Author's Note: This short story takes place at the end of Fifty Shades Freed. In this version, Hyde never kidnapped Mia or reared his ugly head again. After he broke into Escala, he went to jail and he'll be there forever in my story. Ana just told Christian she's pregnant and he had the same negative reaction. This picks up right after Christian emails Ana telling her he has to go to Portland for work and right before Ana gets the phone call from Hyde in the book. In case you haven't read the book recently, Christian's email said: "I am flying down to Portland today. I have some business to conclude with WSU. I thought you would want to know." The first paragraph in this story is straight from the book and then it's my writing after that.
Disclaimer: I'm not E. L. James, if I were, I wouldn't be posting, I'd be publishing.
After my lunch - another cream cheese and salmon bagel, which I manage to keep down - I sit, staring listlessly at my computer, looking for inspiration and wondering how Christian and I are going to resolve this huge problem.
It's half past two before I finally respond to his email from early this morning.
From: Anastasia Grey
Subject: Portland
Date: September 15, 2011 02:33
To: Christian Grey
Thank you for informing me. When will you be home?
Anastasia Grey
Commissioning Editor, SIP
It took me forty minutes to write 10 words. I didn't want to sound too needy or, on the other hand, too distant. We need to talk and we can't until he actually faces me in our home.
Christian doesn't seem to need as much time to craft his response. I get his email within minutes.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Portland
Date: September 15, 2011 02:36
To: Anastasia Grey
Tomorrow, around mid-day.
It looks like I'll have to go on that Taiwan trip I mentioned earlier this week. I'll be leaving either tomorrow afternoon or the next morning.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
Crap, I forgot all about this Taiwan trip. Can't Ros go? I don't want to put even more time and space between us and our talk about Blip. Silent tears stream down my face as I feel the space between my husband and myself grow larger. I shouldn't have played so hard to get the morning after I told him I was pregnant. He seemed open to talk but I was cold; still upset that he ran to the Bitch Troll instead of discussing this with me. Since then we haven't even been in the same room together; at least not while I was awake. I know he watched me sleep last night, which gives me hope, but we need to talk. I wasn't ready before but now he seems to be avoiding me and the inevitable talk we need to have.
How do I respond to this? Do I beg him to not go? Do I ask to go with him, as he originally wanted me to? I bite my lip and think. Taiwan; or the flight to Taiwan, is not the right setting for this talk. We will need privacy and probably space in case our talk doesn't go well right away.
And yet, tomorrow is Friday. Does he really have work to do on Saturday or Sunday? Or is he just trying to get away from me. I shake my head. I can't think like that.
Maybe I should act cool, like I'm totally okay with him going. Though that would just perpetuate the distance between us.
I take a deep breath and settle for something in the middle.
From: Anastasia Grey
Subject: Portland
Date: September 15, 2011 02:45
To: Christian Grey
I hope you won't have to go for long. I'll miss you.
Anastasia Grey
Commissioning Editor, SIP
I minimize my email and try to go back to work. Boyce Fox was in today and I really think his new book will be a huge hit. He's a bright, charismatic writer and his personality really shows in his words. I knew from the first copy I read of his manuscript that we had to have him. He's set to publish in a few months and I can't wait to see how it goes. I write my recap of our meeting and start reading the next manuscript on my desk. I try my best to push my husband from my thoughts.
When I finally look back at the clock it's a few minutes to 6pm and I nearly cry again. I used to be out the door at 5 on the dot, just to get home to see Christian. Now, I'm avoiding my home as much as he is.
I pack up my laptop and and check that I have everything I need. I turn off my office light and leave, surprised to see Hannah still at her desk. She looks up from her computer as I approach her.
"You're still here," I state. To be honest, I'm still upset with Hannah. While I should've kept better track of my appointments, she is my personal assistant and she should've realized that three moved appointments - especially with a gynecologist - is something I should've been alerted to. She smiles up at me.
"I don't like leaving before you, in case you need something."
Great, now I feel like a bitch.
"Oh, Hannah, that really isn't necessary. Please leave at 5, even if I forget what time it is."
She says she'll consider it and I wish her a good night as I walk out to reception. Sawyer stands from his corner and opens the door for me.
"Sorry I'm so late, I didn't realize the time," I mumble to him.
"Not a problem, ma'am."
