No Mercy
Here is a prompt for an anonymous requester! Enjoy!
Mike straightened his tie and tightened his belt after tucking his his shirt. The sex with Rachel had been mind-blowing and he knew that he should've been with her from the beginning. Not just because of the sex, but because he truly loved her. But now was the time to get serious; Harvey had fired him and even though it wasn't his fault that he had to go behind his back, he needed to try and see if it was just in the heat of the moment that he lost his only mentor in the world. Clearing his throat, he stepped into the office, seeing the man angrily writing something at his desk.
"Harvey?"
"What the hell are you still doing here, Mike?" He snapped. "Didn't I just fire you ten minutes ago?"
"Yeah, but Jessica-"
"I don't two shits about Jessica or about you!" He slammed the pen on the desk and shot up from the chair. "Whatever pathetic excuse you have this time for betraying me, you can shove it up your ass. We're done Mike. Done! I don't care if Jessica said you weren't fired. You're not working for me anymore."
"But-"
Harvey stormed around his desk and got into Mike's face, poking him harshly in the chest. "Get it through your thick skull, Mike. Get. The fuck. Out. I never want to see your face again!" He pushed the blonde back before turning around and going to the window, chest heaving. Mike just looked at the older man with hurt and maybe some tears in his eyes. Without another word, he silently left the room, feeling more depressed than he had all month. This really couldn't be happening right now.
He biked home slowly, tears blurring his eyes and the cold winter night blowing back his hair underneath the helmet. Harvey wanted nothing to do with him anymore. What was he going to do? He had no one anymore...besides Rachel, everyone was leaving him. Harvey was the only person he really had left. The man was like a brother to him and now...
Mike sniffed as he slowed to a stop in front of his apartment and walking up to his floor. The second he got inside, the threw the bike on the ground and ran both hands down his pale face. He needed to get high; he needed to forget before he did something bad. With shaky hands, he got his weed and handpipe and smoked for ten long minutes. When he felt better, he got up and went to his room to grab his journal from underneath his pillow. He went back to the table and opened it up to a new page. It was a journal or as Harvey would probably call it, a diary. His grandmother had gotten it for him the day after he tried to kill himself and the therapist he went to go see recommended it. He had said that writing his thoughts down would repress the urges. That was so long ago and he didn't think he would need it again...but after his Grammy's death, he dug it out and started using it again. He wrote nearly two paragraphs, pressing hard into the paper and tears running down his face. This was the only way he could get his emotions out. When he was finished, he choked a sob and threw the journal onto the bed. He didn't know what do do; how could he continue to go to work, knowing that Harvey hated his guts...that they would never work together again? He rubbed his puffy eyes and stared up at the panda poster his Grammy had given to him when he moved in. He could hear her sing-song voice now.
"You can't give up hope, Michael. You show that stubborn bastard that he will regret firing you. Show him all you've got. Keep going. I don't want to see you up here for another seventy years, Michael. Neither do your mom and dad."
Mike wiped his nose with the back of his hand before taking a deep breath. She was right. He couldn't breakdown now. He couldn't quit. Maybe if he proved to the man that was sorry then just maybe Harvey would forgive him...just like the last time when he screwed up because of Louis. Yeah. This will all blow-over in a day or two. He would be fine. Mike took a deep breath and sagged in the chair, closing his eyes. When he walked back into Pearson Hard- well, now Pearson Darby- then Harvey will forget everything he ever said and un-fire him.
But he was completely wrong. The first time he tried to go talk to Harvey, Donna didn't even let him past her desk.
"Stop!"
Mike frowned as he halted by her desk. She didn't even look up...creepy.
"But Donna-"
"Don't 'but Donna' me. Turn around and go back to where you came from."
"Donna, I have to talk to Harvey."
She looked up with a calm yet cold look on her face. "Well Harvey doesn't want to talk to you. Now go. We don't want you anymore."
Mike felt hurt knowing that Donna didn't want to talk to him either. Sighing, he turned around and went back to the bullpen. It was only a couple hours that went by and Mike had been waiting for Donna to go to the bathroom so he could go see Harvey.
He stepped in and shut the door. "Harvey-"
"Wow, waiting for her to go to the bathroom. Smart move."
"Well-"
"Now you can leave."
"Wait-"
"No. Not wait; I told you yesterday that we're done. You no longer work for me and frankly I'm glad. You couldn't do anything right."
The blonde felt like someone punched him in the gut. How could Harvey say that to him? "You know damn well that's not true. If anything, I probably did more work than you."
Harvey looked up and if looks could kill, Mike would be dead. "You should get out of here before I do something I really regret."
"Harvey, how many times do I have to say that I'm sorry for you to believe me?"
"I don't care if you say it infinity times, Mike. I will never forgive you. You are a piece of trash that I should've thrown out years ago. I knew that I couldn't trust you after that incident with Louis. Donna."
Mike turned around to see the red-head glaring at him, arms crossed.
"Please get this thing out of my office."
