Sanctuary
Kathryn Hart
Summary: Papyrus is hiding his struggles of living on the surface from his brother. Thankfully, Sans finds out and tries to help. Not fontcest, but certainly fluffy. :3
Warnings: Phobia Triggers, Specifically (SPOILERS: Anablephobia, Casadastraphobia and Claustrophobia)
A/N: This idea came up when I one day I realised that Papyrus is so much better in fics where he's more relatable, when he struggles with real problems, such as ADHD or Dyslexia. However this idea is entirely my own. I'd assume Sans would have some sort of Claustrophobia from all the resets Underground, but what if Papyrus had the opposite? Again, not fontcest, but it could be if you were wearing your special fontcest searching glasses. Ya weirdos *blows cheeky kiss* ;)
Recommended Background Music: Undertale Piano Concerto - An Ending by The Second Narrator (Available on Youtube)
"papyrus, it's time for your driving lesson!" Sans called up the stairs of their new home on the surface. The switching of roles jarred him unexpectedly. Usually it was his brother dragging him out of his room, complaining about politeness and punctuality and other similar 'p's.
No answer.
Sans didn't think much of it as he ascended the flight of stairs on his way to his brother's bedroom. He probably got caught up getting dressed or looking for his cell phone or something.
"papyrus?" he rapped lightly on the door. He was silent, listening for any sort of reply. After a few seconds his non-existent ears picked up a choked, desperately held-back sob.
Calmness drained away to panic as he abandoned any source of decency and slammed the door open, summoning two Gaster Blasters behind him. The creature weapons growled menacingly, reflecting his state of alarm as he barged into Papyrus' room. The light of magic from his left eye flared brightly as his gaze desperately searched the room for his brother.
The intense glare on his face fell away as he saw where his brother was, huddled on the floor in the corner of his closet. With a flick of his skeletal hand the blasters at his sides dissipated with a 'poof' of spent blue magic falling to the floor and disappearing. There was no immediate danger.
Still rushing a bit in worry, he ran in and collapsed at Papyrus' side. Glancing him over, on first inspection he didn't appear to be injured in any way. His brother looked like he hadn't been crying for very long but his chest heaved in sobs he was trying to hold in and failing. One hand was clamped over his mouth, the other trying to shove Sans away.
"I'LL...I'LL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE BR-BROTHER. " His voice came out muffled through his hand. "J-JUST GATHERING MY THOUGHTS."
"papyrus." Sans replied, his voice full of pity. He knew how much his brother hated appearing vulnerable – anything less than GREAT in fact, but Sans knew from experience that it wasn't healthy to keep things bottled up, especially things that could make you suddenly lose control. "bro, tell me what's wrong." His voice held brotherly compassion but the tone brooked no argument.
Papyrus trained vainly to shove him away again, but slumped back in defeat, realizing Sans wasn't going to go anywhere, not when he was like this.
He sighed, the bone above his brow furrowing as much as bone could. He lowered his voice for what felt like the first time in years.
"Dr. Alphys called it a mix of Ana...Anablephobia, and, and..." he struggled to think of the second word. "Casadastraphobia." Sans frowned, not recognizing the words right off. After a few seconds of thinking his eyes widened in realization.
"the sky? dude, you're afraid of the sky?" He wasn't being condescending, he was just incredulous. The sky was Sans' most favorite thing about being above ground. He studied astronomy for years growing up but none of it compared to actually seeing it with his own eye sockets.
In fact most of his time spent these last three weeks were of him laying outside in the yard staring up into the sky, whether it was sky blue, gray and cloudy, or dark and filled with stars. With a start Sans realized that Papyrus had turned down his offer to join him every time he asked, spouting some excuse about being too busy or something.
Oh. Oh.
His chest twinged with guilt.
"bro, have you been struggling with this this whole time?" After a few seconds Papyrus nodded, turning his head away in shame. "why didn't you say anything?" Sans asked, his voice quieter. He rubbed Papyrus' arm affectionately. His brother was grateful for the comfort.
