A/n: I kept getting in a rut for this. I've been finding it harder to write lately. This quote inspired me. "Hearts are selfish things. They don't care if their desires hurt those around them. They only care about what they want."
The title's pretty self-explanatory. If this makes you uncomfortable, please don't read this.
The Affair
A request from Shiranai Atsune
xXx
One might ask themselves why I was disappearing twenty minutes into my own anniversary party. An event meant to celebrate our first year together as husband and wife. Love. Marriage. The idea that getting married to your "best friend" will make everything perfect. It's not all that it's cracked up to be. That's why.
My eyes scanned the room. There wasn't another soul in sight, and I exhaled in relief. Seclusion. Finally. I closed the door to the study, shutting out the chatter from the party and poured myself a generous amount of my father-in-law's whiskey, repercussions be damned. It was going to be a long night without it. I didn't want to be here. Larxene wanted me to be her arm-candy, and to endure our anniversary party with a smile on my face. So we weren't exactly seeing eye-to-eye.
I cringed a bit, taking a mouthful and then another, the burn becoming less intense as I drank. I couldn't help but think about how five years of my life had been thrown away because I'd been too stupid to accept the truth. Maybe the four years we'd spent together before getting married had been too much to throw away. Maybe we'd both invested too much in our relationship to start over. Maybe we'd thought that promising to be together forever would be enough to save "us". We'd had intense feelings for one another once, it made sense… but marriage had only escalated the impending disaster.
Our current relationship made a train-wreck look good.
"Hey Axel. Everything alright?" I froze mid-drink, trying not to choke and failing. With some effort, I found myself suppressing a shudder as goosebumps raised my flesh at the soft tenor voice. Coughing my lungs out helped, of course. I hadn't thought anyone would have followed me. Ansem's study was generally a pretty safe hiding spot from my wife. Her entire family knew that her old man hated it when I came in here. Not that I really care about what he thinks. We have a mutual dislike for one another, always have. I think that's one of the things that drew Larxene to me, once. I tensed when the loveseat dipped down beside me, and swallowed carefully, daring to let my eyes travel to the boy sitting beside me. They got caught in oceanic depths. My breath followed their lead, catching in my throat, and my skin prickled when he slid close enough that our legs brushed. Despite this, I allowed my lips to curve up into a cock-sure grin. The alcohol helped with this, of course.
"Good evening, Roxas," I answered calmly. I was actually pretty relieved that it wasn't my wife who'd found me, and focused on that instead. Damned harpy. Roxas was probably the only one receptive enough to notice where I had disappeared to, actually. No one else in the family liked me. Including my wife. But that didn't mean she wouldn't hunt me down at some point or another, for appearance's sake. "You sure you wanna ask that? I'm workin' my way up to a stupor. Might get pretty chatty." Roxas shrugged his shoulders and smiled a little. It made my heart stutter and guilt ate at the pit of my stomach at the same time.
I don't know why, it was so wrong, but I wanted him so badly that it physically hurt. I still had goosebumps because he was barely touching me. Maybe it was because he was so goddamn gorgeous. Maybe I was just horny. I hadn't had sex since our honeymoon, after all. When Larxene had found out she was pregnant a few weeks later, the doctors had discovered that she had an STI. The thing is, when they tested me, I didn't. When they'd left us to have an awkward conversation after that, I'd found out that she'd been cheating on me for the last two years. I still didn't know to this day if the baby had been mine, and it hurt like hell. I shook my head, wishing I could shake away the memory. Larxene had lost the baby. I'd been there for her, but instead of trying to work things out, she'd gotten an IUD and was even more open about her cheating. She didn't care because I'd told her that I felt that marriage was a forever thing and that we'd work through our problems no matter what. She'd taken it as a free pass to do whatever she wanted. Sometimes she disappeared for days and I didn't even know where she was. To me, celebrating tonight was a sick joke.
Somewhere along the line, I'd begun to have these urges towards my wife's youngest brother. Whatever had started it, I knew that I couldn't ever have Roxas. I knew that. Roxas was ten years my junior. He was just a kid, barely eighteen with his whole life ahead of him. These feelings were so wrong but… so, so intense. Just like the stare he was giving me. It only made me want him more. I felt like such a creep whenever I was around him.
"You haven't been yourself lately. Do you want to talk about it?" the blond asked. Those were the words that had broken the dam. Spilling the emotions I had tried so hard to hide from myself and everyone else, hitting me like a damned tidal wave. Leaving me feeling so cold about my lying, cheating, snake of a wife. Hey, I had urges too, and I'd still maintained my vows. Even though temptation was literally dangling right in front of my nose. I laughed, the sound sounding horribly hollow, almost painful, even in my own ears.