"Gladly." The woman roughly grabbed Mike by the arm and dragged him out until they were by the conference room. "Mike, you need to understand this. Harvey is done with you. I'm done with you. You screwed up big time and no amount of begging on your knees like a pathetic puppy will make us feel bad or forgive you. Why don't you do us and the firm a favor and quit. I never want to see your disgusting face near my desk again and neither does Harvey." With that, she turned sharply and walked away, leaving Mike stunned and wounded. And by the end of the week, each time he tried to talk to Harvey, the more that he was beginning to think Donna's advice was right. Maybe he should quit. No, there had to be a way. Mike bit the end of his pen, working on proofing briefs that Louis had nicely dumped on him, when something came to mind. He had overheard Harvey and Donna talking about a huge case coming up and he was gonna have to find a Harvard douche to get him to help. He could hear the hatred and annoyance in his voice and he knew that this was his chance. This was chance to make things right again and prove to the man that he was not a screw-up and that he was truly sorry. This just had to work or he really would quit. If he couldn't work with Harvey anymore, he couldn't work at the firm at all. Seeing the man look at him with disgust and avoid him everyday drove a stake into his heart. As much as he probably deserved it, it still made him sick to his stomach. So when everyone went home, Mike sneaked into Harvey's empty office and went to his desk. All the files were right there and the blonde quickly scanned through them, easily remembering it all. It was indeed a big case and a lot of work...and he planned to do all of it, no matter how much time it took. No matter how many all-nighters he had to pull, no matter if he barely ate or went home. He was determined to get back and work with Harvey. Even if it killed him. Maybe he spoke to soon.
One and a Half Weeks Later
Mike was literally walking death. Everyone in the office could tell. He had barely slept except for a couple five minute power naps and the floor in the file room wasn't exactly comfortable. He was pale and skinny from haven't eating anything except for a granola bar in the early morning that he stole from Louis' "hidden" stash in the partner's break room. He had only gone home once to grab his phone charger and then another time to grab some extra pairs of clothes. But other than that, he hadn't left the firm for nearly two weeks. And to make matters worse, he could feel the flu coming on; occasionally he would have these sharp pains in his stomach, like acid was eating away at his insides. But he didn't let any of these problems stop him. He's been doing so much work for Harvey that it sometimes didn't faze him. He knew the man had seen the work that he had done and probably had ended up using them, though he had yet to talk him and tell him he forgave him. It shouldn't be long now; maybe he was just waiting for the case to be over. Mike was sitting in the file room- the strangely freezing file room- and was working on the files for Harvey when he started coughing violently. Almost to the point where he couldn't breathe. When it finally stopped, leaving him gasping for air, Mike pulled his hand away to see blood had splattered onto his palm.
"Shit." He quickly wiped it on his pants, though he knew no one would've seen him anyways. It was nothing, right? Yawning, he continued to work well throughout the day, coughing and shivering, his throat and chest hurting more and more with bout. By the time he bothered to look at the clock it was almost nine...when Harvey was leaving. He wasn't even close to done, but he figured the man would take what was finished. Stumbling to a stand he rushed to Harvey's office, seeing that he was getting ready to leave. He ran past Donna before she could block him.
"Harvey!"
"Jesus Christ. Mike I've told you time and time again, I don't want to see you anymore."
"But I have these p-papers for...for you."
"For what?"
"For your case. I-I know you thought one of the other associates had done it, but it was me. I just thought you should know in case you already d-didn't." He handed the folder to Harvey whose eyebrow was quirked. Mike smiled nervously, wiping his nose and trying to stay awake. He was gonna need another cup off coffee. It would be his seventeenth this week. He watched Harvey look through the papers.
"Okay. You can leave now."
"What?" Mike's heart sunk. Was this ever going to satisfy the man? Was this ever going to work?
"You can go. I don't need you here anymore."
"But-"
"Go!"
Mike flinched, the booming of Harvey's voice making his aching head rattle. He swallowed painfully and he turned around to leave the room, but not without turning around to say one last thing. "I really am sorry, Harvey." He started coughing again and the blood splattered onto his lips. Luckily, Harvey had already turned around...unfortunately Donna had seen it, her eyes wide. He just looked down at the ground, wiping it and returning back to the file room to finish the other half. As he was walking, he felt extremely nauseous and rushed to the bathroom to throw up...again. This was the third time today. When he was finished, he gasped at the blood he saw in the toilet. He was really sick and probably needed to see a doctor. But only when he was done...and only when he was by Harvey's side again. Batman and Robin. Pushing himself up shakily, he wiped his feverish forehead, rinsed out his mouth at the sink and headed back to the file room.
Two days went by and Mike felt like he was about to pass out. Whether it was from exhaustion, from not eating, his sickness or just lack of his willpower, he had no idea...but assumed it was from every one of those problems. Part of him just wanted it to kill him. He was depressed and Harvey wasn't budging. He was probably going quit today; he had gone home yesterday to write in his journal because another one of his "urges" had come when he had taken a couple pills for his headache. He just wanted to take them all so he could end his misery. Harvey was never going to forgive him. He had tried one last time this morning, but of course Harvey shut him down. His resignation letter was in his messenger bag and he was going to give it to Jessica at the end of the day. He ran his fingers through his messy hair and closed his bloodshot eyes. He was going to finish the work day and then go home...and possibly kill himself. He had nothing to live with for...no one to live for. Grammy was gone, his parents, Harvey, Donna...and Rachel would just be better off without him. A fraud. Everyone would. All of sudden, he needed to throw up...for the umpteenth time today. But he hadn't eaten anything and the only drink he had was water. His stomach churned and he shot up form the chair and ran out of the file room, making it to the bathroom with seconds to spare.
