A/N: This is a songfic to Motion City Soundtrack's Hold Me Down. My muse attacked me when I heard the song, and this is the result. It is also the first in a series of song fics that I'm writing that will progressively transform from the breakup of Max/Logan to Max/Alec getting together. I've got 9 songs so far. So keep a look out, I'll up date soon.

Oh! The next chapter will be another Max/Logan song, wrapping up what this one will introduce, and then the next seven or so will develop the relationship between Max and Alec.

I just thought that all of these songs really fit the situation.

And to clear up any confusion, the lyrics of the actual song are in italics. Since the song is pretty much in letter format, I had to change a few things, and add some sentences to make it seem like Max actually wrote it, so those are in bold and italics. And the story will flash back and forth from Logan reading the letter to when Max was writing it a few hours before.

God this was a long A/N. Enjoy!!!!


It was morning, and he groaned as sleep left him. The damn curtains were parted, the sun seeping into the dimly lit room. Rubbing his eyes with one hand, he stretched his other arm across the bed, searching for the warmth of her body. His hand rested on empty mattress.

Logan propped himself up on his arms. His mind still half asleep, he blinked rapidly in surprise.

"Max?" No answer.

'Maybe she's in the shower' was his first thought, but he quickly disregarded that: he didn't hear any water running. As he sat up farther, Logan reached blindly for his glasses from the nightstand to his right. His fingers brushed something while the searched, and knocked whatever it was onto the floor. Settling his glasses into their rightful position, he swung his legs over to the side of the bed, and picked up the piece of paper laying on the floor, haphazardly folded.

He had found a letter.

I'm sorry that you were asleep when I wrote these words down,
you'd think I'd ought to be used to that by now.

FLASH BACK

Max sat on her side of the bed while Logan lightly snored from within his deep slumber. A notebook and pen in hand, she had no idea how to put her feelings on paper. If only she could be brave enough to deal with this when he was awake, but she wasn't. X5-452 was a coward.

But she was used to this. Staying up late, lying in bed, listening to Logan sleep, while her damned shark DNA kept her up to all hours. The benefit of it all, was that during those forgotten hours, she was alone. After spending all day in TC, working to keep her fellow transgenics alive, surrounded by people, the clamoring, the clatter, the arguments, Max was thankful for those few moments at night, where she was left to her thoughts.

And think she did. Events of her days replayed in her mind, memories from her childhood at Manticore, moments with Logan, times with her crew at Crash. Everything flashed through her brain at one point or another. Especially him.

It was why she was writing the letter. She didn't know how to communicate with Logan anymore. How could he understand? Oh, he tried. He tried so hard to be there for her, in whatever would go wrong. And things had been going wrong. The food supply was draining quickly, while new provisions were becoming scarce. As the hunger set in, the transgenics developed mood swings and grudges. Tensions was mounting between the X series and transhumans.

But he wasn't one of them. He didn't feel that connection, that thing that binds them all. Max felt it every time she looked at another transgenic, and that was the one good thing Manticore ever taught them: never abandon your unit. And they were all a unit now.

When Logan invited her over to his apartment outside of Terminal City, he didn't understand why she refused half the time. Why she didn't enjoy the pasta dinners he made, the wine they shared. She felt guilty. How could she be enjoying her self, stuffing her face, when her people were starving. Logan just didn't get it.

She had been quietly withdrawing from him the last few weeks. She felt it. With all the stress, the burdens, she couldn't take the high maintenance factor of this relationship.

Putting her pen to paper, Max tried to think of a gentle and thoughtful way to break the news.

END FLASH BACK

He read on, her script flowing across the paper, in a girly manner that one wouldn't ascribe to Max.

I know I've been distant lately, but save for a few of those late night episodes,
missed opportunities, and "I don't cares," there's not a lot that I feel obliged to share, or talk about.

FLASH BACK

She looked around the room, chewing thoughtfully on her pen. She never would have recognized the house as Joshua's old place if she didn't know. Logan had really made himself at home, and there was evidence of her presence all over the place. Her jacket strewn across a chair, extra clothes hanging in the closet. Hair products in the shower. Little feminine qualities that spoke of her influence in Logan's life.

It would be best if she stayed away for a few days after this. Logan was going to take it hard. But she shouldn't leave her shit at his house has a constant reminder of what she'd done. Planning in her head to have Alec drop by and grab it all, she returned at once to writing. Only to scribble out Alec's name.

My brother. That sounds better. I don't want him to get that idea. Again. It wouldn't be fair to put Alec in the middle. My brother is much more vague. I could be meaning Joshua, Dalton, any of the X-5s.

But still, when Alec comes over, Logan shouldn't be around, confrontation between of the two of them would be ugly. Because Alec would defend her decision, no matter what, and Logan would just lash out at her second in command.

END FLASH BACK

I'll have my brother stop by this Saturday to pick up my things.
It might be best if you make sure you're not there.
This may sound bad, and don't take it the wrong way...
I love you, however, you hold me down.

You're the echoes of my everything,
you're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.
You're the laziness of afternoon,
you're the reason why I burst and why I bloom.

FLASH BACK

'Is this how I'm going to break the news to him?' Max massaged her temples. Damn it, did he really deserve her shitty metaphors to describe how her feelings had slowly died out. That she no longer loved him, but the idea of him. The safety of him. And that it wasn't fair to stay if she wasn't fully committed, regardless of the guilt she felt.

Did he want her to stay out of guilt and pity? Out of a sense of duty? She didn't think so. Even if he was that desperate to hold onto what they had, she needed to get out of the cage. He needed her constantly. Whether for Eyes Only, or for whatever romantic idea popped into his head, Logan constantly drew her attention away from Terminal City, and in their position, the transgenic cause couldn't afford such a distraction. He held them down. He held her down.

END FLASH BACK

Cancel our dinner with Asha and OC,
feed Josh's
gerbil and try to stay clean.
We'll talk it over after I've had some time alone to sort it out.

I'm sorry it has to end like this, but I feel like you hold me down.

Like I said, we'll talk soon. I'm sorry.

Max.

FLASH BACK

There. It was done. It was crappy, sentimental, and sappy, but it got her point across. Hopefully in a way that he'd understand. That she didn't want to hurt him, but it just, somehow, turned out that way.

Slowly, silently, she slipped from under the covers. Logan snorted a bit, and rolled over on his side, still deeply asleep. She padded softly over to his night stand, and placed the letter near his glasses. As she dressed, she gazed at the former love of her life. He looked so peaceful. She couldn't bear being around when he read the letter. She could just imagine the look in his eyes, the despair. To know that she caused that, it was heartbreaking. But it was necessary.

END FLASH BACK

And that was it. She had left him. As the reality of it all slowly sunk it, the letter fell from Logan's grasp, and fluttered slowly to the ground.


A/N: My schedules a little crazy, so it might take a few days to update. So yea, read! Review! Enjoy! And, if anyone is interested in being a beta, just let me know! I'd love one!