Disclaimer: I don't own GMW. My use of the characters is just for fun.

Author's notes: This is currently a one shot, but I have ideas to continue it, they just aren't coming out right into words at the moment.

If you're a fan of Charlie, this might not be the fic for you.


It's been a month since Texas.

A month since Riley had realized that her best friend was secretly harboring feelings for Lucas. A month since she had decided that she'd rather keep both Maya and Lucas as friends than lose them both to inevitable drama. A month since she had started dating Charlie.

It's a been a month since Texas and Riley is wondering if it will ever stop feeling like her world is dangling over the edge of a gaping abyss that's waiting to swallow her up.

Lucas and Maya are still circling each other in a dating-like fashion. They go to Topanga's on their own and to the movies. Maya takes him to an art exhibit and Lucas brings her to a concert when an indie artist he knows from Texas comes to town. They haven't made anything official yet, but they've kissed and they hold hands and gravitate towards each other and it's so obvious that they care for each other that Riley simultaneously can't bear to watch and can't look away. (She wants so badly for them to be happy, wants to have them in her life while they're happy, even if that means that they're happy together, but they find that happiness so soon after she steps back that she hasn't even found her footing and it hurts.)

She started dating Charlie because he was there. He was nice and he was cute, and he was there right when she needed the distraction. It felt a little wrong at first, using him so she wouldn't have to hang around all the time to watch Maya and Lucas find their stride as a sort-of couple, but Riley figured that as long as she was clear that they were only spending time together as friends it wasn't so bad. It turned into actual dates because Charlie was persistent and sweet and actually wanted to define their relationship, and because it really felt like she owed him an actual chance.

On one of their outings, Charlie had pointed out that Riley was always so busy dreaming of the unattainable that she was ignoring the good things that she actually could have right in front of her. It still didn't feel quite right but she agreed that their next outing could be an actual date, and they've been together ever since.

It's been a month since Texas, and Riley and Charlie are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. It's different than anything she's done before. Charlie has no qualms about holding her close in the hallways at school and he makes sure everyone knows that they're together and how happy they are. They do homework together every afternoon (at the library or his house or anywhere except the bakery) and they go on dates on the weekends and it's everything like her mom told her about starting to go out with her dad.

They spend so much time together that between that and cheerleading and Farkle (who's still keeping her secret and being the best friend she could ask for) claiming her as his partner whenever a group project comes up she only ever ends up having to watch Maya and Lucas together when they're at school. She puts on her best 'Happy Riley' face for them and encourages their budding feelings and, if they ask, promises that things are OK and it's all for the best.

Riley almost starts to believe it as the pair, Lucaya, as their classmates have dubbed them, start to find their footing and lose their awkwardness. Whenever he catches her looking at them Charlie is quick to hold onto her a little tighter and remind her that Rucas was never really going to happen. That Lucas is the kind of handsome, perfect guy that accumulates quirky friends who will look up to him because he's handsome and perfect, and that friends is all they'll ever be. That Lucas wanted her to be infatuated so she'd always be around to lead his little support circle, so he flirted a little, but that he would never actually date a girl like her (and it was for similar reasons that he would never have really asked her out or officially broken things off if she hadn't removed herself from the equation). It makes a strange sort of sense.

Lucas isn't perfect but he's amazing and growing every day to be better. Maya's gorgeous and talented and fiery and everything that Riley's not. Of course Maya was always the real choice. Girls like Riley don't get guys like Lucas, girls like Maya do. Riley's lucky that someone like Charlie sees something in her.

She knows she's lucky. Everybody tells her. She's lucky that Charlie was so patient. She's lucky that so clearly adores her. She's lucky that everything has worked out so nicely. Everyone has their friends and someone special too. It's the perfect little story.

So Riley does her best to embrace her luck and embrace Charlie.

She tries to focus on only him. She listens when he tells her that she looks better when she wears her hair up and away from her face and stops leaving it down. She watches old Kung Fu movies to try and understand his obsession with them and learns more about hockey, his absolute favorite sport (she even keeps herself from talking about how violent it is because that seems to be part of what Charlie likes about it). Riley's lucky that someone like Charlie sees something in her and she doesn't want to do anything that would make him change his mind.

She never imagined herself as Charlie Gardner's girlfriend, but she is and now she can't imagine going back to being alone. He takes care of her, and she's really starting to figure out the way that he likes her to take care of him. Not to mention she's really gotten used to his presence. The feel of her hand in his or the weight of his arm around her shoulders. When they had gone to the Mets/Yankees game last week, Charlie, a huge Yankees fan, had balked at her Mets sweatshirt and refused to even touch her while she was wearing it. Riley, firmly of the opinion that he was being childish, refused to take it off but she only lasted half the game. It hurt that he wasn't talking to her and it hurt even worse not to have the reassurance of his touch. She didn't know that she could feel so lonely when someone was sitting right next to her, but she hated it and eventually removed the sweatshirt. When the inning was over they walked to the gift shop together, tossed the Mets sweatshirt in the trash, and bought one emblazoned with the Yankees logo; he held her so close for the rest of the game that they were practically sharing a seat.

