Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and the Saturdays own the song
A/n: This is my first fic so please don't be harsh…Iknow this have been done before but I want to try a different approach slightly. I'm not that good of a writer, so don't hate me because of my writing...this is a Team Jacob story….Team Edward's be warned….Edward isn't my Favourite character… non of the Cullens are...Pack lovers only! There will be a slight Nessie bashing, sorry to any Nessie lovers
Rated M for a reason.
Review!
Forever, No More
Chapter 1 - Forever is over,
Bella POV
I was caught in a place
Far away from the light
What I saw, I couldn't face
So I closed my eyes
Wish I could turn back the page
Rewrite my point of view
Save all the time you waste
Got to get gone, gone
I lay on Edward's and my bed, deep in thought, listening to a random song I'd come across. Music always distracted me when I needed it. But for some reason, it wasn't helping today. I guess the reason was, in the room next door, loud and clear moaning could be heard. Jacob and Nessie were in there alone. Anyone with a bit of common sense would know what was happening in there.
I buried my face in my pillow as pain tore through me and pounded at my cold frozen heart. It was like acid and a thousands knives were stabbing and jabbing it repeatedly. What was I was hearing now, was just as bad as someone ripping out my heart and stomping on it, before running it over with a bulldozer.
I regret what I did 60 years ago. I regret ever turning into a vampire. I regret not giving Jacob a chance. I was so stupid. I still am stupid. Why didn't I accept Jacob's love for me was pure as his beating innocent heart? I know why, because I had selfishly thought so can love. No one can be in love as much as Edward and I were. I should have chosen Jacob when I still had a chance. Right now. He was making love to my daughter! The girl I have given up my humanity for. Was now being loved by the one I love more than anything in the universe. That should be me! Me being the one receiving Jacob's love. His beautiful smile. His sexy body. Not Renesmee. ME.
Don't let it escalate
Don't fight, it's just no use
There's nothing left to say
Got to get gone, gone, gone
Forever is over
And my heart's not gonna fight
Forever is over
And I'm no longer afraid
How true was this song? Because, in fact my forever was over. I was never in love with Edward. I was addicted to him. I loved him. But I was never in love with him. My mind and heart now revolved around Jacob. Had always revolved around Jacob. I was too foolish to see that. My poor sweet amazing Jacob. But he wasn't mine! He was Nessie's. Never mine… Never will be now. Nessie was his imprint. Well, I had a theory about that. I should have been Jacob's imprint. What did Nessie have? My Eyes, My blood. And since I am a shield. I am able to block things off. Like block off an imprint. God, damn me and my stupid head.
You know what they say, Karma's a bitch. Well I agree with that comment. This was my punishment for putting everyone through so much pain. Eternity seeing Jacob in the arms of another. Thick venomous tears came to my eyes as the familiar pain tore through me again. Those tears would never spill. This pain would never go away. Fire. The bad kind. Surged through my body. Ripping me apart from the inside. My insides, my mind and my feelings were all that was left of the human me, now they were fading too. Soon to be replaced by a heartless predator.
'Cause if I don't get out now, I may never escape
Your power is fading away
And I'm getting so stuck
To the place I belong
Forever is over
(Over, over, over, over)
I don't want you to tell me
You found someone
'Cause I got no distance
Left to run
Every time Edward and I made love. Instead of cold. I craved hot. Instead of ice. I craved fire. Instead of pale hands. I craved tanned russet ones. Instead of bronze hair. I craved black hair. Instead of hypnotic amber eyes. I craved deep gorgeous brown ones. I wanted no I yearned to feel Jacob's warms hands caress my body lovingly as he was doing to Nessie now.
'Bella Stop it!' I warned myself mentally. Honestly, I was so pain prone. It was as if I willingly brought myself pain. Deep pointless sigh. See. Even my sighs meant nothing. All I was, was a fake, a cheater. Created to kill what had once been me. Humans. I was on a animal diet, didn't stop me from wanting human blood instead.
Wish I could turn back the page
Rewrite my point of view
Save all the time you waste
(Got to get gone, gone)
Don't let it escalate
Don't fight, it's just no use
There's nothing left to say
Got to get gone, gone, gone
Jacob and I were still friends. He was my fucking son-in-law. But we were still friends. That's what helped numb the pain a bit. The reason I wasn't ashes yet. Though there was strain between us because of the Vampire, Werewolf thing. But I didn't care, at least I got to see him and hug or hang out with him.
