Summary: There's a new big bad in town and things start to get rather interesting when Faith moves in with her and the Scoobs. In between trying to keep her relationship with Satsu under the radar (which she fails at almost immediately) and trying to quell her fears of falling for Faith as things unfold, Buffy begins to see beyond the horizon of what she thought was her life and finds something so much more than she ever thought was there...
Authors Notes: I've wanted to do something different since I was about halfway through All Too Human. This fic is the result of said urges to do something different (for me at least). I know not a lot of you will take too kindly to the fact that this is a Buffy/Satsu fic, but it's also a Fuffy fic as well, or at least I have plans to turn it into one eventually. Don't worry, fellow Fuffy fans and friends, in a few chapters there should be more than enough Fuffy to fulfill and satisfy your urges. Would love to know what everyone reading this thinks so far, I'm a little shaky on this kind of POV, especially in present tense, but I'm always up for change and I am always looking for a challenge. Thanks to MikeO for being an awesome beta, as always :)
It seems to always rain whenever my life feels like it's at a crossroads, and when it rains it pours. Might as well have a little storm to mirror the turmoil my heart is going through at the moment. Everyone, at one point or another, reaches a crossroads in their life where they have to make a life-changing decision, but when it comes to my life it seems as if I reach that crossroads every six months or so.
Long story short, my life has changed drastically in the last four years since Sunnydale and the fight against the First and its army. Looking back, I don't recognize the girl I'd been, but I see the woman I've become. I see the changes my life has taken, for better and for worse. I can't do anything to change the past, but I'll do anything and everything to change the future. Someone once told me that the future laid in my hands and it was only up to me to determine the path I'd take. But life didn't always go the way I wanted it to, paths changed, lovers came and went, people died and didn't come back, friends betrayed and became enemies and old enemies became new friends.
Here I sit, on the roof of the house in Cleveland that has become home, with the rain falling from the sky and the low rumble of thunder growling off in the distance. It's cold, it's wet, I'm shivering uncontrollably and yet I don't care. It doesn't matter how I feel on the outside, it's what I feel on the inside. Right now it's a jumbled mess. Lately I've been feeling as if my life has been nothing more than a puzzle and there's a piece missing, that single piece that would make me feel whole. In the three hours I've been sitting out here I've been trying to figure out just what, or who, that missing piece could be.
It's been quiet lately, for months now, and I was growing restless knowing that something was brewing, something big and something bad. The dreams kept me up at night, night after night, and not even Satsu could stop those tears from falling whenever I'd wake up. She's the only one who knows about the dreams I've been having, dreams that show me the end of the world, and dreams that show me each and every single one of the Hellmouths throughout the world opening and the world turning into every demon's personal playground. It scares me because those dreams feel real, far too real. I don't want anyone else to know just how scared I really am. I'm Buffy Summers: I shouldn't be scared of anything. Problem is, that's not even the only thing I'm truly scared of.
Satsu scares me. Our relationship scares me because it's real, it's intense, it's passionate, and I've never before felt quite the way I do when I'm with her. She makes me feel things I've never felt before, things I never thought I could feel before. I know she's in love with me, it's no secret between us, but I am not in love with her and believe me, I've tried. I know I can't force myself to fall in love with her, not even after three years of being together, but I feel bad that she sticks around and holds onto hope that maybe one day I'll feel the same way. Our relationship has been kept a secret, too, and the only one who knows is Willow.
Keeping a relationship like this a secret in a house full of Slayers has been nothing short of a challenge for us. When we first ended up together that night three years ago, we had an unspoken agreement that we wouldn't let anyone else know the true nature of our relationship. It's not that I'm ashamed of what I have with Satsu, it's just that I feel that for once in my life I deserve to have one thing I can keep all to myself. I want to keep my private life private. It's hard and I know Satsu doesn't always understand why we have to keep our relationship under the radar. It's caused a lot of fights between us over the years, but we always make up in the end.
Sometimes I look at Willow and Kennedy and the relationship they have and I wish that I could have that too. After four and a half years of being together, they are more in love than they've ever been. It's rather sweet to see how much they care about each other and how much they truly love each other, but it's also heartbreaking because I know I can never have something like that with Satsu.
I know I really have to stop throwing these pity parades for myself, but honestly I can't help it, especially not on days like today when I feel lonelier than I've ever felt before.