Donna bit her lip as she watched Mike stumble to the bathroom for what seemed like the third time today. Something was wrong with the kid and she was really starting to worry; the mother hen in her was dominating her anger she had at the associate. The irrational anger. Throughout the past week and a half Mike looking progressively worse. His face wasn't even pale...it was more transparent or gray. His eyes had really dark bags underneath like he hadn't slept in ages; his clothes have started to become wrinkled and baggy on his skinny frame and she wondered when the last time he actually ate something. What was even more worrying was the cough the pup started to develop; one morning he as he left Harvey's office after another failed attempt at forgiveness, he coughed harshly into his hand, shuddering violently and wheezing. A couple other times she swore she saw him cough up blood. Her heart was pounding in fear; Mike was sick...and it could be life-threatening. And it only had to be because of one thing: Mike was working his ass off for Harvey, trying to be forgiven. She wouldn't even put it past the associate if Mike had pulled more all-nighters than he's ever had in the past two years. Mike was trying really hard and it wasn't even his fault; it was Jessica's. She's the one who blackmailed Mike and she wouldn't stand for this any longer. Glancing at Harvey who was working intently on something, she stood up and briskly walked to the men's bathroom, determined to get some answers from the man. But when she barged in, her heart sunk and her nose wrinkled. Mike was hunched over the toilet, retching horribly. Poor kid. What have we done? He was shivering when she walked up to him and his face was layered with sweat. She waited until he finished and when Mike sat up, resting against the wall and trying to breathe, Donna put a hand on his forehead and winced. He was burning up and his breathing sounded worse than ever.
"Mike...sweetie, can you hear me?"
The pale man frowned as he opened his tired, glazed over eyes. They were no longer a bright blue, but more of a dull grayish blue.
"D-Donna? What..." he swallowed thickly and wiped his mouth. "What are you doing in here? Is this...the girls bathroom?"
"No honey. I just came to check on you."
Mike began to compose himself. "Why...thought you never wanted to talk to me again, let alone see my disgusting face."
That was a stake to the heart...but she deserved it. "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Let me help-"
"No...I'm fine," he breathed shakily as he tried to stand up. But his legs weren't cooperating and he reluctantly let Donna help him to his feet. Once he felt like he wasn't about to fall back over or pass out, he pushed away from the red-head and shuffled over to the sink.
"Mike, are you okay?" Donna questioned as the man splashed his face with water. "This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom and every time you come out, you look even worse than when you went in."
"Oh, so now you care? Well, thanks for your sympathy, but I'm fine."
"Mike-"
He spun around angrily to say something else, but the room began to spin and he clutched the sink tightly, blinking furiously.
"Mike!" Donna went over and cupped his face. "You're not fine. We need to get you to the hospital."
"No...please," the anger in the blonde seemed to go away, leaving fear in it's wake. "Please, I have to keep working." He looked her in the eyes for a split second and she could see the hurt and sadness swimming in them. "I have to finish something up for Harvey. I don't need any help." He pulled away from her as he headed for the door.
"Mike, please. You're not okay. You're about to fucking pass out."
"Donna! Stop! Stop pretending you care! I'm just going to the roof to get some fresh air and I'll be good as new. You don't need to worry about me. You're on Harvey's side remember?" With that, he disappeared leaving Donna standing there, hugging herself. That's it. Enough of this bullshit; Harvey needed to forgive Mike right now. The kid was working himself to death...literally.
Mike tripped up the stairs to the roof, gasping for air. His stomach pains were becoming more intense to the point where he felt like he might pass out. When he finally burst outside, he began to hyperventilate, bunching his hair up in his fists and hot tears running down his face. He couldn't take this anymore. Donna was right, he wasn't "okay" but he was definitely not gonna let that stop him from trying to win Harvey's trust back. He coughed violently, tasting the blood on his tongue; the wind blew sharply and Mike shivered, hugging himself and trying to relax. But he couldn't. His heart was going a million miles per second and he couldn't breathe. His vision was suddenly doubling and the whole world was spinning. Maybe he did need help. He just hoped that someone would notice he was missing before he ended up dying. With that last thought, Mike blacked out before he even hit the ground.
Donna stormed into his office and went up to his desk, slamming her hands down on it. The man jumped and glared at her.
"Jesus, Donna, what the hell was that for?!"
"You need to talk to Mike."
"Why? He's no longer our problem." He got up and poured himself a drink. "He betrayed us."
"Because he had to, Harvey. I talked to Rachel a couple days ago; she said Jessica threatened him with jail if he said anything."
"And he didn't tell me this because..."
"Harvey, come on. You know he tried. You just...shot him down."
Harvey turned around and looked out the window. She was right; he barely let Mike get out a word besides 'I'm sorry.' "And why are you defending him now if you knew this a couple days ago?"
"I...I don't know. But can we forget about that for right now? Mike's in serious trouble."
Harvey stopped drinking and spun around, his brow raised. "What are you talking about?"
"You can't tell me I'm the only one who has noticed. He looks like fricken death warmed over! And I bet you that he hasn't gone home since that night. He's working himself to the ground to prove that he's sorry and he's killing himself doing it."
Harvey pursed his lips and put down the glass. Truth be told, every time Mike tried to talk to him or even if he caught a glimpse of the kid walking down the hall, he noticed how different he looked. Skinny, pale...sick. Donna was right, something was wrong.
"Where is he?"
"On the roof."
Without hesitation, Harvey briskly walked out of the office and to the elevator. When he couldn't go any further, he bounded up the stairs and burst outside.
"Mike?"
No response. Just the wind blowing in his ears. His gut was telling him something wasn't right. Mike was nowhere to be seen and it was actually scaring him. "Mike!" He squinted in the sunlight as he scanned the roof. He looked over the edge, praying that the kid hadn't done the unthinkable. When he didn't see anything out of the ordinary, he ran his fingers through his hair. What the hell. He started to walk back towards the exit. Maybe he already le...all of a sudden he saw a hand poking out from behind the air duct and he knew it just had to be Mike. Trotting over, the blood drained from his face at what he saw.
"Oh shit. Mike!"
The kid was laying on his side, his face an ashen gray and his lips a dark blue. When he got to his knees, Harvey could see that Mike was barely breathing. He pressed trembling fingers to the kid's neck and sighed. He was alive, but the pulse was really weak.
