in her chair and sighed, smiling at the fact that it wasn't a windowless basement office after all. She walked over to the window to catch a glimpse at the park but there was nothing but darkness outside.
She could have gone home hours ago. She had finished her lecture on time and should have left with every one else. Deep inside Dana Scully knew why she had stayed behind, why she had avoided going home without wanting to admit the truth. Things hadn't been going well between her and Mulder and she wasn't even sure if he was aware of how miserable she was starting to feel. Scully had found herself doubting her choices on more than one account but she was stuck, she didn't know where to go or what to do.
She had almost everything she ever wanted. For years she had complained about the work they had done while a huge part of her had loved and accepted it but she had always longed for a safe job with secure payment and decent working hours; something she could rely on. That was exactly what she had now and it still didn't feel right.
"Come on Scully, it'll be fun," he said and smiled at her, full of excitement. She leaned against her desk, dressed in pink scrubs and crossed her arms in front of her chest, wondering how many of their "adventures" had started like this. In the past she had lost track of the many times he had talked her into something she didn't believe in using nothing but his charm and the ability to get excited about certain things. It was something she secretly admired every now and then but she never told him that.
"Mulder, this is crazy," she said and smiled nervously. She wasn't sure if he was mocking her or if he was actually being serious. "I can't just come to England with you," she said and looked around her office. It had been a long day and she was tired. She didn't believe him when he first asked the question and she was still a little taken aback by the fact that he was sitting in her office after all. He didn't even call to warn her in advance. After not having heard from him in months she had been surprised; by the fact that he was here and the fact that she realized how much she had missed him.
"It won't be for long," he said and leaned back in the chair. She hadn't seen him in so long and all of a sudden he showed up, asking her to go to England with him to work on some cold cases. Scully didn't buy it, there had to be more to it but she didn't have the heart to bring it up yet. She wondered if it was simply the FBI's solution to get rid of Mulder once and for all or at least keep him busy with something as far away from DC as possible.
"I can't drop everything and leave just because you ask me to," Scully said although she had already considered it and he knew it. This is how it had always been and she thought that it might never change. He came up with some sort of ridiculous plan and, no matter how much she hated it, she would end up joining him sooner or later if only to make sure he didn't get himself killed at some point. Scully sighed and avoided his gaze. She had missed him and, as much as she hated him sometimes, she missed working with him every day. It had been such an important part of her life that it felt almost empty without it from time to time.
"I can't do it without you," he said a little softer, knowing exactly how to push her buttons. "I need you with me Scully," he said and rose from his chair. She kept her arms crossed in front of her chest, refusing to give in just yet.
She hadn't been with Mulder in months and she had done a great job of trying to occupy her mind otherwise but the thought of having him just within reach had always been soothing. What unsettled her was the thought that they would be separated by an entire ocean. She couldn't just call him in the middle of the night and drive to his apartment in case something happened and that thought troubled her.
"I don't know what to say," Scully admitted and looked down at her hands.
"Think about it," Mulder said before he placed a soft kiss on her cheek and left her office.
Three years ago, Scully thought with a sigh. "It won't be long" had turned into three years and now Dana Scully was stuck. She didn't know whether she wanted to go back and get away from Mulder or stay in England. God knows she had tried to get away from him before but, as pathetic as it seemed, she had never been able to do that for a very long time. She had always found herself going back to him. She stepped away from the window and dropped into the chair, trying to decide what to do.
She hadn't thought about anything back then. She had been foolish and rushed when Mulder asked her to go to England with him. That's how it had always been. He came asking and she followed without giving it a second thought and, no matter how much she disagreed, she followed him anyway. A part of her hated herself for being so naive but she also hated Mulder for asking in the first place. He knew that she couldn't turn him down, that she would always try to make sure things would be okay even though that meant losing herself in the process. Scully had often wondered why she agreed to go to England with Mulder. It had seemed exciting and, after all these years, it had presented them with a chance of a fresh start far away from where it had all gone wrong. In the end this had been one of her main reasons: the chance for one last fresh start. There were too many demons lingering in the shadows, too many painful memories that had been shared back in DC, too many people who knew what had happened. Scully had told herself that it might be their chance to leave it all behind once and for all but she slowly realized that it hadn't been that simple. Running away from your past never changed any problems but somehow they seemed incapable of dealing with it either.
In the beginning it had been exciting and scary and there had been so much to do that Scully didn't have time to let the doubts cloud her mind, to let her fear take over her thoughts. She had kept herself busy with the work at the hospital and at university that she hadn't even noticed that almost a year had passed. A whole year in which she had found herself not one but two jobs that made her happy and she had even made a few friends here and there. She shared a home with the man she had spend almost her entire life with and it should be soothing to have established some sort of routine but the truth was that Dana Scully had never felt lonelier.