I don't know why, but sometimes I start to think of Faith when I'm sitting out here alone on the roof. We've burned bridges between us over the years and although I wouldn't call us friends, we're as close to being friends as we'll ever get. She isn't around a lot even though she lives on the other side of the city. She has her own life and she's completely changed from the girl she used to be, just like I have. She does come around about once a week on average, though it's not consistent. Sometimes it's more, and every once in a while weeks can go by without her coming around at all. I know she's just as lonely as I am at times even if she never admits it. It's taken me years, but I realize that we're just as much as the same as we are different and that is why it's so hard for us to be friends.
There are some things that haven't changed about Faith. She likes to party, she likes to drink, she likes to go out and have a good time. She brings home random men—and sometimes women—and she still likes to 'get some and get gone'. I asked her once, years ago, if she ever thought of finding someone to keep around longer than a night. Her response was to change the subject and I left it alone, knowing if she ever wanted to talk about it she would. But knowing her, and knowing the fact that we aren't really friends, I'm the last person she'd ever talk about something like that with. I have to admit, though, that I'm slightly jealous of her friendship with Kennedy. They have a bond nothing can break and I do wish that we had something like that too.
"Buffy?"
Satsu's soft voice breaks me out of my thoughts and I turn to look over at where she's standing in the window, sadness in her eyes as she stares out at me. I push back my wet hair from over my eyes and I hope she can't see any evidence of the tears that have fallen randomly over the last three hours as I've been sitting out here in the rain.
"Are you okay, Buffy?"
"I'm fine, Satsu."
"What are you sitting out in the rain for?"
"Thinking," I respond, sighing as I stand up slowly, careful not to slip on the wet roof as I make my way over to the window and climb inside. "Is he here yet?"
"Not yet. Xander just left to pick him up from the airport."
I nod as I make my way over to my closet door and pull the towel off the hook. I wouldn't admit it to anyone else, but I can't wait for Giles to come for his monthly visit. I miss him, a little too much at times, and ever since we parted ways after the fall of Sunnydale he hasn't been a part of our lives near as much as he once was. I respect his decision to go back to England and have a life of his own there, but in a way I feel as if he's betrayed us by doing just that. I can't be angry or upset with him; I know we don't truly need him here with us anymore. But sometimes it'd be nice to feel for once that all the decisions and responsibilities didn't fall squarely on my shoulders.
I drop the towel as Satsu slides her arms around me from behind and I can feel the warmth of her skin through my wet clothes. I sigh out softly, closing my eyes and smiling at the feeling of her holding me so close to her. I melt as I feel her lips on the back of my neck and I lose myself to the feeling of her hands slowly inching their way under my wet, tight t-shirt. I wonder if she knows how easily she makes me forget about everything else when she touches me like this. I turn to tell her just that and find her lips instantly on my own, kissing me so softly and passionately that it makes me weak in the knees.
I turn fully in her arms and break away from the kiss as she pulls my wet t-shirt up and over my head. I know we don't have much time right now and I don't care; a part of me really needs this, craves this moment with her. I pull her back in, kissing her deeply as I back up towards the bed, pulling her with me as she fumbles with the button on my jean shorts. I feel her smile against my lips as I try to take off her shirt and she pushes me back onto the unmade bed, lust making her dark brown eyes appear almost black as she pulls off her own t-shirt and slips out of her shorts. I move to slip off my own, but she moves quickly to straddle my hips as she takes my hands in her own and shakes her head no.
I sit up slowly and wrap my arms around her as our lips meet in a fiercely passionate and wild kiss. She gasps as I flip her over and I stifle a laugh as she grips onto my shoulders tightly. I want to take my time, worship every inch of her delicious skin, but I know we don't have time right now and I need to be quick. Even after three years we seem to be stuck in what Willow calls the honeymoon stage, and we can't quite seem to keep a simple kiss at just a kiss. We always need more, want more, and if we can, we do. Like now.
"Baby," Satsu breathes out as I trail my lips down her neck slowly. "Buffy?"
"Mm?" I mumble against her skin, not stopping as I reach the soft contours of her breasts.
"You need to go lock the door."
