My Fan Fic ban to complete school work isn't going so well Here is yet ANOTHER new story! I hope you like it and eventual E/O

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN L&O SVU OR ANY OF IT'S FRANCHIZE IT'S A SHAME CZ I WISH I DID. LOL.

"I'm glad you made it, we don't have much time." The doctor explained hurriedly as they walked towards the room that held the baby girl.

"What's wrong?" Olivia asked panicked.

"The baby's brain is bleeding we need your permission to operate immediately." She explained.

"What are her chances if you don't?"

"Not good." She replied honestly.

"And if the surgery's successful?"

"She could have brain damage for the rest of her life."

Olivia's breath hitched in her throat, she heard the doctors words but that was not the voice going through her mind, it was Elliot's telling her that people shouldn't play God, was telling the doctor to pull the plug on the treatment playing God in the way Elliot meant it? Was he right in saying if she was a parent that she would understand?

"Detective I need you to make a decision."

Again she heard the doctors voice but she was thinking of the argument she'd made against Elliot, she'd told him it was cruel to let a child who'd need life time round the clock care live but she wasn't sure now if she was right.

"Detective?" The doctor said pulling Olivia out of her thoughts.

Olivia's mouth opened but nothing came out for a moment. She couldn't play God.

"Do it. Save her." Olivia replied as she looked over at the baby girl she had power of attorney over, this could be her only chance at being a parent.

"Go!" The doctor yelled and Olivia could only stand there wide eyed as she watched them wheel the baby girl out the ward.

She stood there. Paralyzed to the ground as she wondered whether or not she'd made the right decision or not.

"Olivia." Elliot called rushing into the room and wrapping his arms around her.

"How did you know?" She asked returning the embrace.

"Cragen called." He replied rubbing his cheek into hers.

Tears slipped down her cheeks as she clung to Elliot, they were silent tears, for the little girl she'd made the decision to keep alive and she wasn't sure if she'd made the right decision.

"I couldn't do it." She croaked.

"What?" Elliot asked not hearing her.

"I told them to save her Elliot. I couldn't play God." She explained.

"Oh Liv." He replied wrapping her up tighter as she sobbed harder. "You did the right thing."

She pulled away from him violently.

"What?" He asked as she wiped her tears.

"How can you say I made the right decision? Even if she makes it through surgery, she may never have a normal life." Olivia explained. "The only decision I made was based on something you said, don't play God, you're catholic that's important to you but I'm not religious Elliot, I made the decision because of my selfish want to be a mother." She snapped.

"You're going to be an amazing mother to that little girl because Gladys isn't going to get help Olivia, she's going to be back on drugs and back on the street in no time while that little girl is going to get a real Mom from you, it's the most responsible thing Gladys has ever done in her life." Elliot replied rubbing her shoulder.

"That little girl could go through a lifetime of pain never able to do anything for herself Elliot because I told them to save her; I'll have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life." Olivia explained shakily.

"But that little girl will know nothing but love, care and happiness with a mother like you." Elliot replied.

"What happens if Gladys comes to get her back and revokes my rights?" Olivia asked. "I don't think I could live if I fall in love with her and bring her up as my own if that happens." She cried.

"We'll keep an eye out for her, as soon as she's arrested you can file for adoption because if she gets back into prostitution or drugs we'll file for adoption for you as she's an unfit mother, there has to be something we can do to make sure you keep her forever." Elliot replied enveloping her in her arms again just as Captain Cragen walked into the room.

"Well?" He asked seeing Olivia's tear stained cheeks as she moved away from Elliot.

"They're operating on her brain." Olivia replied shakily.

"They told me to take you down to the waiting room by the operating room." Cragen explained extending his arm to her and wrapping it around her as soon as she was close enough.

"What have I done?" She whispered as they walked away, she still wasn't sure if the decision she had made had been the wrong one or the right one.

Once she was sat down and Elliot bought her a coffee she sat trying to calm down her racing thoughts.

"Olivia there's something else they told me when they told me to come here." Cragen began.

"What?" She asked looking up and latching her eyes on his.

"Gladys hasn't named her. They're waiting for you to." He explained gently.

"Name her?" Olivia asked. "I don't ... Gladys never said what she wanted."

"Take your time, but if the worst happens they don't want to call her baby doe..."

"Don't you ever!" Olivia snapped. "Ever again."

"Sorry." He replied knowing that he'd really hurt her.

"I'm sorry." She sighed. "I'm just so confused."

She dropped her head into her free hand and sighed, she couldn't get around what had just happened, her whole world had changed and she didn't know if it was for the better or worse.

"El." She whispered taking his hand in her own.

"What?" He asked stroking her hand with his thumb.

"Can you ... could you go and find me a baby name book?" She asked.

"I can do that. Want me to go now?" He asked.

"Yeah." She replied. "If you don't mind. I just want to chose the perfect name, make sure the book has like explanations of what the names mean."

"Ok." He replied giving her hand a kiss before leaving.

Olivia sat back in her chair and closed her eyes still trying to calm her thoughts knowing she had a fight ahead of her.

"Olivia if you want time off I can sort that." Cragen said as she began to take the seat beside her.

"No, no I think I'm better off at work, as long as I have my cell phone." Olivia replied gently. "I need to be busy and when she gets out of here months down the line ... that's when I'm going to need time off."

"Ok." Cragen smiled weakly and nodded.

The baby now known as baby Benson was back in NICU after four hours in surgery and Olivia was sat in the chair beside the bed flicking through the baby name book, every name she chose she looked at the little girl beside her wondering if the name would suit her.

