It hurts, really hurts to look at him. Even hearing someone mention his simple name sends her heart in an uneasy flutter of anguish. Each night she shuts her eyes and presses her thumbs against the thin skin of her lids, wanting to trap inside the tears and memories. Although they hurt, she goes through the memories often, relishing the last thing she has left from him, the stupid teenager that she loves to no ends.

And now she should be happy, because they're back together, and everything should be roses and butterflies, but she's not, and it's not, because it's all fake. She's living a lie. Sometimes she feels like everything she does is a lie. His words ring in her head, echoing that she's not honest, and he'd rather be alone then be with someone like her. Now he's looking at her, kindness and concern in his eyes, she timidly presses a hand to her stomach, touching a lie, living a lie. He smiles, and she has to look away because he doesn't know that everything around him is false, even his radiant smile.

Secretly, she only went along with Holly J's plan so she could be near him again. She'd do anything to feel loved by him again. To be "his Anya."

She's really weak. She's always been that way. She can't stand up to Holly J, not after years of abuse. Even with support from Mia, she was still too weak to stand up, so she crawled. And now, with this hideous fiasco, one thats was doomed from the start, she can't.

She can't tell him, and ruin this. It feel so good, she can almost convince herself.

Anya couldn't tell Sav the truth, and she hates herself for it.

But god, she loves him.