More often these thoughts had started to weigh her down recently, making it harder to get out of bed every morning. Sometimes she found herself unable to open her eyes in the morning and the only thing that gave her strength to get up was the thought of going back to bed as soon as possible. Scully wasn't a person who took naps during the day, especially not during weekdays but just the mere thought seemed comforting at most times. Of course she never gave in to these desires although sleeping the day away seemed like a welcome option when things got out of hand or overwhelming.
Avoiding Mulder had become a strategy. She wasn't proud of it because he was the reason she was here, the very reason she was still alive today but she found herself unable to bear his presence recently. For so many years they had been going back and forth and Scully felt like she had lost herself in the process somehow, not knowing what she actually wanted any longer. Deep inside she knew that she loved Mulder with all her heart but she couldn't shake off the bitterness that had started to take roots. She sometimes hated herself for loving him so much. She loved him but she wasn't sure she wanted to be with him. She needed him because that's what she had always done and relied on but could they really be happy together at some point? She had tried to have faith but she hadn't been able to silence the nagging voice at the back of her head that continuously reminded her of the truth: she would never be happy like this. She had given it so much thought over the last couple of months, whenever she had time to herself, while she travelled to work. She wanted to be with him because she felt obliged to do so. It seemed ridiculous but it was the truth. What she hated most was the fact that she had never been able to allow herself to fall in love with anyone else. She never even saw other people, never allowed herself to be attracted to others and in the process she had started to feel invisible. It almost felt like no one even noticed or looked at her. It had ruined her and Scully often wondered whether she would ever be able to let go and love again.
She wanted to be loved and appreciated but she often found herself setting up defenses as soon as it happened, trying to protect herself from being hurt in the process. With Mulder it seemed safe and familiar but it was starting to hurt.
After all they had been through they had never managed to make things work for them. They couldn't be with each other as much as they couldn't be without each other. She had once more given up so many things to join Mulder on an "adventure" that she had long given up on and she had tried so hard to make things work somehow that she had been abandoned. She felt herself being more and more irritated by Mulder and the fact that he barely seemed to notice her anymore. They had settled into a dull routine that appeared to work for him but it left Scully feeling extremely lonely and let down. She was pretty sure that he had been falling back into old patterns of depression but she herself hadn't been able to deal with it or point it out. She knew he'd most likely put if off somehow and she didn't have any strength left for that. She couldn't fight the battle for both of them. It seemed to suck out all the energy she needed desperately to keep going herself and she wasn't sure how much longer she'd be able to do that.
In the beginning, when everything had been new, he had been supportive and excited. He had shown her around and made sure she settled in properly and that she was doing well. In contrast to her, he had been to England before. She had been amazed by all the things he knew about places and how he knew his way around even after so many years and she had allowed to let that cover the anxiety she felt. It hadn't taken long until things slowly changed. Old habits died hard and now Scully felt like being taken for granted. He hardly ever looked at her or acknowledged her presence. She had lost track of all the times she had simply felt invisible and lonely even in his presence and it numbed her with tremendous sadness.
She felt the pressure on her chest and the infuriating sadness that seeped through her veins, threatening to take over her emotions. She took a deep breath, trying to push these thoughts from her mind as she finished grading the last few papers. She had to finish this, come what may. She didn't want to take any of it home and she had to finish it to return with the feeling of having accomplished something today.
The eerily silence in the ancient building was just as soothing and it was unsettling but she refused to let that distract her. Instead of being scared she allowed herself to enjoy it. Soon the sound of silence mixed with the raging storm that had picked up strength within the last couple of minutes. It took her almost half an hour to finish the papers because her mind drifted off to other spheres far too many times but when she was done she put it all away as neatly as possible, making sure her desk was tidy before she switched off the lights by the desk. She walked to the door to pick up her coat and hesitated for an instant. She had a pair of wellies at the bottom of the cupboard. She had bought them soon after coming to England, when she had realized that she wouldn't leave any time soon but she hardly ever wore them. She looked down at her feet, pondering whether to exchange the beautiful black high heels for the black wellies and decided against it. She did have a tiny umbrella in her bag although she doubted that it would be of any use in the storm. There was hardly any rain and getting out an umbrella with such strong winds didn't feel like a very smart move.
Being out here at all isn't smart, the small voice in the back of her head whispered when she stepped out of the building a couple of minutes later. The air was much colder than she had expected, the temperature had significantly dropped since this morning and Scully cursed herself for not leaving earlier. She hugged herself, pulling her coat tighter around her body when the wind hit her from the West. It felt icy and unpleasant and she felt a shiver running down her spine. She ducked her head away from the breeze, slowly making her way down the small steps. She crossed the courtyard as careful as her footwear allowed in these unsteady conditions and considered going back to the office to put her wellies on but now that she was halfway across the courtyard she couldn't be bothered to go back either so she kept walking. She wanted to be out of the small park and away from the trees as soon as possible.
