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Wisdom and Understanding



I Apparate behind her in the forest. Perfect, I think to myself, but then a twig crackles under my foot. She turns around, sees me and is in my arms.

"You came!" she says with delight drawing me into the glade with her.

"Yes, my dear, of course I came. What kind of a fool would refuse such an invitation from a beautiful young girl?"

"But how did you do that? You can't Apparate or Disapparate on the castle grounds? How did you do it? Tell me!"

I smile at her and her constant search for knowledge. "The Charms are slightly different between the castle, the grounds and here in the forest. Remind me to teach you someday – some OTHER day." I smile again at her.

She's leading me by the hand into the glade, bright with moonlight. The smiles I have for her are genuine, but inwardly I am a broken man. How can I do this to her? What kind of a fool am I indeed?

She turns to me in the moonlight, her dark hair swinging to her waist. She turns and circles her arms about my neck, drawing up to kiss me. I brush my lips against hers. Oh, to taste her and hold her here in the moonlight , what was I thinking?

"Well," she says drawing out the word and smiling wickedly at me, "then what WILL you teach me tonight?"

"Ah, my dear, would you please stop reminding me that I am your teacher? Otherwise, I'm afraid that I will have to take points away from your House. How many rules are you breaking tonight?"

"None!" she smiles wickedly again. "The moon is full, the other girls are out tonight, too."

"Yes," but they're in another glade, the girls glade, aren't they? I doubt that any of the other male staff members are with them tonight." My hands are at her waist, she's warm and willowy. Oh, how I want to hold her close and…

She draws toward me herself. I bend to kiss her, holding her tight. We could sink to the ground together, a man and a maid in the moonlight. Who would know?

I pull back from the kiss and look at her. I could stand here in the moonlight looking at her forever. Anything to put off what I must do, what I must say to her tonight. Has she always been this beautiful? When did she change from being such a clever young girl to the beautiful woman in front of me now? This last year, her seventh at Hogwart's, she's been so much more than just a student to me. And tonight, she would be my lover. If only…

"My dear, my dear, we must stop." I can't believe I said it. Why am I still holding her? It would be much simpler if I weren't holding her so soft and warm and close. Why can't I let go?

"Why?"

"Well for one thing, I AM your teacher."

"So teach me." That grin again.

"And Head of Your House."

"I won't tell."

"And old enough to be your father. You're just a girl."

"I'm of age."

"Yes, I believe your birthday was, let me see, yesterday?"

"Yes, I'm old enough to…"

"I can't." There, I've said it. I take her hands and hold them close to my chest as I step back from her.

"What?"

"I can't take the gift you offer. I came tonight to tell you that I can't. Not now…," It's not possible to say this but somehow I do. "Not ever."

"Why?!? Is it me? You don't want me?"

"Oh, my dear, my dear. You don't know how I want you. " She's turned her back to me. She doesn't want me to see her crying, but I know that she is. I step behind her, circling my arms around her waist and kissing the top of her head. "I want you. I desire you very much. But I've sworn an oath…" How does one explain something like this? It sounds ludicrous when you're in the moonlight with a pretty girl. "I've foresworn…" She will hate me forever for this I think.

I sigh and turn her toward me. "Look at me, my dear. There's a power that comes from giving into the moonlight, to a pretty girl's enchantment and to desire. But there's another greater power that comes from reserving oneself; to focusing yourself inwardly. It's a power older than Hogwart's, as old as your girls' glade. You know it's true." She nods mutely and I continue.

"I've foresworn love like you offer me tonight. I came to you tonight to let you know…" I pause, is there any hope that she will believe me? "To let you know that until I met you, it was an easy vow to keep. I've never met anyone… There's never been anyone before now… You're the most beautiful, talented and clever witch I've ever met… and I can't. I won't." I finish, helplessly looking at her.

She's silent for the longest time and then she nods and says flatly, "I understand."

I press on, I have to finish. "I need you. I need you with me. There's something terribly wrong here at the school and I fear what's coming. You feel it, too, I know that you do. Most of the staff and the parents think it's over, that it's finished, but I think it's just sleeping. I think that whatever the evil is will reappear and will be more terrible than we can imagine. And I need you with me in order to fight what's ahead. I need you beside me…forever."

Her eyes are filled with tears in the moonlight. "You don't… love me, then?" she chokes on the words.

"How can I make you understand? You are my beloved. There's never been anyone else before nor will there ever be anyone else. But… never that way." There – I've said it. There's no more to say. The rest is up to her.

There is another long silence and then, very softly she says, "Kiss me once like a lover then, and I'll stay. I'll be what you want me to be."

I draw her to me and kiss her deeply. Oh, if it was difficult before, it's impossible now to let her go. I know that she would let me love her, here in the moonlight. My hands stray down from her waist, over her curves to lift her, and hold her against me. Surely, surely, she knows how I desire her. Who'd know? I think to myself. Who would know but the two of us? I could just…

"We should stop now," she's pulled back and is whispering to me. I'm kissing her face, her throat. I can't stop, I don't want to stop. "We have to stop now, or I can't…stop," her whispered voice is urgent now. She's pulling back away from me and I'll never hold her or kiss her again like this, forever. "Albus, we have to stop now."

I stop and look at her. In the moonlight now, her eyes are steel. "Beloved, beloved, your parents named you well, Minerva - wisdom and understanding."