Title: Before Dawn Breaks
Summary:
It's the night before the gang is set to arrive in Altissia, and Prompto is stuck in his own head, paralyzed by self-doubt and worry over what will happen next. Will he finally confess his feelings for Noctis, or will he decide to bury them once and for all? Time is running out. M/M, Yaoi, Prompto x Noctis. Rated M for mature adult content.
Author's Note: I do not own FFXV or its characters, although I do enjoy reading/writing about them in precarious situations. =(^.^)=
This is a story of the two best friends on their last night together before their fate unravels. It requires the reader to imagine there is more beneath the surface of Prompto's happy demeanor and cheerful smile. (I know that will be a bit of a stretch for some people, but just roll with it!) I just really wanted to peel back the layers of Prompto for a deeper look, because there has to be a colossal storm of emo under there. This story is told from Prompto's point of view, as he battles with his demons, along with the feelings he's been concealing for his best friend. I don't have a beta, so forgive any grammatical indiscretions. Please enjoy!
Warnings: M/M, Yaoi, Angst/Depression, Brief Mentions of Self-harm, Sex, Minor Language, and Plot Spoilers. Consider yourself warned!
Chapter 1: The Madness
Nothing can change Noctis' mind, that is one thing I know for sure about my best friend. Noctis has always been too stubborn for his own good. Despite everything that's happened, I know he feels it's too late to call off the marriage with Luna.
"Damn it, Noctis. Why are you doing this?" I mumble to myself as I sit alone in our Old Lestallum motel room. I swear, he can be such an idiot sometimes! My knuckles turn white as my fist knots tighter around the strap of my camera.
Ignis and Gladio are bunking two doors down, and Noctis went over there some time ago to confirm our departure time and plans for the morning. I let him go alone, telling him I wanted to stay here and review my photos from today. But really, I just wanted some time by myself.
Sometimes it's just hard to always be the funny, happy-go-lucky Prompto everyone expects. It takes energy to cheer people up, particularly since the doom-and-gloom factor has increased ten-fold since we left Insomnia. I think I've pretty much mastered the art of making the guys laugh by now, even if it is at my own expense. And along with that, I think I've gotten pretty darn good at hiding my own misery behind a smile. If they only knew...
Tomorrow we'll arrive in Altissia, and this boy band road trip will come to the end that I've been dreading in the pit of my stomach for weeks now. We will all get to say goodbye to crashing in seedy motels and crowded tents. Ignis will take a break from cooking to explore the countless cafes that dot every street corner of the great city and maybe even come up with some new recipes. Gladio will waste no time finding a bar and going home with the hottest girl there, that's if he decides on taking home only one. Noctis will be reunited with Luna. And I… Well… I am not sure where I will be this time tomorrow.
Does it really matter? All I know is that tomorrow I'll be alone. Again. Just like I was before Noctis and I became friends and started hanging out. From the day I first met him, my world has revolved around him, and I honestly don't know how I can go back to the way it was before, after all the time we've spent together.
I wonder if Noctis is really happy about this partnership with Luna, the way a person should be when they're about to devote the rest of their entire life to someone. I've felt that it's not my place to ask, but he did mention before that this is 'just an arrangement' to him. What did that mean? Is he proceeding out of guilt and trying to live out the last of his father's wishes?
Beyond the scattered exchange of scribbled notes carried between the two by Umbra, Noctis and Luna will probably barely recognize each another. Does Luna know Noctis' favorite video games? His favorite foods? How he fidgets and scratches the back of his neck when he's nervous? There's no way she knows any of those things. Maybe their friendship will grow into something more, if given the chance. The thought leaves me feeling sick, and reminds me of the hollowness in my own chest.
I let go of the camera strap that has left red marks across my fingers. This feeling of hopelessness washing over me is one I've gotten way too familiar with.
The final rays of sun fade through tattered curtains and I let the room fall dark around me. It seems appropriate given how I'm feeling. I open the folder on my camera's memory card labelled 'Noct'. This is my secret repository of memories consisting of practically every photo taken of just the two of us. Looking at these photos always manages to cheer me up, even if that's pretty impossible right now.
I start scrolling through the photos of the two of us together. Most are foolish selfies in front of various landmarks throughout Lucis, or extravagant poses alongside numerous creature carcasses as we were celebrating victory. I notice that over time the eyes of the carefree, high school punk that I first became friends with have evolved into those holding the pain I see every time I look at him now. Life had been so simple when we were back in Insomnia. Our biggest worry had been what video game we would play that night, or who we were going to copy our chemistry homework from after skipping out on class. Had anyone told me back then that I would be here right now, getting ready to deliver a homeless, fatherless Noctis to his new bride, I never would have believed it. When did things get so messed up?
The whole world seems to be falling apart, and here we are, right in the middle of it all. It makes my head hurt. I flip past our most recent photos, and start right back at the beginning again, as these ones are from happier times and are not so hard to look at.
Finally, I arrive at one of my very favorite pictures. We were at the arcade after school when we saw a couple of cute girls taking duck-lip selfies, and decided it would be funny to take our own. All I ended up getting were a handful of blurry photos, since it was hard for us to stop laughing long enough to pucker our lips and take the shot. But at the end, Noctis grabbed my camera and took a final photo as he exaggeratedly planted a kiss on my cheek. "That's the money shot," he said with a sly grin as he tossed my camera back. My cheeks would have certainly given me away that day had Noctis not immediately turned his attention to the new Justice Monsters 5 pinball machine beside us.
