Chapter 1: Is It Getting Better?
October 18, 2007
Alexis gasped and then stood in the uncomfortable silence that followed. She needed to say something, but what was she supposed to say? "You want me to go to Brenda Barrett's wedding with you?" Restating what someone else had just said worked when she lost her train of thought in court. Plus sometimes that approach even earned points with the jury if they had also lost track of the witness' rambling.
"It was just a thought, Lex, but I understand you know if you already had plans with Baldwin or something," Sonny said.
Alexis noted that he sounded nervous. He dealt with the five families, but he had issue asking her on a date? That didn't even compute logically. But then the rest of the thought occurred to Alexis. Sonny Corinthos was asking her on a date? Suddenly there just didn't seem to be enough air in the room.
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Sonny Corinthos watched the woman he loved hyperventilate as he pulled a paper bag from the inside breast pocket of his suit. He hated to admit it but that was a little trick he had picked up from Ned Ashton. Alexis claimed Ned had never loved her, she had never loved him, their marriage had been nothing more, or less, than a sham to keep his daughter away from him.
He should hate her for that. He had probably hated women for less, but they weren't Alexis, and he couldn't. He wrapped an arm around her as she grasped for the paper bag and held it to her face. "Come on, let's sit down. You've obviously had a rough day and I didn't mean to upset you further."
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No, of course, he never meant to upset her further he just seemed to have impeccable timing, Alexis thought as she tried to slow her breathing. She supposed it wasn't really Sonny's fault that John Quartermaine had told her he didn't have complete proof but there were hints Ric hadn't really died in Canada ten months earlier.
Hints? What were hints? Didn't John understand that she had just started to wrap her head around how she would explain to Molly that her father had been a sick man? Didn't he understand that conversation would be less painful if Ric wasn't still around as exhibit A? Well actually she was pretty sure John Quartermaine wouldn't understand that because he only reproduced with sane people, like his wife Abby.
It must be nice, Alexis thought. She took another shaky and deep breath and glanced over at Sonny who flashed her one of his dimpled smiles. Alexis looked back down at her paper bag. He had to know those dimples got her every time. She was sure he did that was why he used them.
Sonny squeezed her hand. "There, that's better, much better."
Was it? Alexis wasn't sure because quite honestly, she thought she was almost as confused as she had been five months earlier the night she had come home and found Sonny in her town house. Sometimes she still regretted that she hadn't had him arrested for breaking and entering.
May 23, 2007
When she pulled into the carport outside her unit, Alexis Davis saw a familiar SUV in guest parking. Sonny was the last person she wanted to deal with but with her luck he had sent Viola home and put the girls to bed, and everything would be perfect for them to finish their earlier conversation. But it wouldn't be because Alexis had no desire to finish that conversation.
After two exasperated sighs, Alexis took a deep breath, grabbed her briefcase and started up the steps to her front door. When she opened the door she found Sonny, as expected, looking quite comfortable while he sat on the couch with Molly asleep in his arms. In that moment, she truly wished that Molly was his. Sure, she had kept one child from him for over three years; and there were a lot of days, including the one she was facing, when she wished that they didn't have a link through a child. Or she wanted to wish that, but she never could quite because wishing it meant wishing Kristina away and she would never do that.
Yet, when it came down to it, Sonny was a good father and she wished Molly could have that. But Molly couldn't have that because, in spite of Ric's infidelity with Skye Chandler, Anna Devane, FBI agent Reese Marshall, and even a girl he thought was his stepdaughter, Alexis had not broken her marriage vows. Yet, in that moment, as she watched Molly sleep in Sonny's arms she wished that she had. Or perhaps she should have just wished that she hadn't gotten pregnant, but it was impossible to do that once Molly existed.
Sonny lifted his eyes from the child in his arms. "I think she's asleep again," he whispered.
"It appears that way," Alexis said as she started to reach for her daughter.
Sonny stood with the child still in his arms and wrapped his arm more securely around her. "I'll take her upstairs, Viola had put her down, but she woke up screaming."
Alexis followed him to Molly's room and watched as he laid the baby down in the crib gently and pulled the coverlet back over her. He was very good with her and he really didn't have to be. Technically Molly was his niece, at least biologically even if Sonny couldn't consider Ric a brother after everything that had happened between them.
Molly had been barely a year old when Ric had fled the country to avoid prosecution in late 2006. He had died a few months after that in an accident in Canada. After Ric's death Sonny had started to spend more time with Molly and started to include her in most of his outings with Kristina. Alexis hadn't fought it because it felt more right than most of the decisions she had made where Molly was concerned. Somehow even when she had heard Molly call Sonny Dada she hadn't corrected. When Molly was older Alexis knew she would have to explain the truth about Ric, but she figured Molly could have maybe at least a few years of innocence. Or she could hope for that.
