No no no of course you don't! Why would you? Why would anyone? Why would anyone go looking for that mad mad man called the doctor? How could anyone know where to begin?

Well I'll tell you the best way to find the doctor is to leave him a note. Not just any note, this special doctor finding note has to start in just the right way, with the words "Hello sweetie".

You can't just leave this note any old place, it has to be a special place, someplace the doctor is bound to go. My personal favorite hiding place for my doctor finding notes is a museum. But like everything else about the doctor it can't be just any old museum it has to be the universes biggest intergalactic museum now doesn't it?

Now you might ask "how do I find this extra-large museum?" well see now that's where I can't help you it's not always in the same place and at any rate they don't let just anything into a museum do they? Especially not something with the words hello sweetie on them! That is why when I leave my notes they don't look like notes of course.

Don't ask me how I manage that because I won't tell you, if you ever do find the doctor you can ask him, although he might not tell you either, but he will at least let you ask. What you can ask however (which I can also see you are itching to do) is "since leaving a message in a museum is so hard is there any other place I can leave him a note?" and the answer is yes! Loads! But you have to know the doctor pretty well for that.

You might also like to know why I like leaving notes in a museum so very much if it is so very difficult and the answer is "because it amuses me" of course! I suppose you could always try sending him a message on the physic paper, it is an old standby but you need a bit of physic training or awareness to do that, and since so few people have either it doesn't seem viable…so that's out.

Perhaps a more sure fire way to locate the doctor and avoid the whole note process is to get your hands on a vortex manipulator and look him up in a history book, just look for a good wizard or some such they almost always end up being him and if your wizard search fails you can always look up mysterious doctors, but then I shouldn't have to tell you that now should I?

This is for you "normal" people who don't have a way to accomplish any of the things outlined above: the doctor can most often be found late 20th early 21st century earth typically England or Wales unfortunately even this as I understand it is a bit out of reach for some of the more "normal" people. The best advice I can give to anyone is "trust the doctor" if it's meant to be he will find you. Oh! I have to go I think I hear a certain blue box with the parking brake on.

Sincerely,

River Song

P.S.

If you do see the doctor don't tell him anything about this.