This is a fun idea I had for a while. I have done three stories so far that are relatively sad and tragic, so I thought I might write something with a change in tone. This is also my first try at a self-insert.
Disclaimer: All characters except Xascul and Lunar are owned by Ken Akamatsu. Xascul is myself, and Lunar is Lunardragon2607.
Negima meets Mythbusters!
Mythbusters Special: Vampire Myths
Starring: Lunardragon2607 (Lunar for short), Chao Lingshen, Hakase Satomi, Negi Springfield, Asuna Kagurazaka, Chachamaru Karakuri, Evangeline A. K. McDowell, Xascul (myself) and Kazumi Asakura
Kazumi: On this episode of mythbusters, Xascul and Lunar are going to test out several vampire myths that has sprung around over the years.
Kazumi: Who are the Mythbusters?
Kazumi: Xascul
Xascul: Remember, don't try this at home, we're what'd you call 'experts.'
Kazumi: Lunar
Lunar: I reject your reality and substitute my own!
Kazumi: Joining them are Chao Lingshen, and Hakase Satomi, the Mythbusters build team.
Kazumi: Vampire myths have been around for centuries. Vampires are undead creatures who are said to be immortal. Some sources say that they exist to haunt relatives much like a ghost who hangs around after death. Historical depictions of vampires have been 'walking corpses' while more modern depictions have been more handsome or beautiful. With the publication of Bram Stoker's Count Dracula, there were several new myths that came to be.
Lunar: I can't believe we actually get to test out vampire myths, I've always wanted to try this!
Xascul: You know in order to these myths we're going to need a vampire.
Lunar: You're right I wonder where are we going to get a real life vampire? Hmm.
Kazumi: As it turns out, they do not have to look very far to find one. They have asked Mahora Academy's own resident vampire, Evangeline A. K. McDowell.
Eva: I still can't believe you talked me into this.
Xascul: Well you probably were told what we are going to do with you?
Eva: Yes, and I better get compensation for this!
Lunar: You are going to get lots of blood and we agreed that we are not going to use leeks so don't complain Eva. Plus, think about how much your popularity will increase.
Eva: Well I suppose.
Negi: Waaahhh! You're not really going to kill her are you?
Eva: Did you forget boya? I'm immortal, none of those idiotic methods will kill me, the Dark Evangel!
Xascul: You have lived for a long time, do you think there's any plausibility to these myths?
Eva: I've heard of most of the methods and they have worked on other vampires, but I doubt they will work on me! I'm the Undying Mage remember?
Lunar: Well to show the readers once and for all, we're going to test all these myths out.
Kazumi: The first myth come from Dracula where Prof. Van Helsing kills Count Dracula with a stake through the heart. Chao and Satomi get busy by building a coffin exactly the same as in movie while Xascul and Lunar are preparing some sharpened wooden stakes.
Xascul: So the first myth we're going to test out is will a vampire die if we stuck a wooden stake in its heart.
Kazumi: Right now we are building a coffin for Eva to lay in. It's a little strange why her bed in her cottage is not a coffin, but then again, her room is more or less like a normal child's room.
Chachamaru: Master likes the comfort of a normal room and her dolls.
Asuna: Yeah, I remember seeing her one time drinking some tea with her dolls, it was like a tea party! For once she did not seem like an evil vampire at all!
Eva: What was that Kagurazaka?!
Lunar: Now, now Eva, please calm down, why don't you have a look at your new coffin?
Xascul: We have three types of wood we're going to test out: pine, cedar and white oak.
Kazumi: The coffin is completed with red velvet lining and her name stamped on the cover.
Eva: Hmph. Not bad craftsmanship.
Lunar: You didn't by any chance really had to sleep in a coffin before?
Eva: Actually yes, for several decades before I became a shinso, I did in fact had to sleep in a coffin during the day. It was really uncomfortable though.
Kazumi: Eva climbs into the coffin and pretends to sleep.
Xascul: Ok, Eva, are you ready?
Eva: Uhh, whatever, it won't work...
Kazumi: First up it's the pine stake. He stabs her right in the heart. Moments later, Eva regenerates the wound.
Xascul:Well that seemed to have no affect whatsoever.
Lunar: Shall we move on to the cedar?
Kazumi: The cedar stake is next and Lunar has the honor of doing the stabbing. Again he hit her heart, and just like with the pine stake, Eva simply regenerates.
Lunar: Damn, I was so sure that the stronger cedar stake would have done a little more damage, but apparently that is not the case...
Xascul: Well it looks like that one is busted as well.
Kazumi: Last but not least it's the white oak. Supposedly this is the best kind of wood to stab a vampire with. Xascul this time will do the stabbing.
Xascul: Here we go.
Kazumi: He stabs Eva smack in her heart, but again, Eva just regenerates.
Xascul: Nothing.
Kazumi: So the myth that you can kill a vampire with a wooden stake through the heart is busted.
Lunar: What is the verdict on this myth Xascul?
Xascul: Well, we just proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that wooden stakes through the heart just simply won't work. We tried all three stakes, none of which damaged Evangeline. I say it's busted.
Lunar: Busted.
Eva: See? I told you it wouldn't work. Now Chachamaru, I would like some tea, Earl Grey with lemon and sugar.
Xascul: Can you make two cups Chachamaru? I'd shall like some as well.
Chachamaru: Very well master, Xascul-san. (bows and leaves).
End of first myth, break for commercial.
What do you think? Is this not a brilliant idea?
Please read and review!