"Mike, come on. Can you hear me?" But he was unresponsive and no amount of slaps to the face was helping. "Dammit Mike." He cupped the associate's cheek, realizing that the man was unnaturally cold. Sighing, he brought Mike into his lap- which made him feel how light he was- before pulling out his cellphone and calling an ambulance and then Donna.
"Harvey, did you find him?"
"He passed out and he's barely breathing. I called 911, but I need you to bring a blanket."
"On it."
Not even three minutes later did Donna reach them and helped Harvey wrap a limp Mike up securely to keep him warm. Harvey wrapped his arms around Mike's upper body tighter and let the blonde's head rest on his chest. He could feel the kid shivering violently; he just wished he'd wake up. "Mike. Open your eyes, kid." He squeezed Mike's neck gently and looked up at Donna. This was all his fault. If he had just listened to the kid...let him explain himself then maybe none of this would've happened. Instead, he was a complete douche-bag and threw all of his work on Mike with no appreciation. He was blaming him when it was really all Jessica's fault. He ran his fingers through the tussled blonde hair, listening intently to Mike's labored breathing.
"I'm sorry, Mike."
Donna smiled sadly, stroking Mike's face. She prayed that he would be okay. That they would all be okay.
~+SUITS+~
Thankfully, the paramedics let Harvey go in the ambulance with Mike and they began the short journey to Presbyterian. Harvey sighed, rubbing his face as he watched Mike's shallow breath fog up the oxygen mask.
"27 year old male, malnourished, dehydrated and barely breathing. Possible pneumonia, no other known injuries until we get to the hospital. ETA is five minutes."
Harvey couldn't believe this; Mike was sick because he had been so dedicated to getting his trust back that he put his health on the line for it. He grabbed Mike's cold hand and squeezed it tightly.
"Dammit Mike, it wasn't supposed to go this far. I should've believed you. I know what Jessica is capable of it's just that...the thought of you betraying me like that...after all we've been through and everything I've done for you...something inside of me snapped and I just couldn't accept what happened. I'm sorry, kid."
All of a sudden, Mike started coughing and Harvey felt sick when he saw blood splatter onto the mask.
"Possible internal bleeding!" The medic said. "Step on it."
Harvey tightened his grip. Mike wheezing was getting worse and his hands suddenly bunched into fists.
"Mike? Can you hear me? Listen to me kid, you have to pull through. Don't give up now, alright? If you beat this, you can come back to work with me; it'll be Batman and Robin again."
"R-Really?" Mike suddenly rasped.
Harvey looked down in surprise. Mike's eyes were open to slits, his blue eyes looking up at him. Harvey smirked. "Really, kid. I'm sorry I was such an ass."
The corner of Mike's mouth flicked upwards. "S'okay. I d-deserved it."
Harvey frowned and before he could say anything, Mike's eyes rolled to the back of his head and the monitors started breathing rapidly.
"Oxygen stats have completely plummeted! He's not breathing; We need to intubate!"
"Oh no," Harvey whispered. Mike don't do this.
"Start CPR, we're at the hospital now."
It all went by in a blur; the vehicle stopped and Mike was rushed out and into the emergency room where Harvey was forced to stay in the waiting room. He ran an agitated hand over his face as he paced the room, wondering when Donna was going to show up. Only ten minutes passed and she came bursting through the door.
"Harvey-"
"He stopped breathing Donna. God, how did I let it get this bad? What if he doesn't make it?"
"Harvey Specter you can't think like that. Mike is strong, okay? He'll fight through it."
He just looked at her warily before moving his gaze to the double doors. He didn't know how long it would take, but he didn't care; he would wait out here for hours if that what it took. It was his fault that Mike was in this situation and he was determined to make it right.
Three Hours Later
Harvey's face was in his hands as he tried to remain patient. There had been no news for the longest time and not even the nurse was giving them answers. His eyes were burning from the bright hospital light in addition to exhaustion and his stomach churned, horrible 'what if' scenarios going through his mind. What if he had never found him? What if he had been there for days because he had let his stubbornness get the best of him and didn't bother to wonder where the kid had gone? He would've died. God, he couldn't even bear the thought of that right now. He washed both hands down his face as he tiredly looked up. What the hell was taking them so long? He closed his eyes again, Mike's pale face flashing through his mind. "Jesus Christ."
"Family of Michael Ross?"
Harvey's eyes snapped open and he looked up to see a man in green scrubs standing by the nurse's station. He glanced at Donna before they both stood up and walked over to him.
"That's us. We're here for Mike."
"What's your relation to Mr. Ross?" The doctor said quizzically.
"Spare me the 'you're not family bullshit;' we're the only family he has left so just tell us," Harvey growled.
The doctor nodded and motioned them to follow him down the hall. "My name is Dr. Raymond and I tended to Mr. Ross." They weaved in and out of people, continuing the long journey down the hall.
"Is he going to be okay?" Donna urged.
