Once upon a time, about two years ago, there lived two siblings whose
names were Katie and Andrew. Their father worked at Meijer all-night and
slept all day. One day after school, they decided to go for a walk in the
woods to gather leaves for their leaf projects that were due Monday in
science class. Katie didn't know how to read a map, so she dropped breath
mints on the ground just in case they couldn't find their way home. Andrew
noticed that some squirrels were eating the breath mints, but since he
never talked, he didn't tell Katie about the squirrels.
After about two hours of collecting leaves, Katie looked around. The trees didn't look familiar. She said, "Like, do you think we're lost? Why do those squirrels smell totally, like, good?" Andrew nodded and then shrugged.
After a while, they came upon a house made of straw. Katie knocked on the door and said, "Like, is anybody home? Like, open the door!"
A voice came from inside the house, "Not by the hairs on my chinney-chin- chin!"
Katie put her fingers in the shape of an L and brought it to her forehead. "Whatever." Then she put both of her hands in the shape of a W. "Loser."
After about forty-five more minutes of walking, they came upon another house. This one smelled really bad.
"Ugh!" exclaimed Katie. "Like, this house looks like it's made out of the stuff that was served in the cafeteria today. Whatever." Andrew sighed. His stomach was growling noisily.
Katie sighed too. "Like, I am getting kind of hungry. I guess it wouldn't be too totally traumatic if we ate some." So they started eating the stuff. Suddenly, they heard a voice yell, "What do you think you're doing!"
"Rike, nuffering. Fee fere jufst fso hungwrey," Katie said through a mouthful of gunk.
Katie and Andrew both turned around to see a beautiful woman.
"Oh," the woman said, sweetly. "Little children...come in...I was just starting dinner."
Katie and Andrew followed her inside the one room house. In the center of the room was a huge, gigantic microwave oven. Andrew was suspicious, but didn't say anything.
"Okay, like, where's the food?" asked Katie.
"Just a second!" The woman pushed a button on the microwave. "My name's Jessica. What's yours?"
"Like, My name is, like, totally Katie."
"Why, hello there, Katie." Jessica leaned over toward Andrew. "And what is your name?"
Katie whispered to Jessica, "Like, his name's Andrew. He has a little, like, you know, communication problem."
"Oh. I see," said Jessica. "Here's the food!" She opened a drawer that was filled with all sorts of candies. Katie dug right in. "Eat as much as you like; you need to fatten up. Oh," Jessica looked at Andrew. "You can have some too." Andrew snorted. "Fine. You can watch some TV."
Andrew sat down on the striped couch. He still thought something was strange. He flipped on the TV, and watched a dorkey commercial with a man in a bunny suit talking about carpet. He wasn't really paying attention. Then he heard a deep voice say, "And now back to the show!" This caught his attention. He wondered what this person, this "Jessica" would watch on TV. He listened carefully.
"You're watching the Witches' Cooking Network. Today we'll learn how to make Barbequed City Children. Here are the ingredients you'll need..." That was all Andrew needed to hear. Jessica was going to eat them!
Andrew ran to the drawer where Katie was pigging out and pulled on her arm.
"Like, what are you doing?" Katie asked. Andrew didn't think he had time to shrug. Katie had obviously gained a pound or two. Andrew had finally dragged Katie to the door and was about to open it when it locked by itself!
"Ha Ha Ha!" a voice cackled. "Leaving so soon?" Andrew and Katie turned around slowly. They were terrified at what they saw. The lovely Jessica had transformed into a mean, horrible, old witch! She pointed her finger at the kids. Andrew didn't want to find out what she was going to do to them. He pulled Katie around the microwave while the witch blasted green bolts of lightning at them. Suddenly, Andrew got an excellent idea.