Nessie got suspicious if we spent too much time together. So did Edward. Jacob's thoughts were obviously all innocent since Edward had warmed up to him. Kinda. But mine definitely were not. Every time Jacob bent over in the garage as I was watching him fix something, his t-shirt would ride up and his jeans would move down slightly. It wasn't supposed to be a seductive move but it turned me on all the same. I could see the edge of his V-line by his lower stomach; I couldn't help but drool slightly at the thought of where it went. I had never been so glad for my shield.
Forever is over
And my hearts not gonna fight
Forever is over
And I'm no longer afraid
'Cause if I don't get out now, I may never escape
Your power is fading away
And I'm getting so stuck
To the place I belong
Maybe I should go to the Volturi. Maybe they could end my misery. What use was I lying here wallowing in pain and torture? What did I have left to do now?
'Bella, don't be so suicidal! What about the Cullens? What about Jacob? Nessie?' A voice in my head warned me, 'Jacob doesn't want me.' I told the voice sadly, in my head
See. There I go. Being selfish again. But I was right though. They were better off without me. Everyone was better off without me. My Forever was over; it had been over the day it began.
The Cullens by the way were all out hunting, they had asked me but I had declined. Now I regretted it. All I was doing was bringing me pain. Again. And I would continue doing do, for the rest of eternity. Forever.
Forever is over
(Over, over, over, over)
I'm on the other side
And now I realize
I'm in paradise
'Cause you're out my life
Forever is over
And my hearts not gonna fight
Forever is over
And I'm no longer afraid
I had nothing to do with my life anymore. All I wanted was Jacob. And he was all I could never have. I was now stuck like this for the rest of eternity. I was beautiful. Rich. Sexy. Young forever. I didn't want any of it.
I was a mother. A wife. A daughter. That brought venom tears to my eyes. Charlie was dead. Like I wanted to be now. I had been such a terrible daughter. Now I would never make it up to him. Ever. It turned out my father did know what was best for me. He was Team Jacob from the beginning. Why hadn't I listened to him? And now it was too late. Too late to go back now.
Renée was getting sick, she was in her late nineties and hanging on the life by a thread. I wrapped my arm around my middle as violent tearless sobs racked my body. I was the worst Mother and Daughter and Wife alive! Or, well technically dead! Stupid Fucking Me!
'Cause if I don't get out now, I may never escape
Your power is fading away
And I'm getting so stuck
To the place I belong
I calmed myself down as the moaning next door, stopped. Their door opened and I could hear Jacob's footsteps approaching my door and turning the handle. The door opened and Jacob stood there shirtless. And I for that one moment I was glad I didn't have a heart beat as it was going to be going a million miles an hour.
"Bells? You okay?" Jacob asked me, his beautiful face pulled up into a frown
I forced a smile on my face, "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" the words came out slightly strained
Jacob raised an eyebrow and gave me a sexy smirk, which would have made my heart stop if I were human. "Well, you're listening to a depressing song and looking like you're dying inside." he noticed
If only you knew, how true those words were, Jacob.
I waved my hand dismissively, rolling my eyes. "I'm fine."
"If you're sure."
"I'm sure,"
"Ok," Jacob closed the door and went back to his and Nessie's room as I collapsed into my pillow sighing (pointlessly). Why couldn't the world blow up soon? My forever was already over. Why could no one else's be?
Forever is over
(Over, over, over, over)
Forever is over
My eyes were jammed shut, as the song finished. I wished I could fall asleep. I wished I could dream. Hell, I even wanted nightmares but there was nothing to be scared of now, I wanted to feel afraid again. Maybe except Werewolves, they were a threat to my kind but I was a Cullen. I grit my teeth angrily; I did not want that name. I wanted to Bella Swan again. Or even Bella Black. Anyway, the pack could not harm a Cullen unless they broke the treaty. Like I did. Oh, Fuck Me. I am such a bitch. The Pack was there for me, when the Cullens were not. They had become my second family, but what did I do? I Fucking Abandoned Them! I hate myself. Maybe the Volturi is a good option after all…Or Maybe I could find a lighter…?
