Chapter One

"There you see," Eddie cooed to Reagan as she slowly rocked her. "There was nothing to get so upset about was there? No, there wasn't…your blankie is tight and your tummy is full." Eddie slowly handed the now quiet baby back to her mother.

"Thanks Mom," Lila sighed. "They both just started to scream and…"

"You can't let them get you flustered honey," Eddie advised. "They feel your frustration and your anxiety and it makes them scared."

Steven rubbed Lila's back, "So we were frightening our own babies?"

"I don't think Eddie means it quite like that," Jamie spoke up with his little grandson now asleep in his arms. "But when you are uptight or anxious they can feel it. Babies are like dogs, bees, any other instinctual animal, they react to fear. You are their parents, no one knows what is right for your babies more than you do."

Jamie handed Finn back to Lila as well. He could see the fatigue etched in Eddie's face, "I'm going to take Mom on home now, you two can do this. You have to believe you can though or you will get too scared and just frighten them. There were inside all safe and warm, they don't know where they are or why, they need you two to make them feel secure." Jamie kissed Lila's head and gave her a sure hug. Lila realized what he meant, even as a grown up with her own babies she felt safe in her father's arms.

"I love you Daddy," Lila whispered. "Take care of Mom, she looks kind of drawn."

Jamie nodded, "I see it. You call if you need us but try to handle it yourselves okay?"

Steven saw Jamie and Eddie out. Jamie reached for his wife's hand, "You need to go up to bed. You're exhausted."

"We were about to make love," Eddie sighed. "I take it that is not going to be happening now."

"Eddie, I can see the tiredness written all over you,' Jamie sighed. "I love you, you know I love you, there will be other nights."

Eddie bit her cheek to keep her voice normal, "Not like tonight, Jamie. There will never be another night where our first grandchildren come home and we remembered those special times, that's done. That is past already. Guess you were saved by the bell huh?"

"Eddie," Jamie pulled on her hand. "Don't be like that. You know I was very excited honey. You know that."

"There was a day Jamie…but that day passed," Eddie sighed.

"This is about what Nikki said isn't it?" Jamie asked as they walked. "Eddie, open up with me. Talk to me!"

"You aren't talking to me, Jamie," Eddie replied. "You aren't. You are fatigued and you are losing your DCPI just retired, this is the time to change. I can't help you if you get sick again, what part of that don't you understand?"

"Eddie…" Jamie sighed. "Baby, I love you, okay? Right now is not the time there are some major things happening at work that I can't up and leave right now. It needs to be handled with kid gloves."

"Tell me, Jamie!" Eddie implored him. "Make me understand why you are risking your health, just make me understand."

Jamie sighed wishing he could tell her, wanting to tell her everything but knew some information couldn't be shared.

"All I can say is there's some problems within the department and I'm not about to dump it on someone else because it could roll back on my dad."

Eddie picked her head up watching Jamie's body language. "It's bad Eddie but I know when to rest," Jamie assured.

His soft blue eyes met hers as he crossed back to her taking her hands in his. "I love that you worry about me. I love you Eddie."

"I love you too please Jamie try and take it easy," Eddie begged him receiving his thousand watt smile.

"I will promise."

Jamie tested the waters by slipped his hand into Eddie's again. She let him hold her hand and leaned her head on his shoulder. By the time they got back to the house most of Eddie's weight was on him, she was so tired.

Frank was still awake when they went inside. He was making a cup of tea, puttering around the kitchen. "Dad, it's really late you should be in bed," Jamie sighed.

"I am having tea and I could eat, then I'll go to bed and be old. How are my great-grandbabies?"

"Fussy," Eddie replied. "Lila and Steven are too uptight, it all started when Finn fell asleep with his pacifier in his lips. Lila read something about his teeth, which won't matter for a while yet, and took it out. Reagan got woke up and got mad, Lila got flustered and they both got anxious from her fear. Jamie and I needed about five minutes to calm the twins and another two hours to settle the parents." Eddie sat down in the kitchen chair and leaned over to rub her sore legs.

"Why don't you go up, I'll be right there," Jamie told Eddie kissing her head. "I'm just going to lock up, I'll be right there."

Eddie finally agreed and headed up to the bedroom. Jamie sat beside Frank, "Twice," he sighed.

"Twice?" Frank queried as he bit his freshly made sandwich. "In the last half hour I lied to my wife twice. I never had to lie to her like this before."

"Why do you have to lie to her now?" Frank asked. "Eddie's not like Linda, she's not excitable, she's not a panicker."

"If she found out I was staying to clear up this mess with Erin, they made things up but she'd go berserk. I had to tell her that what I was doing implicated you."