My fingers ghost across my cheek, recalling how his lips had once been there. To this day, I remember the feel those lips on my skin. Warm, and slightly chapped. The idea of it still excites me, way more than I'd like to admit.
Since high school, I have always tried to be there for Noctis, like he was for me. We'd sworn to always be best buds, forever. But starting tomorrow, he won't need me anymore. He'll take up charge as the new king and marry his new bride. I'll be nothing more than a memory. Somebody that he used to know.
Sadly, I knew this day would eventually come. Yet I came along willingly for the ride, and somewhere along the way I managed to be a fool and fall in love with my best friend.
"Jeez, you're such an idiot, Prompto! How can you possibly know what love is? You can't. You don't even have a soul!" I reprimand myself. But as I say the words, I know I'm lying. At least about the love part…Every time I see my best friend, it's impossible to ignore the way my heart beats faster. I go to sleep every night with images of him at the forefront of my mind. I've faced monsters I had no idea even existed before, just to join him on this trip and stay by his side for a little longer. I eek out my meager existence awaiting every possible moment that I get to spend beside him, to help him with whatever he's going through. And I'd do just about anything to make him smile. Man, I love that smile. I haven't gotten to see it nearly enough lately.
Well, one thing's for sure – Noctis and I will never be together, at least not in 'that' way. I should consider myself lucky just to have gotten close enough to be his friend. If Noctis knew my true feelings for him, I'm sure he would despise me. He would be appalled if he only knew the depraved things I've thought about him, or how many times I've imagined touching him in ways no friend should ever be touched.
Worse yet, if he only knew the other secret I have kept all these years, he wouldn't be long casting me aside for the soulless, Niflheim trash that I am. I've imagined many times what would happen if the guys discovered the truth about my beginnings. I can practically already see the wounded looks of hurt and betrayal spreading across their faces. They would stare at me like they would a piece of rotting fruit from a fallen tree. A traitor. A snake in the grass.
The barcode beneath my wristband burns more each day as we get closer to the Empire. Over the years, I've thought about trying to cut it out, or maybe 'accidentally' burning it off. But it feels like it goes pretty deep, and doing any of those things would only generate more attention to the fact that it had been there in the first place. I try my best to keep it covered, but it's a constant reminder of how unworthy I am to keep Noctis' royal company. I'm afraid it's just a matter of time until Noctis finds out, especially if Ardyn keeps showing up. I know exactly from the way he looks at me that he knows the secret I've been trying to hide all these years. That guy seriously makes my skin crawl.
Damn it, how did things turn out this way? I wish I had more time, not that I would know what to do with it anyway. How would more time change anything? Would I finally be able to work up the nerve to tell Noctis how much he means to me? 'Hey Noct, how's it going buddy? Oh by the way, I have been in love with you since like, forever.' Yeah, I'm sure that would go over real well.
No matter how I look at it, it's all just a little too late.
I slouch down further in my chair like the spineless coward I am. Noctis deserves someone so much better than me. Someone that doesn't save up pictures on a secret memory card like some kind of stalker. Someone that isn't a traitor to his kingdom.
I realize that I have no choice but to help Noctis forge his own path toward happiness with Luna. I'll swallow the black heart that's dying slowly within my chest and watch this wedding unfold with the biggest smile I can muster for my best friend. I'll continue to make sure everyone stays in good spirits and deliver the greatest best man's speech in Lucian history, which I haven't even started to think about writing yet. Yes. I'll buck up and bury these feelings deep inside me until they vanish into the same abyss that's consumed my Niflheim soul.
"Prompto, you are truly pathetic," I whisper aloud as I wipe the tears that are stinging the corners of my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I hover my finger over the delete button on my camera, almost ready to erase the entire folder of cherished images of me and Noctis… My best friend… My one and only love.
My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of Noctis' key slipping into the lock. He appears through the doorway awkwardly balancing a case of beer and a giant brown bag from the Crow's Nest that smells of greasy food even from where I'm sitting half way across the room. My stomach growls at the smell. Guess I didn't realize how hungry I am.
I lay down my camera on the table, powering it off so he can't see the screen. I reach out for the table lamp and flip the switch, casting light through the dusty room. At first glance, Noctis looks to be in good spirits. But, as he approaches, the faint light deceives him and I can see the uneasiness he's trying so hard to hide behind those blue orbs.
"What's up with you?" he asks shooting me a concerned look.
"Oh, you know. Just tryin' to save the world, one light bulb at a time." Smooth Prompto. Real smooth.
"Ok, dude. But you know, there are probably a lot more effective ways we can go about saving the world."
"Yeah, I know."
"Well what do you say, Prompto? Shall we get this party started?" he asks sarcastically, setting down the food and beer on the table and pulling up a chair.
"You know what? I think you totally read my mind!" I answer in the most cheerful voice I can muster given the circumstances. For just a fleeting moment our eyes meet, silently acknowledging what neither of us is willing to say - that this may very well be the last night we get to spend together like this. In fact, it may be the last one we spend together period.
