Usual Disclaimer: Dragon Age: Origins does not belong to me.
Slash Alert: This story contains a M/M pairing, so if it's not your kind of thing, look away now.
Pairing: M!Amell / Alistair, past one-sided M!Amell / Jowan
Summary: The first time Darius fell in love, it was with his straight best friend. Now, the situation seems to be repeating itself, and Darius is thinking depressed thoughts.
Notes: This was a fill response to a prompt on DAkink on LJ, my second one, X-posted here.
Unexpected Comfort
PART I
Sometimes, Darius Amell did not know what to make of his luck. Or perhaps it was his tastes. Whatever it was, it caused him to be drawn to those who were just unattainable. The young mage sat brooding about this in his private little corner in camp as he gazed somewhat longingly at one of them: Alistair.
Why do I just have to fall for the straight ones? He thought. Why do they tempt me so?
For as good looking, friendly and courageous as Alistair was, the blond Warden had shown no signs that he could ever be interested in having a relationship with another man, and this just depressed Darius. He didn't dare ask the man either, as he was afraid that Alistair would react badly to such a proposition, and their cause against the blight was too great for Darius to risk driving a wedge between the two last Wardens in Ferelden.
Why does this happen to me? He asked himself once more, though he had no answer.
It wasn't the first time that Darius had felt this way either. Back when he had been in the Circle, in the time before he was a Grey Warden, there was Jowan. The older apprentice had been one of his first friends that he made after he had arrived at the circle, showing concern for the small, lonely boy who had been thrown into the deep end when his magic awoken within him. As the years passed, the two had grown much closer, becoming close friends. And when they were eighteen, and Darius first realized that he had no interest in females, it was Jowan who had caught his eye and more.
Jowan, however, was uninterested in the same sex, unwilling to go any further than the few sessions of mutual masturbations that Darius managed to persuade him to "experiment" in. Shortly after that though, Jowan started growing secretive, and the two apprentices began to drift apart, though they did remain firm friends.
Then came Darius' harrowing, and the revelation of Lily, the initiate who had apparently captured Jowan's heart for the past two years (How he had kept that from Darius for two whole years was always a mystery to the younger mage). Darius, having kept up his friendship in hopes that the older man would someday come to return his feelings, was upset of course. But his stubbornly lingering hopes had remained, which was why he had even agreed to participate in Jowan's escape attempt. His friend's use of blood magic however, had deeply shocked and hurt him.
With the addition of all that had happed at Ostagar after he left the Circle, Darius had thought that had seen the last of his friend, and had somewhat gotten over the loss of his friendship, so the appearance of the now-apostate mage in Redcliffe's dungeons had surprised him.
He was disgusted by what Jowan had done of course, not quite believing how desperate the man had become. The old bonds of friendship however, had made Darius take pity on Jowan, and he had allowed the blood mage to assist in correcting his wrongs. Fortunately for them all, Darius had already been back to the Circle Tower (the first place he had chosen to visit after leaving Lothering, being a mage and all that), and had defeated the demons and saved everyone there. As such, it was a relatively simple task to have returned there to obtain the lyrium and the assistance required to avoid the use of any blood magic.
After than however, he had made the decision to have Jowan sent back to the tower, and had thought little of it.
Now, as he travelled on in his quest to end the blight, his thoughts on his love for Alistair had dredged up those memories, and the combination of both made him feel utterly dejected.
Did I make the right decision when I sent Jowan back to the circle? He wondered. What would they do to him?
Darius remembered how frightened his old friend had been when he had found out that he could have been made tranquil, and he fought back a wave of despair. I really hope he's alright.
Darius' dark mood continued on over the next few days, though he tried his best to hide it. Makes no sense to let the others see me worry about such issues when there are larger issues at stake, after all. He had thought to himself.
Alistair, however, being more perceptive when it came to the emotions of his fellow Warden, had sensed that something was wrong with his friend even before the week had passed.
"Hey Darius,"
The young mage looked up from his log seat by his tent to see the other Warden walking towards him.
"Mind if I join you?" Alistair asked, even as he sat down on the log next to him. Darius offered him a slight smile and nod in response, shifting a little to give the larger man more room.
"Care to share your troubles?" The blond Warden spoke again after they sat in silence for a few moments, "You seem to be looking a little down the past few days."
"I'm alright, Alistair," Darius replied, the words coming to him almost instinctively as he closed off his emotions, "I appreciate your concern, but there's nothing for you to be worried about."
"You sure?" Alistair didn't seem to believe him. "I haven't seen you so quiet before."
"It's nothing," Darius sighed.
"Come on, you can tell me"
"It's nothing."
"Alright, alright," Alistair stood up and backed off a little at his friend's angrier tone, "Don't hit me. I'll leave you to your thoughts for tonight, okay?"
Not waiting for the mage to reply, the blond Warden petted his friend gently on one shoulder before moving off.
Watching as his handsome companion walked back to his own tent, Darius couldn't help but sigh again. It would be so much easier if I could tell you everything, Alistair, but I can't.
The next day, as they travelled, Darius noticed that Alistair kept a closer watch on him, though the other Warden did not approach the topic of his mood. The others in the party did not speak of that either, whether they noticed it or not.
At camp that night, though the mage could sense that his friend was still glancing over to him every so often, Alistair chose not to disturb him, except to approach for a short while.
"Have some of this," The blond Warden told him, offering Darius a large chunk of cheese. "It helps me when I think about things, sometimes. Maybe it'll help you too?"
Darius nodded his thanks, wondering if his friend would stay, but the other man did not, giving him a small smile and petting him on one shoulder once more before leaving for his own tent.
Somehow, Alistair's gestures of concern touched Darius deeply, and the defensive shell that he had built around himself and his emotions over the past week started to crack. Maybe I could tell him some of the things at least? But how much?
As he retired for the night, his thoughts remained conflicted.
TBC
Notes: I seem to like to write two chapter one-shots for some reason :P
Add. Notes: Please do review! Those who do will get some cheese from Alistair :D
