Gimme a Chance
Summary: Lily loves James, but she's afraid of a relationship with someone who is not known for being committed. Can he convince her to risk being hurt for the possibility of happiness?
Disclaimer: I don't own Lily, James, Hogwarts, all that good stuff that is most definitely J.K. Rowling's. I also don't own the song "Gimme a Chance" – that is by the Plain White T's.
Author's Note: I probably should be working on my chapter story (which only has one chapter out right now…) but I love this song, and it applies so good to these two!
These events are not supposed to occur all on the same day. Not even in the same week, or month. Think of them as about five, six days apart. Except near the end, when I will tell you the time between the occasions.
And one more thing (sorry this note is so long!): It is symbolic, I say, symbolic, that at the end of every little thingy, she (or in one, he) runs away (until the very end). Ya know, running away from love…? I hope that makes sense.
Why don't you open up your eyes
These are more than passing glances
As Lily makes a big show of parading by and pretending not to notice the Marauders sprawled out under their tree, James immediately follows her with his eyes. She feels them on her and spins around.
"Would you stop that! You're staring at me like I'm a piece of meat, for God's sake!"
She walks on, attempting to suppress the part of her mind that had liked his eyes on her.
Why don't you say what's on your mind?
'Cause I'm taking all the chances
"If you don't move out of my way in the next five seconds, Potter, I'm hexing you and your overly-inflated head into oblivion!"
James tuts disapprovingly. "Lily-flower—"
"Don't CALL me that!"
"Lily, then. What do you really think of me and my overly-inflated head?"
Lily sighs. If she really told him what she thinks of him—no, she can't even consider it. He'd laugh every time he saw her. The Mudblood's audacity, to even think she'd be good enough for James Potter! Or even worse, he'd reciprocate her feelings, and she'd never be able to refuse when he asked her out, again. In a few weeks' time, he'd grow tired of her, like all of the other girlfriends he had had. Lily was not a fool, and she knew what future with James looked like.
So she slaps him, and doesn't spare him a backwards glance as she stalks away.
If I'm not everything you wanted
If I'm not everything you need
Then you can walk right out the door
And you can walk right out on me
"Potter, you can't honestly think I'd ever go out with you, even if I did like you."
Lily just manages to stop herself from clapping a hand over her mouth; surely that sentence gave away too much? But James (she only called him James in her mind) looks stunned.
"What on earth are you talking about, Lily? If you liked me, why not go out with me?"
She sighs. "Look at every girlfriend you've had. If they were lucky, they got two weeks with you. A month, tops. No one in their right mind would risk dating you."
James' face shows pure shock. "Lily. I didn't care about all those other girls. I only dated them for fun. They were nice, sure, but none of them compared to you."
Lily finds herself blushing. Blushing. James must think she's crazy. "So if I said yes, it'd only be for fun?"
He smiles at her. "You can't think I've chased after you for so long just for fun." She scowled.
"You say that now, but did you tell all the other girls that all you wanted was fun?" He shakes his head sheepishly. "Then how would I know?"
"Lily. If you did say yes to me, but later you regretted it, I would let you leave me. I wouldn't keep you if you didn't want me."
It takes her a while to register these words, but when she does, it is an extremely difficult struggle for her not to kiss him right then and there. But she forces herself to keep her pride and dignity, and leaves, quickly, but as she does, she turns back around to see James smiling sadly at her retreating back.
But you're never gonna see
Just how good it's gonna be
Until you gimme a chance
Gimme a chance
"Lily, I've been thinking," James says as he strides up to Lily in the library.
"Wow, that's an accomplishment," she comments dryly, not bothering to look up. James rolls his eyes, but presses on.
"If, hypothetically, someone did like me, but they were afraid if they dated me I wouldn't like them, I would call that person a coward."
Lily's head whips up. "What are you saying?"
He beams. "Why are you so angry, Lily-flower? I never insulted you."
She groans loudly, earning a glare from several students who are poring over their books. "You are impossible." She makes to walk away, but he stops her.
"I'd call them a coward because they would never know what it'd be like to date me. They don't know what I feel about them. They don't know how happy I know they'd be." She looks up at him, directly into his hazel eyes, and neither of them can break eye contact for several minutes. Finally, Lily gets her head back together, and slowly walks toward the library doors, not seeing James grinning at her triumphantly.
What do you see in all these guys
Don't you know they're just pretending
James Potter is absolutely furious.
