1.

All Bad Ideas Begin at Swerve's, with Rodimus, but Usually Do Not Include a Bus


There was a knock on the door.

Everyone froze.

"Someone check that." Swerve poked his head out into the common area of the room. "No, not you, Trailbreaker," he added as the alcoholic in question stood up and made a move for the door. "If it's the RA and he sees that you're drunk he's gonna bust us all."

"'S Trailcutter now," he muttered, plopping back down in his armchair and clicking his fingers at Swerve for another drink. "How the hell haven't we been busted?"

"Don't question it." Brainstorm popped out of his and Perceptor's room, briefcase in hand. Swerve started clucking at him.

"Suitcase stays in your room!" he snapped.

"This is a common area, it's for all of us," Brainstorm protested, but he set the suitcase down in his doorway and made for the door to the hall.

All the while the knocking continued.

Brainstorm edged the door open and stuck his face out, and everyone behind him held their breath, ready to fling bottles out the windows and into dirty laundry piles if it was the RA who wanted entrance. "It's okay!" he shouted, throwing the door open further. "Just Whirl."

"You live here, you have a key, you don't need to knock - you nearly gave me a heart attack - thought it was Magnus." Swerve was babbling as he handed Trailcutter another drink and waited with his hand extended for payment. A few crumpled dollar bills found their way into his hand.

"I told you, I lost my key," Whirl snapped, tossing his hockey bag down in front of the door, where the next unlucky entrant would trip over it. "Dropped it when I got into a fight with a hobo this morning."

No one wanted to ask for further clarification. "So, anyone doing anything fun over break?" he continued, and that question, coming from Whirl, was much more frightening than his casual admittance that he beat up homeless people. Whirl never tried to be nice by taking an interest in other's lives.

"Why do you ask?" Brainstorm asked slowly, his words like a toe testing the water temperature. He picked up his suitcase again and retreated back into his room.

"'Cause Roddy says he's coming over with great plans for the week, and I thought a warning was in order. Unless you want to be suckered into something awful, make up prior commitments, quick."

"I'm out," Trailcutter announced, throwing a few more coins at Swerve's room and disappearing into his and Whirl's double. "Tell him I'm not here if he asks. Not that he will. I'm locking this door."

"Hey that's my room too!" Whirl shouted as the door closed. He bounded over the couch and tugged at the door, but it had already locked.

"Not until you stop fighting with hobos!" Trailcutter yelled back through the door. Whirl kicked it and then glared back at Brainstorm and Swerve, both standing in their doorways and staring at him.

"Every day you morons find new ways to make me regret living with you," Perceptor said, his voice coming somewhere from the depths of his and Brainstorm's room, beyond piles of textbooks, notes, and the occasional Tupperware of dangerous chemicals nicked from the labs.

There was another knock on the door.

"Still could be worse," Swerve offered, nearly tripping over Whirl's bag as he went to check the door. "You could've lived with Prowl."

"Ooh, are we Prowl-bashing again? That's my favorite hobby."

Swerve pushed the bag out of the way and swung the door open. "Hey, Rewind, c'mon in. The usual?" He frowned as Rewind shut the door behind him. "Is Chromedome never gonna check this place out? I'm a bit offended."

"It's not you, it's him," Rewind replied, making his way over to the couch and perching on the arm of it, as far away from Whirl as he could sit. Brainstorm emerged from his room again, sans suitcase, and took up position in the chair that Trailcutter vacated. "I don't want him in this environment."

"What, it's not like he's a recovering alcoholic," Brainstorm said. Everyone tried their best to not stare at Trailcutter's door. "We've just got homemade alcohol in here, no drugs of any sort."

Rewind shrugged. "I know, but still." He gave in and glanced at Trailcutter's door. "You turn your suite into a bar and you live with an alcoholic, have you no shame?"

"He'd get it from somewhere if it wasn't me," Swerve said, entering the common area with Rewind's drink. "At least here we can keep an eye on him."

