I finished typing the last few lines in my essay on logic and reasoning; homework for one of the courses I was taking at Cornell. It wasn't going to be due for weeks. But I had to have something to do. Something to distract me from the emptiness.
I stared at the completed essay on the computer screen, three thousand words longer than required. It had been the last bit of homework I had to do. And now I had to find something new to occupy my mind.
I growled low in my chest as the emptiness, having never really vanished, started aching and spreading again.
Rosalie, standing by the large windows that looked out into the Denali forests, sighed in exasperation. My mood was apparently irritating her.
"She'll be back, Jasper. If you were going to be this upset about it you could have just gone with her."
But I couldn't have. This whole cussed situation was my fault. One tiny, unexpected whiff of fresh-spilled blood and I'd been a monster again. Lunging and snapping at the center of my brother's universe. I could only imagine how I would have reacted if he'd attacked Alice in the same manner.
I shuddered. He'd let me off easy.
I couldn't go against Edward's wishes. Even though Bella had committed suicide. It wasn't right to interfere. Even if Charlie was going to take it so poorly, it still wasn't right for us to get involved.
Alice had not seen it that way.
"I have to go, Jasper. I can't let Charlie... He's my family, too."
"No, Alice. We promised, remember? Let him be." My hand gripped tightly to her wrist, restraining her as she tried to escape out the front door.
"I can't Jazz!" she sobbed. "I have to... Please?"
My grip loosened. She gave me one last anguished look. Then sprinted for the Mercedes.
I played that look over and over again in my head. I remembered the pain that had been consuming her. Bella had been her best friend. Her sister. She'd loved her as dearly as any of our other family members. Perhaps even more.
Not that I hadn't been fond of the Swan girl. I'd liked her quite a lot, actually. She was endearing, selfless, and amusingly awkward. I was sorry for her loss.
But it was still wrong for us to interfere!
I groaned softly and pushed away from the computer. It had been over twenty four hours since Alice left. I debated whether or not to call her cell, to see what was going on, to at least hear her voice. Was she angry with me still? Had she kept Charlie from taking his own life? Was she coming back?
I hated this distance between us. So much worse than physical distance. We almost never fought. Not because we never had differing views, but because one of us - or usually both - would concede for the other. I would do anything, endure anything, be anything for her. And, miraculously, she loved me just as much as I loved her. But this was the biggest conflict we had ever been in. This was the first time I had ever really been angry with her.
"Jeez, Jasper. Maybe you should go hunting again," Rosalie griped.
I glared at her.
She rolled her eyes.
Rosalie felt irritated and on edge right now, too. And not just because of my influence. It had bothered her when Alice insisted we not call Edward and tell him the news. She didn't agree. Rosalie thought we ought to tell him right away. I wasn't certain if it was some sort of sadistic vengeance for him making the rest of the family miserable for the past seven months or what. Maybe she thought he would get over Bella and come home. If so, she seriously underestimated the depth of his feelings for her. They reminded me of how much I cared for Alice.
Rosalie let out another exasperated sigh.
Hunting didn't sound like such a bad idea, actually. It would be something to do. I stood and marched outside, then sprinted through the lawn and into the trees, intent on finding the nearest thing I could tear to pieces.
I spent the next few hours hunting. I took down a few deer, just for something to do. But I was not truly thirsty. The scorching burn was not in my throat.
It was past dusk now. The house would be empty except for Rosalie and Emmett. They wouldn't appreciate being around me, not in the mood I was in. So I wandered aimlessly in the wilderness for the rest of the night.
I contemplated finding Carlisle, to have someone to talk to. He and Esme hadn't been back to the house for days, not since before Alice had seen the fateful vision, so they didn't know what had happened with Bella yet. But, in the end, I decided to let them have their private time undisturbed. They would find out about it eventually.
The sun rose behind heavy clouds. The emptiness in my chest ached. I started to feel violent again. I punched a tree next to me, trying to release some of the strain, it shuddered and split up the center.
Damn it, Alice! Why did you do this to me?
I winced. Yelling at her felt like blasphemy, even if it was just in my head. And even though I was furious.
Emmett was probably out hunting by now. Maybe I could find him and challenge him to a fight. Strangely, I wanted to fight. I wanted to beat something into pulp or rip something to shreds right now.
