I think I'll go and mull this over

Before I cram it down my throat

At long last it's crashed, this colossal mass

Has broken up to bits in my moat.

"Come on, Paige, you have to get your outlet some way or another." Marco explained to me as we waited for Hazel return from her way too long bathroom break in the hectic environment of the Toronto mall. But, God, does he HAVE to say that out LOUD?

"Marco, seriously, stop it. You know how I feel about you talking like…that in public." I say uncomfortably. He looks at me all concerned like and I immediately want to punch him. I don't tell people this for a reason!

"But Paige, honey, you need to start accepting the fact that you're a-"

"A NOTHING!" He almost said it! Not only is he not allowed to even so much as mention it, but he almost said it out loud in public where anyone could hear us! Oh shit, it's getting panicky in my lungs. Breathe, Paige, he didn't say it, it's still a secret.

"Paige? Paige, come ON! I know it's scary, but I thought this whole denial thing was just a month or so phase, not a permanent resident in that foggy head of yours." Marco stated, completely ignoring my counting to 10 and labored breathing. Hazel strolled up and with one look at me knew exactly what was going on.

"You mentioned vaginas again, didn't you?" She asked bluntly in Marco's direction. Oh my God! How do my friends think this is ok to say!?

"HAZEL! GOD! SHUT UP!" I scream in a whisper looking around frantically to make sure nobody heard. She just rolled her eyes at me and tapped her foot impatiently with her arms folded in front of her chest.

"So are we done getting you job applications for the day? Can we go have some FUN in the mall now?" Hmm, I just noticed Marco had his arm around me. When did that happen? I tried swallowing what little saliva there was in my unnaturally dry mouth as I stood up.

"Yeah, just one more, but it's at the movie theatre." Hazel's eyes unexpectedly shot up in excitement at this.

"Oh, that would be so awesome! You could, like, get me and my dates free movies!" Marco and I shared a look of amusement at our friend's self-centered mind as we walked in the general direction of the built in movie theatre. As we rode up the elevator I had tuned out Marco and Hazel's giggling at an apparent hottie in front of them. I focused, like I had so many times, on imaging the two of us in a heated embrace, and me more than enjoying it. I closed my eyes briefly, rubbed my lips together, even went as far as to day dream moans of passion in my mind. But as usual, it did nothing but bore me, and much to my horror the male groaning quickly turned to a faceless female's whimper. "No, no, no, no, no!!" I repeated in my head, shaking it lightly trying to get it out of my head. But the vision continued and now there were mental images in my mind. A woman's soft touch and sweet lips trailing lower and lower down my body. Mmm…

"Paige?...Paiiiiige??...PAIGE!" Marco shoved me slightly right when it was getting really good and I flushed in horror. He smiled slyly at me annoyingly reading my gutter-mind.

"Oh? Sorry, did I interrupt?" I lightly slapped his arm and then went ahead and locked it with mine as we usually did with Hazel on his other side. It helped that we were all the same height. As we strutted to the ticket box, I asked the boy briefly where I could find an application.

"Just go on through and go straight to the concession stand and ask for Alex, she'll be able to help you out. Here I'll give you these used ticket stubs in case anyone asks." He replied with a wink my way. It'd be incredibly wonderful to say I felt the plastic sexy smile I returned, but of course I didn't. Marco seemed to see the disappointment etched into the best friend invisible lines on my face and nudged me slightly. I looked at him feigning innocence.

"What?" I asked curiously.

"You…you don't have to do that, you know. Even straight girls aren't always flattered by flirting."

"Wrong. Always flattered."

"Hazel, with you, even Paige could flirt with you and you'd be thoroughly enjoying the attention."

Hazel shrugged a bit with no argument. At this point I'm too exhausted to fight back with the obviousness of my hidden sexuality in this conversation. With the way this day has turned out, I can't wait to get home and snuggle up in my bed listening to music and doing the perfect combo of sudoku and crossword.

"Hey, Paige, she's kind of cute." Marco whispered to me as he leaned into me causing Hazel to stumble a little.