Rewind grunted an affirmation and took the drink. "Yeah, suppose. S'about why I'd like to live with Chromedome - I don't trust Prowl to keep an eye on him when I'm not around."

"'Course that ain't the only reason you'd like to live with Chromedome," Whirl drawled. He was probably trying to start a fight, but Rewind was impossible to embarrass, and he simply grinned and raised his glass to Whirl before taking a sip.

"Touché."

"How is he still stuck with Prowl?" Brainstorm asked.

"Because Prowl's cracked in the head, that's why," Rewind answered. "He hates everyone except Chromedome and tied him up in some crazy rooming contract because he's rightly afraid if Domey left him he'd have no one."

"Arcee." Swerve said. There was silence for a few seconds.

"Even if you were Prowl, would you really want to live with Arcee?" Brainstorm asked.

Swerve's expression was one of deep thought before he nodded. "Single room?"

"Need a medical reason for it," Rewind said, "and 'being a certifiable prick' is not a valid condition. And then he can't afford off-campus by himself. Hey, if you're Prowl-bashing, I've got all the material."

"He clings to Chromedome like the psycho ex-girlfriend," Whirl remarked. "Are we sure they never had a thing?"

No one was stupid enough to answer. Rewind flipped him off.

They were all spared the growing tension when the door opened and Rodimus burst in, tripping on Whirl's bag (which had somehow gotten right back in the doorway after a Swerve moved it) but turning his stumble into a dramatic flourish. "Who's up for a road trip this spring break?" he announced over Brainstorm's incredulous, "the door is locked, how the hell did you get in?"

"Drift bought me a bus so I'm seeing who wants to join us driving across the country? Anyone? It'll be fun!"

"Repeat the first part of that for posterity," Rewind said, whipping out his phone to record the statement. "Drift... bought you... what?"

"Drift bought me a bus," Rodimus repeated. Rewind played his words back on his phone, still not seeming to believe what he had heard. "Who's coming with us?"

"That is the absolute dumbest thing I have ever heard and you're either going to get killed or arrested, I'm in," Whirl said.

"Sure, could be fun," Swerve said. "Got anyone besides us yet?"

"No, Magnus wouldn't let me put posters up in the hallway advertising it, so I'm going door-to-door starting with you all. So that's yes for Whirl and Swerve - Brainstorm, you and Percy in? What about you, Rewind?"

"Seriously how the hell did you get in here?" Brainstorm asked.

"Magnus has a master key for the floor. I borrowed it."

As if on cue, there was a shout from down the hall of "RODIMUS!"

"Get out!" Swerve started panicking. "Magnus is not coming in here I will get kicked out of school if they find out about this bar get out!"

"Woah, chill, I'm going!" Rodimus held his hands up - key ring clearly visible, looped around his middle finger - and backed out of the room. "Relax a bit!" The door shut behind him.

"He's dead," Brainstorm announced. "Magnus will kill him."

"Nah," Rewind said. "Magnus likes him, sort of, as much as he can like anyone."

"They're probably sleeping together," Whirl said.

"You say that about everyone," Swerve said.

"No I don't. You, for instance, definitely have no one."

"Shut the fuck up Whirl," Rewind snapped.

The door popped open again and the occupants of Swerve's caught the tail-end of an apology - "right, yeah, definitely won't do it again" - before Rodimus popped back in. "Still didn't get an answer." He pointed at Brainstorm and Rewind.

Brainstorm shrugged. "What the hell. Perceptor, you catch this?"

"Absolutely not."

"You didn't hear it or you don't want to -"

"I am going to revel in the peace and quiet that you leave behind."

"So that's a no on Percy," Rodimus said, somehow not looking offended at such a violent rejection of him and his ideas. In his head he probably rationalized it as Perceptor's disgust was toward Brainstorm, not himself. "Rewind? We need someone to document all of the moments."

"I'll think about it."

"I'm dropping by Chromedome's room next," Rodimus added, grinning. If he could get Chromedome on board then he had Rewind. "See about him and Prowl."

"I can tell you right now that Prowl's gonna say no," Rewind said. "I guarantee it."