"I am the GREAT PAPYRUS! Nothing as simple as the sky above us should stop me! E-even if...it's really, really big, and never ends, and it f-feels like it's crushing down on me, even when I'm not looking up and-and-and..." His breathing hitched and Sans recognized the beginnings of a panic attack.
"whoa, whoa Papy, breathe, breathe! deep breaths." He placed his hands on the sides of Papyrus' face, forcing him to look at him. "wow. it's really bad, huh?" Papyrus' eyes flicked down at that, not answering.
Sans stopped, his mind replaying something the bigger skeleton had said earlier.
"you talked to alphys about this?" Sans tried not to feel hurt at that. Why didn't he talk to him first? They were brothers after all, and Alphys and Papyrus had only recently become friends, ones who didn't really know each other yet.
"She's a doctor." Papyrus replied. "I thought she could help me with my...tiny problem." well obviously she couldn't if you're huddled in the closet crying your eyes out! Sans wanted to say, but he bit his metaphorical tongue.
"paps, alphys isn't that kinda doctor." He said instead.
"I know, but she found some good tips on that internet of hers. She's so much more adept at the Surface's technology than anyone else I know." His voice faltered again. "And...and no one would have to know about my...my weakness."
"paps, no." Sans moved his hands to the sides of Papyrus' shoulders. "it's not a weakness, it's just a...just a thing. everyone struggles with different things." Curse his tongue! Usually he was so eloquent, but seeing his brother like this, so...unlike himself set him on edge. "papyrus, when we first left the underground, when frisk first became the ambassador, you didn't seem to have any problems then. what changed?"
"Well, I guess then I was just caught up in everything, I mean, everyone was free, there was fresh air, and so many new colors. I just really hadn't had the time to think about it all yet." He shuddered. "But just the thought of going out there now makes my skin crawl." Sans couldn't stop a snort at that. Papyrus merely glared at him, too worked up to admonish him. "I thought I could make it with just a little time in my closet when I could but, when I heard you call I dreaded coming out, and I guess I just got overwhelmed." Sans leaned in to look further his brother's self-made private living space.
The tall skeleton had pulled in a cardboard box on which sat some of his action figures, a bag of cookies and a few puzzle books Sans had gotten him, including his new favorite Sudoku. Obviously placing himself in here had helped his panic attacks (at least a little) by simulating life Underground, where Papyrus had grown up. It was the only life he knew up until a few weeks ago, no wonder he was so overwhelmed.
Seeing his brother huddled in the darkness of his cramped closet gave him an idea, even if it made his own soul quake.
"p-papyrus, what...what if..." oh hell, this was going to hurt saying out loud. "what if we went back underground, to snowdin?" Like a slap to the face he understood everything Papyrus was currently going through. Even just the thought of stepping one foot back into the mountain made his chest tighten with dread.
Not just the thought of waking up every morning in Snowdin, looking out his window and seeing nothing but SNOW, the top of the mountain pressing down on him constantly, not being able to see the stars above, but also not knowing whether or not there had been a reset made him want to curl up on the floor and bawl his eye sockets out. Even looking into Papyrus' closet made his soul race just a little bit faster.
He had been stuck in that hell for years and years and YEARS, but...if it would help his brother? Could he do it?
The answer was immediate. Of course he would. He'd do anything for him.
At his suggestion Papyrus snapped his head up to look at the smaller skeleton kneeling in front of him. Shock crossed his bony features and Sans tried desperately to remove all signs of fear from his face.
"lots of monsters still live down there pap, it's nothing to be ashamed of. some just grew too attached to their homes, and i bet many feel the same way as you do bro. i'm sure being down there again would really help you." Sans couldn't look him in the eye sockets anymore. The hopelessness, the anxiety, the feeling of being lost, that's what he'd be facing again if Papyrus accepted his offer.