He thought he had gotten somewhere with Lily in the library last week. He thought she had felt the same way as he did.
But apparently he had been wrong.
Because Lily Evans is walking a few yards in front of him with David Hanson.
Her boyfriend.
Of course, James doesn't know that Lily doesn't love David. He doesn't know that she's trying to get her mind off of the person she does love. But Lily knows all of this.
And it's killing her.
She does like David. He's nice. And popular. He's a bit of a jerk to other people, but he's always nice to her. So when he asked her out suddenly a few days ago, she said yes.
But she knows the real reason she said yes. If it wasn't for James, she would have declined. Lily needed a someone, a substitute for the person she wants. She knew she didn't want to date David, but he really seemed to like her, and Lily was never good at saying no. Of course, she would have had no problem if it wasn't for James. But James was real, and Lily loves him.
She exhales audibly. That was the first time she had said that, even in her mind, and it feels good already, to admit it.
But admitting it doesn't help.
She still can't date James. He says he likes her, but she's willing to bet he doesn't love her. She's exciting, for him. The girl who won't have him, so he wants her. It's what all men are like, really. Yearning for what they can't get their hands on. A quality Lily detests.
Unknowingly, Lily follows David to the door of his next class, Potions. Lily bids him goodbye quietly, and continues down the hallway. James sees the opportunity and grabs her arm.
"What in the world are you doing dating that monster?"
Lily wakes from her reverie with a start, and glares at James. "He's not a monster. And why would you care?"
He looks at his feet, suddenly quite shy. "You know why I care." He leans forward more, and Lily freezes. She would never cheat on her boyfriend, no matter who was involved.
She readies herself to run away if he tries anything, but he chastely kisses her cheek and walks away.
Lily sighs as she watches his figure diminish in the crowd.
She would not be going to her classes today.
Somehow you always seem surprised
That it's not a happy ending
Don't you want a happy ending
"Lily, we need to talk."
She braces herself as she follows David out of the portrait hole. Lily is worldly enough to know those four words almost always mean trouble.
Although she admits she loves someone other than her boyfriend, she doesn't know whether or not she can take such a heavy emotional blow. She is surprised, believe it or not, that David is so readily breaking up with her. She thought he'd wanted to date her. Am I so repulsive that two weeks after asking me out, he's dumping me? she wonders sadly.
"Lily, I think you've probably noticed that we're not really working."
She finds it hard to dig up words to say. "How so?" she manages.
David sighs and stuffs his hands in his pockets awkwardly. "You don't really like me, I can tell. Why did you agree to go out with me?"
Lily is at a loss for words. Can she tell him the truth? Can she bring herself to cause that pain. Yes, she tells herself honestly. I have to be straightforward.
"I wanted a boyfriend. Scratch that, I needed a boyfriend."
He looks angry now. "So I was just that, some guy you needed for some plot? What were you planning to do, then?"
"No, David—"
"It's Potter, isn't it?" he sneers. "You like him. Yet you agree to go out with me. What are you, some kind of slut?"
Lily is shocked, in the bad sense of the word. "You have no right to call me that! May I remind you, David, that YOU are the one breaking up with ME! I said yes to you because I thought you were a decent guy, but CLEARLY, I was WRONG! You are an arsehole, and I hope I never that stupid again."
He looks stunned now, but composes himself before cursing a nd flipping Lily off. She stares him down as he walks away, and then she stomps off through the portrait hole, fuming.
She almost screams in frustration when she sees James sprawled on one of the couches, and for once, he is alone. She whirls around so she can hurriedly dash up to her dormitory, but James' hands are on her waist and she is in tears before that can happen.
"Lily…" he whispers in her ear. She turns around and wraps her arms around his neck, burying her face in his chest. He rubs her back gently, and kisses the top of her head.
When the waves of tears have subsided, he steers Lily over to a couch and sits beside her, one arm slung over her back.
"What happened, Lily?" he murmurs, and she looks up at him miserably.
"David broke up with me." James can't hide how upset he is over how depressed she is about this, but he hugs her tighter anyway.
"Well, he's an idiot for that. No bloke in his right mind would leave you." She smiles happily as she snuggles closer, hiding her face in the warm fabric of his shirt.
"He says…" she started feebly. James patted her back. "He says I don't like him. That I like someone else."
Suddenly very serious, James pulled away and looked her in the face. "Is he right?" She nodded, bursting into tears again.
