My Sweetest Downfall
Chapter 1-Everything Ends
The eight year old girl stood in the principal's office staring out the window. She was had just become numb to everything. It seemed only a moment ago when she was in her classroom sitting next to her best friend whispering and passing notes about what the two of them had planned for the afternoon. She had been carefree then. She had been happy. Only she couldn't remember that feeling now. She couldn't remember ever knowing what that feeling was. Maybe if she concentrated a bit harder she could grasp the concept of it, but no, it was gone.
Principal Turner wasn't sure if she had heard him or not. He tried to speak softly, "Peyton, honey, did you understand what I said? Your Mother has been in a car accident."
Peyton Sawyer didn't indicate that he had ever spoken. She stared straight ahead, no emotion showing on her face. He had to tell her the rest. "She is in the emergency room at Tree Hill Memorial Hospital. Now, we don't know the extent of her injuries, but we've got to have hope that she will fight." He didn't know if he getting through to the little girl about the gravity of the situation, but he didn't think he should say much more at this point. "Peyton, Mrs. Watts has agreed to drive you to the hospital to be with your father. Why don't you have a seat until she is ready for you?" He gestured to the seats outside his office. When she didn't move, he gently took her by the arm and led her over to her seat.
When she was seated he turned to go back into his office, but before he closed his door he looked over his shoulder at the small, curly-haired girl he left in shock. "I'm sorry." He said, and softly shut his door.
Mrs. Watts was the school secretary. She had watched as Principal Turner had led the little blonde girl out of his office. She thought this was a horrible thing to happen to a child. She had heard about the accident on the radio. Mrs. Sawyer had run a red light it seemed. She had been running late to pick up her daughter from school, so Peyton had been placed in the after school program with a few other children. That's where she was when Mrs. Watts received a call from the hospital. She was glad that Principal Turner was there to handle these types of things. She hoped that she could make the small girl comfortable in her car on their way to the hospital. What a silly thing to think of in a time like this! Poor thing! Well, she had to lock some files away and grab her purse, and then she would be ready. She was pulled out of her thoughts by the slamming of the door. She jerked her head up to the source of the sound. No one was there. Wait, where was the girl?
"Peyton Sawyer?" She called. No answer. Great, where did she go? "Oh, I hope she didn't run away!" Mrs. Watts started to panic.
Peyton was running down the hall back to the classroom where the after school program was held. She couldn't just sit and wait anymore. Her Mother wasn't coming to get her. Her Mother wasn't coming. Her Mother… She needed to tell Brooke. Brooke Davis had been her best friend since the beginning of the school year when Brooke had asked if she could borrow the red crayon when Peyton was done. They had been inseparable ever since. Brooke's parents left her in the after school program whenever they could. When Peyton's Mother came she always took Brooke home with them too. Then she would make them some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for a snack. Peyton and Brooke both loved those! Brooke's parents were always gone on business, and Peyton's parents had an arrangement with them to keep Brooke whenever they needed, which was all the time. Brooke was practically part of the family, and she didn't even know about Peyton's Mom. Peyton had to make sure that Brooke knew. She needed to make sure.
When she reached the classroom she saw Brooke still sitting at their table coloring and making sure that no one else took Peyton's seat at their table. Nathan Scott, Peyton and Brooke's other best friend was at the table next to Brooke. He was concentrating on his work. Nathan, Brooke and Peyton had really bonded this year at school. Nobody else was there for them, so they were there for each other.
Brooke saw a shadow come over the paper she was coloring on and looked up to see an out-of-breath Peyton standing above her. From the look on Peyton's face she knew something was very wrong. "What happened?" She said. Nathan heard this and immediately came over to see what was going on.
"Brooke, it's my Mom. She was in a car accident." Peyton stopped to catch her breath and then went on. "They're going to take me away to the hospital to be with her and Daddy, but I realized you didn't know." At that point Peyton's eyes were tearing up, and she glanced at Nathan to see only compassion. He put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "Brooke what if…" She couldn't finish the sentence because right then Brooke had wrapped her arms around her best friend. Nathan looked on with sadness for his friend.
After a bit Brooke pulled away from Peyton and looked her in the eyes. No words were needed.
The door to the classroom opened and Mrs. Watts came in breathless. "There you are Peyton!" She noticed Peyton was with the other girl and the boy that she always seemed to see her with. Of course she would want to tell her best friends. "I'm sorry sweetie but we have to go now."
Peyton started walking toward Mrs. Watts and took her offered hand as they walked through the door. She took one last look at Brooke and Nathan before she left, getting a nod and a smile from her best friends. Then she was gone.