Scully took a deep breath and pulled her coat a little tighter around her body, wondering what difference it made. She was tired and cold and she hated the weather. She hated the fact that she always forgot how long the way home could be. She only worked in London two to three times a week but she always forgot that Oxford was not quite around the corner if you didn't have a car. Of course they had one but the truth was that Scully still hated driving on the left side of the road. She had gotten used to it but she just didn't want to do it if she didn't have to, especially not in such dreadful weather. For an instant she thought about calling Mulder to pick her up but by the time he was here, it would probably be worse and a part of her was too stubborn to call him.
They hadn't parted on good terms this morning and she had been relieved to get out of the house as soon as possible which was also the reason why she had forgotten to fetch the car keys from the coffee table and ended up heading straight for the bus stop to London instead of going back to the house.
If she was entirely honest with herself it was exactly what she had been trying to walk away from or better said who. Things had been pretty though recently and she found herself avoiding Mulder, not knowing what to do. She had wanted to go home and lose the anger and frustration along the way but so far it had done nothing to change her state of mind. She dreaded going home, knowing what she would find there.
Much to her dismay she heard the first raindrops fall from the sky and she quickened her pace a little to get out of here before all hell broke lose. The main street seemed quieter than usual but Scully took a few shortcuts here and there, hoping to get to the bus stop a little faster only to find herself lost at some point. The rain and wind had gathered a lot more strength and she had kept her head down to ward off the cold and wind which had caused her to lose track of where she was heading. She heard the wind howling angrily, wood sticks cracking dangerously in the trees above her and she hoped that none of them would hit her on the way down. She looked up and stopped, trying to make out where she had gone wrong but none of the houses seemed familiar at first glance. She sighed, trying to ignore the rain and the icy breeze on her face. She turned around on the pavement, wanting to head back where she came from although she wasn't entirely sure of that either.
All of a sudden she felt incredibly lost. She couldn't move and it felt like all the strength had been drained from her body at once. She wanted to go home, take a long hot shower and then fall into a deep and dreamless sleep but instead she was in London, in a dark street without knowing how she had ended up there. All her clothes had been soaked by now and she was chilled to the bone. She covered her eyes with her hand for a second, trying to decide what to do. She knew she had to move fast to get away from here. There was debris drifting through the streets and it was simply a matter of time until some of it would hit her. Scully suddenly felt close to tears because all of this appeared to be too much. She couldn't deal with any of this any longer and she was getting close to booking a hotel room in London and stay there until it was all over. She was so lost in thoughts and frustration that she didn't see the cyclist coming toward her but apparently he hadn't seen her either.
"Watch it," she heard him yell but he was too fast and she was too taken aback to step aside in time. He managed to get out of her way but not without knocking Scully off her feet. She went down on her knees, bracing the fall with her hands. She was certain her palms would be scraped. She had let go off her bag and some of its contents were spilled across the pavement but she didn't care any longer. She was stunned from the impact; her head was ringing and it took her a few seconds to register what had happened. Her knees and palms were throbbing and she suddenly felt her eyes water with hot, fresh tears. Before she managed to gather enough strength to get up she felt a sob escaping her lips.
"Fuck," she whispered under her breath and tried to get up.
The cyclist was long gone but from the corner of her eyes Scully saw another figure moving toward her. She instantly prayed that no one would decide that this was the perfect moment to rob her but she willed her senses back to life, forcing herself to get up. She winced at the pain in her knee when she tried to rise from the cold, hard pavement. It didn't seem to be broken or anything but she was certain there would be a pretty bad bruise come morning.
"Are you okay?" she heard someone asking. It took her a couple of seconds to realize that the question was directed at her. She hadn't even noticed that the few raindrops had turned into a constant rain and the person in front of her repeated her question.
"Are you okay?" she heard a woman asking and Scully immediately felt a wave of relieve wash over her as she tried to get up and gather her belongings.
"You shouldn't be out here," the woman said, sounding genuinely concerned.
"I'll be okay," Scully said rather weakly, trying to stand. "Thank you," she said and for the first time she looked up and at the woman in front of her. Scully was stunned once again, without exactly knowing why but before she had time to waste another thought on that the blonde spoke again.
"You're bleeding," she said and pointed at Scully's knees. They were both scraped and dark red liquid mixed with rain, staining whatever remained of her ruined pantyhose and probably made it look ten times worse. "Let me help you with that," the stranger offered and made a split decision that would turn her whole world upside down.
"We shouldn't be out here anyway," the blonde women said and led the way. She pointed to a flight of stairs just ahead of them and Scully pondered her options and going with this stranger sadly seemed to be her best one at that time; given her current state she didn't have much to lose.
