First of all, the legal mumbo jumbo: Disclaimer: All DMC characters and entities are © Capcom. We do not own them, and are using them without permission. And are not making any financial gain in doing so.
This is fiction. Anything remotely resembling real life, is purely coincedental. Snark is a collaboration between Sash and Leppress, and based upon hypothetical chats we've had. There is some Mary Sue in this, but it's not blatant.
Oh and fair warning, this story is copyrighted by me. It also appears on ff.net. It is not to be archived, copied or otherwise without our written permission. Both references to Dante, as "Horndog", "Woof", and Vergil as "Goatboy" are our exclusive ideas...Sorry no takey! Any violations to this copyright will be taken very seriously.
The two females flopped bonelessly onto the couch amidst groans, satisfied smiles on their lips. The twins merely looked at them with amused disgust as they simply lay there. Sash licked her lips, grinning as she exhaled.
"My lips are all tingly now." She giggled.
Beside her, Leppress snorted loudly, her arms wrapped around her own stomach with a knowing smile."Was that because of the hot and sour soup or Goatboy?"
"Hmm…tough." She laughed as Vergil turned to face her, an unfathomable expression in his cold eyes.
"Excuse me?" There was utter disbelief in his words as he stared at her in amazement.
Dante snorted, falling contentedly on the couch near Leppress. "Knowing her, she'll pick the food."He commented, watching his brother stare at Sash.
"We all have our priorities."Leppress replied, falling back against Dante with a groan. "I'm so full!"
"In her case, we all know it's the chow." His arms came up to hold the woman falling against him.
She smiled. "I'd poke you, but I'm too full."
"Food or me."Vergil simply shook his head, accepting the hug Sash gave him with a philosophical shrug.
She smiled impishly, rising on tiptop to slide the tip of her tongue up the soft skin of his neck, feeling the controlled shiver before smiling at him. "Mmm. Tasty."
He gave her a snort as she smiled. "Yeah, I am now."
"A girl's gotta eat." Dante reminded his brother with a smile before turning towards Leppress, whose arms were still wrapped around her middle as she smiled.
"I ate too much. And I topped it off with an entire glass of tea."She commented. Her eyes glazed in memory as she smirked. "And vanilla pudding. I would have rather had chocolate, but who am I to turn down dessert?"
"Heh. We both got beat by edibles. Here I thought you'd like me better." He cocked his head towards his brother.
Leppress poked him, offended. "You have your priorities, I have mine. I haven't eaten all day! And I do like you. But I like chocolate too." She sniffled, diving off the couch towards a little box. "God, I need my Benadryl now. Benadryl is god!"
Dante snorted loudly at this, pulling her back with an arm as she gave him another offended look. "And no comments from the peanut gallery!"
"Charlie Brown ain't here." He replied, eyes rolling as his brother wrapped his arms around Sash, burying his face in her neck with a conspiratory smile as her eyes glazed over. As if it was all that difficult to turn her to mush.
He took advantage of the distraction to score himself, making Leppress lose track of her already scattered thoughts as he kissed her. As retaliation, Sash turned her face into Vergil's neck, blowing a raspberry against his skin. She must have bit him, for he hissed.
"Don't be smug." Leppress commented, as she collected her thoughts again.
He couldn't help but grin. "You wouldn't love me if I wasn't."
"I've never seen you anything but." She answered, unable to keep the smile from her lips.
He squeezed her about the waist softly, mindful of her full stomach. "I rest my case."
"You're an evil woman." Vergil motioned to Sash, who merely laughed as he rubbed the spot on his neck where she'd bit him. He still had goose bumps.
"What can I say? You're tasty. And you did throw doubt on whether I liked you or food."
"And the consensus is?" He inquired, smiling softly. She moved closer again, sliding her tongue up his neck one more time nonchalantly.
"Food, schmood. You."
Leppress squealed at Dante's assertion, bringing Sash's and Vergil's attention to them.
"The point flew right over your head like a 747, didn't it?" She ruffled his hair softly with one hand, hearing the soft snarl that seemed to form at the base of his throat.
"Not surprising, all things considered." Vergil interjected, grinning. "He's not smart enough to catch a double entendre."
"Did I hurt your ego?" She asked, leaning over him, only to have him snarl again.
"Dammit." He grumbled, before pulling her down for a kiss as his hand rose to flip his brother off.
"May I remind you, you are putting yourself on her side?"
"Can't help it, when she's right, she's right." He shrugged. Sash laughed, slipping all the way to the ground with an oomph.
