Twisted Kiss

A crazy fic written by chocolate-freak

First ever HP fanfic ever posted on this site, and I have one thing to say before I write it. *Ahem* I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! But not you....or you.....no,especially not you....or you either. But I do love YOU! *points to Fred Weasley*

Anyway on with the ficcy.

[a/n: Marina is one of my best friends, she'll be appearing throughout this fanfic to criticize me. *sighs* Alas alas 'tis a curse of being an author, you have to have a critic]

Marina- JUST WRITE THE FIC BEFORE I HAVE TO HIT YOU!

chocolate-freak- she does that alot, too. *winces as Marina whacks her with a really big Foodland coupon*

Chapter One-

Send Off!

DISCLAIMER- I am a compulsive liar. I OWN HARRY POTTER MWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

Marina- um. you get the idea. *whacks chocolate-freak back to her senses with a really big stapler*

[Setting- The Invention Room in Weasley's Wizard Wheezes on a rainy night. Fred and George are playing angsty, depressive, mysterious music in the background. chocolate-freak grabs Crookshanks from out of a plot hole and throws him at them.]

chocolate-freak- STOP THAT! this is supposed to be semi-making fun of slash fics, with lots of sunshine and rainbows and shagging males that have been twisted and tormented by your love potions to add to the dementedness of the plot when we're not focusing on the normal heterosexual couples!

Fred- that sounds like a gay version of a Mary Sue.

chocolate-freak- isn't that sort of what a slash fic IS????

George- *considers this* and why don't any of the girls turn lesbians because of our potions?

chocolate-freak- because that's not funny, that's sick and wrong. gay men are hilarious and common.

Marina- stop appearing in the fic! you're the author! OUT! OUT! SHOO! *hits chocolate-freak with a Wal-Mart bag full of bricks*

chocolate-freak- *pinches a bloody nose and disappears in a plot hole*

Fred- right, anyway, she's a little funny in the head, isn't she?

George- completely crackers.

Fred- *cheerfully plunks a large wooden crate on the Invention Room floor* right then, all ready to ship to Hogwarts?

George- of course, mate....we just have to be sure that all the WRONG people drink it.

Fred- it wouldn't be funny otherwise. *makes clucking noises with his tongue and nine owls appear, he straps them to the box and pats the crate fondly before sending it off*

George- *sniffs the box * urgh, essence of Weatherby. I pity the owls.

[cheesy image of owls fluttering out into the night framed against the moon ensues. the box arrives at hogwarts....]

Marina- you cut the story! you can't do that! you're supposed to give a detailed account of how the owls flew over the Muggle countryside and stuff!

chocolate-freak- don't feel like it, don't care *Marina disappears momentarily in a plot hole*

George- you like plot holes don't you???

ANYWAY, on with the story.

[the box arrives at hogwarts to be received by none other than....Albus Dumbledore, who is waiting at the top of the Astronomy tower to receive it!!!]

Why would the Headmaster wish to wreak havoc apon his own school? What exactly did Fred and George make the potions from that it smells like Percy? Who---

Marina- STOP ACTING ALL AUTHORY!!!

chocolate-freak- fine then, anyway till next time folks! you'll find out then!

Marina- and what else?

chocolate-freak- oh yeah, i promise i'll make the next chapter better, this one was kind of short and I interfered alot. whups. anyway toodles *disappears into a plot hole*