PANTY AND STOCKING WITH LAURA GREEN
Panty and Stocking were at a wedding party that Garterbelt was the priest for. Both sisters hate weddings (who doesn't? They're dull), but they came to the party because Panty was there for the men and Stocking was there for the food. Whilst Panty was searching for a man, she came across the DJ for the party, who was 21, black and had really short hair. Panty and the DJ flirted for a bit and decided to go upstairs to have sex.
As they began to start making out, Panty felt all over the DJ's body. It was then she discovered something.
"Hey. Hey. Hey, wait a minute. You're a girl?" she asked.
She was right. The DJ was a lesbian called Laura Green. They stopped making out as Panty was very surprised and couldn't believe what she had done. Laura let out a sigh.
"I thought you knew. Why else were you flirting with me?" asked Laura, who had a strong Manchester accent.
"Well, it was the short hair," said Panty.
"I suppose you're going to run to the bathroom and vomit for a very long time," said Laura.
"No," said Panty. "I'm not."
She wasn't in shock or panic at all.
Laura realized that this foul-mouthed girl with an outrageous reputation had actually accepted her for who she was.
"I never had a lesbian friend before," said Panty. "Come to think of it, I don't have that many friends."
"What about Garter?" asked Laura.
"He's okay," said Panty. "So, what do we do now?"
"Well, I've got some weed here," answered Laura. "We were gonna smoke it after the sex."
"I suppose I'll have to fuck you now to get some," said Panty
So, Laura and Panty rolled joints and smoked them. As they puffed away, they talked about sex (with Panty, what else do you expect from her?), boys, girls, life, how they hate authority and other things.
An hour later, Stocking stole a huge chunk of the wedding cake and made her way upstairs to their room. The three girls smoked weed, drank, and bantered away. There having so much fun. They never wanted that night to end.
Laura told the angels about her musical background. Her dad was a keyboard player from Manchester and how he moved into Daten City in the 70's. Laura also explained about her sexuality and how growing up was difficult because she was bullied for being both black and a lesbian.
"The kids would say 'Hello Darkie Dyke, won any Grammies lately," said Laura. "I made the big mistake about telling everyone that I was going to make it big and become a superstar. But alas, that made the bullying worse."
Panty and Stocking looked at her and noticed that she had a hurt look on her face. The memory was very painful for her.
As we all know, Panty and Stocking are two bitches who can't give a fuck at all. But underneath those exteriors... way, way, WAY underneath... they actually do care. They felt sorry for Laura.
"But you see, fuck those cunts," said Panty. "You're a musician. That's hardcore. And you play good music. None of that computerized shit we have today."
"I don't know a lot of people who are musicians and to finally meet one was really awesome," said Stocking.
Laura looked at them. She felt so happy.
As they drank a bit more champagne, they got a little tipsy and then the angels began to see the funny side of Laura.
"So then... so then he... he began playing the bongos with his ass!" laughed Laura as she finished her anecdote.
This caused the angels to laugh out loud.
"Hey, I didn't suck off a guy tonight, but at least I get to suck on this," said Panty and she drank from a bottle of champers. But she was so drunk, that she began pouring it near Stocking's cake.
"Hey, watch it, hooker," said the goth.
"Birdshit-face, you've had enough cake," slurred Panty. "You'll be a fatty fuckerstien soon."
"Hey, I just found out something you both have in common," said Laura.
"What?" asked the angels.
"You both like to put things in your mouth," answered Laura.
This caused them all to burst out laughing.
It was now 3.16 and the trio were getting tired.
"Chicas, I'm a little drunk to drive home," slurred Laura. "You bitches mind if I crash 'ere da nite?"
"Not at all!" slurred back the angels.
So the girls stripped down to their vests and underwear and got into the double bed. Laura was in the middle.
"Bear in mind, I might cop a feel," said Laura. "But it's all in good fun."
"Goodnight, La-ra!" slurred the angels.
"Goodshite," said Laura.
And with that, they all drifted off to sleep.
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The next morning, the three of them had whopping headaches.
"Ohhhhhhh, motherfucker," groaned Panty as she rubbed her hand on her forehead.
"Panty, I got a confession to make," said Laura.
"What?" asked Panty.
Laura took out her Smartphone.
"I took the liberty of recording you snoring last night," answered Laura.
Laura then showed the angels the video of Panty snoring very loudly. Stocking and Laura laughed out loud. Panty felt annoyed.
