When Bruce called Dick into his office. Dick didn't really think much of it. He flopped down into the chair across from Bruce cheerfully.
What followed was a very embarrassing conversation regarding what to do about bed sheets that were soiled due to puberty and condoms and….
Dick didn't want anyone to use the word natural in conversation again for at least a week. Mortified and angry he texted Wally 353 individual poop emoji.
"It wasn't me who thought it would be a great prank to put koolaid filled condoms in Aqualad's salt water pool," muttered Dick. "I told Wally Kaldur would think it was some inappropriate environmental pollution. Wally wasn't the one who had to listen to Kal go on for like four hours about the Great Garbage Swirl just because I forgot the cloth shopping bag that one time. And, and as for Bruce, I couldn't figure out what would be more mortifying, admitting I just wet the bed after the Scarecrow dosed me with fear gas last week or standing up and lying to his face, Oh yeah I'm a manly man dreaming manly man dreams and stupid, stupid, not nice day….."
"Master Dick?" Alfred prompted as his young charge stomped down the stairs muttering.
Oh Dick knew who would have spoken to Bruce about laundry and he was a little too worked up to for his internal filter to be firing on all cylinders. "I WET THE BED OKAY! I DIDN'T DO THINGS OR STUFF! OR DREAM OF PRETTY LADIES OR DO WHATEVER! I"M GOING OUT! I DO NOT SALUTE YET, OKAY! OKAY!?"
Alfred's eyebrows rose slightly but other than that he didn't react. "I was going to ask if you wanted an afterschool cookie."
Glaring fiercely Dick took a cookie said, "thank you" politely cuz well, Alfred cookie... He shoved the whole thing in his mouth and left as fast as was Robinly possible.
Alfred sighed slightly as the front door slammed. It would appear Master Bruce had been throwing his detective skills at Richard in a half hasard manner while attempting parenting again.
The poor child hadn't even had his first growth spurt yet and all his teammates and classmates were two years older than him.
"Master Bruce?"
"Yes Alfred?"
"I am afraid there's been a misunderstanding. Am I to understand that you have taken other measures, rather than reformulating the fear antitoxin?"
"Reformulating… other measures…" Bruce pinked with embarrassment. "You said … uh soiled.. You meant.."
The Batglare had nothing on Alfred's glare of slight disappointment.
"A butler is nothing if not discrete. I would never."
Unfortunately for both the Alfred's young masters, Wayne manor has no discrete holes to crawl into. The Batcave doesn't count.
Five minutes of reviewing surveillance later, Bruce muttered… "Wallace Randolph West."
Aqualad, Batman, Robin and the Bat-butler in one ill thought out, poorly timed prank?
...run faster.
