I am unsure how to explain this, it just sort of happened.
You are advised to completely ignore it.
1. Evan's side
It had started because Evan had panicked in the worst way possible.
Ok, so maybe it had started before that, to be exact, when he met Connor Murphy for the second time that day, now in the computer lab. But it started a little later than that, after an awkward conversation, and hastily signed cast, and a printed letter, and then there was screaming.
All Evan had known was that Connor was jumping to conclusions, and wouldn't listen; he needed him to listen, needed to stop his shouting, that's when it happened. In a surge of panic and frustration he took a step forward, grabbed Connor by the collar, and pulled him down, clashing their lips together, and when he pulls away again Connor is understandably stunned.
"I didn't write it for you to find, it's for my therapist"
Still riding on the moment, he nicks the paper from Connor's hand and grabs his things, and turns back to Connor, who is still standing there, looking lost.
"I um… I need to leave, so…"
"No"
"What?"
"You're not just leaving Hansen"
Welp, at least Evan got his first kiss before dying.
"Why does your letter mention my sister?"
Evan could tell the truth, and possibly bring Connor to his level of confusion, or he could tell half of the truth and let any conclusions be on Connor's part.
"I just… she was the only person to be nice to me, and she's good with people, and confident, and talented"
He looks elsewhere, away from Connor's mismatched eyes.
"I'd give anything to be like that, and I though, if I could talk to her, become her friend, maybe I could learn how"
Connor takes a step towards him, there are only a few inches between them, and Evan is suddenly very aware of the height difference.
"You kissed me"
"Y-yeah, I've never done that before, kissing someone, uhm… I'm sorry?"
There's a hand on his jawline, cold fingers against his skin, forcing him to look at Connor.
"Don't be"
And then there are lips against his, and he's driven himself into this, so he might as well play the part, and he presses into Connor, but lets the taller take control of the kiss, he obviously knows what he's doing, the cast makes it a bit awkward for Evan to really hold on, so he has to lean of Connor instead, the taller doesn't seem to mind. When Connor pulls away he has this expression that's almost a smile, but not quite.
"That answers that then"
"What?"
"Don't worry about it Hansen, I'll see you tomorrow"
"Right"
Connor moved to the side, and Evan leaves the computer lab, doesn't stop when he's out of the school, nor when he made it through his home's door, only when he was behind the closed door of his bedroom, to slump in the bed and try to make sense of everything that had happened.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-...-...-.- .-...-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
The next day Evan found himself double checking everywhere for Connor, unsure of what would happen. He doesn't see Connor until lunch, when he appears in the computer lab, and upon seeing Evan, pats a chair next to him, and Evan walks over dutifully. Surprisingly Connor just wants to talk, he starts telling Evan about how shitty things are with his family, Evan chances sharing a bit of his own shitty experiences, his being mostly how awful it is to be alone all the time, and is surprised again when Connor listens.
They spend most of lunch like that, exchanging stories, tentatively learning about each other, Connor shares his lunch with Evan, saying it beats the cereal bar Evan was planning on eating, Evan can't really argue. By the time Connor's lunch was gone, it was a sandwich because Connor didn't trust his mother's cooking one bit, Connor leans over and kisses Evan, and because Evan doesn't know how to deal with himself, he kisses back.
When Connor pulls away he has a tiny smile painting his lips, and Evan knows he's fucked, because Connor actually likes him, and he can't stop anymore.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-...-...-.- .-...-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
The computer lab scene repeats itself over the week, and every time Evan feels a little worse, with everything Connor shares with him, every kiss they trade, he realizes how awful he's being. But he's too selfish to let it go, too intoxicated in the feeling of someone wanting him.
He tells Connor things he hasn't told anyone else, and things he has as well, has tried to make amends by laying his heart out in the open, because for everything Evan's doing, Connor deserves to be the one to break it. He doesn't, and Evan should've known he wouldn't, so he does something else, he helps, he stays, he listens, he tries to be whatever Connor needs, holds him when he gets overwhelmed by his own feelings, remains through his bursts of anger, never holds Connor for mistakes; it's the least he can do.