Riley never wants to feel that lonely again and is doing everything she can to make sure she doesn't lose him now. She remembers the piercing pain of giving up Lucas for the sake of their friendship (friendship that seems to be falling apart anyways since she can only be around him and Maya and their happiness for so long before the pain that she's been working so hard to push down and ignore takes over her very being) and she knows that the only reason things feel at all bearable now are because Charlie is being so nice, helping her find realistic expectations and in general taking care of her and Riley thinks if she has to deal with the heartache of distancing herself from the people who were her whole world without him that she might actually fall over the edge of that gaping abyss.

It's been a month since Texas and Riley has just quit the cheerleading team. Yes, being in that uniform was something she had gone after for years, but it's been taking up so much of her time (more time than it takes up for any of the other girls on the squad since she has to put three times as much work in to look even passable next to them) and she doesn't have the energy for all of that. It's just another area where she's the joke that everyone gets to laugh at and make fun of, and she's trying to be better than that now. She doesn't want to be that girl anymore. She knows that if she stays that girl, it won't be long before Charlie gives up on her and Riley knows if that happens all she'll be able to do is count down the days until Farkle and the others get tired of her too.

She'd much rather give up another one of her unrealistic dreams than for any of that to happen so she quits the team right after classes end and goes home to wait for Charlie to finish his meeting with the school paper. She's more than a little surprised that Josh is sitting on the couch when she gets there.

He's alone (Auggie spends most afternoon's at either Ava or Doy's until her mom or her dad get out of work so normally she's the first home if she doesn't do anything after school) and flipping channels on the couch when she opens the door.

"Josh, what are you doing here?"

Josh grins and gets to his feet, tossing the remote to the couch. "Is that how you greet your favorite uncle?"

"I just didn't think we were expecting you." Josh pulls her into a hug after she drops her bag on the floor and Riley revels in how reassuring the embrace is.

"You weren't. Cory and Topanga were though."

"They didn't say anything." Riley barely turns her head. She's mostly speaking into her Uncle's chest because his arms are gentle around her and all-encompassing. It's more like a hug from her dad than anything and it feels better than anything she can remember from the past month.

"I asked them not to." Josh disengages from the hug and down at her. "I wanted to surprise you."

"You wanted to...I don't get it."

The smile fades off his face. "You haven't been yourself during our Skype sessions lately. When I asked Cory he said some things were changing around here but you're handling it fine, but it doesn't seem that way to me, so when I found out I had a half day of school today I decided to come spend the weekend here, see if maybe you wanted to talk."

It doesn't make any sense to Riley. She is fine. As fine as anyone could be in her situation (better than some in fact, because at least she's found someone willing to put up with her weirdness and to help her be better) and she knows, because she's been so careful, that she hasn't given anyone any reason to think otherwise since her initial mini-meltdown after they got back from Texas. She's changed a little, sure, but everyone changes at her age (hello, Farkle?) and even if Josh has noticed something, it's not like any of the changes she's making are bad. She's just trying to better. There's no reason for her uncle to be worrying about her. Her own parents aren't worried about her so why should he or anyone else be?

"Riley?" Josh prompts.

Riley jumps when his voice cuts through the quiet. Her cheeks heat up when she realizes that it's been nearly a minute and she hasn't said anything yet. "Sorry." She shakes her head and goes for the 'Happy Riley' smile. "I don't know why you're worried though. I'm fine."

He accepts that she's fine without question (another surprise for the afternoon since even she wouldn't find it very convincing after that reaction) and they sit on the couch. Riley relaxes when he slings an arm over the back and she can rest her head on his shoulder. Like the hug, there's such a familiar warmth and safety from the contact that she just hasn't had lately. She knows it's not fair to compare the way Josh holds her to the way Charlie does because hugs from family and hugs from boyfriends are obviously going to be different but she can't help it; Josh is relaxed and easy about it while whenever she's in Charlie's arms he almost has a grip on her.

It's been a month since Texas and the first inkling that the world she's been building for herself since isn't so great is creeping up in the back of Riley's mind.

She sits with her uncle on the couch, just enjoying the moment while a sports report plays quietly in the background and they talk without much purpose. They talk about the prospects of their favorite teams and Riley surprises him with her new knowledge of hockey, and then they drift over to how the end of his senior year is going and Josh's excitement over moving to the city next year. It's all easy and she doesn't even have to think about what she's going to say next or if it's going to bother someone and it's great. They just catch up and enjoy themselves, staying away from anything too serious, until Riley's phone chimes with a text.

It's from Charlie, a selfie from his paper meeting where looks totally bored that he's captioned wish I was with you. debates over layout=no fun.