I nip at a hardening nipple through her thin lacy bra, but then give in and quickly make my way over to lock the door. I take advantage of the opportunity to peel off my wet shorts and unclasp my bra, letting it fall to the floor as I make my way back over to her. The appreciative, lust filled gaze I'm receiving turns me on beyond belief. I crawl up the bed and hover over her, smiling down at her as I feel her hands gently smooth down my back and come to rest on my hips. Her hands suddenly grip tighter and pull me down hard against her, and I can feel her heat through the barriers of our panties.
I find my eyes locked with hers, my lips parting to allow a gasp to escape as she rolls her hips up hard against mine. I'm holding myself up with one hand now, using the other to trail my fingers lightly up her stomach and cup her breast, feeling her semi-hard nipple harden even more under my touch. She bites her lower lip and I can't hold back a moan as I lower myself to her, capturing her lips in mine. I move my hand around to her back and unclasp her bra, tossing it across the room without breaking away from our kiss. She moans against my lips and the vibrations I feel running through my entire body make it impossible for me to keep it slow and gentle.
It just takes a second to rip off her panties. Another second to get rid of my own and I can settle between her legs, grinding myself into her with a rhythm I know will have both her and I coming within minutes. I feel her hands move from my shoulders and back down to my hips, where she grabs on and stills my movement as she breaks away from the kiss. I take one look into her eyes and I know she needs more, so I ease my hand between us and slip my fingers through her wet folds. I tease her clit and she moans out my name softly. I love the sound of that, but we both need more and after a few seconds I slide two fingers inside her hot, wet hole. She's so wet I almost come from the feeling of her against my fingers, but I hold myself back, wanting to wait for her.
I quickly feel her fingers entering my own pussy, mirroring my actions as I fuck her deep and slow. It no longer surprises me how quickly she can make me come and I already feel myself treading at the edges of a much anticipated orgasm when her fingers brush up against my g-spot, making my toes curl, and holding back is no longer an option. I rest my forehead against hers, my eyes flutter closed involuntarily, and suddenly I'm gasping, holding back moans as my orgasm floods through me quickly. My whole body is shaking uncontrollably and I struggle to keep myself from collapsing on top of her. I feel her pussy clench against my fingers, though, telling me she's about to come hard and fast.
"Mm, baby," I whisper against her lips as she eases her fingers out from inside of me. I keep mine buried deep inside of her, feeling the aftershocks of her orgasm rippling through her.
"You are so sexy," she whispers as she kisses me softly. I feel her hand on mine and hear her soft moan as I slip my fingers out from inside of her. "I wish I could spend all day right here in bed with you."
"I do too."
"We'll have tonight after patrol," she smiles up at me as I slowly move to lay next to her. "All night."
I laugh, then kiss her quickly before I roll onto my back, feeling my heart racing out of control as I try to relax. I turn my head and look out the window, watching the rain coming down as hard as it was before. Thunder rumbles so loudly it shakes the house, but Satsu just lets out a soft sigh as she curls up against my side and I feel her head come to rest against my shoulder. We don't have much time to cuddle, we both know it, but I figure we can get by with a few more minutes alone together.
I tense as soon as I hear Faith's motorcycle pull up in the driveway. I feel the soft touch as Satsu lightly strokes her fingers over my stomach and kisses my shoulder before she gets up from the bed slowly. I want to just lay there and watch her as she gets dressed, but I can't hold back a laugh—and neither can she—as she picks up her ripped panties and tosses them in the small garbage can by the desk.
"I didn't know Faith was coming today," Satsu says softly as she pulls her shirt on quickly.
"I didn't either. She's probably here to see Giles."
"I'll see you downstairs," she says, smiling as she walks back over to the bed and leans down to kiss me. I grab onto her neck and keep her close, deepening the kiss and not wanting our moment to end so quickly. She pulls back all too soon, though, and I can only bite my lip, feeling so worked up again just from the kiss. "Later, Buffy. We'll have plenty of time later."
"Promise?"
"On my life."
I pull her down for one last kiss, then roll out of bed to walk her to the door where she lets herself out. I quickly close the door behind her, smiling to myself as I lock it again and head for the ensuite that joins my room and Willow's. After sitting out in the rain and making love with Satsu, I desperately need a shower before going downstairs to face Faith. And Giles, for that matter, when Xander finally gets him home from the airport. I shower quickly, ignoring the throbbing ache between my legs. That quickie with Satsu sure took the edge off, but it wasn't enough to completely satisfy me and I've still got a definite case of the hornies.