Frank raised his eyebrow, "Jamie, when Eddie finds out you were dishonest…"

"I know, Dad," Jamie sighed. "But I can't let them hang my sister out to dry and not try to get to the bottom of this. It was Erin's money, Dad. Her money funded all of those programs, but I can't believe she knew those kids were being bought and sold like cattle and I won't believe she had a hand in it!"

Frank nodded, "I appreciate your keeping the card close to your chest, son. But it's not worth your health and it is not worth your marriage."

Jamie sighed, "Eddie is turning so cold. I know she's tired, and with the kidney disease it bloats her and makes her feel sick…I know the weight gain is making her feel unattractive…but I try, Dad. I really try."

"I know you do, go up there now and try. You took excellent care of Eddie when she had cancer, she took excellent care of you when you had the stroke. Go upstairs and take care of each other. Marriage is about in sickness and in health, you two do that part great. But it's also about to love and to cherish and I think you are a little lax on that. Cherish your wife, cherish these years…one day it's all going to be gone. Don't have regrets son."

Jamie nodded and got up, "Thanks Dad. Get some rest all right?"

Frank nodded, shaking his head, "Jamie…you won't be able to save anything, not Erin, not me, not your career if your marriage ends up in the crapper."

Jamie nodded again and turned to head upstairs.

Eddie was massaging moisturizer into her legs when Jamie came in. He changed out of his clothes and slid into bed, "I love to watch you do that," Jamie whispered. "But more than that, I love to do it for you." He held his hand out and waited for her to put the lotion bottle in his hand.

Eddie put it in his hand and Jamie smiled. He carefully massaged the lotion into her legs and feet making sure to work the sore muscles. Eddie's body was not built to carry extra weight, her frame was so small. Jamie took his time, using his fingertips to run over her body, "Stop doubting me, Eddie. Stop doubting I love you, please," Jamie whispered.

"I can't help it, Jamie," Eddie replied. "You still look amazing, you are still in shape even after a stroke."

Jamie paused and went for it, "Eddie, I hate how this is going to sound but there were other times in our marriage when you were…While you were sick, from a man's perspective, you were a lot less attractive than now and I loved you and wanted you anyway because that wasn't the only thing I loved. You gained weight, it's not even you fault all right?"

Eddie sighed, "I'm sorry I was so revolting to you!" She moved away not even wanting him to finish digging her feet into the carpet.

"Wait Eddie that's not what I meant, I meant I love you no matter what you look like because I love you," Jamie pleaded trying to reword what he meant to say.

Eddie merely scoffed at him knowing exactly what he meant. "No I get it I know I'm not pretty, you made it abundantly clear. I thought you were the one guy who wouldn't disappoint me, sorry to say I was wrong now get out!"

Jamie stood off the bed facing her wanting a chance to explain, instead having to move as Eddie threw a pillow at him. "Eddie."

"Since I'm that hideous get out, just go. I'm sure you'll be happy with someone more attractive," Eddie called over her shoulder, keeping her back to him so he couldn't see the disappointed tears in her eyes.

"Eddie, I won't be happy anywhere else," Jamie pressed. "I'm sorry, baby. I was just trying to tell you that you're beautiful to me no matter how you look. I love you. I want you no matter what. You trying to lose weight and taking this vitamin and that vitamin. It doesn't matter."

Eddie lost her battle with her tears and began to sob. Nikki's words hurt and Jamie lately hadn't done much to make her feel like she was more than a female marshmallow man. Jamie closed the gap, "Eddie, please…Let's lie down together, let's remember that feeling on the sofa, remember when our babies were little, and remember when I used to make your knees buckle when I kissed your neck…"

Jamie leaned over and nibbled on Eddie's ear. She put her shoulder up, "I can't Jamie. I can't anymore, please…I need to be alone, please go sleep in Joey's room."

"Eddie we have never slept apart unless one of us was sick, and even then we usually bunked in the hospital," Jamie sighed. "I don't want to sleep apart, I love you, Eddie."

Eddie sighed and stilled in Jamie's arms, "I need you to keep your promises. You said you'd stay home with me. You promised you'd stay home."

"I will," Jamie whispered. "How about tomorrow, you and I go and get couples' massage, have a nice lunch, and take a walk by the pier. Would you like that?"

Eddie smiled, if he kept his promise, she would. "Yes, I would. And of course we'll go and see the babies."

"Of course," Jamie replied. "You're going to be the most loving, most involved and most beautiful grandma…I love you, Mrs. Reagan, please stop trying to forget that."

Eddie nodded gently, "I'll try." Jamie pulled Eddie closer, counting her breaths as she fell asleep where she belonged, in his arms.

A/N: Seems Lila isn't quite ready to be a Mommy and Eddie is clearly having some body image issues among other things. And Erin…can Jamie get her out of that hot water?

Next Update: July 16th – Jamie and Eddie have a couples day, Joey and Anse look into a robbery string that might be an SVU.