Without another word Scully followed the mysterious stranger into the house, grateful that there were only a few steps because walking really caused a lot of pain. She stayed behind, not wanting to invade the strangers privacy and waited for her to make a move. It felt weird to be here but not unsettling so. Scully had been in a variety of dangerous situations, knowing that the most dangerous killers preferred to hide in plain sight but something told her that the woman, who had just saved her from the storm, was not one of them. Nevertheless she tried to memorize her surroundings, instantly checking for possible ways to escape in case it seemed necessary. For a second Scully almost laughed at herself, wondering how far she would get if she tried to outrun anyone at the moment.
"Come on in then," the blonde said while taking off her coat. "Have a seat," she offered and Scully did as she was told, feeling utterly exhausted all of a sudden. She shook her head to herself, trying to find her voice.
"I'm sorry," Scully said, wondering what she was apologizing for. "I'll be on my way in a minute."
"You won't be going anywhere soon," the blonde said matter-of-factly. "You do look like you had a pretty rough time," she said and sat down on the coffee table in front of Scully. She suddenly became aware of how pitiful she must look in contrast to the woman in front of her. Her make up was perfect and her hair seemed entirely unaffected by the storm that had messed her up so badly. Her clothes still seemed perfectly fine whereas Scully was soaked to the bone with scraped, bloody knees and hands. Tears had been running down her cheeks and probably messed up her remaining make up by now.
Scully almost laughed at the ridiculous picture, feeling slightly embarrassed.
"So," the blonde said a little softer. "To whom do I owe the pleasure?" she wanted to know and Scully felt herself mesmerized by the picture in front of her. For a moment she saw so much of herself in that woman that it overwhelmed her; it unsettled her but it also sparked her interest which confused her even more. She appeared so calm, so soothing but cautious at the same time. She was in control, there was no doubt about it.
"Dana Scully," she said, slowly getting her voice back. She held out her hand and the blonde took it. Her hand was warm and soft, her grip steady and slightly reassuring. She felt a sting in her palm, hoping that it wasn't bleeding.
"Stella Gibson," she said with the slightest hint of a smile. "A pleasure to meet you," she had icy blue eyes and Scully felt her gaze piercing right through her and it took every bit of strength she had not to turn her head away.
"Tell me Dana," Stella said. "What the hell were you doing out there in the storm?"
"Running away?" Scully offered and thought about it for a second. It wasn't the truth but it wasn't a lie either. Stella had not let go of her hand, she held on to it before turning it slowly so Scully's palm faced upwards. The redhead looked at their hands, finding herself unable to take it away from Stella. There were a few cuts and dirt but nothing that alarmed her in any way.
"I see," Stella mumbled more to herself. "We should probably get that cleaned up a little," she said and didn't wait for an answer before she rose from the table and walked to the kitchen. She hesitated for a moment trying to clear her head, wondering what the hell she was doing. When she left her office earlier she had only thing in mind: get home before the storm hit and have a quiet evening with a glass of wine.
Little had she known that everything would turn out to be different and that, from this day on, nothing would ever be the same again. Stella Gibson had always been protective of her private space, hardly ever allowing anyone to invade it, especially a stranger and still she had found herself inviting her in without a second thought. It wasn't just the fact that she had been hurt and shouldn't have been out there in the storm that aroused her attention. From the moment she had laid eyes on Dana Scully she found herself strangely intrigued. She wanted to know what had worn her out so much, what had caused her to be in such pitiful state. Although Dana Scully didn't appear to be one to be pitied Stella didn't have the heart to abandon her. Contrary to what people said about her she wasn't as cold-hearted and icy as they liked to believe.
Stella took a deep breath, trying to make sense of the conflict that was now raging within her. Scully was an attractive woman, even in her current condition, and Stella found herself drawn to the stranger. That was her thing; getting hooked up with strangers to avoid unnecessary conversations or attachments. What confused her, and that was the problem, was the fact that she wanted to know more about the woman who sat on her sofa at this precise moment. The blonde fetched the first aid kit and looked into the living room. She had a sudden impulse to hug the redhead and offer a little comfort. She looked exhausted and something told Stella that the storm had only been the final straw. There was a certain sadness and fatigue that threatened to overcome her but she didn't let it and her resilience was almost admirable.
Something told her that she had nothing to fear although, and that is a thing she learned the hard way not too long ago, the most vicious culprits were always the most unremarkable ones. She was certain that, in case it would be necessary, she would be able to overpower Scully in an instant though she reminded herself not to judge a book by its cover. All doubts tossed aside she made her way back to the living room and sat on the edge of the small coffee table.