"Fuck you cunts," she said.
So as they left the hotel, Laura gave the angels her phone number and asked would they like to hang out with her soon. So they called her that night and went clubbing. Pretty much every week, they hung out with Laura. They really, really, really liked her.
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Panty and Stocking admired Laura for being really cool, funny, laid back and easy to get along with. She was possibly the coolest lesbian to ever walk the Earth. She was probably the only sane person in this crazy, crazy city.
Normally the angels would do their usual routines; Panty having it off with men and Stocking eating her usual sugary foods. But They enjoyed hanging out with Laura more than doing their usual routines. In fact, they would give up their usual routines just to hang out with her.
One week, Panty met a guy and he had a friend who was a lesbian; a Japanese girl called Nora who was the same age as Laura. Panty and Laura went on a double date with the man and Nora. Panty, as we know is a One Night Stand girl, where as Laura and Nora were going out for months after that. She has Panty to thank.
One night, Laura and Nora were having dinner at a restaurant and they invited Panty and Stocking to join them. Laura told the angels that she had invited two new friends. Panty and Stocking wondered
Who were Laura's new friends? They were so excited.
But when the angels arrived to the restaurant, they were in utter horror and rage!
Because Laura's two new friends were none other than Scanty and Kneesocks!
"Panty and Stocking, I'd like to introduce you to Scanty and Kneesocks," said Laura.
The Deamon sisters gave them a slight wave. The Anarchies got so mad that Panty grabbed Laura by the arm and brought them outside.
"What...what's wrong?" asked Laura.
Panty very angrily asked Laura "What the fiery fuck are you doing hanging out with those bitches?"
"What's the problem?" asked Laura.
Panty and Stocking told Laura that Scanty and Kneesocks were their enemies.
"Why didn't you tell me?" asked Laura.
Panty and Stocking realized that should have told her before.
"Look, just stay away from those fuckers," said Stocking.
"Okay," said Laura. "Why don't we go back to my place?"
So the three of them went back to Laura's house and the angels explained the Deamon sisters to Laura.
But Laura didn't know if she should believe them or not.
She thought the angels might be only saying that Scanty and Kneesocks were evil because they're worried that Laura might dump them.
"Okay," said Laura. "I'll stay away from them."
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But right behind the angels' backs, Laura started to hang out with Scanty and Kneesocks, anyway.
Maybe Panty and Stocking were overreacting, she thought.
Laura and the Deamon sisters got along well, surprisingly. But little did Laura know was that this was all part of Scanty and Kneesocks' plan.
We all know that they use their charm to get what they want and trick people.
A week later, Panty and Stocking were walking down the street to that British candy shop Stocking loved so much. (Panty only went for the men who work there) From across the street, they saw that Laura was hanging out with Scanty and Kneesocks.
Later, The Anarchy sisters invited Laura to their house to ask her why she was hanging out with the Deamon sisters more instead of them. Panty and Stocking had a massive argument with her.
Laura told them that they were overreacting and Scanty and Kneesocks aren't as bad as they seemed. Panty and Stocking were trying to explain to her that Scanty and Kneesocks were evil . But Laura just had enough.
"JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU TWO ARE ACTING LIKE THIS, BUT SCANTY AND KNEESOCKS ARE NOT EVIL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" she cried. Her voice sounded like it was broken with hurt. "You know what, I'm not gonna be friends with you two anymore! I'm sick of your carrying on!"
She stormed out of the house. Panty and Stocking sat there on the sofa in the living room. They were in despair as their fantastic friendship with Laura was over.
The best friend they ever had.
Their only friend.
Panty and Stocking spent the rest of the day, depressed.
Both of them were in their bedrooms lying on their beds. They were both too sad to move or do anything at this point.
They didn't even care about sex or sugar anymore.
Without Laura's friendship, they had nothing.
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Laura was in her living room looking at a photo of her, Panty and Stocking smiling. She looked at the photo in tears. She then crumpled the photo up and threw it into the bin.
That night, lightning struck from Heaven and burst through the ceiling of the kitchen. It struck Chuck and afterwards, he spat out a piece of paper. Panty, Stocking and Garter came down to see what their mission was this time. The piece of paper said "Homophobe" on it.
Could this have something to do with Laura? There was a knock on the front door.
It was Nora with a black eye.
Scanty and Kneesocks had kidnapped Laura.
Nora had tried to fight them off, but no avail.