"Mike is in critical condition as of right now. When he arrived, he went into respiratory arrest and it took two minutes to get him back." They stepped into the elevator and Dr. Raymond pressed the button for the ICU floor. "He's suffering from severe malnutrition, dehydration and sleep deprivation which is why he got so sick. We also found signs of stomach ulcers that caused the slight internal bleeding. Thankfully, it wasn't too serious so he didn't need a large amount of blood transfused. He's very lucky he didn't contract peritonitis. We also found traces of bacterial pneumonia like pleural effusion- or fluid in his lungs- as well as his difficulty breathing. We had to put in a chest tube to remove the fluid and put him on a ventilator since he isn't strong enough to breathe on his own. The infections are also making his body temperature extremely high, 105 to be exact," they got off the elevator and walked down more hallways. "So we have him on fever reducers and a cocktail of antibiotics to fight it off. He'll have a pretty bad cough for a week or so but we have cough medicine for that, too. Like I said, he's in pretty bad condition so we can't have anyone besides hospital personnel in the room with him for at least three to four hours or until the infection starts to clear up and the fever drops below 103 degrees. His immune system is really weak at the moment so for now you'll have to see him through the window. I'll have a nurse let you know when you can go in." They finally stopped by a large window and the doctor flicked his hand to let them know it was Mike's room. "If you need anything, please don't hesitate to have me paged.
"Thank you doctor," Donna forced a smile before turning around with Harvey to see the damage they caused to their pup. Donna's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh my god. He looks horrible."
Mike didn't even look like Mike to them anymore. He was so small and fragile looking, tubes running in and out of his body. His face was gaunt and pale and since Mike's chest was bare, they could see the ribs poking through his skin. Dark shadows were lined underneath his eyes and his lips were still a shade a blue. Lips that were parted and had a tube shoved down his throat to help him breathe. And worst of all, even in his state of unconsciousness, the poor guy looked like he was in so much pain.
"What have I done, Donna?"
The red-head pursed her lips and squeezed his arm. "It'll be okay, Harvey. He'll be alright."
The man nodded and looked to the ground, taking a deep breath.
"You know, I can go back to the office and his place and grab some his stuff. I'm sure when he wakes up, he'll want some things to distract him."
"No...I'll do it. I need some air anyways." He felt really sick knowing that he practically did this to someone he cared about. His little brother.
"Okay. I'll be here."
He smiled grimly before slowly walking away. Mike was going to be okay. He just had to; because if he wasn't, Harvey wasn't sure he'd be able to live with himself.
~+SUITS+~
Harvey quietly walked into the bullpen, ignoring the stares and murmurs as he grabbed Mike's messenger bag and stuffed his belongings and there. He grabbed the files on the kid's desk, dropped them off at his office and headed back for the elevator. While he was waiting, he heard a familiar voice behind him; a voice that made his blood boil.
"Harvey...how's Mike?" Jessica asked.
He turned around, a scowl on his face. "And you care because? As I recall, you threatened him into going against me."
"Harvey-"
"Don't fucking 'Harvey' me. You didn't want my name on that wall so you blackmailed Mike and got fricken Darby with the merger instead!"
"Well as I recall you fired him," she crossed her arms as the elevator doors opened.
"That was a mistake; I should've listened to what he had to say and him getting sick is on me, but if you ever threaten my associate again, you will have hell to pay." With that, he stepped into the elevator and waited until the doors shut for him to turn around. Jessica disgusted him right now and he didn't want to see her face for a long time. When he got to Mike's apartment, he told Ray it wouldn't be long before walking up the stairs and pulling out the key Donna had made. The apartment was completely quiet and still. It looked like it had been untouched for weeks; Donna was right, the kid barely came home, let alone sleep. Sighing heavily, he grabbed a duffle-bag from the closet before going into Mike's room to grab a couple boxers, shirts, some sweatpants, and a sweatshirt. He threw the kid's toothbrush and tooth paste in there as well; while he was looking for Mike's phone charger, he rummaged through his bed, throwing back the sheets and the pillows...when he saw a small brown book. Harvey frowned and set the bag on the floor before picking the book up and opening it slowly. No sooner did he start reading the words did his heart sink; he collapsed on the bed, a hand running over his mouth. "Oh Mike." It was a journal, entries dated back to when the kid's grandmother had died. The more Harvey read the more he realized how depressed Mike had gotten since. He closed his eyes feeling nauseous before he read the entry after the big merger incident.
Harvey is pissed at me and I didn't do anything wrong. Jessica threatened me with exposing my secret and sending me to jail...now that I think again, jail might've been better than betraying Harvey. He and the job was the only thing I had from keeping me from spiraling. Had he not come to my apartment the night we got high I...I probably would've done something really bad. I've tried not to think about it, but ever since Harvey fired me the urges have been getting stronger. I promised Grammy I would never do it again, but it's hard. I have no one anymore.
Harvey choked. Mike was talking about suicide. When had he done it before? How had he done it before? Was it before they met? During the time they were working together? Mike had a lot of questions to answer when he woke up...because he would wake up. His hands shook as he continued to read another entry dated to yesterday.
This is the first time I've been home in nearly two weeks and I'm tired and sick; my efforts are going unheeded. I don't know how long I can take this anymore. Harvey will probably never forgive me. Every time I try to apologize he just shuts me out or even worse, he calls me pathetic or useless. He really hates me. But I guess I deserve it; I was a horrible associate from the moment I stepped into this law firm. He's right, I was a huge mistake and I've ruined his life and his career. Him wishing he'd never met me, though...hurt. He was like a father or brother to me and now he won't even look at me. Tomorrow, I'll try one more time, I promise this will be the last time; and then if he doesn't give it any thought...then I'll quit. The resignation letter is all ready to go in my bag. Tomorrow if he doesn't forgive me, I'll finish the day and then give the letter to Jessica. That's what everybody wanted anyways; I guess I'll just make it easier on them. I don't know what I'll do though...I'll have to decide when I get home if I want to end my life. It seems like the only thing to do at this point. I just can't deal with this on my own anymore. We will see.
