Dear Diary,
We're all such liars, aren't we? Nothing I do makes me feel any better, and I'm not quite sure I even can feel better. It's like I can't even think of something without making it lead back to these scars on my wrist. I know I should stop. I know Sasuke, Naruto, and even Kakashi-sensei would want me to, but it helps. I'm pathetic, aren't I? If I was better, I could do this. My team would be proud of me if I was better. I need to tell someone. Anyone.
No, not anyone. I take that back. I want Naruto and Sasuke to know. They need to know, dont they? They would care about me. Someone needs to care, even if this bullshit father of mine won't. I'll never respect him. Hell, he can go die. I refuse to let him get the best of me.
This man has ruined my life. I'm not going to let him take my happiness. You want me to kill myself, Daddy? Huh? Just watch it happen. I'll be blaming you in my suicide note, bastard.
Suicide would make suspician though. And, of course, no one can know my father's crazy. I don't even know why. Thats just what mother says. I love her with all my heart, I really do, but sometimes, I can't take what she says.
"You're my reason for marrying your father."
She says it so nicely you'd think it's a compliment, but its not. He only weighs her down, and everytime I hear that, I just feel guilty. It's not my fault I was born. I didn't ask for this life. I didn't ask for these scars.
Dear Diary,
I told Naruto and Sasuke. They were shocked to say the least, but I feel better. That's what this was about, right? Making me feel better? Sasuke saw the heart on my wrist from when he called me worthless when we were younger. Is it bad that I love it? I love having Sasuke-kun look at me like I'm fragile. I love to be loved like this, even if its just his pity. I don't know how much longer I can stand to be around him without saying "I love you". It hurts my heart when I'm not by him, though. In the end, I choose to be with him. Not that he'd take me, but I'll be living there for the next few days while "father" is in the hospital.
Nothing new there.
I know now that I've told Naruto and Sasuke-kun that I cut I should try to stop, but I just can't. I'm putting senbon and a kunai in my bag. Just in case. I hope they'll forgive me. I'm just not perfect. Is that okay?
Dear Diary,
Another voice started talking to me. I could deal with Inner Sakura, but I can't take it. He was mocking me. He said I'd never be good enough for Sasuke-kun, that I'm deranged, and who could love a cutter like me?
The worst part was that it was true. I know it's true, and so do you.
I cut just now. My wrist is still throbbing, but it's bandaged. Sasuke-kun found me on the bathroom floor after I'd finished. He said he'd save me. Personally, I don't think its possible, but the offer was sweet, don't you think?
If this keeps up, I'm probably going to end up as dead as my father wants me to be. No one can save me, as far as I know
Dear Diary,
The voices are back to the full extent. While I was talking to Itachi-san, it said I was crazy. I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I should just listen to them. I need to stop fighting, and just listen. I'm going to kill myself. That's what would be best, right?
Dear Diary,
Sasuke-kun said he loved me.
Of course he's lying, but i can't help smiling.
Unfortunatly, I'm going to have to stop writing to you now. I'm starting therapy with Tsunade-shishou, and she can never know about this. I promise I'll get better.
I need to be strong, right?
Sincerely,
Sakura Haruno
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
1)If you've read the end to my story Iridescent, you'll know that Sakura kept a journal during the story. Well, I wrote out her journal. :D It goes up until chapter 9 of Iridescent.
2)Review? :3
3)I love you guys. You make my world go round.
