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From the diary of Draco Malfoy, August 31st:
Shit. What shit. Not that everyday isn't shit, but I'm just sayin'. Life as a Malfoy officially sucks ass. And here's why:
1.) My father's dead. Not that I care too much, he was a bastard and my mum's much happier, and we got all his money, but guess what? When the big-bad-Lucius decided to keel over (from heart complications! He's probably writhing in his grave knowing he died of some muggle disease and not by the Lord's hand or whatever) I lost all the power ties. That means no more good compartments on the train, no more good sleeping quarters, no more luxury. If someone heard I was Lucius' son, I'd have them eating out of my hand. All that's gone...I'll be treated like some ordinary muggle now for my 7th and last (hallelujah!) year at this God forsaken school.
2.) I'm head boy. Dumbledore decided I'd be perfect for the position, and I didn't get to tell the old man no, my mother wouldn't 'hear of me turning down an opportunity of that measure (what the fuck? who says that kind of crap nowadays?)'
3.) Speaking of heads, Granger's one too (surprise surprise) and we have to share a dorm-which is absolutely positively LUDRACRIS! Dumbledore has this unnatural need to promote house unity and of course Muddy's all for it (whatta bitch, I want to smack her so hard...).
4.) Hey friends? Guess what? I have an "ANGER" issue, which is why I am being FORCED to write in this damn journal (stupid doctor who brought this onto me). See, after my father's death, I went out and beat on a few children. My mother was very worried that I was "EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE" and took me to St. Freaks Society (AKA St. Mungos) where a very obese doctor told me with utmost happiness that I should "EXPRESS MY FEELINGS" in this journal. What a faggot. Normally, I would have been like 'fuck this' and watch as I burned the journal into oblivion and then later throw the ashes on the fat ass doctor's doorstep, but NO, there's a dumb charm on it, so I HAVE to write in it every fucking day for a year. YES, a YEAR! If I don't, 'unexplainable occurrences' will happen to me (and the doctor kept staring at my pants when he said this, so I think my dick will shrink if I don't write in here, which is by FAR worse than anything else).
5.) I was publicly dumped the very last day of 6th year by a Miss Pansy Parkinson. Yes, I was humiliated. Her words were-and I quote: "Draco, I know you love me. I love you too, but I'm not IN love with you...you're a great guy, you really are, but lately I feel different...like you're not actually part of this relationship. I mean, I feel like I'm in a relationship with myself almost, if that makes sense...you're never around, we never actually go out places, and we don't talk often...it's pretty much been about the sex-which is great, don't worry-but...well, quite frankly Draco-I think you're gay." Then the whole school went in uproar and Pansy left me high-and-dry at the Slytherin dining table, attached to Blaise Zabini's face. They gay rumors have not ceased since then.
Yes, children, being a Malfoy sucks. And I don't think it's going to get better anytime soon.
From the diary of Draco Malfoy, September 1st:
God I hate everyone. I went to King's Cross as always and ran through that dumb brick wall: only to run into Weasley on the other side; to which he exclaimed, "Get off queer!"
Fantastic.
Granger came up to me and had the audacity to blab on about 'How we ought to be nicer to each other, seeing as we'll be working the entire year together'. I guess she expected a reply from me, because she was looking at me all expectant like a sad puppy. I just told her to run along and she rolled her eyes and as she walked away she swished (yes, swished) her hair at me. I didn't know her hair could swish; over the summer she must have magically straightened the bush and now her hair absolutely looked like cardboard. I bet that last comment just sounded like a gay hairdresser.
Double fantastic.
I ran into Potter too-who, like Weasley, made a remark about my sexuality. If anyone's a deusch it's Potter...with his stupid hair, and he was ACTUALLY wearing a denim jacket at the station. Now that's being a homosexual!
Ugh, just saw Pansy (could this day GET any fucking worse?). and she's all cooing and draping herself over Blaise. When she saw me she looked towards Longbottom (who was chatting with the Golden Trio) and then she mouthed to me 'Go for it!' and gave me a thumbs up. Disgusting.
By this time, I decided to board to train. Of course, my usual berth was taken by some slutty first years, so I had to search for a new one...there was only one that was empty-of people, not of luggage-and I decided whoever was in this berth would have to make do and live in my presence for the ride. Of course...as soon as I heard Granger's high pitched squeal and Weasley's oaf-ish laugh, I decided I picked the worst fucking berth ever. Even the one where Pansy and Blaise were currently procreating would have been better. Granger's smile instantly vanished when she saw me, probably sitting where she was going to. Potter arrived shortly after, at which time he yelled at me to get out, Weasley chirping in to agree every so often. I wasn't even listening...I only spoke up when I was tired of their voices and said "Fine fuckers. I'll leave...you can have your little orgy now, happy?" to which Potter responded "Yes, Malfoy, we are happy...now go find Crabbe and Goyle to have your little orgy." and then the other two laughed hysterically. I gave them a colorful hand gesture and walked out.
Finding no other compartments, I sat in the aisle of the train and waited for the hell ride to be over. After almost getting run over by the trolley lady four times, I decided to burst into the Trio's party...there was no way I was staying in the aisle. I entered unannounced, only to be pushed out...and then they locked the berth door. Jesus. You'd think they really were having an orgy in there. So, here I am now, camping out in the aisle again, feeling like a complete retard.
If you were me right now you would too.
AN: 1st chapters are always the hardest...please review and I'll have enough willpower to continue!