"Oh my god." Mike was going to kill himself. If he hadn't passed out of the roof, he probably would've gone home to off himself. The guilt he would've felt...shit. This was a lot more serious than he had thought. Harvey wiped his eyes, his breath shuddering as he stood up, fixed his suit and stuffed the book in with the rest of the things, quickly getting the hell out of there. He needed to see Mike.
Four Days Later
Harvey rubbed both hands down his face as he stared at his associate. Mike was still unconscious, however he was starting to improve. His temperature had gone down to one-hundred degrees which meant the infection was finally starting to clear up. His breathing, though it being scratchy and uneven, had become stronger and was able to get the ventilator pulled out along with the chest tube. Unfortunately, the cough that he had, like the doctor had mentioned, was wet and harsh, leaving Mike breathless every time the fit ended and forcing Harvey to put the oxygen mask back over the man's mouth. Sometimes he would have to wipe the mucus that appeared on Mike's lips and he vowed that he would never speak of this to anyone, especially Mike since it would probably embarrass the kid.
"I promise I won't say anything," he said after he finished wiping Mike's mouth with a tissue and then tossing it in the trash. "Donna won't even know, because trust me...we both won't hear the end of it if she finds out."
Silence.
The associate was still a deathly pale and despite the nutrients he was getting via I.V's, the man was way too skinny.
"You and I are going to an all you can eat buffet, after this, Mike. You probably weigh about eighty pounds right now. It's not healthy. What you did...it wasn't healthy. Starving yourself and not sleeping. No one is worth that much dedication, kid. Not even me." He brushed the sweaty blonde strands off of Mike's forehead with a sigh. "I'm sorry, Mike. I'm really sorry I let this happen." The poor guy was in so much pain; he could see it on his face. Sitting back in the chair, Harvey glanced at the nightstand on the other side of the bed with a smile. Donna had bought the kid a bunch of balloons, a teddy bear hugging a vase of flowers, and some get well cards from her and some people at the office who heard of Mike's sickness. Mike would be surprised, nonetheless, when he woke up. Harvey blinked the exhaustion out of his eyes, trying to keep himself awake; he had barely slept either, having nightmares of Mike killing himself or dying up on the roof. At times he would continue to read the journal. Not all of them were depressing; like he wrote about the time they were going to piss in Louis' office...and how he felt more part of Harvey's "family" that night then any other time. But the ones that were depressing, like during the time he found out about his grandmother...he didn't even wanna have to think about it...it was bad and it nearly broke his heart. Harvey pursed his lips sadly as he watched Mike breathe in and out before grabbing the kid's clammy hand in his and squeezing it tightly. "You're gonna be okay, Mike. I promise you that."
It wasn't long before Harvey started to doze off, hand still entwined with Mike's. About another hour later, Harvey felt a twitch in his palm and he jolted awake, tightening his grip and sitting forward.
"Mike?" He wondered if this was going to be another coughing bout. He hoped it wasn't; he hoped that Mike was finally waking up. "Mike." Come on, kid.
Suddenly, the blonde let out a soft groan his his eyes began to flutter open. The moment Harvey had been waiting for, for days.
His head hurt, his stomach hurt, his whole body hurt. It was more like a dull ache, but he was still in pain nonetheless. He heard a voice through the fog in his brain; it was deep yet soothing. And something- or someone- was holding his hand. A stench intruded his nose...like antiseptics...hospital. Fuck, what did he do? Did he end up killing himself? Well, trying to kill himself? The stinging flared up in his stomach again and he whimpered.
"Easy kid. You're okay."
Who the hell was that? Why did that voice sound so familiar? God, he was so confused...and so tired. He just wanted to go back to sleep, but he had to know what was going on. Sluggishly, he pried open his eyelids, blinking a few times to focus his blurry vision until he was met with a dimly lit room. He could hear beeping next to his head and the sound of clicking footsteps and voices out in the hall. And to his left was...Harvey? What the fuck was happening right now? He had to be dreaming...or dead.
"Mike. Hey," Harvey smirked.
The blonde frowned and swallowed painfully; his throat was sore and extremely dry. He needed a drink. "H-Har...vey?"
"Who else?" the man chuckled softly.
Mike swallowed again trying to keep his eyes from closing as he coughed a few times. There was soon a cup in front of his face and he gratefully took a couple sips. Once his throat was no longer parched, he was beginning to feel more comfortable and whatever meds they had him on were getting stronger.
Harvey could see how exhausted Mike was so he was going to keep this short. "How are you feeling?"
Mike shrugged weakly, wiping the sweat off his forehead with a shaky hand and looking at Harvey with pitiful blue eyes. His breath was still uneven and it seemed like it was a struggle. "What...happened?"
Harvey sat back in the chair, folding his hands together. "What do you remember?"
Mike just shook his head. "Can't...think. Everything is fuzzy."
"Well, it's kind of a long story."
Mike just hummed, his glassy eyes closing and his body relaxing. Poor kid could barely stay awake.
"Go back to sleep, Mike. We'll talk later."
"'Kay." Barely a second later, the associate was out cold.
The older lawyer let out a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose before looking over at the journal on the desk. He had read it all the way through and he felt really guilty right now not knowing how Mike had felt over the past month. He read people for a living! He tried to forget about it at the moment as he let himself fall asleep once more.
It didn't feel that long of a nap when he felt a hand shaking his arm. Thinking it was Mike, he snapped open his eyes only to met with a horrifying sight. Donna was frantically calling his name, trying to wake him up while Mike was flailing around in the bed, hyperventilating and tears running down his pale face. What the hell was going on? The kid was fine not that long ago.
"Harvey, what's happening to him?" Donna cried.
The man shot up from his chair and stood over his associate and could tell what was happening the second Mike opened his mouth.
