Drunk

You sit there, watching the glass slowly get emptier and emptier. All you can think of is him. You give him an ultimatum; that seems like the easiest and hardest thing to do. Give him a choice; see what he chooses, and whatever it is that he chooses you can live with that, or at least that's what you tell yourself.

This world isn't easy; it never has been, really. You tell yourself: I'll be okay, if he doesn't pick me. I'll be okay if he decides this isn't right, but that isn't true and you know it.

You stare down at the empty glass. There should be no refilling, because that will only take you deeper into the abyss, only fuel the fire…

But how can you stop? When it feels like the only way to feel what is right; to feel what is truly there.

When you're sober, and conscious, your mind can talk tricks and tell you what is best for your body, for your mind, but not for your heart…

So when you were sober you told him to leave, and to choose…

Only…

It seems as if he hasn't chosen you. It seems as if he has left you behind. Or maybe it's that he thinks it's for the best to not have you, to not get to hold you, to not get to kiss you. You told him he wasn't good enough. Why should he not come back? He's always believed everything you said.

So you refill your glass. You take another sip. You learn to deal. You learn to live.

But in the haze of the moment you'll forget, and tomorrow will be just the same.

A/N: HORKY LIVES! only slightly. forgive my lack of writing. I am sad, and very lonely and drunk (thus the inspriation! haha!) this is basically what I would consider a time when Cloud is off being all geostima-y and if Tifa told him to leave if he couldn't straighten up, and her struggling with that. I know it isn't up to my par (drunk!) but I wanted to write and share, and I hope you'll forgive me for that. One day, I will fix this story.

On a side note, it's slightly amazing that noticed my mispelling errors whilst intoxicated. HAHA!