just wanted to say.. its been 4 years since I was able to write a single word so please, be kind.

and also, English isn't my first Language so for any mistakes I'm truly sorry


You don't know what you've got till it's gone.

It's the oldest, truest line in the book

You learn it at an early age, when you lose your favorite toy that you happen to misplace or a good friend over a dumb fight you can't even remember. You feel it when you finish reading the best book you have ever read, the kind you just couldn't stop reading and when it's over t there is no more anticipation, no more of that beautiful world you find yourself lost in through the pages and you suddenly feel empty inside for losing that connection. You know it's true when you grow up and just can't wait to move from your parent's house to start you own life but then finding yourself needing that hug you always pushed away.

You realize just how much you miss it all now that it's gone.

People have written book and song and movies about it all in the purpose of teaching us this lesson, that you need to capture the moment and appreciate what you've got right now cause one day soon it will gone and you'll be sorry.

Only, Kate Beckett doesn't need this life lesson, doesn't need the reminder that life is fragile and short, that in any minute it can all end, be taken from her. She already knows.

She knew exactly what she got and what she have to lose, knew even before they had this, before they started this, deep deep (ok really deep) down she knew.

He was her favorite write, the one with the heartbreaking words that saved her life, then a shadow who brought her coffee every morning just to see her smile, then a friend she could rely on, the best kind of friend who took a stand with her and never falter even when she told him to go away.

He shortly became her partner, the only one she was ready to accept first at work but later in life as well, the man she wanted to spend her waking and not so waking moment with, the best thing that ever happened to her, the love of her life and one day hopefully the father of her children.

So no, Kate Beckett didn't need to lose him to know what she's got, she already knew and beside she didn't lose him, not yet, not ever.

At list not in the permanent meaning of the word, its true she doesn't know where he is at the moment or what happened or who took him from her but she refuse to think of him as lost cause losing him will probably end her and she can't accept that, not without hard solid proof and even then she might not accept it either.

She can still feel him, this weird (he would say magical) connection they have, it's still there alive and kicking. She has to admit It's gotten stronger over the years, a kind of chain that bound them together every link is a case, a smile, a memory.

She would have known if something happened to him , she would have felt it in her bones, in her heart and soul cause they life's are so deeply intertwined it cannot be separated.

And if he's still out there, if he's still alive (and he is, she know he is) then she will find him will stop at nothing, will take no prisoners and you just try to stop her.

She will get him back and they will have the happy ending, she's not giving up.

Because he wouldn't have let her to, he would have demand that she will see this as a twist in the story, the last battle before the epic ending, one last obstacle to overcome

He'd say that the best things in life are the one that you had to fight for, earn them, and that this is just one more story they could tell their grandchildren someday.

So yeah, no way in hell she's giving up on Richard Castle cause she already know what she's got and it isn't gone.