Scully looked at her with silent admiration and fascination, not exactly sure what to make of the woman in front of her. She allowed Stella to take her hand for a second time, turning it around gently in order to examine the wounds. Scully watched her quietly wondering whether it would be rude to tell her what to do but decided that there was only so much one could do wrong with a few scratches.
"Talk to me Dana," Stella said softly while she started cleaning the scratches on Scully's hand. Scully bit her lip, despite having expected the sting of the disinfectant it surprised her anyway and she wasn't used to people addressing her by her first name. She smiled at it and felt the sadness return. All of this seemed so strangely familiar and she wasn't used to people paying so much attention to her, let alone take care of her.
"I'm used to people addressing me by my last name," Scully said quietly and more to herself.
"I like Dana," Stella said and softly touched the inside of her palm with her thumb. "It's a lovely name, why not use it?" Scully looked at their hands and found herself enjoying the short moment of tenderness but it also made her feel uneasy as she wasn't used to such intimacy.
"Do you always take such good care of strangers Stella?" Scully asked.
"No, I don't," she said matter-of-factly and Scully didn't doubt it for a second. She reached for Scully's other hand she let her.
"Talk to me Stella," Scully repeated her opponents question and waited. She had a feeling that Stella wouldn't be quite so candid when she turned the whole thing around.
"What were you doing out there?" Stella asked. "There have been warnings all week and you seem like a smart woman."
"So, this is your place and you get to ask questions?" Scully asked and slightly smirked when Stella raised an eyebrow at her.
"Yes, this is how it works," Stella said, feeling somewhat amused.
"I've been working all day and I didn't pay attention to the clock," Scully said calmly. Again this was simply half the truth and Stella saw right through it.
"You said you were running away from something," Stella said but she wasn't quite ready to share any of this with her and she wouldn't know where to start anyway.
"Yes, I did," Scully said, putting a certain finality into the answer to make it clear that there would be no further discussion of that matter as of now.
"Are you sure you shouldn't let someone check that?" Stella asked with a look at Scully's knees, the right one in particular, looked pretty bruised.
"Lucky me," Scully said pursing her lips. "I am a doctor," she said and if she wasn't mistaken there was the faintest hint of surprise on Stella's face. Without waiting for a reply Scully reached out to the first aid kit and set of to reduce the mess a little. Just as she had anticipated the rain had made it look worse than it actually was and putting a plaster on it wouldn't do much of a difference, it would only come off as soon as she started walking.
"Can I just wash this off?" Scully asked as she held out her hands.
"Sure," Stella said and pointed at a door behind her. Slowly, Scully rose from the couch, her knee was trembling with effort and she tried not to put too much weight on it while she made her way to the bathroom. For a moment she considered pausing to take off her heels but kept walking instead. For the first time since she left the house this morning she took the time to regard her reflection in the mirror and she was surprised by how fast things could change. For a moment she didn't even recognize herself. Her hair was wet and there was nothing left of the curls that she had worked on so thoroughly this morning. She pulled out a hairband from the pocket of her coat, putting her hair in a messy bun just to get it out of the way. There was a tiny bit of smudged mascara that she wiped away with her thumb before she rinsed her hands under the warm water and as she watched the water run over hands her eyes filled with tears, spilling over her cheeks and she didn't have the strength to hold them back any longer.
She was about to have an emotional breakdown in a strangers house and she hated herself more than she even hated Mulder for putting her in this position in the first place. She needed someone to blame for her misery and he seemed to be a good place to start with. As painful as all of this seemed to be, it wasn't nearly as painful as the feeling of being rejected and abandoned by her best friend, her lover, her companion. For years she had tried to remain professional and composed, making sure that everything in her life was perfectly under control and now it all seemed crumbling and she didn't know what to do.
This is what England had done to her. This is what Mulder had done to her and she was furious about it. She bit her lip while she regarded her miserable reflection, tears running down her face. She didn't look away when Stella stepped into her vision. She was a few inches smaller now that she had taken off her heels. She stood behind Scully, stepping right into her personal space. She felt the warmth radiating off her body and it felt somewhat soothing. Scully hadn't even notice that she was trembling.
"Don't look away," Stella said softly when Scully averted her gaze. "You're just as beautiful," she said and Scully turned her head, her eyes finding Stella's in their reflection. She felt her presence right behind her, smelled her perfume. The entire moment seemed so intimate that Scully was frozen for an instant, at first she didn't even notice Stella's hand on her hip. "You're just as beautiful," she repeated softly and a shiver ran down her spine when she felt Stella's warm breath on her cool skin. "I'll get you something dry to wear, you're shivering," she said and left. Scully immediately felt herself miss the warmth of her body. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath trying to make sense of what just happened.
Was she flirting with me? Scully wondered. She wasn't good at it, not with any of this. It's not like she had had a lot of practice in the past and despite that she certainly wasn't used to women flirting with her. She wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand, took off her shoes and returned to the living room taking the clothes that Stella handed her.