But he'd do it, without a single word of objection or displeasure. Papyrus could be happy and breathe easier again, and never know just how much pain Sans would be in.
But it'd be worth it.
The minutes ticked by as he waited breathlessly for an answer. His brother twiddled his fingers, looking down and fidgeting nervously as he debated.
Finally, after what felt like hours but was only a few minutes, the once Royal Guard-hopeful looked up.
"Sans, I love so many things up here. I love our bigger house, I love hanging out with all my friends. I love my driving lessons and all those new cooking channels on TV. I love going to that gigantic supermarket on the weekends. Did you know they have over 30 kinds of pasta there Sans? 30!" Sans couldn't help but chuckle at that. His brother continued.
"But...most of all, I love seeing you happy Sans. I mean, actually happy." At that Sans lifted his head to see his brother staring at him with a small smile on his face. "I've never seen you so...so content. More content than you ever were Underground. And that...that makes me happy. I don't want to go back Underground just for me."
"but bro, what about your...problem?" Papyrus frowned.
"I don't know. I guess, I guess I'll find a way to deal." Glancing up towards the window on the other side of the room, he seemed positively terrified again.
Sans growled inwardly in determination. It couldn't be that only one of them could be happy at one time, not if Sans had anything to do about it. They should both be able to be happy, anything different just wouldn't be fair.
He grabbed one of Papyrus' hands with both his own, startling the younger skeleton with his ferocity.
"papyrus, we'll get through this. we'll get you through this. i'm sure there's therapists up here who can help with this sorta thing. until then, every time you step outside and feel like you can't breathe, i want you to grab someone's hand." he amended that, knowing how his brother was. "a friend's hand. preferably someone who knows what you're going through. like me or alph. when it feels like everything's crushing you, i want this," he gripped his hand tighter. "to be your lifeline, to ground you. let the love of the people who care about you be your strength, your sanctuary, if you will. the place where you always feel safe. think you can do that?" After a few hesitant seconds Papyrus nodded, a grin spreading across his face.
"what?" Sans asked him.
"It's so weird," Papyrus replied, letting out a chuckle as Sans released his hands. "Usually it's me comforting you. I didn't know you could help anybody Sans, at least without a few dreadful puns." Sans put a hand over where his heart would be, if he had one, in mock hurt.
"i'm crushed bro. tibia honest, how could you expect me to leave you bonely up here, struggling with the, heh, skeleton in your closet?" Papyrus groaned loudly in regret, placing his skull in his hands.
"SANS, I FORBID YOU TO HAVE MORE THAN ONE PUN IN A SINGLE SENTENCE!" Sans' smile grew wide at that, glad to hear his bro's voice back to normal volume. Well, normaly for Papyrus that is.
"alright bro, i'll back-bone off." He stood up. "come on, we're going to be late if we don't leave five minutes ago." Reluctantly Papyrus took Sans' outstretched hand and let his brother pull him up.
"THAT LAST PUN WAS A STRETCH AND YOU KNOW IT."
"yeah, I do bro." Sans laughed again, the constricting feeling in his chest finally easing up.
"say papyrus," The shorter skeleton spoke as they descended the stairs, "how do skeletons save on gas money?"
"SANS." His brother's voice had a tone of warning to it. Sans ignored it, as usual.
"they metacarpool."
"SANS!" But Papyrus couldn't stop the grin growing across his face.
The two of them were silent as they reached the front door. Sans slowly opened it, letting his brother move at his own pace.
Papyrus stood there for a moment, staring into the outdoors and taking deep breaths. Wordlessly he reached out and grabbed Sans' hand and squeezed it tightly as he pulled him outside and into their long-awaited future.
END
I don't take credit for the metacarpool joke. I think I saw it on a fic on A03 but I've read so many this last week I can't remember which one. Sorry!
Follow me if you want to see the next part to this. Basically Sans and Papyrus' roles are switched. Sans is struggling with nightmares on the Surface and Papyrus has to help. ^^
