Now, don't get me wrong. I like men. A lot. Even in a sexual way. Just... only with other men. That's why Roderich and I got married in the first place. He wanted a cover and I wanted entertainment. Not that he knew that until we broke up. He found one of my hidden cameras, and then some of my videos. You wouldn't believe how angry he was. But at least I got to keep the majority of them.

So, I do like men, but only when there is more than one and they are all over each other. Women, however... I can't imagine actually being with a man to be honest. I like boobs. Really big boobs.

So you can imagine my delight when a very large-chested woman wandered into my manga store one day, looking very lost. I looked up when I heard the little bell on the door? It was usually pretty slow this time of day, so any customers automatically received my full attention.

She had short, blond hair and she was pale. Very pale. Several centimetres taller than myself. Her eyes were lavender and screwed up with worry. She was biting one lip nervously. I won't deny that I looked (gaped) at her chest for a couple of moments, but I recovered.

I cleared my throat. "Can I help you, miss?"

She stared at me as if she had not noticed until then that I was even there. "Yes... can you give me directions? I am lost."

Was that a Slavic accent? "Okay," I smiled brightly. "Where do you need to go?"

"56th and Lennox."

"Oh, I know where that is!" I beamed. "Got a hot date?" I joked.

She blushed and waved her hands in front of her. "No, no, no! I'm just meeting my brother!"

I quirked an eyebrow. "So you're single?" She blushed even more and looked away. Damn. Why did I say that? "Um... I was just kidding," I said awkwardly. "Anyway... directions..." I finished stupidly. She nodded, still pink in the face. My mind was free of everything except embarrassment. "Euh... where did you want to go again?"

She gave me a quizzical look. "56th and Lennox?"

"Oh, right!" I said, blushing. "So you walk out this door and go left for two blocks, then you turn left onto Rockway." I stopped. "You getting this?" She nodded. "Okay, you turn on your next right and that will bring you right to 56th and Lennox."

"Thank you," she replied quietly. She gave a tiny bow and turned to leave. She took a step. Boing!

"What was that?" I said loudly, startled by the unexpected noise.

She turned back to me. Boing! "What was what?" she asked innocently.

I blinked. "...Was that you?"

She tilted her head cutely to one side. "What do you mean?"

"Walk over here," I told her.

Looking confused, she stepped forward. Boing! Boing! Boing! It was her boobs. Her boobs. That's how big they were! "Woah," I said dumbly.

She looked utterly perplexed. "Woah what?"

"Your boobs!" I cried, not thinking. "They make noise!"

She blushed once more and covered her chest. "I have to go. My brother is waiting for me."

"Um...right. Sorry. Have a nice day!" I smiled weakly.

She said nothing and hurried out the door, the bell ringing and her chest bouncing as she walked. I. Am. So. Awkward.

Sorry for not being on in forever. I didn't have internet access as I was out of the country (and a computer) for the summer. By the time I got back, I didn't know what to write.