"Ok?" Elliot asked coming over to her.

"Yeah." Olivia replied. "Just want the perfect name you know."

"I do." He nodded pulling a chair to sit opposite her.

He looked at the tiny baby in the incubator, his heart bled. The infant was smaller than the palm of his hand and was covered in wires hooking her up to all sorts of machines.

"Nadina." Olivia whispered looking at the baby girl.

"What?" Elliot asked.

"The name, what do you think of the name Nadina? It means hope, it's Russian and French for hope." Olivia explained.

"It's a nice name." Elliot replied.

"But is it right?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know Liv it's your decision to make." Elliot replied gently.

"Sorry, I just can't seem to make a decision on my own." She shrugged.

"Olivia, whatever name you chose is going to be perfect for that little angel lying there." Elliot whispered giving her knee a gentle squeeze.

Olivia's eyebrows cocked as she thought and Elliot could almost see what was going on in her mind, she had an idea but was thinking it through.

"Come on Liv." He said knowing once she said what she was thinking out loud it would make think clearer.

"Angel Nadina." She said.

"Angel of Hope." Elliot replied.

"Yeah." Olivia replied her eyes flickering as she thought.

"It's perfect Olivia." Elliot whispered.

"Can I really name her Angel?" Olivia asked looking at him.

"You could call her Angelica?" Elliot suggested.

"Angelica Nadina? No, Angelica Nadine? No, Why is choosing baby names so difficult?" She frowned.

"I think Angel Nadina is beautiful and there is plenty of children out there called Angel." Elliot replied giving her a comforting smile.

Olivia turned to the baby and looked at her the name almost chanting in her head as she looked at the fragile human being.

"Angel, Angel Nadina Benson." Olivia whispered.

"Angel Nadina Benson." Elliot replied smiling.

"It's right." Olivia nodded. "It's perfect for her."

Olivia walked into the precinct the next morning trying to hide how tired she was.

"Olivia, nice outfit." Cragen smiled.

"You've used that one before, I know, I was wearing it yesterday." She replied laughing at his lame excuse of recycling a joke.

"Did you go home last night?" He asked.

"No I couldn't leave Angel." She replied.

"Angel?" Cragen asked having not heard the name of the baby.

"Yeah, Angel Nadina is what I named her, the name Nadina means hope so it's like Angel of hope, I liked the name Nadina from the baby book and then Elliot called her an angel and it kinda fit." Olivia replied as she went for the stairs.

"Did you even sleep?" Cragen asked.

"Yes." She lied.

"Go home Liv. You're no good to me like this, take a couple of days, you'll know when you're ready to come back." Cragen replied knowing Olivia was struggling with everything.

"Thank you Captain." She replied before turning on her heels, home wasn't the destination in mind.

When she walked into the hospital she did not expect to see Alex Cabot stood by the crib.

"Alex?" She asked.

"Hey, Cragen called and told me." She explained her eyes not moving from the tiny bundle.

"Oh, how are you?" Olivia asked going over to the side of the incubator and cleaning her hands before slipping them through the holes in the side to touch her little girl.

Alex just watched as Olivia's finger tip stroked the top if the baby's head so gently but she was sure the baby was reacting to her touch.

"She's so small Olivia." Alex croaked.

"Yeah one pound and three ounces small." Olivia replied. "But she's perfect."

"She's so beautiful. What's her name?" Alex asked.

"I named her Angel Nadina." Olivia replied.

"You named her?" Alex asked in surprised.

"Yeah Gladys didn't name her and as I have power of attorney that left me to chose her name, she's my little Angel of hope, it just felt right to name her that." Olivia explained.

"How are you holding up Olivia?" Alex asked.

"Dealing with the fact that the chances are she won't survive and if she does then the chances are she'll be mentally handicapped." Olivia replied. "I could have stopped all treatment yesterday Alex, you know when Elliot and I argued over what was best for her and I thought it was cruel keeping her alive, I got here yesterday and the decision was in my hands and I couldn't do it ... I just ... I just kept remembering Elliot telling me we couldn't play God and so I told them to save her, even if it means she'll have a poor life. I was selfish." Olivia replied.

"No you weren't." The doctor who'd asked for Olivia's decision the night before smiled coming into the room.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked.

"Your decision wasn't selfish Detective, Angel is doing well, her body temperature is slowly rising to normal, she's responding to light stimuli, she's not out of the woods yet but I'm now more hopeful than I was before we operated." She explained.

Olivia's eyes stung with tears as she thought that maybe the little girl in front of her would develop normally after all.

"I bought you these Olivia, something for you to read over if you get bored, they might lift your spirits a little." Alex smiled handing a file over to Olivia. "I have to go, arraignment at eleven. I'll pop by later, hang in there and call if you need me." She smiled embracing her friend.

"Thanks Alex." Olivia smiled before taking the seat beside the incubator.

"Keep your spirits up Detective, I'll be back in fifteen minutes to check on her." The doctor smiled before walking off.

Olivia opened the jacket Alex had given her and pulled out a handful of print outs. The first one alone made her smile.

Faith Sutton born at twenty three weeks turns ten today

The headline screamed, as Olivia read through the story she found out that the only problems the child had was hitting her developmental mile stones a little later than most, she could walk by age three and by age five she was a normal happy five year old except she was a little shorter than all of her friends but not by much from the picture Olivia was looking at.

There was a total of twenty articles, all of them premature babies who'd grown to have happy healthy and normal lives and Olivia couldn't help but be more hopeful that Angel would get to be one of those lucky children.

Sooo hope you like the first chapter of Becoming Angel.