Disclaimer: I do not own the DC characters.
Claimer: I own my OC characters
A warning as to this story though rated as Teen, the first chapter may not be suitable for every reader. The Joker is a freaking psycho!
And thanks to Mark Hammel. You make a really good laughing psychopath.
The Cadmus Joke
A Means to an End
Chapter One
He was starting to enjoyed this part, the sneaking in before anyone knew that he was there. Not a style he kept to or made a habit of using often, but the pale faced villain understood its need and why batsy enjoyed it so much. Though his purple colored suit hardly kept him hidden in the dark, for the Joker, the stealth of his laughter was going to come out sooner or later.
Each tiptoed step guided like the notes on a piano, all laced with a pleasing smile on the madman's face. His arms held close to his chest, mimicking how a carnivorous dinosaur would hold itself. If the guards saw him, that hardly mattered; not the first time he broke into a government facility. They would come and try and stop him from entering. All the more reason why coming here was going to prove much more entertaining.
"He he he," the Joker giggled. "Mahehe! A he he he ha!"
The Clown Prince of Crime heard about the whole thing, the experiments, the projects, and what nastiness of the technology had to offer someone of his obvious talents. Its no wonder why old Lexy boy enjoyed working with them. And now it was the Joker's turn.
What jokes he could pull even after he was gone and the world lost its humor. And to even further the fun, the Joker could really stick a pin in the Batman's side with this joke.
"He ha!"
Poor Harvey, the Joker thought pressing his backside against the wall, making himself as flat as possible. All the fun that the two faced man was going to miss out on. The Joker offered to bring him along for the laughs, but the doubled man just wanted to stay in the confines of Gotham. And exact revenge on the Batman.
Oh, well. Keeps batsy busy. And more fun for the clown.
The madman inched over, one step and then another, passing behind the sights an unsuspecting guard. The Joker smiled even wider, the guard there had no idea that he was here or what he was going to do. But even as the Joker was nearly out of range of the guard and the front door came into view, suddenly, he stopped.
Like the evil that he was, the Joker turned his head and beamed his sights on the guard. The man of security stood there so seriously, so strong, so unfunny like. There was no waste in time as the Joker pulled away from the wall. He can't have that now can he?
A serious world?
No laughing, no funny, no stealing everyone's left shoes?
"Ha ha ha ha!" the Joker laughed quietly.
Everything about this was too funny to ignore.
Three more hours and Mike could go home, just three hours remaining on his shift. He wanted to go back home and see his wife and his new baby boy. He was living the dream, a home, a family, and a job that satisfied his patriotic duty. He maybe just simply a guard at this place, but all of it was worth it to live the dream life. He stared happily at the outside world of green trees that surround this place, he was one of the lucky ones that got a posting outdoors from the narrow halls of this Cadmus lab.
His happy face turned into shock when a joker from a deck of cards flashed in front of his eyes.
"Hello there," the Joker said.
He gasped and snapped his head around to see the grinning face of the Joker looking solely at him. Then the pale faced man slipped the joker card onto the him like leaving a business card.
"You are-" he stammered. "Your the..."
"Ah yes, go on and say it. I'm the..." the Joker smiled.
"Your that psychopath from Gotham. That clown in the purple suit."
"Woe is me if everyone outside of Gotham thinks I'm just a clown." the Joker shielded his eyes and made sobbing sounds. "A poor misunderstood soul crying out for attention. Ha ha ha!"
Mike raised his rifle. "Your a crazed killer. How did you get here? Never mind, hands up!"
"He he, ha ha!" the Joker looked at the man's name tag. "Mike is it? What are you, rent-a-guard or something?"
"No!" Mike forcefully said. He didn't know why he was getting so angry or why he felt the need to defend himself from comments made by someone such as this. But being here to provide for the safety of the lab was his job. And as young as he was, Mike was not going to be pushed around by anyone. "I'm a soldier guarding a high security government facility. And your under arrest for trespassing, sicko!"
"Ha ha ha! Mike, Mikey!" the Joker laughed. "Psychopath, clown, sicko! Keep going and you might actually get my name right."
"I don't care what your name is freak. Hands up!"
The Joker grinned and nearly made a dancing movement before he was next to Mike and leaning over on him to whisper.
The villain was fast, and for some reason, when the clown was next to him, Mike couldn't move. He was too shocked at the sight of this killer. Everyone in America heard the stories about this person and what he did and could do to anyone that crossed paths with him.