More importantly, Evan answers every kiss, every show of affection, tries to mirror all that Connor conveys when he kisses him back at him, tries to make it seem his own, and somehow, impossibly, succeeds.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-...-...-.- .-...-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
It's a month before it happens, they're in the computer lab, and somehow Evan's sitting on Connor's lap, who's kissing him desperately, and Evan tries to respond in kind but the moment hands slip under his shirt he has to pull away. The look in Connor's face makes Evan feel like he's been stabbed, worry and fear, and he knows Connor will apologize for going too far, can see him shutting down on himself, so in a panic he speaks before Connor can.
"Not here"
He sees the way Connor's expression changes, relief and embarrassment overtaking his face, Evan gives him a fleeting kiss on the cheek and tires not to think about what he's gotten into.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-...-...-.- .-...-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
The problem isn't what happens after Evan takes Connor to his house for the very first time, the problem is that Evan wants more, and Connor is too happy to comply, the problem is that they take turns and Evan still likes everything about it, and Connor becomes the only think he can think about. The problem is that once it's over, and they're both panting messes on Evan's bed, and Connor tugs him close with a huge fucking grin on his face, eyes brighter than ever, Evan curls around him and sighs in content.
The problem is what happens after that.
There's a conversation, about what this means for them, and where they stand, Connor asks Evan to be his boyfriend, and Evan agrees, the weight of the world suddenly on his shoulders.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-...-...-.- .-...-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Evan tells Jared, because he's the only person he can tell, and for all the dickhead behavior, he at least has a better grasp of social interaction than Evan. He tells him everything from the start; or almost everything, he doesn't describe the sex, just that it happened, and that Evan liked it.
"Dude, you're in love with him"
"What?"
Jared winces giving Evan a pitiful smile.
"Evan, just because you didn't at first doesn't mean you can't now"
And for everything that has happened between them, Evan still takes those words to heart. That changes everything.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-...-...-.- .-...-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Being with Connor is easier now that Evan allows himself to stop pretending, and to stop dwelling on the pretense, he finds himself smiling a lot more, and getting kissed a lot more. Connor also becomes more affectionate, initiating casual touches in the halls, and Evan has to remind himself that this is new to both of them.
Sex also becomes a thing, and they still switch, but Connor is the more impatient of the two, not that Evan minds, Evan is generally the stronger of the two, but Connor is very tall and takes full advantage of it, still, they make it work. Sex is another thing that becomes better after Evan's conversation with Jared, he's more thorough, trying to learn what works better, which drives Connor mad, and won him a few scratches and needy bite marks.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-...-...-.- .-...-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Being introduced to someone's family as their boyfriend is an entire experience. The Murphys don't seem to know what to do with the turn of events, Zoe mentions having seen them together in the hallways in passing, and Evan feels himself flush at the implication, Connor rubs circles against the back of his hand under the table, and he can't tell whether it's to reassure him, or to stop himself from doing something he'll regret. In the end it's Larry Murphy who breaks the tension by starting a string of commentary on how they all hoped Evan would be a good influence on Connor, and then Cynthia saying he could visit whenever, and Zoe offering to hit Connor if he ever did anything to Evan; Connor and him agreed that it could've gone much worse.
Introducing Connor to his mom as his boyfriend was a different can of worms. Heidi was rarely ever home, so Evan had to time it right, first to actually tell her he'd been dating someone for three months now, and that they were a boy, and then actually inviting Connor over.
Heidi was entirely welcoming to Connor, and very supportive of Evan dating him, if a bit embarrassing, but Connor seemed to like her a lot. By the end of the night she asked if they were being safe, causing Evan to become a blushing mess, and to stutter a lot, it wasn't that they hadn't, they talked about it, and they trusted each other, just that it wasn't a conversation Evan had ever wanted to have with his mom
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-...-...-.- .-...-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
It ends after a particularly long round of sex, after clean up, right after he drops besides Connor, chest facing the mattress, head turned so he can look at him.
"I love you"
The moment the words leave him he freezes, and watches terrified as Connor processes them, he rolls around, ready to bolt, but before he can he's pinned back into the bed, lips pressed harshly against his, and when Connor pulls away he's crying, Evan sits up with Connor on his lap, and tentatively wipes the tears away. Connor kisses him again, wet and desperate.
"I love you"
And Evan feels himself tearing up as well, pulling Connor back to him, the exchange desperate kisses and proclamations of love, in the dark room, completely naked. Evan tugs Connor back into bed, where the moment he joins him he's pulled towards the warm body for cuddles.
