Authors Note: just a little attempt on Bridget Jones after being avid fan for some time. Tried to make everyone stay in character, however knowledge of England/Great Britain is limited. Agh.
Do not claim for any ownership of anything.
~Tuesday, May 27~
119 lbs(surely not normal for females under 5'3"? Gah. GAHH!), Calories 2000 as have just consumed flabbergasting amount of chocolate, truffles, etc., Relaxing moments during holiday with family 0, point of having holiday with family 0, point of holiday 0, point of traveling to Northern England for holiday 0, point of pointing these things out 0.
8:34am. In cabin in middle of nowhere in Northern England. Gaah. Cannot believe it. Have just ate two 12 by 12 box-full of chocolates. Cannot close zipper on waist anymore. Only natural since family gone off to mad walk in rain and cold in Northern England. On way out of door Dad mutters about finding inner-self while Mum coax him off brandy at 8 in morning. Have realized family truly mucked up.
Have not talked to Jude or Shaz for ages, therefore have not informed them of James: frustrating family-friend of Mum's old chum's sister. Cannot believe Mum vowed to share cabin/house/pig-pen with them. Actually think Mum fancies Paul, James' Dad. Can see why. Paul has v. sweet dreamy face with droopy, sleepy, just-woke-up piercing (is v. contradicting) blue eyes. However sagginess is v. bothering. Just below chin is extra 3 pounds of fat flopping down from perfect-shaped chin. James on other hand has minute head. Thin lips, thin eyebrows, thin hair, thin, long, long body. Wonder if have thin…? Anyways. Do not care. Also v. alarmed as head have gone bald prematurely.
James', that is. Not self.
Wonder- GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
8:55am. Where the fuck did he come from? Thought was alone in bathroom-sized living room. Then James pops in face out of nowhere and screamed like mad because 1) face was in hideous state of red and orange zits and 2) was afraid James was trying to lick nose. Told him to piss off, for was not in mood to put up with such antics. Also roof of cabin keeps dripping in mad pace.
8:57am. Everything is mad here. Mad house. Mad roof. Mad people. Mad sofa (kept attempting to swallow me alive when sat down. Surely is not result of plumpness?)
8:58am. And Mad weather.
8:59am. Mad, mad, mad, mad, mad.
9:00am. Cannot believe am going to spend 16th birthday in Mad place. If this is where life is going should just- GAH! GAH!
James keeps casually stroll in room while twisting neck at odd angle to spy on what am writing. Bastard.
Ugh. Cannot stand any moment of this anymore. I know. Shall eat some cheese.
9:30am. Still in Mad Cabin. GAAH! WHO MADE THESE THINGS 130 CALORIES? DON'T THEY KNOW PEOPLE CONSUME THEM IN DOZENS? GAH GAH GAH.
10:00am. Fucking James keeps saying, "How is Jude and Shagger?" But just threw him nasty glare and have shutted up. Will not stand another moment of miscalling Shazzer.
1:00pm. Mad.
Where is everyone? Even James gone. Bloody family abandoned self. Gah. Zits forming on each side of cheek.
Face cheek.
1:05pm. Why? Why me?
1:35pm. Hurrah! Hear door jingling. Family have not disowned but came back to retrieve self!
1:40pm. Was just Mum. Waltzing in room with feather duster as if TV maid. Grr. Grr. Why do mother's do these things? Asking you what's the matter when they obviously know the answer. Finally reluctantly muttered to Mum had two enormous zits growing on each side of cheek. Could not believe Mum's response: You don't have tits spurting out of the sides of your cheeks, darling.
Just then realized James was in room whole time and had listened to whole conversation for suddenly were fits of laughter and pounding on tabletops.
Hmph. Was Mum's fault anyway.
Think will have more cheese.