I head straight to the kitchen when I get home. I didn't realize how hungry I was. I quickly ladle some of the chicken noodle soup Gail left simmering on the stove into a bowl and get a spoon. I'm about to sit at the kitchen island when I think it over. I'm not waiting for anyone. He's not coming home tonight so I'll be eating alone. I decide to do what I used to do when Kate would be out and I had to fend for myself during college. I pour myself a glass of water and carefully wedge it between my torso and forearm. I grab a napkin and carefully pick up my bowl and soup and walk myself into the library, keeping my eyes on my soup to make sure I don't spill any. I put my bowl and glass on the coffee table and sit down on the couch, dragging the table closer to me. I turn on the tv and flip around until I find something I don't mind watching. I land on The Devil Wears Prada and dig into my soup.
As the self-proclaimed "dragon woman" is seen at one of her weakest moments - with no makeup and her family falling apart - my tears start again. This reminds me of Christian. A cold, highly crafted exterior with a softer, private side that is filled with insecurities and pain. I can't seem to escape him even if I wanted to.
I pull out my cell phone with the intention of calling Christian but I get hung up on the background of my lock screen. It's a selfie I took with Christian when we were in Aspen just a few weeks ago. We were about to go out to dinner and dancing - the night Kate and Elliot got engaged - when Christian pulled me to him and insisted we take a selfie. It was such an un-Christian like thing for him to do that I started giggling when he took the picture. In the photo, he's looking down at me and smiling at my giggling, but because he isn't looking, half of my face is cut off. We took a few more photos where we actually looked at the camera and smiled, but I fell in love with this one. Christian didn't like it because I was cut off, but I don't mind. Christian is centered in the photo and the way he's looking at me… I can just see his love. I made him send me the picture and it's been my background ever since.
I want to call him but I get cold feet and call Kate instead. We used to be so close but I feel like we've also been drifting apart. She picks up on the second ring.
"Ana! Finally!"
I smile at her ever present enthusiasm.
"Kate, how are you?"
"I'm fine! Elliot and I are starting to discuss possible wedding things, but that's not important. Spill the beans, Steele! Well, Grey. What happened yesterday and why was Christian looking for you?"
She doesn't forget anything. I roll my eyes. Looks like the relaxed conversation I was looking for won't be had now. I can't tell her yet, mostly because I feel I have to talk to Christian about it before telling anyone else.
"Oh Kate," I sigh. "We had a...fight. It was bad...so bad that Christian stormed out and got drunk, which is very unlike him."
"I know," Kate says in a subdued voice. "Elliot left my place in the in the middle of the night to go pick him up and drop him off at your condo. He said he was at a bar, but didn't tell me any details."
This is news to me. I was so wrapped up in his rendezvous with Mrs. Robinson that I didn't even question how he got home. I figured that the Bitch Troll had dropped him off or that Taylor had picked him up but now that I think about it, Taylor wouldn't have let Christian get on the elevator and stagger through the foyer alone in that state. I feel guilty for not even worrying about my husband's safety.
We're both silent for a moment.
"Ana...what happened? What did you fight about?"
"I just...I can't tell you. I will, at some point, but not until he and I make up and work this out."
"You're still fighting?"
Ugh the inquisition. I fell right into it.
"It's hard to fight when you don't see each other. He's really thrown himself into his work."
"Oh, Ana." She sounds so sad for me. I don't like this. I don't need pity. I need my husband. I take a deep, steadying breath to calm my nerves.
"I know," I admit, "but we'll be okay, I think. He's down in Portland for the night. I miss him."
"Maybe this is good for you; some space, I mean. You two have been in each other's faces since you've met, maybe some space and time will help?"
"I don't know, I'd feel better about it if we weren't fighting. It feels like he's running from me."
"No way, Ana," her confidence makes me feel better. "I've never seen someone look at someone else the way he looks at you." I smile, thinking again of my lock screen background. She continues, "There's no way he'd run from you, ever. I didn't think you could do any wrong in his eyes, which is why I'm surprised you guys are still in a fight."
I take in what she says with a grain of salt. I think I do a lot of things wrong, in his eyes, which makes him either frustrated with me or love me more for my 'errant' ways.
"We just need to talk. Maybe I'll call him now. Thank you, Kate. For everything," I say sincerely.
"Of course, Ana. I'm here for you, always. And you absolutely have to tell me what this was about once it gets sorted out!"
I laugh with her. She'll find out for sure; I won't be able to get through these next 8 months without her! And without Christian. I stop laughing at the thought of him.