"Why are you here?" Alexis asked as they crept out of Molly's room.
"I came to say goodnight to my daughters," Sonny said as he flashed one of his dimpled smiles.
"Molly isn't your daughter. If you acknowledged Ric as your brother then she would be your niece," Alexis said.
"Molly and I share a blood connection; she has Adela's chin. I don't have to acknowledge Ric to claim Molly anymore than you have to acknowledge Stavros to claim Nikolas," Sonny said.
His logic was interesting but accurate Alexis decided as they came back down into the living room.
"So, you look a little better than you did earlier. Have you eaten dinner yet?"
Alexis hesitated to respond. The answer was no, perhaps ironic since she and Scott had met at Kelly's Diner, but she hadn't been hungry. Still, she was tempted to just lie to Sonny, and possibly warm the plate she knew Viola would have left in the refrigerator. "No," she finally said shakily.
"Well you're in luck because I brought some of Kristina's favorite soup. I'll warm it up for you," Sonny said. He was in the kitchen before she could object.
Alexis sunk down into her couch and buried her head in her hands. What was she doing? The truth was that she still had feelings for Sonny she wasn't sure they had ever gone away. Her marriage to Ned had been completely in name only. Four years of celibacy had done neither of them any favors she supposed. At least Ned had been smart enough to not marry the next person that came his way-Nikolas' vile ex-wife, Lydia Karenin. She had married Ric Lansing who made Lydia look like a saint. But she supposed her marriage to Ric had been as agenda driven as her marriage to Ned, just another approach to keeping Sonny from his child.
It had failed though. At least Ned had been honorable, and Ned had been a very good father, he just wasn't Kristina's father. Of course, Kristina didn't fully understand that. She understood that Sonny was her father and she loved him, but she still missed Ned. Those feelings had become stronger recently. Alexis suspected it was because Brooke was back, and Kristina had seen her with Ned. From Kristina's perspective it was unfair that Brooke got to have both Ned and Sonny and she only got Sonny. She had really created a disaster Alexis thought with shame as Sonny came back into the living room with a soup bowl.
"You really didn't have to make me soup," Alexis said.
"I made it for Kristina, but I think there is more than she will be able to eat before it starts growing something," Sonny said.
"Well maybe if you didn't always make enough for a, not so small, army that wouldn't happen," Alexis said. She did however, take a bite of the soup, tomato with tortellini.
"Well tell that to Gloria."
"Who is Gloria?" Alexis asked. She winced and chided herself for asking; Sonny's personal life was really none of her business.
"Gloria Cerullo…Lois' smom," Sonny said.
"Oh, right, so how is Lois?"
"She's worried about Brooke. Ashton isn't exactly being reasonable about things."
"Well he is her father."
"Yes, and maybe he's trying but it seems too convenient that Brooke is living with him and now suddenly wants nothing to do with her mother."
"I don't think Ned would turn her against Lois. It's probably more of a novelty thing. Kristina was sort of that way with you at first," Alexis said. She decided not to point out that Kristina still missed Ned. She knew that wouldn't go over well with Sonny.
"It isn't the same thing. Ned knew he was Brooke's father he just chose to forget that for ten years."
"Yes, Sonny, and I understand you still haven't forgiven me."
"Lex, please. You were afraid, I get that, and I forgive you. Do you forgive me?"
"Forgive you for what?"
"For Kristina and too many other mistakes to name."
Alexis hesitated again. She knew that he was speaking about her sister not their daughter when he said Kristina. Kristina Cassadine, Kristina's namesake. Sonny took responsibility for her death. Heck Alexis had demanded he do so but the blame wasn't all his she had her own share. She didn't forgive herself. Yet, she almost thought she forgave Sonny.
Sonny dropped his head in the uncomfortable silence. "I'm sorry, that wasn't fair. Forget I said that," he said.
"I forgive you, Sonny."
"Thank you. I don't deserve it, but things are going to change. Just be patient with me," Sonny said. "Are you sick, Lex?"
"Sick?"
"Well, I've been thinking about what you said earlier."
"I'm not ill. I just got some bad news about a friend."
"It must be pretty bad news if you were that upset."
"It could be, I guess it depends on your perspective on things somewhat," Alexis said.
Sonny scrubbed his hand across his face, clenching his chin and jaw. "I still don't understand, but I guess that is the point."
"Other people have a right to privacy, Sonny. You're just going to have to accept that."