"H-Harvey...please...m'sorry. I'm s-so...sorry. P-Please forgive me."
Fuck. "Mike! Mike wake up!" But it didn't help...it just kept getting worse. The monitors were going crazy, Mike's heart-rate increasing. "Mike, dammit. Stop!" He tried to hold the man down while Donna went to go get the doctors. Mike started wheezing and his lips were turning blue. Before he knew it, Harvey heard the dreaded tone of the flat-line. He jumped back in shock, his body going cold. Mike's heart had stopped. The kid's face was completely expressionless and his chest wasn't moving.
"No." Please, God no! "Mike!" He was just about to go back to him but he was pulled roughly away by someone. Before he knew it, he was standing on the other side of the door, Donna by his side, clutching his arm fearfully.
"Oh god, Harvey."
"He'll be okay." He has to be. Through the window he could see the doctors remove the pillows from underneath Mike's head, gently lowering it down and flattening him on the bed. They pulled the gown down to his waist and rubbed lube on his chest while starting up the paddles.
"Stats are dropping!"
"Charge to 200...clear?"
"Clear!"
Harvey felt sick as Mike's body jerked with the shock of the paddles...especially since it didn't change anything.
"Nothing!"
"Again! 260...clear?"
"Clear!"
Harvey flinched again. Come on, kid.
"Still nothing. 350! Clear?"
"Clear!"
Mike jolted up once more and then Harvey nearly sagged with relief when he heard that sound. Mike's heart beating. He wiped the cold sweat from his forehead and collapsed on nearby chair, trying to get his nerves back to normal. He put his face in his hands and he felt Donna rubbing his back soothingly.
"He's okay, Harvey. He's fine now."
A few moments later, the room cleared out, Dr. Raymond being the last one out. Harvey stood up on shaky legs. "Is he okay?" He asked.
"As of now, he is."
"What happened?" Donna asked.
"Well, as you saw, he went into cardiac arrest because of a panic attack. His immune system and his body in general got stressed out and it wasn't strong enough to handle it. From now on for the next week or so, he has to remain relaxed so he doesn't have another episode. If this happens again, I'm afraid we may not get him back. Now, he's resting as of right now, but you're welcome to go back and sit with him."
Harvey wasted no time and quickly walked back in. Donna thanked the doctor before following the older man. Mike looked paler than ever, now and the oxygen mask was back on his face. Harvey rubbed his chin and sat back down by the bed. Donna could tell the man needed some time alone.
"I'm gonna go get some coffee, do you want some?"
"No...I'm good."
Donna smiled sadly and left the room. When she was gone, Harvey rested his hand on Mike's arm and sighed. "I'm sorry, kid. It was wrong to treat you the way that I did. I was wrong. You scared the hell outta me with that stunt you just pulled, too. You've been giving me a lot of heart attacks lately. I may not say this much...or at all, actually, but...I do care about you. You're a little brother to me...an annoying one, though. Listen...I overreacted the other day; I don't know what came over me...but I'm sorry. You're not fired, Mike. When you get better, everything will go back to normal...I promise." And he was going to keep that promise.
Four hours Later- 4:31am
When Mike woke up again, he felt groggy and more confused than ever. His forehead scrunched up and he moaned hoarsely.
"Mike?"
The voice was feminine...soft. Soon, a warm hand was cupping his cheek and he unconsciously leaned into it.
"Mike, sweetie it's okay. You can open your eyes now."
It took him a couple moments, but soon he peeled open his eyes and looked around to see Donna sitting next to him with a warm smile on her face. "Donna. Hey."
The smile disappeared from her face, replaced with a scowl. "Michael James Ross, if you ever scare me ever again I will gut you."
Mike's eyes widened.
"I'd probably do what she says, kid," a voice on the other side of him said. "When she says something like that, she probably means it."
He looked to his left to see Harvey, his trademark smirk on his face. "Harvey?"
"You really have a knack for scaring us."
Mike looked over at Donna with a sheepish grin. "Sorry."
The smile was back on her face and she ran her fingers through his blonde hair. "I forgive you. I'm gonna go get your doctor, okay?"
Mike closed his eyes briefly and nodded. He took a shuddering breath as a dull pain sparked in his stomach. He still had no idea why he was in the hospital. He cleared his dry throat painfully.
"Can I have...water?"
"You can have ice chips," Harvey said as he got some out of the small ice container. "The doctor doesn't want you having liquids right now."
Mike shakily took the cup and let some chips slide into his mouth and down his throat. When he was done, Harvey took the cup and folded his arms across his chest.
"What...what happened?" Mike asked, shifting to try and get comfortable
Harvey sighed. "Your heart stopped."
Mike seemed to pale at this. "No...I mean before that."
The older man seemed a little hesitant. "You literally almost worked yourself to death, Mike."
"W-What?" And then it was all coming back to him. Harvey firing him, him and Rachel in the file room, all-nighters at the office. He had almost died because he was trying to win back Harvey's approval. His trust. "I...I remember now."
Harvey bit the inside of his cheek. "You do?"
"Yeah." Mike looked down at his hands.
"Look kid...I'm not one for apologies, but I'm truly sorry for the way I treated you. I never should've assumed you would just betray me like that on purpose. Jessica threatened you and I know that now."
"You believe me?"
"Yeah...like I should've a long time ago. And it was a dick move to let you do all my work and you not get anything for it. Not even a thank you."
"Yeah well," Mike yawned, rubbing his face. "You are a dick; it's in your nature."
Harvey rolled his eyes. "And one other thing, Mike." He grabbed the journal and when Mike looked up he groaned in embarrassment. "Where did you get that? Why were you going through my things?"