She told Panty and Stocking that Scanty and Kneesocks wanted to meet them at the top of City Hall.
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Panty, Stocking and Nora drove to the City Hall and made their way to the roof. Scanty and Kneesocks were there. So was Laura, strapped to a huge machine that looked like a giant vacuüm cleaner. Laura was also connected to the tubes.
"Ah bonjour, Anarchies," greeted Scanty with an evil grin.
"Like our latest contraption?" asked Kneesocks. "This machine will suck the homosexuality out Laura and we spray into the air like pollen and turn into a homosexual sucking ghost. Sister, would you do the honours?"
"Contact!" cried Scanty with glee as she connected two cables together. It activated on the machine.
Laura screamed in pain as the machine started sucking the homosexuality out of her.
From the top of the machine, out came the essence that looked like dust. The dust all formed into this giant Ghost that looked like a wasp.
The wasp like ghost flew all over Daten City. As it flew over people, it began to suck up any homosexual's essence.
Every gay men and woman screamed in pain as the homosexuality got sucked out of them.
Nora went over to Laura. She loosened her straps.
"Enjoy you're new life as a hetrosexual, Laura Green!" laughed Scanty.
The Deamon sister made their way to the elevator and it took them down.
"Laura, are you okay?" asked Nora.
Laura looked at her with tears in her eyes.
"I'm sorry but... I don't think I love you anymore," she said as tears came out of her eyes like waterfalls.
Nora looked back at her with tears in her eyes too.
The worst has happened. Laura was now straight.
"If we destroy this gay bashing fuckstain, will it give everyone their homosexuality back?" asked Panty.
Nora looked at them.
"It's worth a shot," she answered. "And lucky for us, my dad's a helicopter pilot."
So, Panty, Stocking and Laura rode on Nora's dad's helicopter whilst Nora piloted. Nora flew the helicopter above the Ghost. Stocking was wearing a bungee cord on so that she could leap out of the helicopter, stab the Ghost with her katanas and the bungee cord could send her back up to the helicopter when the Ghost explodes.
Stocking was tying the bungee to her ankles.
Panty shot at the ghost and it got hit.
Stocking then bungee jumped out of the helicopter and stuck her katanas on the Ghost's back.
The bungee brought Stocking back up to the helicopter again just in time.
The Ghost let out one final roar as it exploded. Pollen came out of the explosion and went over to every homosexual in the city. They got their essence back, they were so happy!
The church bell rang and the angels' coin flew towards them. Panty caught it.
Nora landed the helicopter back on top of City Hall. The four of them looked at the machine.
SLASH! BANG!
The Anarchies caused the machine to explode.
Nora looked at Laura.
"Do you still love me?" she asked.
Laura looked into her eyes and answered "Does this answer your question?"
Then they kissed.
Panty and Stocking were so happy for them. Afterwards, Laura looked at Panty and Stocking.
"Thank you very much for saving my life. I'm really sorry I didn't believe you."
She held out her hand.
"Buds?" she asked.
"The best fuckin' buds you'll ever have," answered Panty and Stocking as they shook her hand.
"Is there any way I can repay you?" asked Laura.
Panty and Stocking had an idea.
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They wanted Laura to write a song about them. Laura wrote the song and mixed it. It was called "My girls, the angels". It became very popular and was on top of the charts. To celebrate the track's success, Panty, Stocking, Laura and Nora went out for drinks and clubbing.
Panty and Stocking woke up the next morning in Laura's bedroom and to their horror, both of them were in bed with Laura and Nora and all of them were completely naked!
What did they do last night? They had no idea. They heard noises coming from outside the French window. Panty got out of bed and decided to see what the noise was. She walked over to the window and started to stretch for a few seconds. Then she pushed the doors of the window open. She stood there baring her naked body to the world.
From outside the window, Panty saw that there were 100 photographers at the front of the house. The photographers took photos of the naked Panty, who didn't seem to mind. Panty stood there, allowing the photographers to take pictures of her.
Later that day, when Panty and Stocking went home, Garter had the morning paper "The Hard Times" and the front page had Panty naked at the window with the headline "SEXY ANARCHY SISTERS IN LESBIAN SCANDAL".
"Bitches, what the fuck is this?" asked Garter.
"Let's just say I gave the paparazzi an early morning hard on," answered Panty.
END
Clap, clap, clap your hands!
(Yes, the ending is from Life Of Brian.)