I decided to track him down, I knew his usual spots.
After a while I found his trail and followed it. He was several hours north. My mood only worsened as I ran. The emptiness in my chest throbbed.
"Hey, Jasper!" Emmett called to me. He was face to face with a grizzly. The bear roared and took a swipe at him the moment he was distracted. Emmett dodged the blow and roared, mockingly, back at the bear. He liked to play with his food. Then he launched at the creature, taking it down easily.
I waited until he was finished.
"So what's up?" he asked.
"I need to hit something, Emmett."
He grinned. "Well all right, then. Let's go!"
I didn't hesitate at his invitation. I snarled, launching myself at him.
After nearly fifty years of sparring with me, learning from me, Emmett was much more skilled than he had been when we first met. He was stronger than me, too. But, even so, I was still the best fighter in the family. Faster than Emmett. Stronger than Edward. And more skilled than both of them put together.
I had Emmett pinned in less than ten seconds.
"Damn, bro!" He winced as I bent his arm and neck in unnatural ways.
"Sorry," I growled, releasing him. He rubbed his shoulder, flexing it experimentally.
"Still no word from Alice?" he asked, getting up and starting to walk back.
I glared at the ground as we slowly made our way in the direction of the house.
"She's gonna be okay, you know. Alice can take care of herself."
"I know that."
"Then what's bothering you?"
I took a deep breath. Emmett hadn't been there to witness the turmoil when it had happened.
"I was angry with her when she left. I still am. It's killing me."
Emmett's eyes grew wider for a brief moment in understanding. Then he was grinning again.
"Don't worry about it. In the end, it can actually be a good thing," he chuckled at some private joke.
"What do you mean?" I growled. I wasn't in any kind of mood for jokes.
"Well, you two don't fight much. But, let me tell you, sometimes I'll pick a fight with Rose on purpose just for the amazing make-up sex afterwords." His big booming laugh filled the forest around us.
I glared at the ground again. Emmett made no secret about his and Rosalie's extremely physical relationship. But that he would insinuate that any physical gratification might make this suffering worthwhile was ludicrous.
"C'mon! I'll race you back!" he shouted, punching me in the arm, harder than necessary.
Ouch.
He sprinted ahead.
I snarled. I knew that I was in an extremely bad mood. And that I was overreacting. But still the provocation was a welcome distraction. I raced after Emmett, not trying to beat him to the house. The beating would come before we ever made it there.
He had a head start, but I caught up with him. He sensed my intentions a moment before I was upon him.
Trees snapped and boulders shattered as we battered one another. I let him pound on me a little more than I usually would. The physical pain helped distract me, and helped prolong the fight too.
If Esme had been here she would have stopped us before we'd gotten anywhere near this brutal. But I needed to pummel something. And Emmett, thank goodness, was a willing and somewhat deserving recipient of my violence.
I'd just hurled my brother into a giant cedar. The tree wobbled wildly but didn't fall. Emmett was snarling a crazy stream of profanity at me when we heard it.
"Emmett!" Rosalie screamed in the distance. "Emmett, help!"
Emmett shot me a panicked look and we raced back toward the house.
Rosalie met us at the edge of the lawn.
"What is it, baby? What's the matter?" Emmett asked.
"Alice called!" she sobbed.
Oh, dear Lord! Not Alice! My knees felt suddenly weak.
"And?" Emmett probed.
"It's... It's Edward!"
"Edward?" I asked. The weakness faded a little, but I was still worried. Something was very wrong. I'd never felt Rosalie this distraught before.
"He's... I..." she was sputtering, not coherent.
"Calm down, Rosalie," I said, resting my hand on her shoulder and sending a steady stream of tranquility into her. "What happened. Start from the beginning."
"I...called Edward."
"What?" Emmett and I asked in unison.
"I thought it would be better. I thought he would want to know, that he wouldn't appreciate us keeping this from him. I thought he would come home. After all, she's just a human. It's not like he was going to change her..."
"Then what happened?" I interrupted her rambling.
"He hung up on me. Then a little while later Alice called." She looked at me with tortured eyes. "Bella isn't dead. And Edward is going to try to kill himself."
I removed my hand from her shoulder.
"Wait. Bella's... not dead?" Emmett asked, with a wave of confusion and relief.