I heard Jacob and Nessie, going down the stairs. I stayed there, listening. Oh what I wouldn't get to eat human food again. I didn't want a lust for blood, Hell when I was human, I hated blood. I even hated the cold. Now look at me, a cold heartless predator, how ten long minutes of listening and laying there. I finally decided to get out of my room. Might as well make an effort. I got up, left the room, went downstairs at my vampires speed, and entered the kitchen. Can you actually believe I hated being fast too? Half of the time anyway.
Nessie sat the table, while Jacob stood at the gas, stirring something that smelled like spaghetti. I went over and took the spoon from him. "Here, you sit down. I'll do it," I told him.
"No, it's ok," Jacob protested, trying to look me in the eye
"Jake…" I stretched his name, with a warning tone in my voice, avoiding his intense gaze which repeatedly made me melt
Jacob then merely shrugged and joined Nessie at table.
"Mum? Are you ok?" Nessie asked, sounding worried
I grimaced and was glad I had my back turned, "Of course I am."
"You sounded like you were upset before." Nessie pointed out
"I'm fine." I said sternly
There was silence as I finished making the spaghetti and set out two plates. A big and a small. The bigger one for Jacob, and Nessie preferred blood to food, so she only had a little. I stared at it longingly, oh how I wished could eat and enjoy.
"Bells," My cold absent heart fluttered at the name, "You know you can tell us anything." Jacob said,
At the sound of Jacob's husky voice. I suppressed in the urge to spill everything right here. Right now.
I turned around, with the two plates on my hands and put them on the table, keeping my face unreadable. Next, I turned back to the counter and poured them orange juice, as an excuse not to look at them. It was getting harder and harder to see them together everyday. It was ok at first, but now, knowing how far in their relationship they were and married. I had protested at first but everyone had sided with Nessie. Even Jacob, stupid imprinting. Taking away my Jacob's free will.
Most of my human memories had faded but one. One that keep coming back. One of the most painful. Was the memory of the kiss on the mountain. Jacob and I then had ignited a passion then that Edward and I never had done. And still never can. I'm telling you, if you are freezing cold. Even though you feel warm to each other. Where's the passion if you can't have heat?
"Mom, tell us what's wrong." Nessie said, "I can help."
Not facing them, I tightened my hand around the glass, as fury coursed through me. What did she know? Had she ever felt any pain? Had she ever had her heart-broken? Ever have to try to feel good enough? Ever have to feel useless? Ever see the one she's loves love another? Did she. Why did she even care? She had already taken everything from me. My humanity. My Jacob. What else was there to take? I winced as my human years flashed through my head. I shut my eyes. Too much. Too Much.
Jacob, of course had felt it, everything I was feeling now. Jacob had felt pain, because of me. He had been heartbroken, because of me. He had tried to feel good enough, because of me. He always felt useless, because of me. He always had always seen the one he loved with someone else. Loved. Loved. Loved…
Jacob didn't love me anymore. At least not the way I wanted. I was just his best friend now. Nessie was Jacob's everything. And I was his nothing. He only saw me now, as the girl, no as the LEECH he had forgiven for breaking his heart. The PARASITE that was the reason for him betraying his tribe. ME. ME. ME….
I loosened my fingers around the glass before it shattered, span around, and placed the glasses on the table. And ran out of the room, letting all the misery and pain consume me. Everything I refused to think about or feel for came back to me. In a form of vampire hyperventilation. Talking to Jacob on first beach. Using Jacob to hear Edward's voice. Not caring it was the Cullen's fault he had changed. Selfishly jumping off a cliff. Running off the Italy. Expecting Jacob to welcome me warmly. For punching Jacob when he first kissed me instead of enjoying it. Breaking his heart while he was injured. Not caring when he ran away….All my human memories flashed themselves at me at the same time. Pain and grief overflowing me with deep regret. What was happening? Why was I remembering this now? I thought I was supposed to forget my human memories. Why did they all come back at once?
I did not care why, I just had to get out. I yanked the front door opened and let myself go into the dark moonless night. I began to run. I kept running. And I didn't look back. Not once. Not ever.
Review. This is my first fic. Be nice please. Thank you for reading. As you can tell Bella is being selfish as she always is but in a different way.
I will update as fast as I can and the chapters will get longer. Thank you again
Team Jacob Forever!
All My Love
Zayna x