We say goodnight and we both hang up.
I scroll to Christian's contact in my phone, but hesitate to press the call button. I decide this is crazy, I need my husband even if it means apologizing first. I hit the call button and hold my breath.
On the third ring my heart drops. He's not going to pick up. Sure enough after two more rings, his voicemail message comes on. I contemplate hanging up, but his message goes too quickly and before I know it, I hear the beep. I didn't think of what to say if I got his voicemail. Actually, I didn't even know what I'd say if he picked up.
I say hi but my voice cracks. I quickly clear my throat and try again.
"Hi," I bite my lip, figuring out what to say next. "It's me," I follow up in a small voice.
"I just wanted to say good night...and….and I hope you had a good day. So...good night."
I hang up before I can embarrass myself any more. I close my eyes and slump back into the couch. I can't even speak to his voicemail. We have a major problem.
I stay curled up on the couch until the movie is over. I barely watched, my mind mostly imagining what we'd be doing right now if Christian had a more welcoming reception to my news. Or maybe what we would be doing right now if I weren't pregnant. No, I can't think like that. It'll do no good to imagine something that cannot be changed now.
Besides, I'm already attached to Blip. While I'm not overwhelmingly excited or happy to be pregnant so soon, I can't help but feel love for this little thing inside me. This little intruder as Christian so aptly described him. Or her. My Blip.
"It's okay," I say to Blip, while rubbing my stomach, "he'll come around."
I wake up a few minutes before my alarm goes off and roll over to face the empty side of the bed. Even though it's cold, I reach out and bring his pillow to me and shove my face into it. It smells like him.
My alarm goes off and I groan and roll over to press snooze; I'm not ready to get up yet. After I hit snooze, I see I have one new text. I open it and see it's from Christian. I hold by breath as I bring my phone closer to my face, wide awake now. The first thing I see is that he sent this text about a half hour after I went to sleep.
I was in a dinner meeting when you called. Have a good night.
The tears threaten to start again. So cold. So not my Christian. It's like he's talking to one of his employees.
And while this thought alone could make me sick, my stomach turns on it's own and I scurry out of bed and run into our en suite. I barely make it to the toilet before my semi digested soup makes a reappearance. When I have nothing left to give, I flush the toilet and sit back on my butt. I can't help but now feel resentful to be dealing with this by myself.
I brush my teeth and determine that what I need is a shower and a cry. I decide to save time and cry in the shower. When I feel like I'm out of tears and the water is running cold, I turn off the water and make a new declaration. No more tears. No more crying at least until Christian starts talking to me again. Or at least until tomorrow.
They day passes quickly and it's already mid afternoon. Christian said he'd be getting in this afternoon and possibly heading out tonight. I want to make sure I see him, if only for a few minutes even.
I text him and ask if he's home from Portland yet. I try to get more work done but each minute that passes with no response makes me more and more tense. By 4:30 I can't help it any more. I have to go home and see him. He has to be home by now.
I gather my things and leave, telling both Hannah and Claire to have pleasant weekends. Sawyer and I head down to the SUV and start driving home.
I'm getting nervous. I'm going to see my husband for the first time in three days. I'm going to force him to talk to me and I'm forcing myself to not cry. That won't help us. We need to sit down and talk. I need to understand why he decided to go see that horrible woman. I shakily apply some lipgloss, trying to make myself more presentable. I catch Sawyer's eye in the rearview mirror and for a second, I think he's looking at me with pity. I quickly avert my eyes. It's none of his business if I want to look good for my husband.
As I enter the penthouse, I first notice that Taylor isn't in his security room. That's fine. It's Friday afternoon; Christian might've given him the rest of the night off.
I walk towards the kitchen but, before I even reach the threshold, the smell of fried chicken reaches my nose. My stomach seizes dramatically and I drop my bags, spin around, and run as fast as I can in these five inch heels. I can only make it to the hallway bathroom and I automatically drop to my knees and throw up my entire caesar salad I had for lunch. In the middle of my heaves, I feel someone pull my hair back from my face which is something I was feebly trying to do myself. I'm instantly grateful; he's here! Even if he has to see me like this, he's here and he cares.
He holds my hair with one hand and uses his other to rub my back. When I'm finally done I flush the toilet and grab some toilet paper to wipe my mouth. I hear him pour me a glass of water before huddling back down besides me, offering me the glass. As I reach for it, I see the hand holding the glass and it's not his. I whip my head around and see that it's Mrs. Jones. I'm instantly embarrassed.