Stella Gibson stood in her kitchen, feeling all over the place somehow. She put both her hands on the edge of the counter, taking a deep breath. This was not how she had imagined her evening to go, this was not supposed to happen at all and she felt slightly irritated by it. She hadn't intended to let any of this happen and she told herself to remain unaffected before there was no going back.
She looked around, needing something to distract herself. She glanced at the bottle of wine on the counter, considering her options when she remembered that she hadn't had any decent meal today and from the looks of it Dana didn't either. The truth is, she also wasn't ready to let her leave just yet, not without finding out who she really was and what she had been running away from. She set of to make pasta while she waited for Scully to return and poured herself a glass of wine anyway. She took a tiny sip before she put the glass on the counter, lost in thoughts. It had taken every bit of strength she had not to lean in and place the softest kiss on the exposed skin on the crook of her neck. She had forced herself to remain strong, not wanting to scare her away.
She didn't mind the occasional one night stand, she didn't even care if she knew these people. It had, after all, never been about making friends but simply about satisfying her needs and she didn't need all the other fuzz. She dropped the pasta into the boiling water and few minutes later and waited. The problem with Dana was that Stella felt incredibly attracted to her but she also wanted to have her around and not drive her away. She hadn't been able to tell whether Dana would be attracted to her or not; Stella smiled to herself and reached for her glass of wine, waiting for her to return.
"That feels much better," Scully said and crossed arms in front of her chest, hugging herself. She was dressed in simple black pants and a grey shirt. Everything was warm and soft and smelled fresh and clean.
"Thank you," she said and walked over to where Stella was standing. She had once more attempted to fix the rest of her make up and decided to give up on that, it truly couldn't get worse than that. Stella noticed that, without her heels, Dana was about the same size as her.
"Can I offer you a glass of wine, Dr. Scully?" Stella said with a playful smile and Scully nodded gratefully.
"Yes, I'd love to," she said and ignored the warning in the back of her head and leaned against the counter next to Stella. The blonde suddenly turned and reached behind Scully, not giving her a chance to step aside. Stella didn't seem bothered by that though, having stepped into Scully's personal space on purpose. She fetched a glass from the cupboard behind her, lingering just an instant longer, taking in the sweet scent of Scully's perfume mixed with her own fabric softener. She felt the warmth radiating off her body and didn't miss the fact that Dana held her breath for the tiniest second.
"I hope you're okay with pasta," Stella said and poured Scully a glass of wine.
"You really don't need to," Scully said apologetically.
"Well," Stella said and sipped her wine. "I strongly believe my Chinese delivery guy will flip me off if I asked him to bring over some food now," she said and Scully smiled. She took a seat next to the blonde and put the glass of wine in front of her. She hadn't missed the way their fingers had briefly touched while Stella handed over the glass; Scully slowly started to notice what she was doing. Playing a game, testing her boundaries and she herself started to wonder how far she was willing to go.
"How's the knee, doctor?" Stella asked and leaned her head on a hand, watching Scully from the side.
"I'll live," Scully said with a smile. She regarded the blonde woman in front of her a for a few seconds. She could tell that there was much more behind the facade, more than she revealed at the moment and Scully was intrigued to uncover the mystery that was Stella Gibson.
"I guess you're working at the university?" Stella suggested.
"I teach, yes," Scully said without telling her the field and smiled over the brim of her glass. "What about you Stella?" Scully wanted to know and put her glass down.
"Law Enforcement," the blonde said and the redhead nodded having already suspected something like it and it seemed they had a lot more in common than she first anticipated. "Detective Superintendent for the Metropolitan Police," she offered.
"Detective Superintendent Stella Gibson," Scully repeated softly to herself. "Thank you for saving me," Scully said and raised her glass.
"I'm glad I did," Stella replied calmly without ever losing Scully out of sight. "What do you teach?" she asked a couple of minutes later over dinner.
"Forensics," Scully said and felt herself relax a little. It felt good to have decent food and the wine helped to calm her nerves. "I teach forensics."
"Do you work in Forensics, too?" Stella wanted to know.
"I used to," Scully said and tried to put the story together without having to make a fool of herself while she attempting to explain what she had spent most of her life working with. "I'm also a former FBI Agent," Dana said took a sip from her glass. The look on Stella's face made her laugh.
"I really didn't expect that," Stella admitted and raised her glass to Dana. "You are full of surprises it seems," she said calmly and Scully chose not to answer that, leaving Stella to figure out whether it was true.
"What brought you to England?" Stella asked and Scully thought about that for almost a minute before she looked down at her hands, trying to answer a question she hadn't even been able to answer to herself honestly. Stella had almost expected her to say "love" but then again she noticed that Scully wasn't wearing a ring.
