Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek – which is a pity, because I'd particularly like to own Spock.

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The locals called it Pololola; Starfleet named it M633b. Captain James Kirk would remember it for years to come as the location of one of the strangest planet-side jaunts of his career. It wasn't memorable for the obvious deviation from the original mission plan; that had happened on more missions than Kirk cared to remember. And it certainly began in the usual way…

"That's not what I meant, you green-blooded elf!"

"Doctor, all that was required of you was a simple 'yes' or 'no'. If you had answered clearly and concisely in the first place, the confusion would not have arisen and no further elucidation would have been necessary on your part." The voice was calm; the face was almost… smug.

"Why, you pointy-eared…." McCoy turned to the captain. "Jim, why did you have to bring him along? All he does is cause trouble!"

Kirk opened his mouth to speak but was beaten to the punch by the Vulcan.

"Actually, Doctor, I believe you will find that you have created more disturbances than any other crewmember on landing party duty. In the last year alone, I can recall twenty-three violations of protocol, established law and direct orders while planet-side, and an odd number of… 'accidents'."

"How the hell was I to know that sneezing was a big taboo on that… whatsit planet? Damned giant flowers'd give anyone hay fever! And that rockslide wasn't my fault! Damn-fool idea to let that furry critter loose without tellin' anyone… Y'know, any decent kinda person woulda warned me!"

"Nevertheless, Doctor…"

"Enough!" Kirk was sure that, if he had not stood between McCoy and Spock – effectively serving as a human buffer, that his two officers would have eventually come to blows. Spock, of course, was not the kind of man – or Vulcan – to indulge in physical violence unless absolutely necessary, but he sure had a way of agitating the 'Ol' Country Doctor' to the point where he was ready to rip the Vulcan's head off.  "Don't you two ever give up?" The captain rubbed his over-worked ears.

"He started it!" McCoy yelled in a violent burst of childish rage.

The Vulcan first officer, his face the ultimate display of innocence, merely lifted one dark winged brow.

Kirk eyeballed each of his officers, letting them know that some, as yet undefined, unpleasant retribution was in store for them if they uttered one more argumentative word. Once he was certain his authority had been imposed and the peace held, he allowed the danger to lift from his eyes and relaxed his features into his patented 'charming captain' smile.

"Gentlemen," he said lightly, "this is a beautiful planet and it is an absolutely gorgeous day." He sighed dreamily. "I'd like to think that the three of us could accomplish our mission here without any of us getting into trouble. Let's see if we can get a fix on those strange energy readings and enjoy the scenery at the same time." He spun a full circle, inhaling the mixed scents of the vast array of wild flowers. "As long as we don't stumble upon any locals, I can't see that anything could go wrong."

With that, he bounded off to investigate a particularly spectacular grove of blossoming trees.

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"Jim, be careful!" The doctor raised his hand to shield his eyes as he squinted into the sun, trying to keep a visual lock on Kirk as he climbed higher and higher up a tall thin tree.

The captain sighed. This was at least the eighth time McCoy had said that during his ascent of what he knew to be a perfectly safe, easily climbable tree. This tree had a multitude of sturdy branches all the way up, providing a virtual ladder of hand and foot holds. McCoy's constant admonitions were distracting, irritating and completely unnecessary.

He looked down suddenly and was overcome by a wave of vertigo as his mind tried to register exactly how far away the ground was. Waiting until the dizziness dissipated, he then favoured the doctor with a long-suffering look – the kind of expression McCoy was used to receiving from Spock. "Bones, if you stop nagging me, I might actually be able to concentrate on climbing this thing!" He glared at McCoy until he was sure he'd made his point before continuing up the tree.

His feathers ruffled, the surgeon turned to look at the Vulcan, expecting to see Kirk's long-suffering look reflected there or, perhaps, what he often termed the "damned eyebrow". Instead, Spock's saturnine Vulcan mask barely concealed his own anxiety for Kirk's welfare; and the mask became more transparent the further up the tree his captain climbed. Wondering at first why Spock hadn't said anything to back up his own cautions to Kirk if the Vulcan was so concerned, McCoy realised that Spock knew that saying nothing was more effective, where their thrill-seeking captain was concerned, than nagging. Jim Kirk, like an insolent schoolboy, hated being told not to do something and usually went out of his way to do it. McCoy mentally kicked himself for not thinking of this himself earlier and knew that, if, like Spock, he'd said nothing in the first place, Kirk might have already been back on solid ground.

Following Spock's example and keeping a silent vigil – albeit with difficulty, the doctor and science officer both felt some relief when the captain's boots hit the grass below. "You were right, Spock; the village is about two kilometres east of here. So, as long as we – "

"Do you mean you climbed up there just to confirm something Spock already knew from his tricorder readings? Are you crazy? What if you were spotted by one of the locals?" Without allowing Kirk to answer, McCoy spun sharply to face Spock, shoving his finger roughly in the Vulcan's chest. "And you think I cause trouble on our landing parties? Hell, I've got nothin' on Jim!"

Spock waved his tricorder prominently under their noses as if to remind them of why they were here. "The village is, in fact, two-point-three-one kilometres due southeast from our present location and there are no inhabitants within a two kilometre radius. The unusual power readings are emanating from the direction of the settlement. I suggest we proceed with caution."

Both humans smarted a little; Kirk, from being corrected with Vulcan over-precision; McCoy, from finding his fears of being spotted unfounded.

Instructing his science officer to lead onwards, Kirk walked at his side with McCoy bringing up the rear. Choosing not to distract the Vulcan's intense concentration on his tricorder, he allowed his thoughts free reign. He was therefore unable to pinpoint the exact moment that McCoy disappeared. Some time after they had set off from the captain's controversial tree-climb – and the doctor's subsequent tirade, Kirk turned around to ask the chief medical officer what he intended doing for their next shore leave. McCoy wasn't there. 

"Spock! Stop!" The Vulcan had been so intent on the small black box in his hands he had not noticed that Kirk had left his side. He spun quickly at the panic evident in his captain's voice. "Spock! Your tricorder! See if you can find McCoy – he's gone!"

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