Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts…Which means I don't own Axel…Which means my life is empty. ;_; AND HE'S NOT EVEN IN THIS ONE!
A/N: *deep breath* Okay, guys. An eye for an eye—I made Roxy write a crack fic last week, and now it's my turn. As I did with hers, I used my "What in the F* KH Crack Generator" to determine the parameters of my fic. THIS IS JUST FOR FUN. Don't get your panties in a bunch, 'kay? As I told Roxy, it's CRACK fiction. It's not supposed to be a Pulitzer Prize-winner and it's not supposed to make any sense. Hence, CRACK. That being said, here goes nothing.
God save us all.
…especially Riku.
-Slay
-Match Maker-
The question had come out of nowhere.
Literally, nowhere. He'd been propped against the anomalous tree of their usual haunt, watching the twinkling sea as it ran on before him and clashed with the hard blue of a cloudless summer sky—minding his own damn business—when Sora showed up.
Now, it wasn't Sora dropping in that caught him off guard—he was used to his enthusiastic friend magically appearing and swinging up onto the trunk before launching into his usual chatter. What he wasn't used to, was that same enthusiastic friend sidling up behind him without a sound and quietly asking, "You're lonely, aren't you, Riku?"
"…What?"
Sora was leaning over the tree trunk, his large zaffre eyes dampened with…that had better not be pity. "Well you spend so much time out here by yourself," he said sympathetically. "And I realized you don't have a girlfriend, or a boyfriend or anything."
"So?"
"So I think you're lonely. And that's why you mope around all the time."
Riku pulled a face. It was true he wasn't seeing anyone—but since when was that a criteria for gauging happiness? Sora was single, too, and nobody worried about him. …Well, not in that context, anyway.
"I just enjoy my time alone, that's all," Riku replied simply. Was that such a crime?
"Or maybe…" The brunette tilted his head thoughtfully. "You've just forgotten what it's like to not be so alone."
Well that was profound. Since when did Sora think so deeply?
Riku passed him an impressed and curious glance from behind the argent veil of his bangs. Their eyes met for a brief, breathless second, and Riku said, "…You've been reading Kairi's vampire books again, haven't you?"
The brunette's face tightened, annoyed. "I'm serious, Riku!" When he spoke, his voice was newly exasperated, and borderline whiny; which Riku preferred. Wise and existential Sora wasn't nearly as much fun as My name is Sora and I've been an eight-year-old for almost a decade Sora.
Said overgrown eight-year-old crawled over the tree trunk, dropping down in front of Riku and glaring up at him. "I think you need to go out with someone," he said resolutely.
"Oh yeah? Like who?"
An unexpected hesitation broke his friend's determination. Apparently he hadn't thought that far ahead. "That…uh… Don't worry about who right now," he backpedaled. "My point is, you gotta find somebody." He rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit that didn't escape the silverette's notice. Maybe he really did have someone in mind, but wouldn't say who because he was too…nervous? Wait…
Riku decided to circle back to that. "Sor'…I'm not just gonna grab some stranger off the street and date them."
"It wouldn't have to be a stranger," Sora countered softly, absently kneading his hands together.
"What…what're you getting at?"
It was then that the brunette's reticence cracked—he grabbed Riku's arm and spoke fast and pleading, "Riku, you know you're my best friend and I really care about you, and I just don't want you to end up alone, and I know you're not big on socializing with new people, but maybe the right match for you isn't a new person; maybe it's someone who's been there the whole time, and you just haven't realized it yet, y'know?"
Riku couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was this really happening? Was Sora really…? He felt his cheeks heating up at the anxious—and completely adorable—insecurity written across his friend's face as he rambled.
"And since you don't seem to be moving forward on your own, or whatever," Sora continued hastily, "I thought I'd make the first move—y'know, to get things going?"
The silverette couldn't help but grin, eyes softening as he rested an affectionate hand over the one gripping his arm. "Sora…"
"So I set you up on a blind date this Friday!"
Riku blinked. "…Wait, what?"
The next thing he knew, Sora was smiling like an idiot and waving a pair of movie tickets in front of his face. "There's a new romcom playing downtown—perfect for a first date, right?"
Riku floundered, "What? But—I thought…"
"Thought what, Riku?" The look Sora gave him was so completely sweet and ignorant that Riku didn't dare confess what he'd been thinking a moment ago. So instead he shook his head and took a step back, crossing his arms. "So who'd you set me up with?" He huffed.
Sora seemed concerned for a second, but then he bounced right back and quipped, "Well, it wouldn't be a blind date if I told you, would it?" He stuffed the tickets into the crease of Riku's arms in the hopes that he'd hang onto them. "There ya go."
"Dammit, Sora, I don't—"
"The movie starts at seven-thirty, but what's a first date without dinner, right? So be at the Restaurant That Never Wasby six sharp."
"Sora—"
"Don't worry, I took care of the reservation. All you gotta do is show up and look pretty." He gave Riku's cheek an encouraging pat. "Shouldn't be too hard for you, ya rascal."
"…"
"Aw, you don't have to thank me, pal. What're friends for?" Sora smiled triumphantly and took his leave before Riku could get another word in. The silverette sighed, and looked down warily at the movie tickets tucked between his arms. He was not looking forward to Friday.
A/N: Hehe. Riku got rickrolled. …he got Rikurolled. Poor guy. xD In case you were wondering, we haven't gotten to the cracky part yet—that's just around the corner in this little two-shot. Hmm. I wonder who this 'blind date' could be? So stay tuned for Riku's extended period of suffering. WE LOVE YOU, RIKU! Review for a chakram cookie~ flame for a chakram to the face!
-Slay
