i also posted this on Archive Of Our Own (under the username Justslaygold) so if you have read it on there please don't accuse me of stealing. This may or may not have multiple chapters depending on how much attention this gets. ❤️
Chapter 1
A year ran down my face as I grabbed my brother's cold hand. It was hard knowing that my stupid actions got him in this situation. My temper is what caused Pony to run away, what caused the church to burn down, and most of all, what caused Ponyboy to be stuck in this damn hospital fighting for his life.
I looked to my right, at Sodapop. He sat in the hospital chair burying his face into his hands. The scene made my heart break. Seeing my kid brother, the one who was always happy and carefree, seem so depressed and stressed. It killed me inside. My focus went back to my youngest kid brother.
"Ponyboy," I choked back a sob, "I'm so sorry little buddy." His eyes opened a slit then closed again. I pursed my lips together, hesitantly continuing.
"I came to see you yesterday, but you were asleep. I just," I paused, "I just want you to know that I'm proud of you. I've always been proud of you. I know I did a lousy job of showing it." I pushed his golden hair out of his face. I felt tears threatening to fall down my face.
"I'll be back," I turned around and walked out the room. As soon as the door closed behind me, I broke down. All of my emotions hit me like a truck. My body trembled as my back slid down the wall.
I did this to him. It was, is my fault he got hurt in that fire. It is my fault he ran away. It's my fault, all of it. All because he didn't come home on time. All because I couldn't control my damn temper.
What if? That's the only question I had for whatever gods existed. What if I hadn't hit him? What if those stupid socs minded their own damn business. What if I did a better job at looking after my brothers. What if?
"Darry?" a familiar voice asked. I looked up and saw Steve Randle approaching. Quickly I wiped the tears off of my face.
"Oh, uh. Hi Steve," I began standing up. He had a single yellow flower in his hand. In all the years I've known Steve, he never was one to give a guy a flower, or anyone for that matter. I looked down at the flower confused, then at Steve's face.
"I uh," Steve stuttered, "I have been a jackass to him pretty much his whole life. Figured now was the time to patch things up." I opened my mouth to respond but I heard something I wish I hadn't. Soda had yelled for the nurses in the most frightening tone of voice.
I ran into the room, eyes immediately focusing on Ponyboy. His heart monitor was beeping like crazy. The noise seemed to get louder and louder. In one place I was standing by my brother. I began pushing his hair out of his face and tapping his cheeks.
"Ponyboy no!" I was sobbing and yelling all at once, "Pony don't do that. Stop! You can't leave!" I didn't realize the nurses came in until one started dragging me away. I continued my yelling, fighting against the nurse's attempts to take me outside.
" stop," the nurse pleaded. Suddenly I heard the worst sound in the world. A long, loud beep. I froze and looked at the monitor. He flatlined. I dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes and cried. I killed him. I killed my baby brother. Everything is my fault.
