Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
**Additional disclaimer: This story will contain some darker themes and possible trigger material, including self-harm and emotional abuse. When applicable, individual disclaimers will also be posted at the top of each chapter.**
Acknowledgments:
To the two women who have kicked my butt on this fic: Thank you! I could not have pulled any of this off without either of you.
Tayjayfan, you are so much more than awesome, and you've got my heart, Lady. None, and I do mean NONE, of this would have been possible without you holding my hand every step of the way.
Meliz875, what can I say? You have my deepest gratitude and my utmost respect. Everything you have done for me throughout this process continues to blow me away. Keep talkin' dirty to me! ;)
To the most amazing and talented artist I have ever had the pleasure of meeting: Thank you, Nikitajuice – what you do is nothing short of exquisite. There is no duplication, only imitation.
To everyone who spends any amount of precious time reading Dark Matter: Thank you!
Author's Note: First off, I want to thank everyone for signing up to go on this journey with me. I am so humbled by the immense support from you guys! I hope my work proves worthy of your time.
This fic was inspired by the darker side of Jacob. After reading other authors' works in the fandom that explored this topic, I decided I wanted to play around with him a bit, too. Every fic is different, but the allure of this dominant Alpha was just too great, and I needed to see where I could take him.
Dark Matter is NOT in any way, shape, or form a fluffy piece. It is NOT a romantic fairytale, and it will take a while before anything even remotely resembling "sweet" comes out. This Jacob is not sappy (you've seen the banner, right? GAH!), and as the summary states, "the sun has set and darkness prevails". If you choose to take this fic on, and I really hope you do, please remember that you have been warned.
Finally, some logistics – the prologue is short (2,000 words) in comparison to the chapters (7,000-9,000 words). I am expecting this to be a long short-story (about 10 chapters). AND, AND, AND, my GOAL for the posting schedule is weekly (on Tuesdays to be more precise).
Okay, here we go!
Suggested Listening: "Born to Die" by Lana Del Rey
Dark Matter
Like the waves pleading with the ocean shore,
the blood-stained patterns left on the sands
are from the shredded nails of my clawing hands.
"It's the balance between the man and the wolf that allows them to protect: the power, the order, and the strength of the wolf mixed with the reason, the justice, and the passion of the man. The beast without the human would force them to be just as savage as the leeches they were born to kill."
– Billy Black
Prologue
Jacob Black lies on his bed, hands cupped behind his head, staring at the patterns created by the spackle on the ceiling. He plays Russian Roulette with his memories. Spinning the barrel of long dead images, haunting visions from his past quickly flash through his mind.
.
Pouring rain, Bella pinned between his body and rough bark, feminine legs wrapped around his waist, strawberry scent mixed with intoxicating arousal, creamy skin and mahogany hair, quickening pulse, soft whimpers, "Oh God, Jake."
.
Dodging trees in her white wedding dress, hair decorated with flowers and pulled up off her shoulders, mismatched lips laughing, weightlessness, happiness, freedom, screaming vampires in the distance, she chose him, "It was always you, Jake."
.
"Bella, it happened. The imprint…," heartbreaking sobs, "Don't cry, Bells. It's you… always has been."
.
Motorcycles, wild first rides, her bike lays down, gripping fear and panic, blood trailing down her face, soft Bambi eyes looking up at him, "You know, you're sort of beautiful."
.
"I love you, Jake…"
.
BAM!
The only bullet loaded in the revolver instantly implodes Jacob's heart as vivid hallucinations start to overtake his mind with unstoppable force. Too concrete, too real, too much.
.
Jacob dropped the board he was using to level the wet cement. Jogging up the porch steps and through the front door, he let the screen slam behind him as he followed the sound of the soft, hiccupping sobs back to his bedroom.
Bella Swan was sitting cross-legged on the floor, underneath the window, wrapped in a towel with her face buried in her hands and her shoulders heaving, looking despondent and broken.
The morning sun came in through the slanted blinds and cast a soft glow around her shoulders and down her back. She looked so fragile and delicate in that moment; no one would have ever believed just three short months ago she'd left a blood-sucking leech at the altar for its only natural enemy… for a wolf… for Jacob.
Heart catching in his throat, his pulse quickened in empathy, and he was at her side in four long strides.
"Bells, honey, what's wrong?" Kneeling down next to her and cupping two fingers under her chin, Jacob pleaded with her to lift her face. "Look at me, Bells. Shhh, honey. It's okay. I'm here now."
Shaking her head, she batted him away. Rocking her body back to rest against the wall, she tipped her face toward the ceiling, quickly slapping her hands over her eyes.
He jerked his arm back as the fire from the rejection scorched his skin. Raking his fingers through his short hair in a feeble attempt to ground himself, he pleaded with his confused mind to make sense of her actions even while the ominous weight hanging in the air confirmed what he already knew…
Nothing good was going to make it out of that day alive.
"Bella… please… look at me. What's wrong?"
Reaching out and gently tugging on her arm, he steeled himself for another searing blow, but this time she allowed him to coax her hands away from her face. Bella immediately dropped them into her lap at his feather-light touch while she kept her gaze trained on the speckles of the ceiling.
Red, puffy eyes stared up at images only she could see as her wet hair cascaded around her shoulders and dripped down her arms. He positioned himself in her line of sight, but she quickly slammed her lids shut, closing them too tight and pushing creases through her forehead. The irrevocability of her actions made Jacob reel from the realization that he had caused this response.