"Nah, forget it. I can't," I answered, shaking my head dismissively. Roxas bit his lip thoughtfully and tilted his head.
"Why not?" he asked, his lips curving up into a wry smile that made my throat dry. Like he knew all of my secrets. That was a rather terrifying thought. "You can tell me, it's okay."
I had to blink a few times to make sure I wasn't seeing things. Yep, that smile was real. Damn. My stomach did a little flip and I shook my head, afraid that I wouldn't be able to stop speaking if I started. I hadn't told anyone what had been happening or how horrible my wife had been to me. Not even my own family. I was afraid of how they would react. Rolling his eyes, Roxas slid a bit closer, still staring at me intensely and I began to recognize it as desire. Just as I began to get nervous about what exactly he knew, he spoke.
"I don't like the way she treats you, you know?" he murmured, catching me even more off guard.
"What?" I whispered back.
"Just forget about her. She doesn't even deserve you. Forget about all of it," Roxas whispered. My eyes widened.
"You don't know what you're talking about," I denied. Roxas snorted in a way that told me that I should have expected otherwise.
"She's my sister," he answered, like it tasted bitter in his mouth to say. I felt a weight in the pit of my stomach, and couldn't help but wonder if Larxene's whole family probably suspected the same thing. If they were just waiting for the inevitable, just like I was. His slender fingers brushed against my face and then through my hair, making me flinch so violently that I accidentally sloshed alcohol on Ansem's carpet. "Shh," he murmured, still stroking my face with his other hand, "it's just you and me, right now." I stared into those blue depths confusedly and all that I was aware of was how painful my heartbeat had become. I opened my mouth to speak, but my voice failed me when Roxas' thumb traced the tattoo on my left cheek. Before I could think another thought, Roxas gently tugged me forward, dipping my head down until our lips were almost touching.
My heart stopped for a moment before jolting into motion painfully as I stared into blue, blue eyes. "Wh-what are you doing?" I whispered hoarsely. The fingers twining in my hair tightened and Roxas' lips curved upward just before he pushed forward. My breath was completely stolen away when our mouths molded together. I wanted this. Oh, I wanted it so much. This perfect feeling of lips against my own, the way Roxas' body felt against mine, was incredible. I had never felt anything like it in my entire life, the way I felt like this boy was made for me, and I couldn't think about anything else. Before I could fully wrap my head around it, it was over and I was gasping. Some of my fleeting senses returned and my stomach twisted sharply as I panicked.
"What the hell was that, Roxas?" I needed to stop this and I needed to stop it now, even if it killed me inside. Even if my lips wouldn't stop tingling. Even though my body was screaming in protest. Even if… oh God, he looked guilty, even if it was only a little, and my heart melted a bit, because the look on his face was adorable.
"I feel like… you're supposed to be mine…" Roxas mumbled, his cheeks reddening. My heart-rate doubled. Our eyes met, mine searching those oceanic depths. My brows furrowed and I scratched at the back of my head, trying to think of an answer, a way to tactfully put this to an end. Roxas watched me fixatedly. "I know that you want me too." I stared at him in horror.
"No Roxas, no… No! Nothing like that- like this! Can ever happen. Ever. We need to stop talking about it. Now."
"Why?" the boy asked, tilting his head to the side curiously. Before I could answer, Roxas was speaking again. "I see the way you watch me, Axel," he said against my lips. Then, his hand slid down my body, leaving a trail of fire in its wake, and cupping my growing arousal, making my breath catch as I bit back a moan. "I feel the way you want me." I was breathing hard, my hands trembling, as I clenched them hard, "So, are you going to do something about it or do I have to?" I felt my heart pounding. If he was anything like my wife, that was a promise.
"I… I-I'm," I stuttered, biting my lower lip and dropping the glass when Roxas' lips found the spot where my jaw met my ear. It dropped onto the carpet soundlessly. I moaned, feeling lightheaded when his mouth descended while his hand continued to knead. It left me at a loss of words and I found myself weak from the touches, letting him push me against the cushions. My mind was blanking from the pleasure before I realized what I was doing. When I remembered, my eyes opened wide. "Married! I'm married, stop-" my voice caught in my throat when blue flooded my senses.
"You're miserable, Axel. Everybody knows you are." I grasped Roxas' shoulders and pushed him back, thinking hard.
"Yes. Yes I am," I told the boy, my chest aching when sadness flashed in those blue eyes, "but I'm still married to your sister, Roxas." Before either of us could speak, voices nearing the door and the clicking of heels on the wooden floor grounded us. Wordlessly, I pushed the blond away, retreating hastily and not daring to look back.
I didn't know it yet… but this was just the beginning.
xXx
