"THERE ARE NO STARS IN HEAVEN, KELSEY! THEY'RE IN THE SKY. IF HEAVEN WAS IN THE SKY, WE'D HIT JESUS WITH A PLANE."

Troy and Gabriella had just finished a highly successful tutoring session in astronomy with Kelsey.

Gabriella was just about to launch herself at Troy for a luscious celebratory make out session when then theatre door slammed open.

Standing in the doorway in all of her pink, plastic, and sequined glory was the one and only Sharpay.

Sharpay was Sharpay. Sharpay was pissed. Sharpay was Sharpissed. Gabriella and Troy had been hogging Kelsey's assistance since the beginning of eternity.

How were she and Ryan supposed to practice for the callbacks without a pianist?

She strutted up to Gabriella, who looked royally ticked off, and spoke.

"I need Kelsey. Now," she demanded, standing three inches taller in her designer stilettos.

Gabriella was Gabriella. Sweet little math nerd Gabriella… but, Gabriella was beyond pissed. Sharpay just got between Gabriella and her man. Nobody, and Gabriella repeats NOBODY, gets between her and her man. Except maybe a paying customer. Or two.

Ignoring the moans of pure agony emitting from the green room, Gabriella closed her eyes and took a deep breath. A little voice in her head told her to remain calm and she told it to go fuck itself.

In her head she imagined the voice as a little sweet, innocent child. She imagined herself, picking up and cradling the child. Then, in her mind, she started spinning in circles. Then she threw the child like a javelin.

And alas, just like a lighting newspaper on fire, there went all of Gabriella's sanity.

Within seconds there was a small cloud of dust and pink sparkles where Sharpay was formerly standing and the fight was on.

Troy suffered from narcolepsy and a bad case of inflamed ego. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. There, on the stage was a frenzy scratching nails, pulling hair, and insults of every kind.

He rushed over to his girlfriend and as soon as he called out her name, everything stopped.

Troy, feeling like quite the hero, turned towards the empty audience and flashed the dazzling smile that he practiced every morning.

He turned back towards to two girls and quickly realized that he was not the cause of the discontinuation of the duel at all.

Gabriella sat center stage, and Troy could see that blank confusion had replaced the rage of before. He looked at her hand, which was clutching a mane of blonde hair.

The hair was not attached to Sharpay.

A couple feet away sat a now-bald Sharpay. Emotions were mingling on her face.

Troy could see shock, anger, sadness, embarrassment, and the slightly pinched/depressed look of I'm-On-My-Period.

Gabriella spoke. "Sharpay… you're bald?"

Troy had a sudden rush of sympathy and kindness, "HAHAHAHA EGGHEAD!"

Sharpay stood up and snatched the wig from Gabriella and fixed it lopsidedly to her head.

She turned around and gave the couple the most bitchy look she could manage before turning and failing to open the door the correct way.

"Shar, it's push, not pull!" called Ryan, who had materialized with the special powers that only potentially gay guys can possess.

Sharpay grabbed her twin brother by the arm and led him out in a hurry.

"Now, where were we?" Gabriella said quite skankily.

Troy bit his lip and moved towards her.

Then he fell over, fast asleep.

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A/N: The comment I made about Ryan being gay... I totally and completely love gay guys. One of my best friends is gay. Don't worry, I'm not trying to offend .