"Umm…yeah, in an angry kind of way." Hazel said with a strange look on her face. She never minded saying her opinion of other girls whenever Marco tried to point one out to me. She was the realistic to his idealistic views. I looked at the concession stand we were nearing with every step and only saw the back of, what I could tell, a relatively attractive girl. Slim body, tanned skin, and deep brown hair. She looked as though she was filling someone's drinks, but there were no customers as far as I could see. She next moved to the nacho cheese dispenser. The three of us reached the concession line or lack-thereof, but the girl seemed not to notice us. Just at that moment another girl came walking out whom I recognized instantly. Her name was Amy and she was just all over "eww". I stole a quick glance out of my peripheral vision at Marco and Hazel and when I did, it was hard to suppress the giggle quickly rising to my throat. Marco's small grin seemed incredibly strained and Hazel unapologetically grimaced. Amy pretended not to notice us right away and ran a provoking hand down the back of the mystery girl at the orange and silver pump. She jumped slightly but ignored the attempted intimacy. Amy finally looked at us with an exasperated sigh and slumped onto the counter across from us.

"What can I get you?" She asked as she rolled her eyes. Before Hazel could come up with an insulting comment, I jumped in.

"Hey Amy, I'm just in need of a job application and the guy at the front told me to come here and ask for…umm, Alex I think? Right you guys?" I asked somewhat insecure for some reason, looking to my left for my friend's confirmation. Both nodded in my direction and I sighed out of relief.

"I'm Alex. What did you say you needed?" My gaze returned to the counter and next to Amy was the girl Marco and Hazel had been talking about. They were right, she was cute, but I didn't see anger in her like Hazel apparently had. She had slightly pointed features and a stare that demanded my knees to give out and my stomach to jump into my throat. I could hear myself stammering, but it was like I couldn't control myself.

"Umm…I, uh…I…umm…" How embarrassing! But Alex seemed to be enjoying the reaction she was getting out of me. Even Amy was—OH SHIT! AMY! She goes to my school! If she saw this she could guess that I'm…I'm…ugh! NO! I pinched my side to try and focus on the situation and shook my head slightly while forcing myself to have better posture and show the Paige I showed the rest of the world.

"I'm Paige Michalchuk and I'd like to work here, so I'm in need of a job application, please." I said while sticking out my hand to her. Of course I'm completely aware that my palm is sweating and scared shitless on the inside of what I will or won't feel when her hand takes mine, but I have a reputation to uphold. And while every pair of eyes within a 5 foot radius of my body are boring into me, I must hold on to my composure. She held a white towel in her hands and had been fidgeting with it throughout the small conversation. She smiled slowly at me and I felt my heart skip a few beats.

"I know who you are, Paige. I'm Alex Nunez. Hey Marco. Hazel." She said while working her hand gently into my own and shaking it. An impossible tingly, warm, scary sensation flooded through me and I unashamedly smiled widely at her, hardly caring in that millisecond who saw me…wait a second, she knows me?! Hazel? MARCO??

"Hey, Alex." They both said with smiles, Hazel going so far as to give a slight wave and head tilt. Alex noticed my confused expression and laughed lightly. Wow, she was REALLY cute. No, stop it, Paige! Stop it!! This is strictly business and you are STRAIGHT. Straight straight straight straight…

She put her hand over mine and leaned in a bit. I shivered ever so slightly, hoping no one noticed. What the hell did this girl do to me?

"I go to your school, princess." She said. I cast a quick glance at Amy who seemed completely irate. Oh, shit, if she gets the wrong idea…er, the right idea, then all hell could break loose! Jesus, this hiding thing gets harder every day. Regrettably I removed my hand swiftly out from under Alex's hand, leaving her a bit confused and Amy with a small smirk. Marco was shooting me an angry parent type of look, but I can not handle his concerned act right now.

"Sorry hun, I had no idea. Are you new?" Apparently I struck a nerve, because Alex looked down somewhat sadly.

"Uh, no. I was last year though." She said fumbling with that white towel again. Amy's smile was huge now as she thrust a few stapled sheets of paper into my arms.

"Here ya go, skank. Have a nice day! Luck getting a job here with Alex and I as the hiring employees." Alex shot Amy an annoyed look as I gulped down the lump in my throat. I wanted so badly to flirt with her back, to smile and giggle like my body so badly wanted to. But of course, I'm Paige Michalchuk, and to succumb to those feelings meant complete and total failure. So I stared patiently waiting for Alex to say what was on her mind before dismissing myself and my friends from the theatre.

"You know what? Come in tomorrow if you can. How does 2pm sound to you, Paige?" Alex said, trying one last time to stare into my eyes. Amy turned around in a huff and fled to what I guessed was the staff room. Marco and Hazel had separated a bit a few seconds earlier figuring they'd give Alex and I our privacy. They could be really great in an annoying best friend way. From what I could tell they were playing some hand game like Ms. Merry Mack or something equally childish and laughing at every mess up. I smiled and zoned a bit before I heard Alex clear her throat. I jumped and looked back at her while slapping a hand to my forehead.