"I found it when I was getting stuff from your apartment to bring here. It's not exactly hidden very well."
"So...what, you want me to talk about it?"
"Yes, actually."
"Well, too bad. You never should've seen it. I'm assuming you read it all." The blonde crossed his arms and looked away.
"Mike...do you really feel this way? All the things you said in here, are they true?"
Silence.
"Mike...please."
The man's face softened; he had never heard pleading in the Harvey Specter's voice before. He looked at Harvey warily. "Yeah."
The older man sighed. "Jesus."
"What was I supposed to do? I couldn't exactly talk to you; you never wanted to see my face again, remember? I-I lost everyone and I didn't see a point. I thought it would...just be better if I wasn't around anymore. I thought you would be glad."
Harvey closed his eyes. He really screwed up with this kid. "Mike, listen to me. I would never be glad if you had died. I had my head up my ass, I was angry already at Jessica and I just took it out on you. You're like a brother to me, Mike and if I had found you...I don't know what I would've done. Finding you passed out on the roof was bad enough. You were cold and barely breathing, at first I thought for sure that you were..." he cleared his throat and saw that Mike was really listening now. "Anyways, don't think for a second that I hate you or...or that I want you dead, because it's far from true. I just wish I had found out sooner how depressed you were; I would've helped you. I guess I'm not as good as I thought I was at reading people."
Mike pursed his lips, fighting the tears that threatened to fall. So many things were running through his head...so many emotions.
"I'm truly sorry, Mike. I'm sorry for how I was the past couple of weeks, I'm sorry I hurt you, and I'm sorry that I made you think that you had no one after your grandmother died. You have me. Me, Donna and Rachel. We're all here for you."
Mike swallowed the lump in his throat, his bottom lip quivering. "I'm really sorry, Harvey," he choked.
Harvey huffed. "Oh Mike."
And that broke the kid. Mike sucked in a sharp breath as he started sobbing, the intensity of it racking his thin frame. Harvey felt something break in his chest...his heart. The Harvey Specter of three years ago would be disgusted at someone crying like this...because he didn't care. He tried to tell himself day in and day out after he met Mike that he didn't care about anyone or anything besides his job and himself. But as the weeks went by...as the years went by, he found it harder to do so. The kid reminded him so much of Marcus, his little brother always trying to be like him. The damn kid had made him gone soft. "I'm sorry, too Mike." He grabbed Mike's shoulders and brought the man into a gentle hug, letting him cry violently into his shoulders while rocking him back and forth. He ran his fingers through the blonde curls, closing his eyes and shedding some tears of his own. "I'm sorry, too."
He let Mike cry for however long he wanted to...which ended up being nearly fifteen minutes before the sobs began to cease to hiccups. Soon enough, Mike pulled away, keeping his eyes down and wiping his face.
"S-Sorry," he whispered shakily.
"You have nothing to be sorry for kid. It's on me this time."
Mike smiled sheepishly as he laid back on the pillows.
"Mike...there was...when I read one of your entries...you said you'd tried to kill yourself before?"
Mike pursed his lips, staring at the man sadly. "Yeah...but it was way before you and I met. I'm guessing you want me to tell you?"
"It would be nice."
"It had been after I got kicked out of school for selling answers. I was really down in the dumps and what better day to be kicked out then on the anniversary of my parent's death. Trevor and I had gotten into a fight earlier, so I couldn't talk to him and I didn't want to unload on my Grammy. I just thought that I was alone and that my life was over." Mike took a deep breath. "I went to my grandmother's apartment just to see her one last time, but she must've been out shopping. I don't really remember much, but I think I took some pills and the next time I opened my eyes, I was in the hospital, my grandmother crying over me. I had been in a coma for a week...almost died. She had found me and she was pissed when I woke me. She told me to promise that I'd never try something like that again. I did and that's how I got into selling drugs and taking other people's tests. I wanted to do something to make me forget about the urges and the fact that my life meant nothing."
"Well, luckily you met me," Harvey smirked. But he wasn't joking. He was glad that he and Mike met.
The blonde snorted. "Yeah, lucky me." However, truthfully, he was lucky. Harvey was his big brother always looking out for him. They sat in silence for a few moments before Harvey spoke again.
"So...are you really thinking of quitting? Are you quitting?"
Mike turned his head to face the door and stared into space. "I don't know."
"Well you shouldn't..."
Mike frowned and rolled his head to face the older man. "What?"
"Like I said...I was being a dick; I overreacted with firing you."
"So...?"
"I thought you were a genius...you're actually gonna make me say it?"
Mike chuckled. He was enjoying this.
"Fine. Mike, I want you to come back and work with me."
"Really?"
"Really, kid. You're going back to where you belong."
Mike let out a sigh of relief, a big smile on his face. "Thank you."
Harvey smirked, patting Mike's arm. "You're welcome. Now get some sleep. I don't know where Donna is with the "doctor" but I'm sure she just wanted me to talk to you alone. Knowing her, she probably hid a video camera in here to catch me caring."
Mike chuckled weakly, rolling his eyes and then closing them. Harvey felt a weight lift off his shoulders. Things were getting better.
"You know," Mike said, sleep thick in his voice. "Louis tried to recruit me to be on "Team Litt." a week back."
Harvey snorted. "Please tell me you didn't accept."
The corner of the blonde's mouth twitched upwards. "Almost did...but I was determined to work with you...and you only."
Harvey felt a surge of pride run through him. "That's good to hear, kid. Now sleep."
"Aye, aye."
When Mike finally fell back asleep, Harvey ruffled his hair with a smirk before sagging back into the chair. This kid was going to give him gray hairs.
FIN!