Peyton and Mrs. Watts walked into the waiting room of the ER where Larry, Peyton's Dad, was waiting for them.
"Dad!" Peyton yelled just before she ran into her father's waiting arms.
Larry hugged his daughter tight. Mrs. Watts was turning to leave. "Thank you so much for bringing my daughter here. It really means a lot to me."
Mrs. Watts looked up into Mr. Sawyer's worried face. "You're welcome, and I hope your wife is ok." Then she left after one last look at father and daughter holding tight to each other.
Larry took Peyton in to see her Mother. She had surgery right after her accident and now she was in the ICU. Peyton wasn't prepared for the sight of her Mother hooked up to all those wires and tubes. Peyton was scared. She held her Dad's hand and looked up into his eyes. Her own eyes were full of tears. "Is she asleep?" She said.
"Yes sweetie." Larry tried to explain to his eight-year old about how her Mother might not wake up. "Mommy is in a coma honey. The doctors don't know when she'll wake up. She was hurt bad Peyt. We just have to be here for Mommy and have faith that she will wake up, ok?"
Peyton nodded her head. "So, Mommy is just sleeping and we have to wait until she is better enough so that she will wake up and come home?" Peyton asked.
Larry loved his daughter so much, and loved how smart she was and the never-ending hope that she had. "That's right honey." He said, and gave her a small smile.
Peyton let go of her daddy's hand and walked up to her mommy's bed. "Can I touch her?" She said looking back up at her dad.
"Yes baby, just don't move any of the wires." Larry replied.
She reached her hand out and slowly moved it to her mother's face. Her fingertips barely grazed her cheek and she took her hand back. "I'm scared she won't be okay daddy." She said as turned around to her father who had knelt down beside her and buried her face in his chest.
Larry had tears in his own eyes. He held his daughter away from his body so he could look her in the eyes. "Honey, I promise you that no matter what happens, we will be okay. I want to be honest with you about everything that happens with your mother. I know you are old enough to understand. It may take awhile for us to be okay, and we may never fully recover from this, but always know that your mom and I love you very much. You and I are going to stick together and get through this."
"I love you daddy." Peyton said weakly.
Larry pulled his daughter back into a hug. "I love you too Peyton."
The next two weeks saw Larry and Peyton always at the hospital. They slept there and ate there. Brooke came to visit a lot. Anna sawyer had been a mother to Brooke as well, so Brooke came every day after school to see her and also brought Peyton's homework, sometimes Nathan was able to come with Brooke and they would all sit and talk or play games, or just be with Peyton while she worried about her mother. Pretty soon though Larry saw the toll that staying at the hospital was taking on his daughter and insisted that she go home with Brooke at nights after that first weekend. Peyton didn't want to leave her mother, but she was so tired and restless from being cooped up in a hospital room. Plus, she liked staying with her best friend.
After the first week spent at the hospital, Larry had no choice but to make his daughter go back to school. He couldn't let her get too far behind. Peyton did not like this at all, and had a hard time concentrating on her work. But, Brooke was there and helped distract Peyton from thoughts of her Mother lying in a hospital bed, and Nathan always tried to cheer her up by making her laugh.
About five days into the second week of her mother's accident, Peyton was sitting in class next to Brooke trying to listen to their teacher drone on and on about social studies. Peyton had one hand supporting her head and the other on the book in front her ready to turn the page at the appropriate time. She wondered how her mom was doing, and if she was awake yet. Surely her dad would call her as soon as that happened, right? She needed her life to get back to normal so she could be happy again. Really though, she just wanted her mom to be okay.
Peyton noticed everyone turning to the next page in their books, so she turned hers as well. Brooke noticed this, but knew that Peyton wasn't paying any attention to what the teacher was saying. She couldn't blame her, but she also knew that Peyton needed the distraction of school so she wouldn't be so worried about her mother all the time. The truth was, Brooke was worried all the time too. Mrs. Sawyer was still unconscious after all this time. Brooke may be only nine years old, but she still knew things weren't going well for the Sawyer clan.
Brooke and Peyton were both interrupted from their thoughts by Principal Turner walking into the classroom and whispering something to their teacher. Peyton was instantly very alert, as was Brooke. As the principal was still whispering into her ear the teacher's eyes came up briefly and locked with Peyton's before quickly looking down again. Peyton knew. This was it. She felt the dread tying knots in her stomach. She felt a small hand squeeze her arm. She looked beside her to see Brooke had tears in her eyes that she was trying to hold back for Peyton's sake. But Peyton had no tears. She had nothing, she realized. In those few seconds it took for Principal Turner to whisper the words and then walk in her direction, she knew she had nothing left.