I'm barely even dressed when Faith knocks on the door and lets herself in before I can even open my mouth, much less answer the door. She throws her well-worn duffel bag on my bed and sits down beside it, instantly making herself at home. I don't try too hard—or at all—to stifle my groan of annoyance as I pick up her bag and place it on the floor.
"Hey, B. How's it going?"
"It's going. What's this?" I ask as I point to her bag.
"Got evicted. Need a place to crash for a couple of days 'til I find another place," she replies casually, as if it wasn't any big deal. "You don't mind, do you?"
I mind. Boy do I mind. I don't tell her that, though, just give a shrug as I use my towel to dry my hair. This isn't the first time she's been evicted from her own place. Faith might have changed from the girl she used to be, but I know not everything about her has changed completely. She never manages to hold on to a job for very long, and the low-rent apartments she lives in usually have scumbag landlords who aren't too sympathetic about not keeping up with the rent.
"So, can I stay?"
"Not much room. Giles is coming to visit so he'll be taking the spare room."
"I'll sleep on the couch downstairs if you don't mind, or," she wriggles her eyebrows and laughs as she lays back on the bed, "I'll just crash up here with you."
"I am not sharing my bed with you, Faith."
"You can take the floor then," she smirks. Suddenly she leaps up from the bed and walks over to the window that's still open. "Can you believe this fuckin' weather? I rode my Harley all the way across town."
"You'd ride your Harley in a snowstorm," I point out. She laughs along with me as she slips off her soaked leather jacket.
Faith is the last person I want to know about Satsu and I. I have no idea how she'd react or what she'd say. I don't know exactly where it comes from, but there's this gut feeling I have that if she knew about my relationship with Satsu whatever little bit of friendship we do actually have would crumble apart. It's one of the reasons why I refuse to let her move into the house with all of us, though there's also the fact that I know she doesn't want to be around all of us every single day.
"Have a little fight with a panty-wrasslin' demon?" Faith asks, chuckling. I watch as she uses the toe of her boot to pick up my shredded panties. "Or did you have a hot date last night, B?"
"What do you think?" I ask sharply. I quickly yank my shredded panties from her and toss them into the garbage can.
"Goin' by the facts. I'm gonna stick with you having a fight with a panty-wrasslin' demon."
"Hey!" I can't help but laugh. And punch her playfully in the shoulder. "Are you saying that me having a hot date isn't believable?"
"Not lately it ain't."
If only she knew that I've been in a relationship-sort of-with Satsu for the last three years. I can't help but heave a sigh as I head for the door, motioning for her to come downstairs with me.
"You ain't happy to see me, are you, B?" Faith asks, not moving from where she stands. "Stupid question, ain't it? You never been happy to see me."
"That's not true."
She shrugs before casually sticking a cigarette in her mouth. I open my mouth to put a stop to that, but she's quick with a lighter and all I can do is narrow my eyes at her and groan my disgust as the smell quickly fills the room. "I know you say you don't care, but sometimes it really seems like you hate having me come around unannounced."
"No, it's not that, and Faith?" I keep my voice calm as I open the door. "I've told you before that there's no smoking in this house. We discussed this the last time you were over here, or have you forgotten already?"
"Haven't forgotten shit, just don't care anymore. You may be all General B with everyone else, but you don't hold no fuckin' rank over me."
I roll my eyes and walk out of my room, forcing myself not to slam the door shut behind me. She catches up to me as I reach the stairs and I suddenly feel her grab onto my arm. Screw that. I spin around and jerk her hand off of me and she flashes me a nervous, apologetic smile.
"Sorry, B. Y'know how I get sometimes. Your house, your rules. Gotta follow 'em if I wanna crash here for a couple days, right?"
I just nod my head, saying nothing else before I turn and walk down the stairs. I know what her 'couple of days' is and I know she'll be sleeping here on the couch for the next two weeks, maybe three. I'm not worried about her staying here, I'm worried about how Satsu will react when she finds out that Faith has yet again been evicted and is sleeping on the couch. It's a conversation I'm definitely not looking forward to having with her and I know the night I wanted to have with her tonight will definitely not happen once I tell her that Faith is staying here. Maybe it's selfish, but for once in my life I just wish things would go my way and not be sidetracked by what other people need.