"No, no, no," she repeated the mantra as she slowly shook her head back and forth. "I can't do this… I'm so sorry… You're too good… You deserve more." Bella's words were somber as her tear ducts found another reservoir to tap and streams of liquid pain flushed out of her tightly closed eyes.
Jacob's heart jumped into a mad dash before his muddled mind even registered that she'd spoken.
"What!? NO! Bella… NO! You can't…" And that was when he caught sight of it – the inconspicuous suitcase, haphazardly packed and laying open on the edge of the bed.
As all the pieces tumbled and clicked together in his head, it released the lock that had been concealing her intentions. Scalding heat escaped and was forced through his bloodstream. Sharp pain lanced across his chest and spread throughout his body. Raging despair over his inadequacy grew from the realization that he still wasn't enough for her, and the Grim Reaper's icy talons reached up and gripped his heart. Shredded the weak muscle. Froze all the little pieces in a shattered-ruins state.
There was no doubt the pain was etched into his face as he turned back to the listless woman still sitting with her hands in her lap. She was now looking straight at him. As their eyes locked and she witnessed first-hand the power in her words and the desecration in her intent, she cracked and broke.
"Bella… please... I…" His hushed words fractured and silent tears ran down the planes of his cheeks as he pleaded with her. Opening his soul to her completely and allowing her to search its depths, he wordlessly begged her to take what she needed from him, to somehow find the strength to just try.
The honesty evident in Jacob's eyes was more than she could take. Dropping her gaze to the floor in passive dismissal, she whispered her barely audible request, "I need you to let me go."
Standing to his full height, face frozen in horror, head slowly shaking in disbelief, his mind desperately tried to catch up.
What had she done!?
Jacob gradually backed away from the small, wounded girl under the window like she was the one with a monster living inside.
The stinging rejection from his imprint slaughtered everything he held dear and pierced every single solitary piece of his being. It forced him to retreat and cower in the darkest corner of his mind as the wolf rose up and devoured the man's weakened spirit. The beast overtook him with boiling rage and, like a puppeteer, it commanded his body to turn and run out of the house.
Leaping over the steps, Jacob felt the familiar push and pull of the torturous cycle of ripped muscles, torn ligaments, and broken bones; his crippled body continued to elongate and quickly heal, over and over again.
For the first time, the wolf had forced the phase.
For the first time, Jacob didn't fight for control.
He landed with a loud thud on four paws that punctuated the drying concrete, leaving distinct and permanent impressions with all the finality of death. Immediately, his razor-sharp claws dug in and shot his body like a rocket toward the surrounding woods.
The last human sound he heard was the whispered promise of his devastated imprint as he tore through the tree line and completely surrendered to the wolf.
"I love you, Jake…"
.
Jacob sits up and throws his legs over the side of his mattress. In an attempt to feel something other than heartache, he positions his elbows on his thighs and digs the bony joints into his flesh until the pressure becomes uncomfortable. Pushing his palms against his eyes, he registers for the first time the wetness that has collected on his lashes.
Fuck!
Why the hell does he have to be so weak? She left four years ago! She left after she chose Jacob! She left after the imprint bonded!
But his pathetic mind can't move past the pain slicing through him every single time he visits those damn memories.
YOU'RE THE FUCKING ALPHA, JACOB BLACK! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, YOU WEAK BASTARD!
The turbulent emotions rising to the surface of his awareness are just too intense, too overwhelming, and they threaten to drag him under.
No. This is not how it should be. He can control this. He will control this.
He reaches over and grabs his phone off the nightstand, looking for a distraction. Unlocking the screen and scrolling through his apps, he sees an email alert. Idly, he clicks on the icon and instantly freezes. Ice cold, prickly fear flushes through his body, and as his adrenal glands kick into overdrive, he fleetingly thinks about smashing the phone without opening the message.
All sound is blocked. His vision becomes tunneled. Time stands still.
Nothing else exists in this moment except for the understated email sitting in his inbox, patiently and innocently waiting for him to open its contents and display its message.
Regardless of its subject, Jacob knows these typed words will hold nothing for him but more pain, more agony.
He swipes at the smooth screen and a 'delete' button appears. Hovering the pad of his trembling index finger over the bright, red square, he weighs the options of his reality. For the sake of his dignity, for self-preservation and self-esteem, he pretends, if only for a moment, he could go on living without reading the message. He pretends the curiosity wouldn't literally kill him.
But he has to know what she needs.
It is always what she needs.
He cancels the delete and hesitantly taps on Bella Swan's name, quickly shutting his lids in anticipation of the stinging pain he knows is coming.
Peeking out under thick, black lashes, he surreptitiously glances at the digital display on his phone. This is the first direct contact either has made since the day she left and shattered him to his core.
And if he's being honest with himself, he is more than scared of what the power in her words will do to him this time.
.
From: Bella Swan
To: Jacob Black
Sent: Tuesday, August 27, 2013; 4:37 AM
Subject:
I can't sleep.
I've been awake all night, staring at this blank screen, trying to decide how to write down what I need to tell you. But I can't get it right. I must have started this damn email over 20 times, deleting each one because it just doesn't deliver the message the way it should. I'm starting to think that words just aren't adequate.
Jake, I'm coming home.
I'm sorry… for everything.
-Bella
.
His lashes fluttering and his vision blurry, the warm wetness of fresh tears spill over the lower rim of his lids and track down his face. In rivulets of muddy water discolored by a turbulent past, he lets them flow, unobstructed and free falling.
* Alright, hit me with your thoughts and "feels" if ya wanna. ;-)
