Words

The bright flash goes off in my eyes. The photographer is telling me to stay still but I'm not paying much attention to him. I've never been one for photos. Never been one for suits either. My book is lying open on the wooden table next to a glass of half finished orange juice. I want nothing more than to sit down and read it. Flip through the old worn pages. Engulf every new bit of information it has to offer. I close my eyes for second and sigh. When I open them Demyx has hand on my shoulder and is smiling at me.

Brushing his hand off of me I turn back to the camera man. He's telling me to smile but I disregard his comment. Even my Demy is smiling even after I ignored him. I cast him a guilty look. It makes him smile and he blows me a kiss even though I'm standing next to him. I keep my back to him, not wanting to look into the eyes that drive me mad. I'm not sure how much longer I can take of this. I want to grab that open book and loose myself. I've become dependent on printed words. They're my escape from that always present thought of not truly having a heart. Never truly existing. Never being complete. Those words make me feel alive.

The flash goes off again. My eyes begin to water but I'm too lost in thought to care. Demy is wrapping his arms around my shoulders. I want to push him off but I've given up. His breath is warm in my ear. I squirm underneath his arms. "Not now." I whisper. He lets go and gives me his puppy dog eyes. I choose to ignore him and Demy turns back to the photographer. I want him to hurry up. I'm about to explode. That open book is calling to me softly. Like a voice in the back of my mind it's telling me to abandon the effort in trying to look happy for this stupid picture. Telling me to hide in my closet with that book and loose myself in its pages.

If I never came out of there nobody would notice. I'm just the quiet one that fades into the back round. At least Dem notices me. That makes things a bit better. If I had a heart he would be the only it had room for. I'll never understand what he saw in me but that doesn't matter. With him I don't fade into the back round as much.

My patience is starting to wear thin. I don't think I'll be able to stand still for much longer. The open book is too much temptation. I close my eyes and listen to the flash go off again. I knew it wasn't necessary to take three pictures but I guess Xemmas is just being careful. I hope none of them come out so I won't have to see myself every time I walk in the entrance hall.

A hand is pulling me out of the door. I open my eyes to see that Demyx is practically dragging me out of the room. I drop his hand and grab my book off the table. I stand there staring at him for a moment. He's giving me a look as though he's expecting me to do something. I shake my head. A sudden sadness clouds in his eyes. Dem smiles at me though. He always smiles no matter what. I wish he wouldn't. I walk back to wear the photos were taken and lean against the wall and close my eyes. I slide down the wall and the book falls from my hand. Not bothering to pick it up I bring my knees up to my chest and bury my head in them.

I'm tempted too run out of here but Dem would be sad. A hand is rested on my shoulder. I lean against his body. He runs his fingers through my hair and I feel my body relax. I rest my head against his neck. No matter how hard I try to make the tears fall they won't. The curse of not truly existing and not having a heart. I feel so empty but so full as he holds me. Dem is whispering in my ear. I don't pay attention to the words. It doesn't matter though. I have so much more to learn but nothing more to gain from the words. At least for the time being I can feel complete. Feel what it's like to have a heart again.

I feel something being dropped into my lap. I open my eyes and see the book in it. Dem is giving me a small smile. I want to wipe it off. He's smiles just so maybe I'll return it. Flipping through the pages gives me something to with my hands. Staring at the black print gives me something to look at other than his eyes. I grab the book and stand up. I walk up the stairs. And into my room. Inside my closet is dark ad comforting. My eyes slowly close and the feeling of utter darkness is my true escape.

E