All the more reason as to why Mike's body trembled in fear and failed to react to the clown's presence as it leaned on his shoulder.
"Oh Mikey, Mikey!" the Joker said sobbingly. This guard was obvious new to the job. But then what better way of teaching then with first hand experience?
"Freak is such a harsh word. I met a lot of them and believe me, I know what a freak is. Try thinking of someone with pointy ears and a long black cape and than you know what a freak is."
What was he thinking? Why didn't he just sound the alarm and shoot this man?
That was the thing though, Mike couldn't think. All of his training for any situation went out the window, along with his mind at the fact that he, on his shift would run into someone like the Joker.
He stammered to speak, but nothing distinguishable came out.
"What's the matter there, Mikey?" Joker moved his hands on both the man's shoulders. "Cat got your tongue? Ha ha!"
Mike's lips quivered before his spoke. "Your....your crazy!"
"Oh Mike," the Joker dropped his head sideways on the guard's shoulder. "I'm hurt."
Then the Joker smiled and moved closer to the man's ear. "But your forgetting one very important thing." the pale faced man removed his hands from Mike's right shoulder.
Mike was scared and he could barely feel his body, he wasn't even sure if he was still in his body until a sharp cool pain appeared in his back. He grunted and his body forcefully arched forward at the unsuspecting blow.
The Joker laughed as he took on the weight of Mike's body in his arms. He leaned in closer to the ear. "I'm also a world renounced backstabber! Ha ha ha ha!"
The Joker laughed as he removed his knife and a security clearance card before Mike's body fell back like a rock onto the ground dead. Joker closed his eyes and with a neutral look, he adjust his bow tie.
He opened his eyes and looked down at the lifeless man. "Don't quit your day job kiddo!"
Clearing his throat, the Joker removed with all do seriousness an object from his jacket. He examined it as if looking at the thing with professionalism before staring back at Mike's body.
The Joker leaned down and made some adjustments to Mike before he returned to standing again. Once the object was returned to his jacket pocket, did the Joker truly allow himself to admire his handiwork.
He could stare at Mike for only that of two seconds before a fit of laughter overtook the Joker as he walked away. Upon the body of Mike's face, the stone cold look of death was lifted by the outline look of a smile made from a ruby red colored lipstick.
Too funny! "Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
The Joker walked happily to a door of the facility. He stared at the camera present over the door and made a goofy face at it before the power to the device was cut off.
Joker looked at his newly acquired security card with admiration. "Reminds me to thank my old pal, Mike for being so generous as to letting me have the keys to the front door. Ha ha!"
The Joker swiped the card in the slot and closed his eyes. He adjusted his jacket as if readying for a formal affair that required something of a decent look. He couldn't go around looking like trash now could he?
Besides, the goodies in here were worth it, if the Joker could get his hands on them. Then he could really make the Batman's day.
"He he he!" a laugh managed to creep out of the Joker's mouth.
"Security card approved," the computer said. "Awaiting for retinal scan."
The Joker's eye peeked open. "Huh? Retinal scan?"
The door device waited. "Please place eye subject, for final security check."
"Eye subject?" the Joker turned around confused before a grin came on him. "Oh, an eye scan. Ha ha! Now why didn't I think of that?"
The blood of Mike's body was littered around him by the time Joker returned. He stared at Mike for a second with his hands behind his back. Joker made a quirked look before opening his switch blade knife and traded glances between it and Mike's body.
"Oh don't mind me, Mike. Just need a few things and I'll be on my merry way."
A few cuts and scraps until the object of interest to the Joker was removed.
The Joker maintained a serious looking face before retreating back to the door. "What a giving fellow. Someone should give that man a dollar."
Another burst of laughter rang into the ears of the dead man as the Joker left him once again.
"Please place eye subject, for final security check," the computer repeated.
"Hold your horses, I got it." The Joker placed the eye near the scanner. "You reminded me of a female acquaintance of mind you know that? Always so demanding and never giving. I mean, yessh! Can a comedian get a break?"
The scan was complete and as the door opened the computer spoke, "Security scan approved. Welcome to Cadmus facility 109."
The Joker grinned and then looked at the eye in his hand. "Ewww! Brown eyes." A look and the madman tossed the body part over his shoulder and entered the facility.
This was going to be fun.
To Be Continued...
For the readers: I'm sure due to the cartoons being made for children that the real extent of the Joker's madness was not shown. The mind of the killer and his actions were limited until his movie with the next generation of the Batman in Batman Beyond took place. I'm sorry for Mike, but the Joker's madness has no ends.