"One, two, three push!" Those were the first words he had spoken in almost nine years. When he said, "Push" they pushed the witch into the microwave, closed the microwave door, and pressed boil. Andrew figured that the witch's screams could be heard at least a mile away. Instantly, the whole house disappeared. Eventually they found their way home. Their dad got a high paying job. Andrew started talking. In fact, you couldn't shut him up! They both got A's on their leaf projects. Oh yeah, and they lived happily ever after.
The End
After about two hours of collecting leaves, Katie looked around. The trees didn't look familiar. She said, "Like, do you think we're lost? Why do those squirrels smell totally, like, good?" Andrew nodded and then shrugged.
After a while, they came upon a house made of straw. Katie knocked on the door and said, "Like, is anybody home? Like, open the door!"
A voice came from inside the house, "Not by the hairs on my chinney-chin- chin!"
Katie put her fingers in the shape of an L and brought it to her forehead. "Whatever." Then she put both of her hands in the shape of a W. "Loser."
After about forty-five more minutes of walking, they came upon another house. This one smelled really bad.
"Ugh!" exclaimed Katie. "Like, this house looks like it's made out of the stuff that was served in the cafeteria today. Whatever." Andrew sighed. His stomach was growling noisily.
Katie sighed too. "Like, I am getting kind of hungry. I guess it wouldn't be too totally traumatic if we ate some." So they started eating the stuff. Suddenly, they heard a voice yell, "What do you think you're doing!"
"Rike, nuffering. Fee fere jufst fso hungwrey," Katie said through a mouthful of gunk.
Katie and Andrew both turned around to see a beautiful woman.
"Oh," the woman said, sweetly. "Little children...come in...I was just starting dinner."
Katie and Andrew followed her inside the one room house. In the center of the room was a huge, gigantic microwave oven. Andrew was suspicious, but didn't say anything.
"Okay, like, where's the food?" asked Katie.
"Just a second!" The woman pushed a button on the microwave. "My name's Jessica. What's yours?"
"Like, My name is, like, totally Katie."
"Why, hello there, Katie." Jessica leaned over toward Andrew. "And what is your name?"
Katie whispered to Jessica, "Like, his name's Andrew. He has a little, like, you know, communication problem."
"Oh. I see," said Jessica. "Here's the food!" She opened a drawer that was filled with all sorts of candies. Katie dug right in. "Eat as much as you like; you need to fatten up. Oh," Jessica looked at Andrew. "You can have some too." Andrew snorted. "Fine. You can watch some TV."
Andrew sat down on the striped couch. He still thought something was strange. He flipped on the TV, and watched a dorkey commercial with a man in a bunny suit talking about carpet. He wasn't really paying attention. Then he heard a deep voice say, "And now back to the show!" This caught his attention. He wondered what this person, this "Jessica" would watch on TV. He listened carefully.
"You're watching the Witches' Cooking Network. Today we'll learn how to make Barbequed City Children. Here are the ingredients you'll need..." That was all Andrew needed to hear. Jessica was going to eat them!
Andrew ran to the drawer where Katie was pigging out and pulled on her arm.
"Like, what are you doing?" Katie asked. Andrew didn't think he had time to shrug. Katie had obviously gained a pound or two. Andrew had finally dragged Katie to the door and was about to open it when it locked by itself!
"Ha Ha Ha!" a voice cackled. "Leaving so soon?" Andrew and Katie turned around slowly. They were terrified at what they saw. The lovely Jessica had transformed into a mean, horrible, old witch! She pointed her finger at the kids. Andrew didn't want to find out what she was going to do to them. He pulled Katie around the microwave while the witch blasted green bolts of lightning at them. Suddenly, Andrew got an excellent idea.
"One, two, three push!" Those were the first words he had spoken in almost nine years. When he said, "Push" they pushed the witch into the microwave, closed the microwave door, and pressed boil. Andrew figured that the witch's screams could be heard at least a mile away. Instantly, the whole house disappeared. Eventually they found their way home. Their dad got a high paying job. Andrew started talking. In fact, you couldn't shut him up! They both got A's on their leaf projects. Oh yeah, and they lived happily ever after.
The End
