He was my north, my south, my east and west,

My working week and my Sunday rest,

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

-W. H. Auden-

...

I held on tight to your hand as I whispered "I love you" minutes after you smiled up at me like I made all your dreams come true and maybe I did for all I know, but what I do know is that those three words have never been a lie as far as my feelings have always been for you since the day we met in that bar over forty years ago. And I know it seems like I have moved on from the life we once shared but I haven't, Brock, you're still my husband, maybe not legally, but in my heart of hearts you are, no one has ever really compared. You probably would never believe I could feel love for a man like you who has put me through hell and back, but it's true I never stopped loving you. And now that is all that really matters, right?

"I love you too, Reba. I always have" I hear him rasp out in the weakest of all voices I have ever heard him speak in. I lean in to give him the softest kiss I could muster up afraid I might hurt his feeble state. He only smiles that cocky smile of his that I love so much in return. His head hits the pillow provided for him in the hospital bed that he is laying in right at this moment with an oxygen tank breathing in for him. A tear trickles down my face as I swipe it away like it never appeared in the first place. I sit and stare as I hold his near cold hand the best I could without crying while I watch my best friend die before my eyes.

Dear, sweet god, why are you doing this? I need him! He's the father of my children, my ex-husband, my best friend and the man I still undoubtedly still love.

An hour had past and I gradually got into the bed with him as I held him close to my heart, his head laid on my chest as I stroked his hair delicately. His breathing had gotten shallower and shallower as the minutes went by. As much as I tried to deny my tears they came anyway because they knew I wasn't just losing my best friend, but also the love of my life, yep that's right thirteen years later after the divorce and he is still the man who has the key to my heart.

Craa-p old age as sure made me soft, no wonder I can't scare Van any more.

Now I must let go of him, but I can't. like an owl I mate for life and he is my mate no matter how much I would like to deny it, for loving a man who can be such an idiot at times I will always love him, every vain, egotistical, cheap, cocky part of him. I know a woman such as me could do a thousand times better but I don't want better I only want the other half of my soul back.

I miss how I would run my fingers through his sandy blond hair, I miss when the kids were young and we would find excuse to drop them off at mama's and daddy's house so we could spend the night with each other, but what I miss the most was how you make love to me like I was the only woman you would ever need ever want.

I can still picture digging my nails into your fake tan back, leaving distinguishing marks as I clawed you like a caged panther as you made me crawl the heights of passion, while you would growl in my ear and nibble it like a sweet delicacy.

That little clip of us in my head faded as I held on tighter to him, afraid he would disappear forever if I didn't do so and just as I thought I was right.

"Mom…" our youngest daughter Kyra called out.

I shrugged her arm off still in a dreamy type faze not willing to break me and Brocks bond quite yet and to be frank never.

"Mom…he's gone!" I heard but refuse to acknowledge her uneven words. I was dead inside with nothing but a black hole left.

That was a week ago and now today I sit and stare at his grave the only place I can be with him and feel close.

Like an owl I feel I am dying of loneliness for losing my mate. I can't live without him; life isn't worth living if it's without Brock.

That night driving home I was reckless and I do know it was on purpose. As I was driving I came close to a cliff and before I knew it there was no more.

Now I stand in the gates of Elysian Fields? Heaven? Paradise? I don't know, but it does seem so beautiful and peaceful here, but I don't want here I want Brock. Where is Brock? As on cue the most beautiful man I ever laid eyes on and ever would grasp my hand like a man holding a baby kitten.

"Brock, is that really you?" I ask as I clasp two hands over my mouth in the greatest shock I felt in so very long, too long.

He nods with that smile of his that makes me crazy all over.

"Yes darlin', it is me…" he said in his sexy Texas drawl that had me tremble. Even dead he makes me weak in the knees. I smile at the thought.

I rush into his arms dripping kisses all over his face and he only chuckles at my antics. I gently hit his chest as I always did.

"Honey" he says

I smile up at him

He looks deep into my eyes and said "it's time sweetheart" as he said those very words we leave together for a new more fulfilling life in what would be our new Incarnation. And now I truly understand the meaning of mating for life.

The End…