Title: Smile
Author: Panthera
Disclaimer: Not mine, although I wouldn't mind having Zack as a houseguest once in a while.
Rating: PG-13, for implied sexual acts.
Pairing: CloudxZackxSephiroth
Warnings: Slash, un-beta-ed.
It's funny, the things you remember. Like I always knew Zack rode a motorcycle, although I could never remember what it looked like. I could always remember his smiles, and what they looked like, except for one; there is one smile that I just don't know the meaning of. I know exactly what it looks like, where it's softer than all the others he has, and just one side of his mouth quirks up, bemused, as if he's lost control of his lips and doesn't quite know what to think about it. His eyes have tiny crinkles at the edges, and they shine like the sky over Gongaga, now that I know what that sky looks like. His eyes are watching with avid attention, as if whatever he's looking at is far too good to pass up.
I would spend entire days trying to remember where I had seen it, or what it meant. This was something I had to do alone, I knew that, but my own memory was so faulty, so many holes and traps that could drive a person insane. I know that I'm insane, I can't be anything but, there is far too much wrong with me. The memories I was looking for always seemed just out of reach, and I was always looking for ways to stretch that last little bit and catch them.
And then the clones came, and they made me forget, for a time, forget Zack's smile and everything I was trying to remember. They brought Him back, and their devotion to Jenova was not unlike the devotion He once held over me. I wanted him to stay in my memories, my shoddy, broken memories, where He did not have that cruel smirk, and his eyes did not hold malice, at least not directed at me.
But I remembered what he said, and days later It came back to me.
"Hey Cloud!"
"Nnhg…" I groan, burrowing into a strong chest and warm blankets.
"Zack, be quiet. I'm sure he's still worn out from last night," a different, deep voice answers for me…so familiar.
"Yeah, I bet he can't keep up with us SOLDIER's! Not after last night, anyway. Hey, Cloud, remember last night?" I want to protest, and tell him I can damn well keep up with him.
"Zack…" the voice admonishes, before I can muster a protest.
"Yeah, yeah, I know, let him sleep. But why let him sleep? I refuse to remain a memory…"
The rest of the memory is lost, but the reel in my mind stutters and starts up again, at a later point.
Zack is lounging on one arm, near the foot of the bed. I'm lying, sated, in a pair of strong arms. That smile is on his face, the one that says he can't believe that this is real, that this is his. I feel myself smile back, and tilt my head up for a kiss. My desire is granted as a waterfall of spun silver drags across my vision before I close my eyes.
Oh sweet Shiva. The pain tears my chest apart, threatens to destroy my very being, and I find that every fear, every worry, every piece of me that begged Zack and Aeris for forgiveness, every part that would not let me forgive myself has woken up after it's short slumber and latched onto this new bit of knowledge. I killed him, I killed him, three times!
The worst part of it is that now I sit on my bike making deliveries and I think. For hours, days, weeks my thoughts are consumed. Because for all that I have remembered, I cannot remember Sephiroth's smile.