"You don't have to answer that," Stella said, realizing that she had hit a raw point and, without giving it a second thought, she gently put a hand on top of Scully's. She was mildly surprised when she didn't even flinch, her thumb softly caressing the outside of Stella's hand and the blonde wondered whether Dana was consciously aware of that and if she knew the effect she had on Stella at this very moment. She appeared lost in thoughts and there was a profound sadness that washed over her for a moment and it wasn't the first time this had happened in the brief time they had known each other. Stella was starting to wonder what had caused this woman so much pain and sorrow.
"I… I just don't know how," Scully admitted quietly. She had had that thought in her mind for a long time but she had always refused to answer that for herself.
"It's okay," Stella repeated and she meant it. For some reason she couldn't picture Dana coming to England all by herself but she wasn't wearing a ring but Stella reminded herself that she was a doctor and with all the hand washing she could imagine a ring only being rather inconvenient most of the time.
Scully looked at their hands, not wanting to move or breathe in case it would break the moment of tenderness. She found herself enjoying it more than she had imagined and she didn't remember the last time anyone had actually touched her. She felt a strange sense of longing wash over her that had only deepened when she felt particularly lonely during the long nights that restlessness had kept her awake. She was yearning for someone to hold her; she needed to feel someone else's presence, feel their heartbeat against her own body. She felt her eyes well up with tears, blinking them away before Stella noticed. She refused to cry now, taking a deep breath to keep herself together.
Stella had never lost her out of sight while Dana was fighting an inner battle that seemed to cost a lot of strength, that much was obvious. Despite the fact that Stella had a lot of sympathy for the woman, she had only just met, she also felt a sense of longing and affection. She had a feeling that none of this wouldn't last much longer and that troubled her somehow. It was one of the things she usually didn't bother with but this time seemed different. She had to make sure Dana didn't forget about her and it slowly dawned on Stella that she didn't want to let go. Before she knew what she was doing she raised her hand, gently lifting Dana's head by the chin to face her. She met her gaze and for the first time that night it felt like they actually looked at each other.
Who are you? Scully heard the voice inside her head asking and she wasn't sure whether it had been addressed to Stella or herself.
She looked at the blonde woman, who sat only inches away. She seemed perfectly in control of her actions; the kind of person who always had everything in her life under control but it didn't escape her notice that there was a lot more than that. She met Stella's gaze and her hand slowly moved to tuck a few strands of hair behind her ear. Scully found herself holding her breath when Stella gently touched her cheek. She closed her eyes for an instant and before her mind had time to catch up Stella slid off her chair and put her hand on Dana's hip while the other rested on her neck, pulling her in for a kiss. Scully held her breath, stunned by the soft feeling of Stella's lips against her own.
It was a strange sensation though familiar at the same time. It only took her brain a second to catch up before she allowed herself to get lost in the moment. She parted her lips a little, a soft moan escaping them when Stella turned her around, trapping her between the counter and the weight of her own body. Scully's hands slowly snaked around Stella's waist, pulling her petite figure to her own, savoring the physical contact she had craved for so long. Stella slowly deepened the kiss, her tongue slowly finding its way against Scully's. The kiss turned more urgent and desperate with every second and a welcome and familiar warmth spread in her lower belly as their bodies softly melted against each other, bracing the on-going storm. Stella's lips tasted faintly of red wine; sweet and forbidden. Suddenly she broke the kiss, her forehead resting against Stella's as she tried to catch her breath; her cheeks were slightly flushed.
The kiss was surprising but pleasant and it confused Scully when she realized what was happening.
"I should go," she said quietly without moving away from Stella. The blonde still had a firm grip on her body.
"Okay," she said softly against Scully's lips without moving an inch. She had almost expected this to happen, had feared that it would come to this if she allowed her desires to take over. She closed the distance between them once more, placing a soft kiss on the redheads lips.
"I really should go," Scully whispered and it sounded like she was trying to convince no one but herself. She still had her arms around Stella, keeping her close for one last moment.
"Dana," Stella whispered softly before she placed a feather-light kiss on the crook of Scully's neck. She didn't miss the fact that it sent a shiver down the other women's body, her breath hitched a little when she did so.
"Stella," Scully replied and it almost sounded like a plea. The blonde stepped back and regarded the woman in front of her. Her cheeks were flushed and for a second she appeared more confused than ever. She turned away from Stella to get her coat from the living room. She knew that, if she didn't leave now, she never would. She had been tempted and her desires threatened to get the better of her, willing to give in whatever lay ahead at any second.
