Damaged


It's cold, invasive. It is as hard as steel and unfeeling as can be. Once it takes hold it never wants to let go. If by some miracle it does let go, remnants remain, stealing the little things.

PAMA

The word so simple and small. Petra has never been so scared of a word before.

She sits in the New Order's grand hall, staring hard at the long line of trophies before here. A glowing flint, a white pumpkin, the Atlas...

A beating Redstone heart.

The red light is harsh, flaring in pulses at each heartbeat.

She wants to smash it. Destroy it, so nothing like PAMA ever comes back. But she can't, it won't break...

After the cold dark nightmare that was the beast - the Witherstorm ; Petra swore, never again, to let herself be consumed by anything. She still remembers vividly of the sickness infesting her soul, and the never ending whispers in the back of her mind.

You're mine.

You'll lose.

She never showed that it had bothered her. Petra was always one to put on a face. She had held strong and moved on, let the Witherstorm die with all the damage it had left behind. She didn't tell because no one would understand. No one would know what it felt like, to having something inside of you.

Everything was fine, till PAMA.

It was worse than the Witherstorm. It was always there. PAMA was always there. What was worse was it controlled her. She was still able minded, she could still think, but she couldn't move. It was still a vivid horrid memory. There was a sharp pain, like a knife, and for a moment there was nothing.

But then it was something.

She could see, she could hear. But it was almost like watching a movie, a horror movie. PAMA moved her, and she watched as she attacked her friends. She couldn't get free, she struggled -fought! But she was still moving why was she hurting Jesse and Ivor?! Stop! Stop!

...When PAMA didn't use her, it was cold and dark. Waiting, so much waiting.

Then fighting, then pain, oh Notch it hurt, why was it hurting?!

She hurt Jesse, PAMA tore through her memories... Rueben! Why was he in her head?! Get out get out! Don't mention Rueben! Stop hurting Jesse! Fight it! Fight it!

FIGHT!

She had control, just for a second, please don't let it go! Help me!

Then PAMA died, or was deactivated. But he tried to take her too, tired to hold on

"NOOOOOooooo...!" screamed the machine as it turned off.

"I'm not letting go!" PAMA whispered to her.

PAMA was gone, and the Heart was still there. She hadn't time to dwell on the monster that tore into her. There were Old Builder's to defeat now. But they had won...now she was home.

PAMA didn't let go, he held onto her sleep and her dreams. Everytime she closed her eyes, the dark unified mind of the computer haunted her.

Petra stared at it long and hard at the Heart. It wasn't its fault; it was just a power source. But still...

"Petra?"

She jumps, and wipes her eyes, had she been crying? No. "L-lukas?" she cracks a poor smile, hoping he won't notice in the dark, "Hey, what's up man?"

Somewhere to her right she hears him hesitate, then slowly sit down on the bench. "I didn't think anyone would be here."

"Why is that?"

Lukas adjusts the blanket he brought with him, "Oh...just cause..." he coughs, "Couldn't sleep?"

"No, you?"

"No."

They stare at the glowing stone across from them.

"It's pretty," he states.

"Hmmmm." she agrees.

Silence.

"Petra?"

"Yeah?"

"How do you do it?"

She looks at the blond, "Do what?"

"Stay strong,"

Now she is confused, "Lukas, I don't-"

"PAMA," is all he says.

"What."

Lukas is shaking, "I can't sleep anymore, all I see is PAMA, and - and," he shakes his head, "It doesn't stop. Notch, I'm weak! You were in PAMA so much longer, and I-"

"You remember?" she asks.

"It was cold, and it hurt. I felt like a puppet, and it wouldn't stop moving Me." the male looks so tired. "PAMA dug into my memories, did he ever do that to you?"

Petra sighs, "Yeah."

Lukas looks back to the Heart, "I just wish I was as tough as you. I'm still haunted by it and you're okay-"

"I'm not okay." Petra says.

The room freezes for a moment. Instead of trying to comfort, or brushing it off, Lukas, leans a little closer, "Do you...do you want to talk about it?"

They do, for hours they talk. Petra tells him everything, and Lukas tells her. Because they both understand they know what it felt like. It feels so good to talk, because Petra realizes he gets it. No 'I'm sorry.' no, 'It'll get better'. There is just ' I know' and he does.

"It really is pretty," Lukas yawns, adjusting the blankets around them. They were done talking, and they were done crying, sleep wanted its turn.

"Yeah," Petra mumbles. "It didn't do anything wrong, it was just the computer."

"And he's gone."

"Yeah..." she yawns."You're right."

They both fall asleep to the steady pulse of the redstone. It's warm, it's safe, there is feeling and caring between them. It's okay now... there is no monster hanging on anymore, because they found something to fight it off.

PAMA doesn't come in their dreams that night. Nor will it ever.


Anon on Tumblr requested : I've read your other stories and love them, and can I put in a request?A Luktra bonding fic please? Something maybe a little angsty? Thank you!

Author's Note : I will accept requests, both here and on Tumblr. But this is a side project and does not hold priority over my main stories and therefore will be worked on in my own pace. Thank you.

If the request is not within my comfort zone, I will politely let you know.