Title: We Can Be Us

Author: SpecKay

E-mail: IM15 (T-M at Harm/Mac, Angst, Romance

Disclaimer: JAG and its characters are the property of Bellisario Productions, CBS, and Paramount.

Spoilers: Anything thru Season 9 is fair game. I would have been just as happy if season10 never existed, as I personally thought it was difficult to watch. I would have gotten our favorite couple together much sooner.

Summary: Can Harm and Mac overcome all their obstacles, toss their excessive baggage aside, have the most meaningful conversation of their lives and still make it work?

Beta read: Michi, who is my inspiration. Thank you, girl. Any mistakes left are definitely all mine.

A/N 1: After reading this, Michi said "oh…oh." From which I gathered that I might be ruffling a few feathers here and getting my butt in a sling. So I thought a little explanation might be a good thing. Some of you may not like my presentation of H&M in the beginning of this story. It starts out a bit dark and 'angsty', but please don't give up on me. Come along for the ride, and you will not be disappointed that I promise.

A/N 2: I, just like you, deal with real life every day. My form of escape is to read and write for enjoyment. So come away with me and escape for a little while. Good or bad…it's my make believe…so let's make believe together. Enjoy

He woke slowly, completely wrapped around her naked form and their legs intertwined. He smiled appreciatively, remembering moment-by-moment, movement by movement - exactly what had transpired. Her hair tickled his chin as he lay there, and he rubbed it against her, stretching languidly. He kissed the top of her head sweetly, inhaling her sweet scent. She hadn't stirred so he gently untangled himself from her and extricated himself from the bed. He turned and gazed at her warmly, admiring her beauty one more time. Not wanting to wake her up so early, he quietly gathered his clothes that were strewn around her bedroom and living room then left to go home and get ready for work.

According to her inner clock she had not slept for long. She was euphoric and relished the feeling of being cocooned comfortably in a blanket of muscular bare skin, his warm arms wrapped tightly around her; she did not want to move a muscle. His soft snoring told her that he was asleep. The feel of his breath on her neck gave her goose bumps and she moved even closer to him, wanting to absorb every inch of him. She didn't want it to end just yet, so she closed her eyes and willed herself back to sleep. When she woke several hours later it was still dark out, and he was gone. Not a word had been spoken and he had vanished without a trace of ever having been there except for his scent that was left behind on the pillow she was now clutching feverishly to her chest and her tears fell.

Eight Weeks Later

Neither Harm nor Mac was in a good place, and their conversations, when they actually spoke were brief. Either by divine intervention or cruel injustice, their cases had them passing like two ships in the night. When Harm was coming back from somewhere; Mac was leaving to go somewhere. They never seemed to be in the same place at the same time, and if they were - things between them were cordial at best. Their conversations centered strictly around their cases and JAG. Any time Harm would try to corner Mac into a personal conversation; he would get the stern look first and then the "not now Harm... please close the door on your way out." Or it would be "I'm really too busy right now…it will have to wait." If he happened to bump into her outside of her office, she would quicken her steps and mutter, "I'm already late to where I need to be." He just couldn't win.

It had been weeks, and she was still hurt, mad and at times totally irrational.

She was like a bull in a china shop, and everyone knew enough to keep their distance, everyone but Harm. He was determined and equally persistent.

Unfortunately Mac was just as adamant and standoffish.

Mac pulled into her parking spot and slammed the car into park. She was sick, had been for nearly two weeks. She was tired, hadn't really slept much in just about as long. She reached her apartment just in time to run to the bathroom to dispose of the contents her stomach contained, which really wasn't much. She hadn't had much of an appetite lately. After dousing her face in cool water, she changed into her comfortable marine sweats and headed for the couch. She nearly tripped over her briefcase and cover as they were lying on the floor. She had forgotten that she had thrown them down in her haste to make it to the bathroom. She retrieved them and placed them on the chair then settled down on the couch curling her legs up under her. She sat there desolately starring at nothing in particular for exactly twenty-three minutes, sixteen seconds while contemplating the miserable reality that was her life. The tears flowed freely and she sobbed uncontrollably into her dimly lit apartment. If she were truly honest with herself, she would admit that she wasn't upset with him. She was upset with herself for being so weak and loosing herself in the feeling of being wanted. She chastised herself for falling prey to someone who showed interest. Only this time it really cost her. How could she have let it happen? Oh…she knew exactly how.

She had alienated everyone because of her foul mood. Even the Admiral was hesitant when approaching her. She knew it was just a matter of time before he wanted to know "what in the hell is going on and what did the Commander do to piss you off this time?" She was snapping at everyone including the janitor. No one wanted to approach her unless it was absolutely necessary. Well…no one but Harm, and he would always get the blunt end of some tirade.

She sat there, thinking about how horrible she had been to him today. She had humiliated him in front of everyone. She was reaming him out as they left the courtroom for having attempted to pull a rabbit out of his hat in a manner of speaking while presenting their case - without her prior knowledge. His grand standing had not sat well with her for some reason today, even though he had done it many times in the past, and she would applaud his antics. Not being able to control her outburst, she continued the tongue lashing as they entered the crowded bullpen, getting the attention of everyone in the room. The damage had already been done before she realized that she was still carrying on. Harm had held up his hands in defense signaling enough already. Her response was to proceed to her office and slam the door so hard that the windows rattled.

She had sat at her file littered desk desolately looking out the window, totally distracted and unable to concentrate on her work. 'This is ridiculous,' she uttered into her empty office and picked up her cover and briefcase, told Tiner she was securing for the day because she wasn't feeling well, and left to find sanctuary at her apartment. Here she could be alone with her thoughts… thoughts of that night…the night that changed everything.