Stella watched her, wondering wether this was it; and how long it would take Dana to notice that she wasn't wearing any shoes. Slowly, Stella stepped into the living room and leaned against the doorframe as she watched Dana. There was a certain sadness spreading inside her chest, an impending desire to keep Dana from walking out the front door but she tried to be reasonable. She had freaked her out somehow, she should've known. She was about to open the door when she noticed her missing shoes and Stella could see the internal battle flaring up again when the faintest smile danced on her own lips. In the end Scully decided that leaving without her shoes would be an incredibly stupid thing to do. She took a deep breath, bit her lip and turned around to get her shoes. If she hadn't been so confused she would've laughed at the situation.
Scully walked past Stella and collected her shoes from the floor. She put them on, immediately wincing at the pain in her knee but there was nothing she could do about it now. She was just about to leave when Stella reached out to her again, pulling her into another kiss which Scully welcomed as her defenses melted one by one. Stella cupped her face with both hands and a soft moan escaped her own lips. Scully broke the kiss for a second time that night and held on to Stella's hand while she stepped back.
"Don't forget about me, Dana," Stella said softly. She could see it in her eyes, the conflict that was raging within her. Her cheeks were flushed and her pupils dilated. She was fighting against the urge to give in and stay but in the end her reasonable side gave in to confusion. Stella knew it wouldn't do them any good to make her stay she just hoped that this wouldn't be the last time they saw each other.
"How could I?" Scully replied with a sad smile and turned around to leave. The storm had calmed a little and Scully turned right when she stepped out of the house, walking to where she expected the main street to be. The air was still chilly but a pleasant calmness had settled in along with it. It was late and the streets were surprisingly empty, even for London. Thank God the coaches were traveling all night long and she didn't have to worry about getting home. She looked over her shoulder, back to the house she had just left before she walked around the corner and it went out of sight.
It didn't take too long until she found what she was looking for. The coach was almost empty and Scully picked a seat upstairs somewhere in the back, embracing the darkness and the anonymous silence. She leaned back, kicked off her shoes and propped her feet up on the seat next to her. She touched her knee through the fabric of Stella's pants, wincing at the sharp pain and decided to leave it be until morning. All of a sudden she remembered that she hadn't checked her phone for hours, noticing that Mulder had tried to call her not too long ago. She felt a pang of guilt in her chest and bit her lip. She sent a quick text, letting him know that she was on the way and turned her phone on silent before she put it into her bag. It was almost midnight by the time they were out on the M40 and left the city traffic behind them. She closed her eyes, her fingers touching the lips that Stella Gibson had kissed not too long ago; she still felt them touching her very own so softly.
It didn't take long until the tears fell from her eyes and in the darkness of the coach she finally allowed herself to let them. She laid her face in her hands and quietly cried to herself. In the end she couldn't even say why she was crying but she found herself unable to stop either. After a couple of minutes she dozed off lightly, lulled in by the soft sway of the coach and the warmth that surrounded her. The tears had stopped by the time she stepped out of the taxi since she couldn't be bothered to walk and there weren't any busses at that time. She made her way to the front door, shivering when the crisp air crept beneath her coat. She was exhausted and absolutely shattered, feeling a wave of relieve wash over here when she noticed that the house was dark. Mulder must've gone to bed already, she thought when she stepped inside the house and as quietly as possible, not bothering with lights. She went straight to the bathroom and closed the door behind her. Quietly she sat down on the edge of the bathtub, kicking off her shows for the third time that day. She sat there without moving for a couple of minutes, lost in thoughts. One by one she shed her clothes, Stella's clothes, and remembered that the dress, she had put on this morning, was still at Stella's. She felt a soft smile spread on her lips when she realized that she might have a reason to go back and see Stella after all. She wasn't sure what she wanted to or whether her opinion would change after she had got a good night's sleep but the thought of having a reason to go back to Stella's, without having to come up with a ridiculous excuse to do so, calmed her a little.
She rose to stand in front of the mirror, a shiver running through her body as she stripped of the last bits of her clothes. Closing her eyes she felt the faint brush of Stella's hands against her hip, leaving goosebumps in its wake. She felt her soft lips on her neck, covering her own lips so tenderly. She sighed, feeling her nipples harden slightly and she wondered whether it was simply because of the cool air or Stella who had got under her skin. She pulled the hairband out and finally stepped into the shower, relaxing her aching body under the hot, soothing water.
About half an hour later she crawled into bed with Mulder sleeping soundly next to her. She was too tired to cry and think about what had happened and whether she would see Stella again. She knew where to find Stella and that thought made her feel strangely calm; it comforted her when she smelled the faintest hint of Stella's perfume on the sweater she had put on after the shower and drifted off to a dreamless sleep after a long day.
If you are reading this it means you made it through the whole chapter I. I'd like to thank you for making it through this and for taking the time to read it. It really means a lot to me and I'd appreciate if you share your thoughts on this with me but please be kind. I have made a Dana/Stella AfterDark-drawing and I might share it with you at some point. We'll see where this goes. Thank you.