"Yeah, yeah, ok. So, this friend, is it someone Kristina knows?"
Kristina did know Kyle. Quite well in fact, although at least part of that was because Kyle was her brothers Michael and Morgan's uncle. Alexis really hadn't thought of Sonny's connection before, but it was there. For that reason, one might argue he had a right to know but that didn't mean it was Alexis' place to tell him. "Yes," Alexis eventually said.
"Does she understand what is happening?"
"Not really, it's complicated."
"She's a smart little girl, Alexis. She's going to pick up on your stress and pain."
"It's just complicated, Sonny. Please just drop it."
"I'm not trying to pry into your life Alexis. I'm just worried about my daughter."
Alexis wasn't sure if she did believe that, because in spite of having never completely returned her feelings Sonny had never really stepped out of her life. He had stepped back when Carly tried to kill herself and ended up in Shady Brook. Somehow, he carried guilt, that Alexis was sure wasn't his, for that incident, and Carly used that guilt, as she always did, and when she was worried that might not be enough she pulled out her best weapon, Michael. There were many people she could have gone to when Michael's biological father Marcus Taggert filed for sole custody. Her mother might have been logical, even her friend Jason Morgan might have been reasonable since in a way Jason's lies, and Jason's ex-girlfriend Robin Scorpio's truth had set the whole situation in motion. But Carly went to Sonny who was determined to rescue her and somehow Carly maintained custody. Alexis didn't even want to think about how much money he had paid some judge for things to go Carly's way.
If Alexis was honest, she had still loved him then. She was frustrated by Carly's machinations and the way that Sonny fell for them. She had asked Ned to claim her child by then, but it wasn't to punish Sonny, as Carly had suggested. It was because Sonny had been ambushed by Sorel's men while with Michael and Carly and there was no way she would put her child in that situation.
"So, you're really just worried about Kristina?" Alexis asked.
"I am, but I'm worried about you too, Lex. You know we used to be friends. We used to talk about what was important. I know I've made a lot of mistakes, but I'd really like us to be friends again."
"I've made mistakes too," Alexis conceded.
"So, does this mean we can be friends?"
"We can try I guess. It's better for Kristina if we get along."
"I agree, better for Molly too," Sonny added.
"You're very good with her," Alexis said not ready to be completely honest.
"Well, you know it almost feels like she should be my daughter. I know she's not biologically but she's Kristina's sister and we do have a blood connection. More of a blood connection than I have with Michael I suppose. I should probably leave before you change your mind. I have a meeting at Michael's school in the morning anyway," Sonny said.
"You know you really are a good father Sonny. I'm sorry I didn't realize that earlier," Alexis said getting up to walk him to the door.
Sonny flashed her another dimpled smile and turned back to wave as he started down her front steps. She forced a smile back and then closed the door and collapsed against it. What was she doing? Unable to face her thoughts Alexis turned on the radio softly looking for distraction.
Is it getting better?
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now?
You got someone to blame
You say
One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it
Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it's
Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One
Listening to the song's opening strains Alexis realized that distraction was not going to be hers. If anything, the song just made her think of Sonny. Of the connection they still had, that they maybe always would. It wasn't just a connection through Kristina though, it wasn't that simple. She should have turned the radio off or switched the station but somehow, she couldn't. So, she just went back to the couch and sunk down again head in her hands.
Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus?
To the lepers in your head
Did I ask too much?
More than a lot.
You gave me nothing,
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt
One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One
One
What was she doing? Alexis had no idea.
Five months later, with strains of the song still ringing in her mind, Alexis still wasn't sure she had any idea what she was doing. They spent time together, lots of time together. Kristina saw her father every day so usually that meant that Alexis saw Sonny every day. They were cordial, in fact Alexis supposed maybe they had even accomplished co-parenting with style. Apparently, that was one of her ex-husband Ned Ashton's goals. He hadn't told her that, she had overheard him discussing it with his mother at the Nurses' Ball.
He had then sung a touching song to his daughter. Or what Alexis had heard had been touching. Kristina had, launched into a bit of a temper tantrum and they had needed to leave early. How was she supposed to explain to Kristina that Brooke Lynn had been Ned's daughter first and she had every right to have her father in her life? Brooke Lynn's mother had never lied about who her father was. Alexis had for three very long years and somehow things might never be the same.
After one more slower breath Alexis removed the paper bag from her face and passed it back to Sonny.
Sonny flashed another dimpled smile. "No, that's ok, you can keep it. I have more at home.
Alexis was sure he did. She doubted they were backups in case Kristina forgot to bring her lunch box if she slept over on a school night. So, what did that mean?