Principal Turner placed his hand on Peyton's shoulder and said softly, "Please come with me Peyton." He had a look of sympathy on his face.
She didn't want to go. She shared one last look with Brooke and saw a friend who felt everything for Peyton so that Peyton didn't have to feel. That look said everything. She turned and joined Principal Turner as he headed for the door.
Everything happened so fast. First she was at the hospital with her dad waiting on something, she didn't know what. They were always waiting. Then they were holed up in their house. Her Grandma showed up and started cleaning things. Relatives Peyton didn't even know came and stayed with them. Others, family friends, Peyton could only guess at who they were, stayed in the one hotel in town. Her dad was always busy making calls, talking to one or more of the many guests, sometimes she caught him just staring into space. At those times she would come over to him and crawl into his lap and hug him forever. All the while, Peyton never shed one tear.
It became so cramped at the house that Peyton had to get away for a minute or she would go crazy. Her dad was so busy with all the people that she didn't think he would notice if she left, so she slipped out right after lunch when everyone was busy cleaning up the kitchen. She took her bike and rode down the street to an open field. Her dad had built a tree house there for her, Brooke and Nathan only two months ago and since then it had been their sanctuary. They would play there for hours and hours until their parents made them go home. Peyton climbed up the ladder that was built right into the tree. When she was halfway up, she saw a dark haired head pop out of the door to the tree house.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" Nathan asked her as he offered his hand to help her inside.
Peyton gratefully accepted his help and sat down on one of the cushions they had put on top of the floor boards. "I dunno. I guess I just wanted some quiet time."
"Oh, well, I'll leave you alone then." Nathan said, looking sad.
"Oh, no, I meant that it's just so busy inside my house right now. You can stay." Peyton explained. They spent the rest of the afternoon inside the tree house, Peyton sticking pretty leaves to the walls and Nathan playing with his army men. Peyton got tired and lay down on the floor boards to look at the clouds in the sky. Nathan joined her after a few minutes. He noticed that she seemed distant, not that he could blame her.
"You know," Nathan said trying to lighten her spirits, "that one kinda looks like a guitar." Peyton laughed. It was good to see her smile, if only for a minute Nathan thought. They pointed out shapes and talked a bit longer, but soon Peyton knew she had to go back.
"Hey Nate," she said as she got back on her bike when they had come down from the tree, "thanks for this. Thanks for being my friend."
Nathan got suddenly shy. "Well, I uh, ya know... I'm sorry about your mom Peyt. And, I'm glad you're my friend too." He smiled when she did. Then she rode home, and just like she thought, no one had even noticed that she left.
Brooke came over later that evening for a few minutes. Her parents were back in town so she didn't spend much time with Peyton at all, even though she desperately wanted to. Brooke didn't like what she saw when she was finally able to be with Peyton. Peyton wasn't sad at all and it didn't seem right. She wasn't happy, or angry, she wasn't anything. She was a robot going around helping where she could, trying to stay out of the way most of the time. Brooke knew she was trying not to be noticed. Brooke didn't think it was natural, but didn't say anything. She knew instinctively to just sit next to Peyton and not push her about it. So Brooke just talked about what they always talked about. She made comments on what the adults were wearing, about how much food there was, and why people always brought so much food on occasions such as this. Peyton sat and just listened to Brooke talk. It was soothing to her. She didn't tell Brooke this. She was glad Brooke liked to talk so much. Soon enough, too soon, Brooke's parents came to get her. She left telling Peyton that her parents promised to come to the funeral.
The funeral. She didn't want to go. She wanted to stay in her bed and never get up again. She knew she couldn't do that. She had to tell her mom goodbye. Actually, she had a lot to tell her mom, but now… she could never tell her anything again. Stop. She couldn't think about that right now. She had to be strong, for her father, for her mom, even for Brooke. I'm only eight, She thought. No more thinking, she told herself.
Her dad broke down at the funeral and cried so hard. She never expected that. He was always so strong, the strongest man alive. Here was yet one more reason she had to be the strong one. She wanted to make her mom proud of her. It was finally Peyton's turn to go up to her mother's casket. Her dad was supposed to have gone with her, but he couldn't move from his seat, he was crying so hard. People were with him trying to console him. Peyton slowly walked forward. How had this happened? Two weeks ago they were fine. Everything was great. Now she was at her own mother's funeral! She reaches the open casket and looks at her mother. She tried to memorize her features and everything about her. She finally spoke in a near whisper, "Mommy, I love you. I will miss you every single day. I wish you would just wake up and make everything bad thing go away forever." She paused and then spoke again, "I will take care of daddy so don't worry about him." Peyton's face was as stoic as ever. She gingerly reached out and touched her mother's thin hand. It was cold and stiff. Peyton quickly pulled her hand away and gasped. Her mother's hands had always been warm. She put on a brave face and grasped her mother's hand once more. "Goodbye mommy. I won't forget you, I promise."