"Oh, Mrs. Jones, you shouldn't see me like this, I'm sorry." I look up and see that Sawyer's in the doorway, his face etched with concern.
Mrs. Jones scoffs and forces the glass of water into my hands and I take a welcome sip.
"There's nothing for you to apologize for, Mrs. Grey."
I take another sip of water and ask the only thing that's been on my mind all day.
"Where's Christian? Is he home yet?"
Both of their faces fall and cast looks of pity at me like Sawyer did earlier in the car. Oh no, what now?
"Oh, Ana," Mrs. Jones starts and her face contorts in first pain and then anger. I'm not sure what's worrying me more, her facial expressions or the fact that she called me 'Ana'. This can only be bad news. "I can't believe he didn't tell you; Christian arrived home mid morning and left again with Jason to go to Taiwan. They left around 1 in the afternoon."
Bingo. I stare at her for a few moments. This information sinks in in layers. He's already gone on his next trip. He's going halfway around the world. He came home and he didn't tell me. I haven't heard his voice in nearly 48 hours. He ran. He was always scared that I would be the one to run from him but he was the one due to his own fucked-upness.
All of these thoughts catch up to me and I feel my breathing become labored and harsh. Mrs. Jones is now looking at me with worry. I look up at Sawyer.
"You knew," I whisper, accusing him. I don't have to ask, I already know.
He swallows. His eyes dart to Mrs. Jones and back to me.
"I didn't want to upset you, Mrs. Grey. I apologize."
I stare at him, my breathing still more ragged than normal.
"Well you're right. I am upset," I reply in a calm, steady voice that doesn't match the chaos in my head. "But do not apologize for him."
The room is silent for a few moments. I jump to my feet so fast that I think I startle both Mrs. Jones and Sawyer.
"That asshole!" I scream and clench my fists. I see them both flinch out the corner of my eye.
"It's always what he wants! He can't face anything that doesn't go according to his plan! If he can't throw his money around or overpower people to get his way, he just shuts down and avoids his problems. He acts like he is five-years-old! He can't just give me the silent treatment when he's mad at me!"
I haven't yelled like this in...I don't know, maybe years. I feel the dam break in me. All the frustration and confusion he has caused me since I met him suddenly boils up and overflows. How much have I set aside for him? How many times have I tried to put him and his needs first? Now I finally really need him and where is he? On a plane over the ocean. I take a few more deep breaths and continue, my voice lower but shaking with emotion.
"I didn't want this. I don't feel ready to have a child either and I'm freaking out! I'm certainly not going to be a single mother or go through this pregnancy by myself!"
Gail looks at me with understanding but Sawyer has lost his usually stoic self. He's always been good at looking emotionless but his brow is furrowed and he's breathing deeply through his nose. It hits me like a ton of bricks.
"You didn't know, did you?" I ask him. He shakes his head 'no' once.
"Well I guess I'm not the only one who isn't told things," I comment cheekily. I would've thought that with his overprotective ways, he would've informed all of our security of my condition so that they watch me even more closely. I guess he's embarrassed of me or of himself for trusting me.
"Fuck him," I whisper. I see them both dip their eyes to the ground.
"Fuck him!" I scream to the room. My breathing starts feeling shallow, like I can't get enough oxygen in my lungs.
"He doesn't get to hide from this and he certainly doesn't get to hide from me! He can't just go out to see that horrible woman and then ignore me for God knows how long." I reach a hand out to grab the sink counter. "He has to face this. He has to talk to me. He has to...to…"
My hand slips from the counter and my eyes roll up to the ceiling. The last thing I remember is hearing Mrs. Jones gasp my name as I collapse to the floor.
Author's Note: Whew, first chapter! I've only done one-shots before so this is the first story with chapters that I've ever written. The idea for this story came from me imagining what it would be like for them to tell their families that they're expecting. Unfortunately, they never get to have that real reveal in the books since Grace and Carrick find out while she's passed out.
So, of course, this will have a happy ending...you'll just have to deal with some realistic angst til we get there. I was also happy to mention in this chapter how Ana felt regret for playing it so tough the morning after Christian got drunk. That part of the book made me so mad; if she had been a little more easy going while he was willing to talk, maybe they could've solved this earlier. Who knows.
Hope you liked this chapter! Please review and let me know! I'll try to update this story weekly; we'll see how it goes!