It is an hour later, after being soothed by James, that Lily realizes what she is doing. She is acting on her heart, what it tells her to do. And right now, it is telling her to stay with James, to talk to him, to love him. But Lily knows that her brain, which is more rational, has much stronger evidence towards doing the opposite, so Lily looks up at James once, apologetically, before fleeing for her bed.
If I'm not everything you wanted
If I'm not everything you need
Then you can walk right out the door
And you can say goodbye to me
"Lily!" she hears the next morning at breakfast, and she doesn't need to look to know who it is, but she does anyway, spying James striding toward her, a somber expression on his face. Her friends, knowing about her hate-love of the boy, turn to her, interested expressions on their faces. She ignores them, and James, and stares resolutely at her toast. He drops down to one knee beside her, and whispers relatively loudly, "We need to talk, Lily."
She doesn't even consider refusing. He leads her out of the Great Hall, and leans against the wall, not knowing how absolutely gorgeous he looks. Lily notices, though. She forces herself to look at her feet to avoid staring at him.
"Do you remember what I said, that one time? That if you were to go out with me, I would let you leave me if you wanted?"
Lily nods numbly, only vaguely aware of the movement.
He sighs. "I can tell you don't want to be here. You can go."
Her eyes were moistening, so she turned around swiftly, and walked away in the opposite direction of the Great Hall.
When she rounded the corner, she broke out in a run.
But I know you're gonna stay
And be happy everyday
If you just gimme a chance
Gimme a chance
James had lied when he said that he was fine with Lily leaving.
He wanted her to stay with him. He wanted to slap her and show her what she was running away from, what she was afraid of. And it was nothing; James was trying to prove to her that he would never dream of hurting her.
So when he starts to run after her, he remembers his promise. That he would let her leave. He won't lie to her. Instead, James trudges back into the Great Hall, paying no attention to the questioning glances of both his and Lily's friends.
She mustn't like you like that, he thinks. Never chase after her again, then. If that's what she wants.
But you know she'll be happy with you, the other part of his mind pleads. It sounds conceited, but you're who she wants!
That does sound conceited, you prat. Besides, if she really wants you, she'll come to you. Just act normal.
He sighs as he rises from his seat and walks slowly out of the hall, ignoring the surprised exclaiming that his friends were doing.
James meanders back to the common room, straining to keep his mind empty of thoughts, for fear of dwelling too much on Lily. When he passes through the Fat Lady's portrait, the last person he expects to see was Lily, curled up in a chair close to the fire, tears trickling down her cheeks. When she looks up and sees him, she brushes away the streams staining her cheeks, obviously frustrated with herself.
He turns around, not wishing to intrude on her privacy, and starts to sprint up the dormitory staircase, but she calls out to him.
"James!" she chokes out pleadingly. Slowly, he spins, and she is running towards him. "James!" she calls again, and she is killing him with the tone of her voice; she sounds as though she is crying, as though she is in pain.
Lily throws herself on him, hanging from his body and clutching to his robes. Although shocked, James brings himself to stroke her hair somewhat awkwardly.
She pulls away, suddenly, staring at him in horror. She turns to run, but he grabs her, and pulls her onto a couch.
"Déjà vu," she comments, smiling, as she nestles her head on his shoulder, and he grins.
Abruptly, she leans away and looks into his eyes shrewdly.
"What do you want, James?"
He smirks. "If I'm not mistaken, you're the one that nearly tackled me." She blushes slightly, but doesn't break eye contact.
"You know what I mean. What do you want, with us?"
James sighs. "You should know what I want, Lily."
All I want to do is spend my life with you
And all I want from you is a chance so I can prove my love to you
"I'm not sure. You say you want me, but when you have me, will you still?"
James smiles slightly. "Of course I will, Lily. Haven't I ever said? I love you. I want to spend my whole life with you."
She gasps, and he studies her face for a reaction. "How do I know it's true?"
He pulls her back into his arms. "Just give me a chance to show you how much I love you. If you think I'm lying, you can leave me. But I promise you, I'm not."
Lily looks up at him, her eyes shining with tears, but a grin adorning her face. He smiles back, uncertainly, but is not hesitant when she lands her lips on his in a sudden, heated frenzy.
Passionately kissing the whole time, James lays down on top of her, pressing her body into the couch. They break apart, far too soon for either's taste, and James rests his forehead against hers. They are both breathing heavily, and as her lips meet his for a quick, pure kiss, neither of them run away from the love that was kindled in the other.
Just gimme a chance
Gimme a chance