"I don't know how. Alice was so certain. But now Edward think's she's dead. And I told him... And now he's going to..."
"He's going to Italy," I said.
They both looked at me. Shocked and appalled.
"How do you know that?" Emmett asked.
"Alice told me once... She said that when we were on our way to the ballet studio, to stop James, Edward was making plans to get himself killed if we didn't make it in time."
"He's going to the Volturi?" Rosalie gasped.
"Undoubtedly. It's the surest way."
"What do we do?" Emmett asked, desperately.
They watched me, waiting expectantly.
In all vampire covens, vegetarian or not, there is an instinctive chain of command. In ours it only really comes in to play in moments of crisis. Carlisle was unquestionably the leader. If he wasn't around, then Edward was next in command. This was the first time a crisis had arisen and neither Carlisle nor Edward was available. It seemed the weight of authority was mine to bear this time.
"I'll wait here for Carlisle and Esme. You two get to the airport as fast as you can. We have to get ahead of Edward and stop him before he gets to Volterra. I'll call you as soon as I have news."
They nodded. Rosalie darted upstairs to grab money and passports while Emmett raced to the garage and fetched Tanya's Mitsubishi. It was faster than his Jeep.
They were both in the car in less than two seconds and the tires squealed loudly as Emmett peeled out onto the road. They'd be at Fairbanks airport in less than two hours.
I paced the spacious living room nervously. Wishing there was something more I could do. I couldn't go fetch Carlisle and Esme. There was zero cell reception in the wilderness where they were.
I would have called Alice. But I knew well that she would be trying to see ways to save our brother. A call might interrupt her. And, in a situation like this, she would call me as soon as she was able.
I continued pacing as the time ticked by. Waiting for Carlisle and Esme. Waiting for Alice to call. Waiting for anything to happen. What was taking her so long? After about an hour and a half the phone finally rang. It was an unfamiliar number. She must be calling from an airplane.
"Alice?"
"Rosalie filled you in?" Her voice was strained.
"Yes," I growled. "Is he planning to just ask them?"
"Yes, that's his plan now. But I don't think that they'll do it. Aro doesn't want to offend Carlisle."
"So he'll do something to provoke them." I was starting to feel panicky. If Edward provoked the Volturi while Alice was there...
"Right."
"What exactly is he planning to do?"
"I can't be sure. I keep seeing him do different things, he keeps changing his mind."
"What kinds of things?"
"A killing spree through the city, attacking the guard, lifting a car over his head in the main square...mostly things that would expose them - he knows that's the fastest way to force a reaction." No, no, no... Unforgivable sins.
"Is there any chance you can catch him before he reaches Volterra?"
There was a short pause, and then she whispered, "No," just loud enough for the phone's receiver to pick it up.
I felt like Emmett had just punched me in the gut. "What is your connecting flight? I'll meet you there."
"No, you can't."
"Emmett and Rosalie are coming, too." I continued, as if she hadn't spoken.
"Tell Emmett no."
"They're are already on their way to the airport."
"Well go after Emmett and Rosalie and bring them back."
"Why would I do that?"
"Think about it, Jasper. If he see's any of us, what do you think he will do?"
I groaned. "He'll rush into it to keep us from stopping him." It was all too easy to put myself in Edward's shoes right now.
"Exactly. I think Bella is the only chance - if there is a chance."
"Is there a chance?" I knew, far too well, how the Italians treated the "accomplices" of criminals. And that's exactly what Alice would be if she were caught in Volterra with Edward when he broke the law.
"I'll do everything that can be done. But prepare Carlisle - the odds aren't good."
Oh, God!
"Alice..." My voice was trembling even as I attempted to sound severe. "You had damned well better come back alive, or I will be following right behind Edward."
She laughed. But it was a forced laugh that sounded halfway like a sob. "I've thought of that."
"I'm not kidding, Alice. Promise me!"
"Yes, I promise."
I didn't believe her. "I'm coming - "
"Don't follow me," she begged. Real, earnest pleading in here voice. "I promise, Jasper. One way or another I'll get out."
"Alice, I love you."
"And I love you."
Silence.
Somehow my legs stopped working. I fell to my knees, staring at the little silver phone in my hand.
She'd said that she would make it out alive. She'd promised.
I hated it when she lied to me.