She stretched on the floor, eyes closed, while Dante fumed, looking at Leppress.
"Leave my hair alone, brat." He warned, a smug smile fighting to bloom as he held her hands well away from his silver tresses. He spared one look towards his brother. "Kiss ass, Bro."
"Kiss this." Vergil flipped him off, his eyes on Sash as she lay on the floor. He slipped off the couch, laying besides her, an interested look in his eyes. "One thing we haven't tried." He smiled at her raised eyebrow. "The floor…"
"But why? It's always so messy anyway and you don't mind!" Leppress struggled against his hold, fingers eagerly trying to reach his hair. Dante snorted again, throwing the words towards his brother over his shoulder. "Stick to your own, Bro. Two-timing can be bad for your health." But Vergil was no longer listening. Sash was looking at him with a half smile. "You in the mood for rug burns?" She almost purred the words at him as he flipped Dante off again, restraining her laughter.
"I thought you might be." A softy, dusky color seemed to rise to his otherwise pale cheeks, eliciting a gasp from her.
"Vergil! You're blushing!" Her laughter was soft, but her words brought everyone's attention to the older Sparda. This only caused his blush to deepen, turning his cheeks a dusky rose as he kissed her, hiding his face in her neck.
"A camera! Quick!" Dante laughed, almost knocking Leppress off him in his urge to reach a camera. It didn't help that she was getting up at the same time, her eyes alight with laughter. "I have a digital!" She informed, scrambling over the couch and toward the small desk. "He's going online right now!"
"You are so fucking cute!" Sash's grin was huge as she stared at him.
He simply groaned. "Can I die now?"
"Nope. Whatever it is I did, let me know so I can do it later when we're alone." She offered, licking her lips as she smiled at his distress.
"Hurry up!" Dante urged Leppress, who vaulted back towards the couch, shiny object in her hand.
Her next words were lost as she was suddenly tackled by a tall, silver haired half demon as he strove to save what little was left of his shredded reputation. Dante reached forward, seeing Leppress engaged in a loosing battle over the camera, trying to snatch it off their collectively wrestling hands. Vergil was faster, moving it out of the way before he could snag it while Leppress clawed her way up his arm in a bid to catch the camera.
"You ain't getting it!" He informed Dante, before turning to Sash, who was getting to her feet and moving towards the pile of wrestling bodies. "And you, I'll tell later."
"Gah! Let me go before I puke, Vergil!" Camera forgotten, she now strove to dislodge the devil hunter from on top of her full stomach.
Sash offered Vergil a soft look. "You mean you're not going to tell me at all, aren't you?" She pouted.
Wrestling Dante for the camera, he shot the words back over his shoulder. "Soon as I get this fucking camera away from these two lunatics!"
Leppress made one more desperate attempt to reach the camera, forcing Vergil backwards. It was Sash who took matters into her own hands, snatching the camera off his hands from her vantage position and sticking it down her shirt with a grin, earning a laugh from Vergil. "Now that I can do."
"Oh, I am not going there."Defeated as Sash took possession of the camera, Leppress simply let herself out of the human knot, sitting on the floor patiently.
Dante, on the other hand, dove for the camera with a grin, making Sash squeal as she tried to run away.
"I am! Anything for a picture of Vergil blushing!"
"Get your fucking hands out of her shirt!" Vergil snarled, watching his brother grab Sash.
"Hey! That's NOT the camera!"
"He's not blushing now." Leppress looked from one brother to the other, her leg shooting out in a kick to try and get Dante's attention. She managed, making him wince and turn.
"Ouch! What?" There was something in Leppress's eyes that made him stop.
"Look behind you. Does raging bull mean anything to you? If so, I suggest you hide." Her head cocked towards Vergil, who stood near her, hands fisted, his countenance furious as he fixed Dante with a look. He didn't make a sound, but it was too easy to see the anger in the flaring of his nostrils.
"You are going to be bedridden for a week." His voice was soft, too soft, as he advanced towards Dante and Sash.
"Nope. Not saying a word." Leppress shook her head as Dante grabbed Sash, pulling her in front of him as a way to appease his obviously enraged brother. She made a small, choked sound as she watched him approach.
"Vergil…wait...I'm in between!" Her words only seemed to enrage him even more.
"Get away from her or we'll make it two weeks."
Very carefully, he took Sash's arms in his hands. Dante considering holding on to her, but something told him it'd be safer for him to relinquish his hold now. As he did, Vergil set her slowly out of the way before reaching for his brother. He tried to dodge, but Vergil had been expecting it and caught him easily.
