(A/N: I know that "Daddy Mark" isn't finished yet, but this plot bunny bit me the other day and I had to do it. I really missed Roger ( I heart him) so I wanted to write for him. Every chapter will begin with an excerpt from Roger's journal and then the story will be told in first person from his POV...It'll probably be depressing...Sorry. Also, I've somehow fallen into a time vortex...According to "Daddy Mark", Collins died before Eva was born, the Halloween after Angel died. However, I also said that Eva was concieved on the Christmas Eve that they all came together again (at the end of the movie) and that she was born "9 months later" yet I made her birthday in June. I also made a typo saying that Mimi died the day after Eva was born (in chappy 1) yet in the next chappy I say that she died when Eva was a month old... So technically, Eva was three months premature and Collins and Mimi died before they really died...God my head hurts...Let's erase the slate shall we? Ignore all dates from "Daddy Mark" okay? Thanks. Forgive my creative liberties.)

(Disclaimer: I rent.)


January 15, 1992

The Loft

...I can't believe how stupid I can be sometimes. I've made the hugest mistake of my life and because of it Mimi won't even make it to her twenty first birthday. We went to refill our AZT down at the clinic today and they did the usual bloodtests. When the results came back from the lab, they told us they couldn't fill Mimi's prescription. She's pregnant. She refuses to even think about getting an abortion, even though the doctor told her that having this baby would be her death sentence. And the odds of the baby living are slim too. Why does Mimi have to be so fucking stubborn all the time? I can't handle losing her. I love her too much...

...I went to visit Collins and Angel today to talk about everything. I realize now just how much I've missed Collins. I know Mark will always be there to talk to, but Collins was different somehow. He was like the dad I never had. Oh well. I'm sure I'll be joining him and Angel soon enough. Just like Mimi. And our little fucking bundle of "joy".


The door to our bedroom slammed shut violently behind Mimi as she attempted to get away from me as quickly as she could. She was angry. The whole way back from the clinic I had tried to talk her into an abortion. She wouldn't hear it.

"Roger, please! Just SHUT UP!" she cried. Mark glanced up from his newspaper, holding a cup of tea to his lips.

"Mimi, listen to me! Why kill yourself for nothing!" I demanded, pounding my fist down on the door. Mimi came back out and put her hand on my cheek.

"It isn't nothing to me, Roger." she said softly. "Miracles happen everyday, mi amor." she added, going back into the room. I screamed out in frusteration and threw myself onto the couch.

"I uh--I take it that the doctor appointments didn't go so well?" Mark said. I said nothing, just shook my head and sunk farther down into the couch. "Is she sick?"

"No..." I muttered.

"Well, what's wrong?" he persisted, sounding worried. Poor Mark, always the martyr. Always worrying about everyone else and never taking care of himself.

"Mimi's pregnant." I mumbled.

"Mimi's what!" he said in shock.

"She's pregnant. And she won't listen to me and get an abortion."

"Roger, you can't seriously expect her to kill her own child? Your own child for that matter."

"Well if she doesn't, that child will kill her." I said, feeling my blood start to boil. "And then that child will die a few years later anyway because the odds of a baby being born HIV negative when both parents are HIV positive are microscopically slim to none! And even if it didn't have AIDS, it'd end up getting shipped from foster home to foster home for the first eighteen years of its life just like I was." Mark shook his head at me, his jaw open a bit.

"Do you honestly think I would allow the child of two of my best friends to grow up as a ward of the state?" he asked, sounding hurt. "Roger I would do anything for you and Mimi, and your baby. I understand that you're scared for Mimi--"

"I'm not scared of anything." I cut in, gritting my teeth.

"Roger, face it-- you're terrified to lose her! You keep praying that you'll be the first one to die so you won't have to go through what you went through with April all over again." Mark said. I cringed because I knew he was telling the truth. Why did he have to be so fucking right all the time? It pisses me off. "Give this baby a chance to live, Rog. Who knows who she could be?" I swallowed hard and nodded. He was right again; Mimi could be carrying inside of her the first woman president, a famous actor, or even the one person who could find a cure to the disease that would take away her parents before she reached the age of eighteen. "Forget regret." Mark said, pulling me into a hug.