Rodimus shrugged. "Probably better that he doesn't come. There are no tables on the bus and he gets really pissy if he doesn't flip a table a day. Hey, think Rung could be on board with this? And Ratchet? We could use a doctor or two on the trip."

"Rung's not that kind of doctor," Rewind reminded him.

"All of us stuck in close quarters, we'll need a therapist," Brainstorm said. "Get Rung."

"He doesn't even have his bachelor's yet - and Ratchet's just a grad student."

"What kind of injuries do you think we're going to be acquiring while on this trip, Rewind?" Brainstorm asked. "What do you expect to happen that Ratchet hasn't learned how to handle yet?"

"Honestly, I'm anticipating stepping on that bus and not coming back alive."

Swerve silently topped off his drink.

"Don't be such a downer!" Rodimus grinned. "Seriously, it'll be fun. I'm gonna finish my rounds and I'll be back with the full roster later. We leave in the morning."

"I can't believe Drift bought him a bus," Swerve said as soon as the door closed behind Rodimus. "Why a bus? That doesn't even make sense."

"Maybe a bus was necessary to align Roddy's feng shui," Whirl suggested.

"That doesn't even make sense," Perceptor called out into the common area. "Do you even know what those words you're using mean?"

"No, but Drift probably doesn't either," Whirl shot back. "Who buys someone a bus? Forget what I said about Magnus earlier; Rodimus is definitely sleeping with Drift."

"No way," Rewind argued. "If Chromedome bought me a bus we'd be through."

"What if Prowl bought Chromedome a bus?" Whirl asked. "What would that mean?"

"Whirl if you mention Prowl and Chromedome again in that context I will murder you."

"I'm sorry, how tall are you? Four foot ten history major is gonna murder the hockey player? Good luck."

"I am five foot exactly, thank you. But," he continued, holding up a finger, "I know the darker parts of campus. I can find someone to slip something in a syringe and while you sleep... goodbye Whirl."

"I am the darkest parts of campus. I punch the homeless."

"And you wonder why you have no friends."

"No, I know exactly why. Swerve's the one who's still wondering."

"Shut the fuck up, Whirl," Rewind said.

"I'm going to bed now," Swerve said, with his usual grin still on his face, but he sounded a bit sadder. "Bar's closing up for the evening. Night all."

"Not cool," Brainstorm said to Whirl as the door shut.

"Hey, it's not my fault he took getting assigned to the single personally."

"That's not what this is about and you know it." Rewind frowned. "Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if you don't know it. All those hits to the head from hockey. Something wrong with your brain that's affecting more than your eye."

"My eye is fine," Whirl snapped.

"Yeah, that's the lie that's going around, isn't it?"

"If they find out I'm blind in one eye they'll probably kick me off the team - which Springer would love - but then I'd have all this extra negative energy and where would that go?" Whirl grinned. It was not a pleasant look.

"Yeah, I'm going to bed now too, goodnight, Brainstorm be safe and lock your door, bye." Rewind hopped off the couch, set his glass down on the coffee table, and made a quick exit, finally managing to avoid Whirl's bag.

"We'll build a barricade," Perceptor said.

"I'll just be out here," Whirl said as Brainstorm and Perceptor's door shut. "Alone. With nothing to do. Except destroy everyone's personal stuff that they've left out here. And the couches. And the walls. And you'll have to pay for it too. Just so you know."

"Fine." Trailcutter flung the door open. "You can come back in the stupid room. Get a goddamn replacement key and stop fighting hobos."

"But that wouldn't be fun."

"Why did I get the crazy roommate?"

"I could be Prowl."

"...good night and sleep tight, roomie."


Author's notes: For those unaware, an RA is a Resident Assistant, a student who got a job from the college overseeing the others on their floor.

If anyone's confused, Swerve/Whirl and Trailcutter/Perceptor and Brainstorm's room is a suite: from the hallway, you go into a common area, which then has access to two double rooms (Whirl and Trailcutter, Perceptor and Brainstorm) and a single (Swerve.)