"Oh, God, sorry Alex! I'm such a klutz sometimes. Did you say something? I'm really, really sorry. I just get kind of spacey whenever I get overwhelmed or nervous or paranoid or…shit and now I'm rambling and making a complete idiot out of myself." I muttered the last part in complete embarrassment. She laughed a little I guess hearing my ending.

"All I said was how does 2pm tomorrow sound to you for an interview?" She asked with an air of confidence that seemed to deflate any of my own I could muster. Under her gaze there was something intense, something I wished to go away and never stop all at once. What am I talking about? I only just met her and I'm already overreacting. Jesus, Paige, get a hold of yourself! Without thinking I replied, "Wait, don't we have school?" She raised an eyebrow and laughed a little.

"Umm, do you have some type of detention or something?" Huh?

"What? No! I thought you said you KNEW who I was. I never get detentions!" I retorted nearly on the brink of offense. She raised her hands in sarcastic surrender.

"Chill out! I'm only saying that because tomorrow's Saturday." Oh God. I feel sick to my stomach. How many times have I embarrassed myself in front of this girl today? This has got to be a record of mine.

"Oh, God. I feel really stupid now. I'm sorry I got so defensive." She laughed courteously and shrugged, fumbling with that white towel again.

"It's no problem." She responded as she smiled at me. Feeling awkward at how badly I wanted to watch her smile at me, I pretended to pull off my discomfort as her fault.

"Umm, right, so I'll see you here tomorrow at 2?" I asked trying to break the silence. She gave a sad side smile my way and nodded, slowly walking backwards towards the same door Amy had exited minutes earlier.

"Yeah, you will. I'll be working concession again, so just flash that filled out application tomorrow to the guys working the ticket booth and they'll let you back no questions asked." Her hand rested on the doorknob while she looked down at the floor shuffling her feet. If I didn't know any better, I'd say I was making her a bit self conscious and the come ons I thought I had imagined were actually real…which would mean she might be interested in me…I mean NOT that I'm interested in her! Just nevermind. I'm not interested in anything but men. Yep. Men. I like men.

"Bye." She said looking up shyly at me. Wow I really wish that wasn't as adorable as it really was. I had no choice but to smile unabashedly back at her.

"Bye Hun." Her smile turned a bit more confident as she turned and disappeared into the back room. Woops…I just noticed how fast my heart's been beating this whole time. This is so ridiculous! One girl should not have this kind of effect on me, especially not just by talking to me! Scratch that, no girl in GENERAL should have ANY effect on me! "Just ignore it, Paige. She'll only be your boss, or whatever she is here." I turned looking back towards Hazel and Marco, who were over dramatically pretending to be Alex and I moments earlier by batting their eyelashes and silently giggling. In a huff of anger and amusement I walked over and grabbed both of them by their shirt collars.

"You two are impossible." I said as they laughed thinking they were the most hilarious teens in Canada.


After coming home and curling up in bed like I had so intently longed for earlier I began thinking about today's events at the movie theatre in the mall. Alex…she went to my school? Why hadn't I known her before? And how did she know Marco and Hazel? They both said she was in our first period, but I swear I've never seen her before. They said she sits at the back of the class or something. Still, I would have remembered that face. She's…

Ok, I'm in the security of my own head all by myself, aren't I? So I can be honest with myself for a second, right?

She's so gorgeous! She's beautiful and adorable and has this incredible, sexy body. I can't stop thinking about her. I'm so incredibly anxious about tomorrow. What should I wear? Is she going to be the one interviewing me? I hope so. I don't think I'd be comfortable being in a room alone with Amy, no matter what the circumstances. Alex…Nunez. Is that Latin? She did have tan skin. It looked really, really soft…

Gulping slightly and subconsciously looking around my room, I closed my eyes and pictured this girl who invaded my thoughts. I saw her kissing my lips, my neck, my chest; every speck of exposed skin on my body. The lower most part of my torso burned with desire and sent occasional flames to lick their way up to my occasional tingling lips begging to collide with another pair. The longer I day dreamed, the hungrier I became for her. For Alex. And the more conscious I became of the situation the scarier it became and the less the passion scratched at my stomach. Finally I shook myself of my thoughts and I prayed for undisturbed sleep as I drifted off slowly into the night.