A/N: So this one won't have as much happiness or fluff as I usually write. I'm planning for this to be a three shot, but who knows. This takes place in season 13. Alex did go into witness protection but returned in season 6, she and Olivia got together about a year later. I own nothing but my own characters. Let me know what you think. I hope you enjoy.
Numb. That was the only way Olivia could describe how she was feeling. She stood in the entryway of their apartment staring at the door. As the minutes continued to pass she was beginning to realize that Alex was serious, she really had left. She began pacing the living room thinking about what had just happened and how they had gotten there. The longer she thought the more she realized that Alex was right, it was all her fault. She collapsed on the sofa as she flashed back to the fight that had just occurred.
Olivia walks into the apartment absolutely exhausted. She had just spent the last week chasing a murdering rapist around the city before finally catching him that afternoon. In the past week she had only been home a couple hours at a time, and she hadn't been home at all in the last three days.
As she walks through the apartment all she could think about is taking a hot shower and crawling into bed. She stops in her tracks when she sees Alex's suitcase laying open on the bed and the blonde pulling clothes from the closet. "Alex? What are you doing?"
Alex stepped from the walk in closet and gave the brunette an incredulous look "It should be obvious." When Olivia didn't respond Alex huffed as she took more clothes from the closet and put them into her suitcase "I'm leaving Olivia. I can't do this anymore."
Olivia feels as if she's just taken a sucker punch to the stomach. She quickly makes her way over to Alex and places a hand on her arm to stop her but Alex jerks away. Alex struggles to keep her tears at bay. She wants nothing more than to break down and cry but she's done enough of that lately. She grabs another arm full of clothes and throws them in her suitcase. After closing it she grabs it along with her purse and her dress bag with several of her suits for work. Alex leaves a stunned Olivia standing in their bedroom.
It kicks in that Alex is about to leave and Olivia takes off running out of the bedroom "Alex!" she calls out stopping the blonde at the door. Her heart breaks at the look of pain and sadness on her partner's face "Why? Why are you leaving?"
Alex sighs "Olivia I told you, I can't do this anymore. I can't keep sitting in this apartment alone." she could see Olivia was about to speak but she cut her off. "I know that sometimes your job keeps you late or away. Mine does too at times. What I'm talking about is how I don't matter to you anymore."
"You matter to me Alex! You always have." Olivia pleaded.
"I wish I could believe that." she took a deep breath and swallowed before speaking "I'll come back later for the rest of my things. I'll make sure it's during the day when you're not here." She turned toward the door, hoping to get out before completely losing it.
"Where are you going?" Olivia whispered.
Alex shook her head "I think for now it's best that you don't know that. Just know that I'll be safe."
"Please don't." Olivia pleaded as she felt a lone tear begin to slide down her cheek.
Alex looked at her one last time "I have too. I will always love you Olivia." And with those final words Alex left the apartment.
Olivia sat on the sofa as she tried to make sense of what had just happened. She went back and forth between replaying the last few minutes to replaying the last few months trying to figure out how it had all went wrong. They have been together for just over six years, having started dating about a year after Alex returned from Witness Protection. She knew there were times through the years that their careers had interfered with their relationship but they always found a way to make it work. She couldn't believe that she had missed the all the signs of Alex being unhappy or wanting to leave.
She leaned back and rested her head on the sofa as she thought about how well she knew the blonde. She knew her favorite book was To Kill a Mockingbird. Her favorite car was a '65 Mustang, which was Olivia's favorite car as well. They loved taking weekend road trips in that car. Her favorite clothes were designer suits for work but she was happiest at home in pajama or yoga pants, Olivia's shirts or sweats. Her favorite song is In My Life, she remembered the blonde telling her that it became even more special after they became a couple because it reminded her of them.
She thought about Alex's piercing blue eyes, the eyes that Olivia thought could see directly into her soul. She loved her long blonde hair, it always relaxed her to run her fingers through it at night as the lay in bed. Her thoughts then turned to Alex's family. Her mom died while she was away in the program, even to this day it killed the blonde that she was unable to attend her mom's funeral. Her dad was still alive and lived in a brownstone on The Upper East side, and her younger sister lived on Long Island with her family. When Alex was two they had moved to Texas and they stayed there until Alex graduated from high school. Her family spent time throughout the year in the city with her grandparents and Alex knew when she graduated from law school that she wanted to live in Manhattan.
As Olivia thought about all the little things she knew about Alex it suddenly dawned on her that she had missed what had mattered most. She knew that Alex hadn't been herself in the past few months that she hadn't been as happy but she didn't take time to ask what was wrong or try to cheer her up. She remembered coming in late one night. As she crawled into bed she was pretty sure Alex was crying but instead of asking if she was okay, Olivia simply draped her arm across the younger woman and went to sleep.
Then there was the day when Alex commented on how great it was that same sex couples were allowed to marry in New York. Olivia agreed with her but that was as far as it went, even though Olivia wanted nothing more than to spend her life with Alex. Alex had also mentioned having a family. While Olivia wanted a family she had said that with their careers it probably wasn't the best time. She said they would know when the time was right.
The wheels in her mind were now turning at a frantic pace. Waves of emotion began crashing over her as the realization sank in that Alex was right, she no longer showed Alex that she cared or that she mattered. She leaned forward as she struggled to stop the nauseous feeling that was threatening to overcome her. Olivia gasped for air as she dropped her head into her hands and sobbed "Oh my God, what did I do?"