With that she turned away from her mother and found Brooke standing beside her. She had been there the whole time and she didn't even know it. Brooke took Peyton's hand and put her other hand on Mrs. Sawyer's. "Thank you for always treating me like your own daughter Mrs. Sawyer. I will miss you." After that Brooke led Peyton back to her seat and sat with her through the rest of the service. She was even with her at the cemetery when her mother was lowered into the ground. She saw Nathan and he had given them a smile and a small wave. She was glad to see him there. It had been raining all day and Peyton was just fine with that. She wanted it to rain. She wanted it to storm and drive all thought and action away. She didn't want to leave her mother's grave site, and neither did Brooke. But eventually Brooke's parents took her away and Peyton's dad took her back to the waiting car.
Peyton figured out why people had brought all that food. Apparently, that's what folks did after a funeral, eat and eat. Peyton wasn't hungry. The Davis' had their daughter in a vice grip so she couldn't leave their side. Peyton assumed it was because they wanted to leave as soon as possible. Peyton sat in one of the fold-out chairs in the living room and stared at all the people. Her dad was standing beside her while people she didn't know were saying how sorry they were and said they'd do anything to help. Peyton wondered how long she had to stay there. All of sudden, she didn't care anymore about how long she was supposed to stay. She didn't care about these people, she only cared that her mother was gone and not coming back ever. She walked straight in the path of the next well-wisher and didn't even notice that she almost got knocked over. She kept heading for the stairs so she could go up to her room and shut the world out.
"Peyton!" Her dad said. He glanced at the gentleman that had barely avoided running into his daughter. "I'm sorry." He said quickly before going after his little girl.
Brooke had been watching the sight the whole time and as soon as she knew where Peyton was headed, she wrenched her hand away from her mother and rushed over to Peyton.
When Peyton reached the stairs she stopped cold in her tracks. Everything hit her at once, all the feelings and emotion that she had tried to keep away no longer stayed down inside the hole in her heart, but rose to the surface in one violent eruption. She just stood there staring up the stairs. This whole time she had been brave, this whole time. She didn't want to be brave anymore. She wanted her mother to be upstairs waiting for her to read her a story, or show her how to draw things, or just to hug her for no reason. She felt a well starting to burst inside of her. Just then she felt her father's hand on her shoulder. She couldn't stand it any longer. She didn't look back but just ran upstairs as fast as she could. She went past her mother's drawing room which she couldn't bare to look into, past her parent's bedroom and into her own room and slammed the door shut.
Larry just stood at the foot of the stairs dumbstruck. He knew his daughter hadn't started grieving yet, and now that she did he didn't know how he could possibly comfort her. He sensed a small presence beside him and looked down. Brooke, of course. She looked up at him with a question in her eyes. He nodded. He knew what his daughter needed right now, and what Brooke needed as well, each other. That was how they would make it through this. After Brooke started up the stairs, he headed over to her parents to tell them she would be staying here tonight.
Brooke went slowly up the stairs and then down the hall. She had no idea what to say to her best friend, or even what kind of state she would find her in. She stopped at Peyton's closed bedroom door. She considered knocking, but quickly rejected that idea knowing she would get no answer. As quietly as she could Brooke opened the door and slipped in shutting the door again behind her. She could see where Peyton was right away. There was a small lump on the bed under the covers. Brooke slipped her shoes off and gently pulled up the comforter a little so she could slide inside the warm bed. She was met by a mass of curly hair. Brooke slid her arms around her small friend and squeezed. She felt Peyton's hands instantly reach up and hug her tightly around her shoulders. Peyton was shaking with sobs. To Brooke it seemed like Peyton was holding on for dear life, and Brooke promised herself right then that she would always be there for Peyton, that she would never let go of her best friend. She said as much, "We're gonna get through this together P. Sawyer." That was the first time Brooke had ever called Peyton by a nickname, but Brooke just thought it fit her right then. After all, everything had changed now. Nothing would ever be the same. Brooke spoke one last time, "I love you, and I always will." After that she just held on tight to her shaking best friend.
After a few minutes had passed, Peyton said weakly, her voice shaking, "I love you too, B. Davis, forever."
They both drifted off to sleep after that, both knowing nothing would ever be right and true again, but both knowing that as long as they held on to each other they would somehow be okay. They would make it. But life was waiting, and neither girl knew how hard the promises made tonight would be to keep.