She makes Josh join her in her reply photo. They do goofy faces with their tongues sticking out and she jots a quick note telling him to hurry up. After it's sent off Josh starts probing a bit more about the new guy in her life. Riley barely gets the chance to tell him that Charlie asked her out once before the semi-formal, and then again right back after the group got back from Texas before her phone rings.

A glance at the display shows her Charlie's smiling face. She bolts upright as her lungs seem to freeze for a moment. There's no way his meeting has ended so quickly after their text exchange and if he's calling anyways, she knows something must be wrong, so she stands abruptly as she answers and starts walking to her room so she can deal with the problem in private.

"Hey Charlie, what happened to your meeting?"

"I leave you alone for one afternoon and you decide to hang out with some guy behind my back?" Charlie's practically shouting and he speaks so quickly that Riley doesn't even get the chance to correct him. "That's how little you think of me? Of our relationship? That you can hang out with some other guy and sit that close and not even try and hide it? I thought I meant something to you Riley. I thought I was important to you."

She doesn't even realize right away that the rant is over. She knows in her heart that she hasn't done anything wrong, that he doesn't know what her Uncle looks like so of course he's worried but it's just a misunderstanding and he'll apologize when she explains it, but in the moment all she can feel is a rapidly swirling ball of shame in her stomach. She's disappointed Charlie and hurt him. Charlie who's been so good and only wants what's best for her. Charlie, who she's lucky to have.

For a moment, Riley succumbs to the panic that this is the part where Charlie realizes that he can do better and dumps her. The world tunnels around her and his words echo on repeat and tears spring to her eyes.

Just as quickly, he's barking her name and she's back in the present. "Don't you have anything to say for yourself? Don't you?"

"It's just Josh." She hiccups, falling back to lean against her bedroom door. "My Uncle Josh from Philadelphia. He's just visiting for the weekend."

A long beat passes before Charlie speaks again. Riley tries to rein in her breathing. "You didn't say he was coming up."

"I didn't know. He wanted to surprise me and Auggie."

"I wouldn't have gotten so upset if I had known. I mean, jeez Riley. He's practically our age. What else am I supposed to think when you're practically on top of some guy alone in your apartment?"

"I-I didn't-,"

"And I only shouted because I care about you, babe. You know that no one cares about you the way I do."

Riley stumbles over an apology for him, and accepts that he's not in the mood for their Netflix date tonight while wiping the tears from her eyes. He hangs up after telling her that he'll call tomorrow if he's calmed down and she has to take another minute to calm down before returning to Josh in the living room. There's a part of her mind telling her that she was stupid not to tell Charlie when she found Josh in the apartment. There's a part of her mind telling her that she's being stupid now apologizing when all it was is a simple misunderstanding. The first part shouts back that Charlie was right and she can't afford to lose him so she needs to just do everything she can to keep him happy and it's all Riley can do to get both parts to shut up so she can breathe again.

Of course, despite her best efforts, Josh notices right away that she's upset.

"What happened? That was Charlie, right? Was he a jerk? Did he break up with you over the phone? 'Cause that's a jerk move and as your uncle it's my job to track him down and let him know that."

Riley has to explain that it's not anything like that. Just a mistake because she hadn't explained things well and Charlie didn't take the picture right. If anything Josh gets more frown-y at that. He asks to hear everything about Charlie. She tries to wave him off and insist that Charlie's great, it was just a fight, but Josh doesn't buy it; he's persistent and after he asks her a few times Riley crumbles.

It's nothing like when Farkle goaded her into talking outside the bakery. That was quiet, and delicate and even as her heart was shattering, Riley was numb. This is a messy tidal wave of stories and confessions that she can't stop. She's kept it all inside for so long that she's not even sure that she wants to.

It's been a month since Texas and all of a sudden it's all Riley can do to keep from drowning.

The story starts when the yearbook came out. It goes through the dance and saving art class and her bully and Texas. From thinking things were going well between her and Lucas to realizing that no one else saw them like that anymore, and then noticing how much of a connection he shared with Maya and realizing that they were only growing closer. She talks about how much it hurt to step back, how much it still hurts, even though she knows she did the right thing and how it's all for the best because Lucas was never going to pick her anyway.

She talks about Charlie and how she's lucky he was even willing to give her a second chance after she pretty much blew him off at the semi-formal. About how good he is to her, willing to spend so much time with her and willing to help her be better and prettier and the kind of girl that really deserves his time.

And then Riley talks about how horrible a person she is. Because she's neglecting her best friends since she can't stand being around their happiness. Because she keeps making changes but she knows she's not making enough. Because even though Charlie's been so good to her, she's not even sure she feels anything for him and there are times when she doesn't like him very much at all or gets scared. She knows it's not fair to him; he's done nothing but care for her and in a way that no one else is going to at that, but something inside of her reacts anyways and she doesn't know how to stop it.

Riley collapses into her Uncle's arms, sobbing and desperate for answers. Why does doing the right thing have to hurt? Why can't she care about Charlie the way he deserves? Why isn't she good enough?

It's been a month since Texas and Riley Matthews has reached her breaking point.